Q QUANTUM CONTACT-MAKING (n.) Of chancing comedians - to talk loudly, publicly and unwaveringly about how fantastic a current 'success' is in the vain hope that their words will somehow filter their way across the media ether in a magic bubble and fly straight through the office window of that success, forging an automatic stepping stone to the top. See also BAZALDOM BOND, Creating a

	R RACIST (pr. n.) A 70s sitcom which satirises contemporaneous attitudes towards racism, but isn't really good enough to waste energy defending. Not to be confused with RISING DAMP, Unquestioning Defence Of By Paul Pisseds Because Rossiter's The Fackin' Man Innee RATINGS DISASTER (n.) A recent and horrifying news event, carrying a death toll of thousands, which gets conveniently used as an example of how "modern television unites us all as a nation - for it truly is the Golden Age" by absolute fucking unbelievable cunts like Peter Bazalgette and Dawn Airey. REAL REASONING (v.) The belief that, no matter how many arguments someone presents to you, there must be another, more shallow explanation for their refusal to toe the line. First experienced by the astronomer Galileo, who was told by the Catholic church that the real reason why he thought the Earth went round the sun was because it once shagged his sister. RED POPPY MOMENT (n.) Cynically-created 'sentimental ending' to a comedy series. REPLACING THE EXCLAMATION MARK WITH AN ELLIPSIS (v.) A conceit of modern comedy performers - cap in hand with NEEDLES TO SAY (qv) - to assume that the delivery of a punchline will be improved by staring off into the middle distance with a slightly confused or innocent expression on your face. See also STORAGE, Putting John Oliver's David Baddiel Tapes Into REVIEW BY THIRD-PERSON, To (v.) To offer a 'critique' based on whether something is likely to be a success rather than being one's actual gut reaction. Understandable in terms of commissioning producers ("It won't sell - we won't make money as a result - we can't use it") but depressing in terms of anyone else ("It won't sell - my peer group won't like it - I won't be part of a consensus viewpoint - people might laugh at me - I can't be seen to like it - ergo, I think it's a load of shite") RICHARD CURSES (n.) The inevitable 'escalating swearing' joke in a modern romantic comedy film. RIGHT-HAND SWERVE (n.) Any dubious career-decision made by a once left-wing comedian in their late-40s after discovering that the firmly-held beliefs of their glory days don't quite tally with the expensive upkeep of their farmland. ROOT (Australian colloq.) To fuck. See also JANEROOT (v.) To fuck up BBC2. ROSS, To (v.) To arrogantly assume that your famous media face automatically entitles you to be a consultable expert on your pet subject. ROSSING, ROSSER ROSSHEADER (n.) The results of a ROSSER (qv) selling his famous media face to be used at the top of a tabloid review column that some other fucker actually writes. See also TIMES, Radio ROYLEY SHAFTED (adj.) 'The Office' getting credit for creating stuff it ripped off 'The Royle Family'.    (LC) RUMOUR MILL AT ONE (n.) The wild tabloidy speculations that formulate whenever a single web page gives a 404 error for anything longer than thirty eight seconds continuously.

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