Monty Python's Flying Circus  Series 3, Show 10 Shooting Script Show Recorded: 25/05/72 TX: 21/12/72

b) In 'Pornographic Book Shop' a few of Idle's porn magazine titles were different. "Sister Theresa - The Spanking Nun" was originally "Torrid Theresa - Nun With A Lot". "Bum Biters" was originally "Spanking Good Time". "The Lord Lieutenant In Nylons" was originally "The Sultan In Nylons".

Cleese's church architecture-obsessed customer also bought two copies of "Nylons Parade". Fot tx these became the two copies of "Piggie Parade", which he traded in. A trade is made in the shooting script but no titles are mentioned. The stage direction describes them as 'TWO DOG EARED MAGS' and notes that Idle's Assistant 'WINCES AS HE PICKS THEM UP'. Got all that? Good.

[NOTE: Eric Idle later returned to his hilarious comedy porn titles with a song in Rutland Weekend Television called 'The Man In The Naughty Movies']

	GASKILL (PALIN) Police Dogs Butch, Wolf, King, Panther Maudling, Spot and Blackie. Look! How would I know all those names if I was Sir Phillip Sidney? VICAR COMES UP TO COUNTER Look, Vicar. Oh... can I have your autograph? VICAR SCRIBBLES IT FOR HIM AND CONTINUES BUYING A BOOK. Thank you... LOOKS AT THE AUTOGRAPH Vicar, you must believe I'm a policeman... VICAR STARTS TO LEAVE AND GASKELL GOES ALONGSIDE HIM Look, usually I wear a mac... er... a brown mac with a collar, and a brown felt hat... dark brown... you must have seen me, Vicar. (VICAR GOES, FOLLOWED BY THE TUDOR MAN) Monty Python's Flying Circus - Series 3, Show 10 (21/12/72)

The "brown mac with a collar" amusement was later replaced by "Look, vicar, you know me. The Gargoyle Club - I got you off the charge". The 'autograph' reference was cut by the time of performance, as indeed was a similar joke in Series 3, Show 5 (16/11/73). We wonder whether it was just random silliness or whether the vicar was originally going to be played by some famous personage throughout the series. In the tx of 'Tudor Book Shop' he's played by Bob Hunter (one of the Fred Tomlinson Singers who appear in other sketches in this show).

[NOTE: In an interview given to The Sun newspaper during a writing session prior to filming Series 3 (In The Crazy Court Of King Python, by Kenneth Eastaugh, 13th November 1971), John Cleese mentioned a sketch idea they were considering using which was suggested by housewives' fave Kenneth McKellar: 'He sent us an idea we would like to use, but we want him to do it himself in the show. It's the only outside idea we've ever been interested in.'. The full Sun article can be found in our press archive]

	GASKILL Listen. My name's Gaskill... (FIRMLY AND DELIBERATELY) Gaskell of the Vice Squad. Myself and Sgt Maddox are on a raid. We are not Tudor people. We are the police. Now will you please tell me where that Tudor person went? THE GIRL THROWS HERSELF AT HIS FEET GIRL (ROSALIND BAILEY) My father has sent young Master Robert to join Sir Phillip Sidney's Army which sets sail tomorrow to fight the Spaniards. I fear I will never see him... but hold. Here comes my father. ELIZABETHAN GENTLEMAN APPEARS THROUGH TREES FATHER (JONES) Francis, what are you doing? I did order thee to... Why, good Sir Phillip Sidney (HE BOWS EXTRAVAGANTLY TO GASKELL) How comes thee here? Monty Python's Flying Circus - Series 3, Show 10 (21/12/72)

In the tx the edit is pretty bad - the background music stops suddenly and Sir Phillip Sidney jumps from a sitting to a standing position. Evidently the whole of the above was filmed and dubbed. Note that the 'Father's dialogue is slightly different - no "What idleness is this?" in the original script.

A second Elizabethan caption was intended to follow the one saying 'The Life Of Sir Phillip Sidney' reading 'PART IV: HIGH OFFICE AT LAST'. In the tx the cut between film and studio causes the Elizabethan music to jump, rendering it slightly off the beat (although this isn't immediately obvious). An earlier edit of the show must surely then have featured the second caption.

Gaskell/Sir Phillip's anecdote originally concluded with the subject doing "six year bird in Parkhurst" rather than "five year bird" and his audience were to applaud rather than laugh.

When he descends on the mucky book-smuggling Spaniards he originally stayed in Elizabethan character, telling the 'Elizabethan Gent' (Idle) "You stay here, I will return". In the tx he says "I'll go and get 'em.". This somewhat softens the next joke where he reverts completely to copper type with "Allo allo! What's going on here?" (although in the script this line was the even more traditionally comedic "Allo allo. What's all this then?"!

More changed porn titles: "Toledo Tit Parade" isn't in the script - instead there are two separate references to "Tits & Bums". Also "Shower Sheila" was originally "Shower Nymph" and the final line in the tx, "The tide of Spanish porn was stemmed", features after the fight sequence as part of the next bit of Terry Jones' narration. And if you've just joined us from a search engine, hello there, we're talking about Monty Python.

Back at home with his good lady wife Gaskell/Sir Phillip indulges in another bit of silliness which didn't make the edit:

	WIFE (CLEVELAND) (TRYING TO LOOK INNOCENT) Hast brought home any spoils of war? GASKELL Yes, good my wife, this fair coat trimmed with ermine. WIFE (WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM) Oh, lovely... nowt else? GASKELL No, no fair lady. The rest was too smutty. WIFE But interesting, I'll warrant GASKELL Ah tis good to be back in old England. Fetch hither my children. WIFE You have none, my lord. GASKELL Oh er... well... er... fetch hither my dogs. WIFE You have no dogs. GASKELL Er... cats? WIFE No. GASKELL Horses... fetch hither my horses. WIFE Fair husband, they are too big and expensive to bring in here. GASKELL Ah well... fetch hither my er... fetch hither my er... my chairs from the next room. SERVANT (GEOFF) * Yes lord. (EXITS. WHERE DID HE COME FROM?) GASKELL (SETTLING HIMSELF DOWN IN FRONT OF HIS LADY'S FEET AND THE FIRE) And now, my good wife, while I rest, read to me from Shakespeare's "Gay Boys in Bondage". *  In the camera script cast-list the Servant is identified as being played by 'Singer - Geoff'. Another of Fred Tomlinson's lot, obviously. Monty Python's Flying Circus - Series 3, Show 10 (21/12/72)

The above was definitely filmed as the edit in the tx is quite obvious.

d) And now we get to the real meat, for which a bit of background information is necessary. Shows 13 and 10 comprised the final two shows recorded for Series 3 (on 18/05/72 and 25/05/72 respectively). These were personally monitored by Bill Cotton and Duncan Wood (then-Heads of Light Entertainment and Comedy) who, already a little suspicious at what they saw as a sharp dip in taste throughout making of the series, decided to intervene. They were reportedly particularly unhappy with those final two shows and requested the Pythons allow them to see the edited tapes of the entire series - something which the team had never previously been asked to do.

On 18 September 1972, Ian MacNaughton received this letter from Duncan Wood:

	I have been viewing the final cut versions of the new Monty Python series for the autumn. At the moment, I'm up to Show 9. I'd like to discuss with you as soon as possible the following notes I've made on the various episodes. 1 [Series 3, Show 2.]: OK * 2 [Series 3, Show 1]: OK 3 [Series 3, Show 3]: OK, but the ending of the show is unconventional to say the least � I'd like to talk about it. ** 4 [Series 3, Show 5]: I think the word 'masturbating' should come out, also the phrase 'silly bunt'. 5 [Series 3, Show 6]: OK 6 [Series 3, Show 7]: I really think we've had enough of cartoon figures with Paul Fox's head on them. It really is a house joke and although I'm sure Paul will take it on good part, it seems silly to chance your arm that he won't when 99% of the viewers don't know who he is anyway. *** 7 [Series 3, Show 8]: OK 8 [Series 3, Show 9]: OK 9 [Series 3, Show 11]: OK I have only one final comment, and that concerns the running order of the episodes. I'm not sure we're opening with the strongest material. Could you please look at the running order again and see if it could be improved. * Wood listed the shows as 1, 2, 3, etc, but MacNaughton pencilled in the production numbers in the margin. For reference we've added the shows as transmitted. ** Referring to the BBC globe and the announcement "And now on BBC1, another minute of Monty Python's Flying Circus". *** Paul Fox being the Controller of BBC1 - featured as the "Good Fairy of Programme Planning" in the animation which precedes 'The Show So Far' monologue. See below.

Hewison and others note that some of the 'worries' were completely unfounded - included on the list was a reference to 'the big penis that comes through the door' in 'Mrs Zambezi's New Brain' (Series 3, Show 13) - in fact it was John Cleese holding a fake, although admittedly somewhat phallic, severed limb. They were also incensed at a glass of red wine which they took as a reference to 'menstrual urine' - usually mentioned by biographers as a reference to 'Wee Wee Winetasting' (show 10) but, in the light of the shooting script extract reproduced on the next page, more likely a mix-up between this and 'Blood Donor' from Show 13.

Luckily the proposed two-into-one edit of the final two shows didn't happen. The team took their case directly to Paul Fox, who shrugged off most of the proposed censorship (his reaction to the worries over certain lines in the 'Oscar Wilde' sketch reportedly being the anecdote-friendly 'I don't much like "A dose of clap", but then, who does?'). Fox's somewhat more liberal attitude saved the day. Or maybe, despite Duncan Wood's fears above, he was won over by the various barbed-yet-affectionate send ups of him, both in the 1971 Big Red Book (not only is he namechecked as discussing 'The Six Repeats Of Henry VIII' in the book's Radio Times parody, but there is also a photo of him under the caption 'Mr Paul Fox of the Slightly Silly Party - he could split the silly vote...'), and in the series itself - he is the author of 'The Lady With The Naked Skin' in 'Expedition to Surbiton', (Series 3, Show 2), Terry Jones plays him in 'The BBC Is Short Of Money' (ibid.), while the 'Story So Far' animation (Series 3, Show 5, 16/11/72) quite prophetically features him as "The Good Fairy Of Programme Planning".

As for Bill Cotton, he later got his name-check as the "dirty little man" with the "naughty complaint" in the final show of the fourth series (05/12/74).

Cuts were however still made - as you'll have read on previous pages. But, as per the '32 Points' letter, the actual details are vague. Some biographers claim it was whittled down to ten cuts. Others say there were just three 'suggested' cuts from Paul Fox. Certainly "and masturbation" in 'Summarised Proust' (Series 3, Show 6) and "What a silly bunt!" from 'Travel Agent' (ibid.) were excised for reasons of rudeness. 'Revolting Cocktails' may have been another (the latter was intended for Show 10 and should be well-known to fans from the live version included on Live At Drury Lane (1974))

'Wee Wee Winetasting' (intended for Show 10) was definitely on the Cotton/Wood chopping list and may even have gotten through had it not for John Cleese taking the BBC's side and insisting it was removed. More on this one later.

As ever there were other sketches which were dropped for more mundane reasons. One legendary out-take from Series 3, Show 10 concerned a sculptor who has problems with noses, which was reportedly never finished due to a poor performance by Chapman. A photograph from the dress rehearsal does, however, appear in George Perry's Life Of Python (Methuen, 1983), although it bears the incongruous caption: 'John Cleese as the mayor feeling uneasy about the expertise of the sculptor (Graham Chapman) in the 'Half-A-Bee' sketch'. Working from shooting scripts and memories rather than videotapes Perry evidently knew nothing about the attendant mystery behind the sketch's omission.

The end result of all this faffing about was that Series 3,Show 10, having had most of its main sketches - 'Big Nose Sculpture' / 'Half A Bee', 'Revolting Cocktails' and 'Wee Wee Winetasting' excised, was running decidedly short and looking a little anaemic to say the least. To that end sketches were snipped from other shows and dropped in to pad it out a bit. This succeeded in buggering up the flow of certain shows and killing the odd running gag, but considering what could have happened, if Cotton and Wood had had their way...

e) And so, with all that in mind, let's get back to the shooting script. The next extract begins as the 'Sir Phillip Sydney' sequence ends - with Sir Phillip being arrested for possessing pornography ("Ooh, that's a long one!"). The animation which follows depicts Shakespeare's 'Gay Boys In Bondage' with two nude male figures (probably culled from Muybridge photograph books, eg The Human Figure In Motion) spouting Elizabethan dialogue on a stage set. This cartoon sequence has also seemingly been censored/edited as the Shakespeare pastiche jump-cuts weirdly to what looks like the aftermath of a nude policeman dropping somebody down a hole.

Presumably the cut disguised a section which had one of the nude figures arrested (echoing the conclusion of the 'Sir Phillip' sketch). Quite why it was cut has never been documented but perhaps the nudes were a little too graphic for the BBC (the first two figures have Gilliam-placed black squares hiding their genitals but the policeman does not).

We enter the hole, which leads to a pipe. The pipe eventually becomes part of a church organ which is being played by a cut-out of Terry Jones' nude organist. The original script notes that the animation leads into the full titles with cartoon versions of the organist, the Announcer and the It's Man. The broadcast edit however omits the cartoon Announcer and It's man and instead cuts straight to another sketch ('Disturbing Vicar') before continuing with a normal intro sequence with a non-cartoonified Jones, Cleese and Palin.

The 'Disturbing Vicar' sketch and titles were originally intended for Show 6. As mentioned earlier the 'Language Laboratory' sketch in that show a back-reference to ...Vicar' with one of the language booths containing a member of the cloth smashing plates and making the same high-pitched vocal noises.

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