U UP THE HICKS AND DOWN THE PYTHON (pr. n.) A new comedian who praises comedy he hasn't seen, and then disses comedy he hasn't seen.    (LC) UP THE PARTRIDGE, To (v.) To argue violently that I'm Alan Partridge was the best sit-com of the last ten years and that anyone who criticises it must surely be 'a complete cunt who doesn't deserve comedy'. UP THE PREVIOUS PARTRIDGE, To (v.) As above, but with sheepish emphasis on "Series 1", mainly as a face-saving exercise upon discovering that Series 2 has yielded less across-the-board sycophantic praise and that you can no longer rely on a nice shouty playground gang mentality to back up your 'opinion'. URINE GELLER (v.) Specialised form of BUTTER SUCKING (qv) - to attribute bogus psychokinetic abilities to maverick socioligical theory. As in "Right, so you're saying that people who work in the media deliberately set out to rubbish criticism by casting the public as morons. And how do you know this? I suppose you're some kind of mind-reader, are you?" USING THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL FOR HELTER SKELTER PRACTICE (adj.) Justifying the awfulness of a current piece of work by claiming that people 'said the same thing about' another show a few years earlier, failing to understand that the earlier show in question only looks less awful in comparison to today's rubbish. "Yes, both my legs have been cut off, but I'm not complaining. I complained about having *one* leg cut off, but that doesn't seem so bad now, looking back..."

	V VIRAL MARKETERS (pr. n.) Soul-less cynical media people who attempt social engineering to sell a TV show by targeting a demographic of people they consider 'credulous scum' and planting strategically-written lies about the show's overall popularity with intent to create a fake 'word-of-mouth' cult. And then point at the results and lie about how "the public has made up its own mind." And then lie again if challenged about it by smugly accusing people of creating "conspiracy theories", despite 'viral marketing' being a recognised industry term. And then sleep soundly at night, harbouring a great big stiffy, secure in their self-belief that they're so much better than all the meek, herd-like easily-patronised spastics who fall for their clever lies. See also LIE, To, LYING, LIARS. VIRAL SCRIBBLER (pr. n.) A comedy writer who spends more time dreaming up ways of putting a viral spin on his work and career than on actually writing anything worthwhile. VOTE FOR FROGLET (n) 1. Episode of fondly-remembered children's television series 'Clangers' that has not been seen since its original transmission, as Oliver Postgate thinks it was below par and shouldn't be placed alongside the other ones, and hence refuses to sanction its rebroadcast or commercial release. 2. To go around shouting about how you think that DVDs (especially those boasting Chris Morris involvement) would actually be enhanced by having no extras.

	W WEIRY (adj.) 1. A woman in the industry who plays the'sexism' card whenever people don't like what she does. 2. Just anyone who's annoying generally. WERNHAM HOGGS (n.) Media people who were as aghast, amazed and disgusted as any sane person about the amount of fawning press The Office got, but who can't quite bring themselves to criticise the situation publicly because they're too busy trying to work out how it was done so they grab a piece of it themselves. WHEN ED BISHOP ON A STAR (n.) The tendency for an online obituary of any actor prolific on TV in the seventies to focus solely on his one-line appearance on Doctor Who in 1977 as 'Captain Jakeson'.    (DJ) WHENEVER YOU'RE READY, JOHNNY (colloq.) The frequency of Sour Mash's publication. WHITE NOISE (n.) Seemingly what's on all other channels whenever someone defends a bad show with the words "C'mon, it's better than anything else that's on at the moment" WICHITA LINEHAN (pr. n.) A pun which is so smashing that any attempt to fit a definition with it would just be unnecessary. WICKER'S WHIRLED (n.) The baggage of myths, apocryphal stories or out-and-out lies attached to cult films from the past, nurtured by the self-serving egos of CRAPFELLAS (qv) sitting barefoot on oversized beanbags in faux-Bohemian bedsits in front of a great big home-cinema system with a glass of red wine in one hand and their dick in the other. WIDER PICTURE, Refusing To See The (v.) Inability to notice the comedy world rotting before your eyes due to being too busy ANTELOPING (qv) WOULDITMATTERING (v.) Of stand-up comedians - to ask an audience "So, are there any (x) in tonight?" but then do your usual material regardless. See also MURRAY, The Improvisational Genius Of Al

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