SOTCAA - Glossary Of Terms

SACKING A CANADIAN
(colloq.) The act of marketing a series by releasing an episode on the black market, then blaming a fictitious overseas employee. See also HOLIDAY, Losing Your Virginity On

SARAH'S LORE
(pr. n.) Semantic weapons of internet gallery-playing during debates - to attack one's opponent with loaded buzz-phrases, e.g. "Conspiracy Theory..."; "Bitter failure..."; "Jobless..."; "Single..." in the hope that they'll carry with them so much social baggage and hit enough cliché buttons that they'll act as easy-to-follow 'shorthand' for the majority to agree with. Previously the mainstay behaviour of smug 80s Conservative MPs and tabloid newspapers. Nowadays generally used by people who want to be friends with Chris Morris for some reason.

SARAHSMITHERY
(n.) The act of making someone sit in the same place for far longer than anyone in their right mind would deem necessary.

SCARYSPICE
(n.) Media icon whose fame is only kept alive be people doing impressions of them. See also WATERMAN (LC)

SCOOBY DOOM
(n.) The impending terror that the stand-up comedian you are watching will make a joke about how a cartoon character you loved as a child was either on drugs or gay. See also MOBILE PHOBIA and EMINEM SENSORY PERCEPTION

SEGRETTI'S GRANDCHILDREN
(n.) Modern-day practicioners of Watergate-style "rat-fucking". See also MR SHOUTY CAPITALS (qv)

SELECTIVE DEBUNKING
(v.) To smugly explain that a famous urban myth is untrue, while at the same time continuing to surround yourself with equally badly-researched received opinions. eg "No, there never was a character in Captain Pugwash called Admiral Spunktrousers, you cretin! Completely untrue! This was a rumour circulated by Victor Lewis Smith - the bitter failed TV critic who once filled a studio with helium." Also PLAY THE HOLNESS SAXOPHONE, To; KERMODE, To

SELLING SMILEYS FOR FUN AND PROFIT
(v.) Of underhand comedians and their friends - to create and nurture an internet discussion under a variety of assumed names, filling the thread with NEWBIE PRESS-RELEASEs (qv) about their own work, using SARAH'S LORE (qv) to silence dissenting voices (or getting MR SHOUTY CAPITALS (qv) to play the part of an inarticulate non-fan), with view to printing out the page and including it in a proposal for a second series or DVD release. See also VIRAL MARKETERS (qv)

SENSELESS ROGERING
(v.) To describe every single Carry On film in turn as "not up there with the best ones in the series". See also TIMES, Radio

SHADDUPAGERVAIS
(n.) Someone who became a comedy critic in 2003, despite only having seen their first comedy show in 2002. (LC)

SHEARSMITHERY
(n.) The act of pretending to complain about something and, in so doing, reveal how fantastic you think you are - e.g. "And the worst thing was, it was an award for Best Comedy Of The Millennium and muggins here won it! I mean, how embarrassing!!" See also THE IMPRESSIONABLE JON COCKSURE

SHIT SANDWICH
(n.) A new and unexciting show scheduled between repeats of two really good ones in the hope it'll acquire a ready-made audience. See also TIME, Fuck This, I Wonder If There's Anyone Good On Question

SHOOTING THE MESSENGER
(v.) Of social commentators (or pub bores) - to point the finger at the identifiable public face of something much larger and nastier simply because it's easier. For instance:

"The Daily Mail is a really unpleasant newspaper IMHO."

...is a messenger-shooting alternative to:

"The Daily Mail is specifically crafted to reflect the views, opinions and prejudices of its readership, that being the large percentage of this country's population who really are unpleasant, and ensure ongoing high sales figures so surely the blame ultimately lies with a society which spawns the need for such appalling newspapers to act as a mirror in the first place, although this is not to absolve the morally bankrupt journalists who are quite happy to allow the situation to continue. IMHO."

SILENCE BY OPEN ACCESS, To
(v.) A seemingly friendly offer, made by someone involved in a current comedy show, aimed at a messageboard which has voiced critical dissent, which suggests they can 'get involved' themselves in some way. Completely empty as an offer, but will hopefully shut those fuckers up because quite honestly the only reason they're criticising the show in the first place is because they're a bunch of fucking bitter wannabes who'd keep their twatty little gobs shut if they were working in TV like what I am.

SIR REALISTS
(n.) The Thatcher's-children generation of comedy fans who adopt a 'Come on, let's be reasonable' and 'Let's face it, we should be grateful for what we've got' attitude to DVD shortcomings. Usually failing to understand that the only reason why the shows are remembered in the first place is because the original fanbase didn't have this poxy little attitude.

SKY AT NIGHTY NIGHT, The
(n.) Comedic body mass which, after years of spinning on its own axis in the further reaches of the comedy star chart, suddenly shoots straight for the sun when the gravitational pull of the industry becomes desperate.

SMALL CLANGER
(n.) 1. character from fondly-remembered children's television series 'Clangers', often confused with Tiny Clanger owing to similarities in name and stature. 2. the act of confusing someone's hazy but clearly signposted memories with something else that sounds vaguely similar to anyone who isn't paying attention, but stating it authoritatively, thereby diverting the discussion and preventing them from getting a proper answer.

Example 1:

Q. Does anyone else remember a series called something like 'Small Problem'? It was on BBC2 in about 1986, had Mike from The Young Ones in it, sort of a satire about Apartheid in which people less than five foot six were banished to the south (or was it the north) of Britain... very much of its time but I really liked it and would like to know more about it

A1. It was on ITV and called 'Small World', and it wasn't anything like you say it was a drama serial about a man looking for a sexual partner, quite liked it myself, hope that helps"

A2. If you mean the American sitcom about a family with a robot daughter, that was called 'Small Wonder', never liked it myself, hope that helps

Example 2:

Q. Anyone know the name of a BBC children's drama serial from about 1980, sort of a historical thing with a brass band theme tune that followed several generations of a family who lived by a railyard through the steam age?

A. Sounds like Moondial ;)

SOBSERVATION
(n.) A broadsheet TV reviewer's tendency to mention their divorce settlement before they try and catch up with everyone else's yellowing opinions.

SOFT AS YOUR FACE
(pr. n.) A Radio 4 comedy show solely aimed at people chuckling into their washing-up.

SOTCAA
(n.) (Insert your own)

SOUPDRAGONS
(n.) 1. collective noun for species of characters in fondly-remembered children's television series "Clangers" who provided the title characters with soup from the nearby Soup Wells. 2. Pioneering 1980s indie band who blended scratchy American-influenced lo-fi punk sounds with defiantly Anglocentric lyrics, before they realised that everyone else was having more commercial success with indie-dance beats and 'cosmic' lyrics and promptly changed direction to no great artistic effect. 3. Collective noun for comedians who, despite being exceptionally talented themselves, make an ill-advised attempt to emulate another style that someone else is doing far more successfully than they ever could. See also DOES "PAUL MERTON - THE SERIES" EXIST?; FUCK OFF THE WOOD; NATHAN BARLEY

SOW'S EAR WITH EXTRA BACON
(n.) A specially-treated version of an archive favourite which has had all the colour washed out, the audio rendered muffled or tinny and a big bucket of shit thrown at it so that clips can be shown as part of DVD PR to overstate how good the recent digital clean up was. See also GEORGE LUCAS LIES, HISSING IN THE WIND, LET IT BE...FAKED

SPACESHIP APPRECIATION SOCIETY
(n.) The practice whereby sitcoms are only allowed a fan club if they have a spaceship in them. (LC)

SPINAL PUBLIC, The
(n.) Something fantastic, the entire industry of which is kept afloat by people who don't actually understand it. See also VIZ VENN DIAGRAM, The and PYTHON POUND, The

THIS IS SPINELESS CRAP
(n.) Of post-Millennial attempts at creating Spinal Tap-style 'realism' in spoof comedy - to avoid potential arguments with shallow-minded, interfering producers who insist on unsubtle 'knowing winks' to "remind people it's meant to be a comedy" by just including them from the outset.

STARR QUALITY
(n.) That certain something posessed by comedians who manage to stay in the public eye by deliberately behaving like burnt-out nervous wrecks when documentary crews are around, having spent the previous thirty years plying a not-dissimilar "I'm mad, me" shtick in slightly more expensive clothes. (LA)

STAYING ONE PSEUDO-STEP AHEAD
(v.) Diverting attention away from a bad review of your work by claiming it was 'the sort of thing you expected them to say anyway'. First recorded during Christ's agony on the cross:

33: And when the sixth hour had come, there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour.
34: And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying "Oh yes, very good. I see the backlash has started then! Typical Roman behaviour of course. Oh, vinegar on a sponge? Yes, very clever. Seriously, couldn't you think of anything more original than that? Honestly, this place. Really, why do I bother? Anyone?"
35: And some of the bystanders hearing it said, "Well, the bit with the leper made me smile."

STEEL
(v.) To take Jeremy Hardy's act and do with it as you will.

STEVE BERRY'S 12-STEP GUIDE TO SUCCEEDING IN TODAY'S MEDIA
(n.) A must for all those who crave their own little place in this ever-evolving broadcasting climate:

1.
Suck up to everyone in the media by never disagreeing with their opinions.

2.
Find one or two cool people to latch onto and hang around with, then follow them to their favourite bars and laugh at their jokes.

3.
Be prepared to ditch them before they cease to be cool.

4.
Shit on everyone who's coming up behind you and make sure your name is well-known in "the circuit" so that more people will talk about you than have actually met you.

5.
Lig at celebrity parties and surround yourself with beautiful teen wannabe TV presenters.
6.
Remember to stay "on message" at all times, especially when the message changes.

7.
Claim responsibility for successes and subtly suggest that others are responsible for failure.

8.
Steal, plagiarise, appropriate and adapt.

9.
Don't present any challenging thoughts or concepts.

10.
Be popular and populist.

11.
Reduce everything to soundbites.

12.
Have one solid idea and keep it to yourself until you can milk it for everything it's worth.

Cheerio
text © steve berry 2000

STILLBORN PAUSE
(n.) Rare but beautiful occasion when the act of PULLING A LAZAROU (qv) fails and the audience refuse to cheer as predicted, resulting in ELDONs (qv) all round and necessitating an IAINFILL (qv) before transmission.

STOCK BROOKER
(v.) Of journalists and reviewers - to use the name Nathan Barley in an 'I think we all know the reference, guys' type way, despite the fact that name-dropping an allusion 99% of your readership won't get is, in itself, incredibly Nathan Barleyish.

SUITSYOUSIROSIS
(n.) Using the least amusing characters in a sketch show as continuous running gags whilst leaving the genuinely good ones to die in first series obscurity.