Newly Shot Section Animation The line of gas men lead straight into the armpit of a photo of a 20s style topless lady holding a face mirror. She swats the men away with the mirror. An American character with a cigar in mouth appears on the right. AMERICAN CHARACTER (GILLIAM) If you think this is fun, you should see the other channel! He reaches out and tweaks the lady's right nipple as if it were a TV set

	From Series 2, Show 10 (01/12/70) Animation: Dancing Teeth Cut-out museum background. A sideshow barker pops up mid-frame with a straw hat on SIDESHOW BARKER Yes boys, it's time once again for Conrad Poohs and his Dancing Teeth! The Python foot squashes him. The whole scene goes up like a curtain revealing a cut out of Terry Gilliam's face coloured purple with a pencil moustache. Fairground music. Then, his teeth dance. He gets booed [Now we come to think of it, maybe leaving out the animation bits in the Just The Words scriptbooks was actually quite a good idea. Still, you've all seen the sequence in question anyway.]

	Newly Shot Sequence Return to previous animation. Another character is now perched on the left of the nude lady, having just tweaked the same nipple BRITISH CHARACTER (JONES) I'm sorry, but I much prefer this channel. AMERICAN CHARACTER Oh, no - the other channel's far better! He tweaks the nipple a second time. Cut to...

	From Series 1, Show 6 (23/11/69) Animation: Statue of David with a fig leaf. CAPTION: It's The Arts [Lots of scratches on this sequence - presumably re-used film stock covered in the crew's 1970s fag ash.] Mix through to...

	Newly Shot Sequence A reverential presenter sits on an enormous inflatable see-through pouffe. [The enormous inflatable see-through pouffe in question had previously been sat on by Cleese in Series 2, Show 3 (29/09/70) for the 'Poet McTeagle sketch] PRESENTER (CLEESE) Good evening and welcome to It's The Arts. A sudden hissing is heard as the chair starts to slowly deflate. The presenter acknowledge this but continues all the same Tonight, we bring you one of the... (reacts to deflating chair) ...most momentous events in recent British screen history. The dramatic new interpretation of one of the world's best-known classics, and it is with great pride that It's The Arts now presents for you the Semaphore Version of Wuthering Heights.

	Series 2, Show 2 (22/09/70) CAPTION: 'SEMAPHORE VERSION OF WUTHERING HEIGHTS (1970)' Film: appropriate film music throughout. Heathcliffe (Terry J) in close-up profile, his hair is blowing in the wind, he looks intense. Cut to close-up Catherine (Carol) also in profile, with hair streaming in wind. As if they are looking into each other's eyes. Pull out to reveal, on very long zoom, that they are each on the top of separate small hills, in rolling countryside. Heathcliffe produces two semaphore flags from behind him, and waves them. SUBTITLE: 'OH! CATHERINE' Pan across to Catherine who also produces two flags and waves. SUBTITLE: 'OH! HEATHCLIFFE' Heathcliffe waves flags again. SUBTITLE: 'OH! OH! CATHERINE' With each cut they are further and further away from each other. Catherine waves flags again. SUBTITLE: 'OH! OH! HEATHCLIFFE' Cut to her husband at front door of early Victorian manor house, looking stern. He waves two flags. SUBTITLE: 'CATHERINE!' Cut back to Catherine on hilltop. SUBTITLE: 'HARK! I HEAR MY HUSBAND' Cut to husband with two enormous flags. SUBTITLE: 'CATHERINE!' [The section with the baby in a cradle semaphoring 'Waaaaagh! Waaaaagh!', the nurse conveying a 'Shhh!' and the old man asleep has been removed.] Cut to front door again. Exterior. Husband is waiting. Catherine comes up the path towards him. As she approaches he flags. SUBTITLE: 'YOU'VE BEEN SEEING HEATHCLIFFE' Catherine waves frantically. SUBTITLE: 'YES! YES! I'VE BEEN SEEING HEATHCLIFFE, AND WHY NOT? HE'S THE ONLY MAN I EVER LOVED. HE'S FINE. HE'S STRONG. HE'S ALL THE THINGS YOU'LL NEVER BE, AND WHAT'S MORE . . .' CAPTION: 'MONDAY FOR 7 DAYS' Stock film of a Roman chariot race. VOICEOVER (GILLIAM) From the pulsating pages of history, from the dark and furious days of Imperial Rome we bring you a story that shattered the world! A tale so gripping that they said it could not be filmed. A unique event in cinema history! [The cut between the previous line and the next is much looser here, with about four seconds of extra stock footage / shot of Caesar's palace. This suggests that they used an earlier VT edit, or more likely dug out the original edited film insert.] Julius Caesar on an Aldis lamp! SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: 'JULIUS CAESAR ON AN ALDIS LAMP' Close-up of Caesar walking in Roman street. Soothsayer pushes his way up to him wild eyed and produces Aldis lamp and starts flashing: SUBTITLE: 'BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH' [The rest of the sketch doesn't feature.]

	Newly Shot Sequence Animation. Gilliam-designed caption: 'and now...' VOICEOVER (GILLIAM) And now... Cartoon explosion. A caption reveals itself step by step in dots until it reads The EXPLODING VERSION of THE BLUE DANUBE VOICEOVER (GILLIAM) The Exploding Version Of The Blue Danube!

	From Series 2, Show 13 (22/12/70) Cut to an orchestra in a field playing the 'Blue Danube'. On each musical phrase, a member of the orchestra explodes. Fade to pitch darkness. [This version has an extra five seconds at the end showing the conductor turning around and bowing to the smouldering remains of his orchestra. Once again this suggests that original film inserts were used rather than editing the VT from the original show.]

	Newly Shot Sequence The 'It's The Arts' presenter as before. The pouffe is now completely deflated PRESENTER Well, that's all we have time for, so from It's The Arts it's goodnight. Fade to...

	From Series 1, Show 6 (23/11/69) Animation: 'It's The Arts' Statue Of David with figleaf as before. A cartoon hand enters stage-right and attempts to remove the leaf only to have his hand swatted away by the statue. On the third attempt he grabs it and a struggle ensues. Eventually the leaf is removed revealing a blue-nosed censorial face where the genitals should be. CENSORIAL FACE (GILLIAM) Cut! That's it! We're not about to allow this sort of smut to be allowed onscreen! A hand enters the shot and stamps the word 'CENSORED' over the face [The rest of the animation doesn't feature here.] Cut to...

	Newly Shot Sequence A newsagents. Sharp pull back from a transistor radio on the counter which is broadcasting Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. The radio explodes. [The radio prop is of course the same one that was used in the 'Mary Queen Of Scots sketch (Series 2, Show 9 - 24/11/70).] Newsagent behind the counter is reading a magazine. He notes the explosion but it doesn't overly concern him. He goes mack to reading. We also note a pair of legs hanging from above the scene. A loony enters the shop. [The loony in question is the same character who knocked at Mrs Pinnet's door and asked for 'Mrs Rogers'. Here however he is portrayed by Michael Palin rather than Terry Gilliam.] LOONY (PALIN) Hello, I've come about my newspaper bill? NEWSAGENT (JONES) Oh yes. (Calling upwards) Mr Rogers? The owner of the previously mentioned legs descends to the floor on a wire accompanied by angelic choral music. He is however just a man in a suit. MR ROGERS (IDLE) Good morning. [Mr Rogers is perhaps related to the 'Mrs Rogers' of whom the loony originally enquired?] LOONY Morning. Come about the newspaper bill? MR ROGERS Fine, would you like to go upstairs? LOONY Oh, thank you. MR ROGERS Good. Both Mr Rogers and the Loony ascend towards the ceiling on wires accompanied by the angelic music (which is now playing backwards). LOONY I want to cancel the Guardian... A city gent comes into shop. CITY GENT (CLEESE) Ah, good morning, could I have a copy of The Times, please. NEWSAGENT Certainly, sir. CITY GENT Thank you very much NEWSAGENT Thank you. The city gent leaves the shop doing a very silly walk

	From Series 2, Show 1 (15/09/70) The city gent leaves the shop, from which we see a line of gas men stretching back up the road to Mrs Pinnet's house, and walks off in an indescribably silly manner. Cut to him proceeding along Whitehall, and into a building labelled 'Ministry of Silly Walks '. Inside the building he passes three other men, each walking in their own eccentric way. Cut to an office; a man is sitting waiting. The city gent enters eccentrically. MINISTER Good morning. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, but I'm afraid my walk has become rather sillier recently, and so it takes me rather longer to get to work. (sits at desk) Now then, what was it again? MAN Well sir, I have a silly walk and I'd like to obtain a Government grant to help me develop it. MINISTER I see. May I see your silly walk? MAN Yes, certainly, yes. He gets up and does a few steps, lifting the bottom part of his left leg sharply at every alternate pace. He stops. MINISTER That's it, is it? MAN Yes, that's it, yes. MINISTER It's not particularly silly, is it? I mean, the right leg isn't silly at all and the left leg merely does a forward aerial half turn every alternate step. MAN Yes, but I think that with Government backing I could make it very silly. MINISTER (rising) Mr Pudey, (he walks about behind the desk in a very silly fashion) the very real problem is one of money. I'm afraid that the Ministry of Silly Walks is no longer getting the kind of support it needs. You see there's Defense, Social Security, Health, Housing, Education, Silly Walks ... they're all supposed to get the same. But last year, the Government spent less on the Ministry of Silly Walks than it did on National Defence. Now we get £348,000,000 a year, which is supposed to be spent on all our available products. (he sits down) Coffee? MAN Yes please. MINISTER (pressing intercorn) Now Mrs Two-Lumps, would you bring us in two coffees please? INTERCOM VOICE Yes, Mr Teabag. MINISTER (Confused) ...Out of her mind. Now the Japanese have a man who can bend his leg back over his head and back again with every single step. While the Israelis... ah, here's the coffee. Enter secretary with tray with two cups on it. She has a particularly jerky silly walk which means that by the time she reaches the minister there is no coffee left in the cups. The minister has a quick look in the cups, and smiles understandingly. MINISTER Thank you - lovely. (she exits still carrying tray and cups) You're really interested in silly walks, aren't you? MAN Oh rather. Yes. MINISTER Well take a look at this, then. He products a projector from beneath his desk already spooled up and plugged in. He flicks a switch and it beams onto the opposite wall. The film shows a sequence of six old-fashioned silly walkers. The film is old silent-movie type, scratchy, jerky and 8mm quality. All the participants wear 1900's type costume. One has huge shoes with soles a foot thick, one is a woman, one has. very long 'Little Tich' shoes. [The film is in a different edit here - Michael Palin's long-shoes silly walker does his straight-legged slow-march from left to right, then does the same thing backwards from right to left. Also the bit with Eric Idle's parasole woman staggering around the banks of the Thames is much shorter (and an audio edit is discernible from where it gets snipped). This is a similar edit to the version on Monty Python Live At The Hollywood Bowl, although that version was full colour. Not entirely unrelated - straight head-and-shoulders production photos of the silly walkers in this film insert were used in the 'Vote Silly' pages of Monty Python's Big Red Book] Cut back to office. The minister hurls the projector away. He leans forward. [Just noticed - the Just The Words notes claim that the minister 'hurls the projector away. Along with papers and everything else on his desk. He doesn't do this in any version.] MINISTER Now Mr Pudey. I'm not going to mince words with you. I'm going to offer you a Research Fellowship on the Anglo-French silly walk. MAN La Marche Futile? Cut to two Frenchmen, wearing striped jerseys and berets, standing in a field with a third man who is entirely covered by a sheet. FIRST FRENCHMAN Bonjour ... et maintenant ... comme d'habitude, au sujet du Le Marché Commun. Et maintenant, je vous presente, encore une fois, mon ami, le pouf célèbre, Jean-Brian Zatapathique. (he removes his moustache and sticks it onto the other Frenchman) SECOND FRENCHMAN Merci, mon petit chou-chou Brian Trubshawe. Et maintenant avec les pieds à droite, et les pieds au gauche, et maintenant l'Anglais-Française Marche Futile, et voilà They unveil the third man and walk off. He is facing to camera left and appears to be dressed as a city gent; then he turns about face and we see on his right half he is dressed au style francais. He moves off into the distance in eccentric speeded-up motion. Cut to...

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