M MARCUS BRIGSTOCKE'S WACKY RACES (n.) A brand new series in which Brigstocke enthusiastically test-drives a veritable smorgasbord of oddly-shaped new vehicles and finds that each of them don't really suit him. MAVERICK (n.) 1. (Pre-Millennium): Someone in the media who plays by their own rules, achieves amazing results by steadfastly refusing to compromise their artistic vision and is seen as an influence to future generations. 2. (Post-Millennium): Someone in the media who insidiously crawls up the ladder by toeing the line and creeping up to the right people, but who might at any given moment say "spunks" on an afternoon local radio show which no-one listens to anyway. See also GOALPOSTS, Moving The MEDIA ANTELOPER (n) An ANTELOPER (qv) who automatically defends the hand that feeds it regardless of the ideology it entails. A typical conversation runs like this: I didn't like that show's trail....... ...... "Don't judge a show before it's transmitted, it may be a new Fawlty Towers." I saw the show and didn't like it ...... "That's your fault, you should have watched it with an open mind." Stuart Murphy eats babies........ ...... "Well, the world's population is increasing by millions everyday and babies are an inexpensive source of fibre." MEERATRONICS (n.) The practice of constructing a soundbite in such a way that a VT editor has no choice but to follow it with a clip of your work. e.g. "And one of our most popular sketches was called 'Going For An English' - can't really remember how it went now..." MERTON (n.) Hermetically-sealed sphere of careless smugness. MIKE GIGGLER'S INTERPRETER (n.) The role David Dimbleby gives himself on Question Time after the blokey-bloke member of the public with no opinions on anything at all has finished asking his dreadful, 'wry', reference-comedy-spattered hypothetical "question" and the audience have finished chuckling: MIKE GIGGLER Do the panel think (SNIGGER, SNIGGER) that 'David Blunkett: The Opera' might be an ideal Christmas gift for Gordon Brown, or is this more a case of (SNIGGER, SNIGGER) 'I'm a politician, get me out of here'? AUDIENCE Bwah-hah, bwah-hah... DIMBLES Ha ha, you're referring to the news this week that blahdeblahdeblah aren't you? MIKE GIGGLER Um, yes. MODEST PROP, A (n.) An indignant yet utterly clueless comedy writer who deflects criticism of his badly-written or smugly-offensive material by quoting "that let's eat working-class babies thing by Swift", and attempting to invoke a debate about the history of satire (thus providing a smokescreen, under the cover of which he can run off to the nearest toilet and have a good cry.) MOLL FLOUNDERING (v.) Feigned, personal-ego-protecting, hatred of criticism by a comedian's overprotective girlfriend. MONKEY BUSINESS (v.) Of comedians who carve out a lucrative living by doing endless 'surreal' material about monkeys. MORTON MOMENTS (n.) To litter a 'naturalistic' comedy show with one-beat pauses after each scene, usually after 'revealing' lines, closely followed by ELDONs (qv). Otherwise known as THE WANKER'S WAIT and A BAD CASE OF THE COOGAN'S RUNS MR SHOUTY CAPITALS (pr. n.) Amusing high-concept comedy character who appears on internet newsboards offering critiques of TV or radio shows along the lines of "THIS FUCKN SHOW IZ FUCKN SHITTE AND EVRYONE IN IT SHULD DIE OF CANCER AND AIDES. FUCK YOUU ALL!!!!", usually created by people who are actually involved in the shows in question with intention to paint everyone in the 'anti' camp as offensive illiterates. See also WORST SHOW EVUUR MURKY MUSIC AWARDS, The (pr. n.) Of internet discussion boards: the inevitable point during the discussion of a new comedy show which has split the audience down the middle when pop/rock music metaphors start popping up, thus rendering the overall debate meaningless. E.g.: "So, if 'Marcus Brigstocke Can't Find His Car Keys' is The Beatles' Revolver; and 'Marcus Brigstocke's Festive Fucks' was The Stones' 'Exile On Main Street' then surely 'Marcus Brigstocke And The Dinosaurs' is Oasis' 'Don't Believe The Truth'. MYKINDOFTOWNING (v.) Of lazy touring stand-ups - to cynically slip in a reference to the local branch of Tescos as a means of ingratiating themselves to their audience.

	N NATHAN BARLEY (adj.) Character in Charlie Brooker's cult online Radio Times parody 'TV Go Home', and later the name of his spin-off C4 TV series co-written with Chris Morris. However, NATHAN BARLEY is more often used adjectively, the current most popular definitions being: 1. People who were part of an irritating media sub-culture which apparently could be found in Hoxton about five years ago. 2. People who blindly follow cool trends without ever actually questioning them. 3. People who refuse to blindly follow cool trends and do question them (because they're obviously 'just trying to be clever'). 4. Anyone who doesn't recognise the target of the first definition (because they don't move in the same media circles as Charlie Brooker or Chris Morris). 5. Anyone who doesn't 'get' the 'Nathan Barley' TV series. 6. Anyone who does 'get' it but just doesn't think it's very good. 7. Anyone you don't particularly like and wish to publicly discredit as part of a tedious long-running online feud. 8. Anyone who creates Flash-related artistic material on the internet (apart of course from Zeppotron). 9. Anyone who writes watered-down Chris Morris-style comedy (apart of course from Charlie Brooker). 10. Anyone who listens to 80s music ironically as part of a feigned, posturing 'anti-cool' cool stance. 11. Anyone who listens to 80s music because they actually like it. 12. Anyone who listens to anything that isn't on the current Warp playlist. 13. Anyone who listens to anything that is on the current Warp playlist (apart of course from Chris Morris). 14. Anyone who pretends to be angered by a recent political situation in order to make themselves 'look cool'. 15. Anyone genuinely angered by a recent political situation (because they're obviously just trying to make themselves 'look cool'). 16. Anyone who still makes 'edgy' jokes about 9/11 (apart from Charlie Brooker, Chris Morris and the lads at Zeppotron) 17. Damp towel placed under a slowly defrosting fridge. 18. Nausea felt after drinking tea made with slightly sour milk. 19. Mark Hughes (the other three were all non-League players) 20. Birmingham. 21. When it's ajar! 21. Knight takes pawn in three moves. 22. Washed up old soak seeks solace in non-satire for young retards. Soho perhaps? (5, 6). NATIONAL TREASURY DEFICIT (n.) The inverse ratio between the number of tributes paid to a comedian and the number of opportunities given that comedian to actually be funny.    (LA) NEEDLES TO SAY (n.) The unnecessary Al Jolson-style hand-fluttering gesture modern comedy actors seem to resort to when trying to convey a) indifference, b) confusion, c) anything at all really. Its primary purpose however is to somehow disguise the writer's sense of 'Sorry, I can't think of anything better, will this do?' by transferring it onto the character. As an illustration, here's a script page from the recent Hitch-Hikers Guide To The Galaxy movie starring Martin Freeman as Arthur Dent: - 13 - PROSSER: But you did see the notice didn't you? DENT: Yes. Hmmm. It was on display at the bottom of a locked filing cabinet, stuck in a... MAKES INVERTED COMMAS HAND-GESTURE ..."disused" lavatory, with a sign on the door saying... PAUSE, EYES DART BACK AND FORTH, SHRUGS I dunno... WAVES HANDS, AL JOLSON STYLE ..."Beware Of The Leopard". Or something. (GURNS). LONG PAUSE TO ALLOW THE AUDIENCE TO BE SICK NEGLI (n.) Abbreviation of the phrase 'Non Existent Genre, Lacking Inventiveness' - anything which the press leap on as an 'exciting new cultural innovation' but which is just the same old crap given a shiny name to ensure copy-fodder. e.g. 'Dark Comedy' and anything with the prefix 'Nu-' could be described as completely 'Negli-gable'. NEO-HAZELHURST (adj.) The generic, plinky-plonky Latin American theme music used in all BBC1 sitcoms 1999-present, carrying with it the threat that Alexander Armstrong will probably be along at some point. See also HAT TRICK DAKKA-DAKKA-DAKKA DEFAULT DISC, The NEO-YOKEL Specialised form of THAT VOICE (qv). The slight West Country/funny Shakespearean simpleton accent adopted by all post-Office comedians to denote that they are being funny. See also I'VE SEEN JOHN OLIVER'S BOTTOM AND IT STINKS NET-BACKING (n.) The status of a comedy catchphrase specifically engineered to be 'discovered' and pampered by fans on the internet. NEWBIE PRESS-RELEASE (n.) Positive reviews of one's own work posted to an internet newsgroup under the guise of someone who's "simply a fan of the show, that's all!" NEWBIE PRESS-SPINNER (n.) Someone from the same production company as the writer of a NEWBIE PRESS RELEASE who pops up after their mate's been unmasked to deflect accusations of underhandedness by saying things like "Well, so what? It's hardly going to make any difference to the success of his show is it - I mean, how many people actually post on this board? Ten or eleven at the most? Hey mate - time to order that new yacht, eh?!! C'mon, get some perspective, guys..." See also SELLING SMILEYS FOR FUN AND PROFIT (qv) NEXT NEW WAVE OF COMEDY, The (n.) Worr - it's gonna be great. In an increasingly selfish and right-wing society there's got to be a backlash - a genuine return to all the values that we dearly miss - proper, angry, critical comedy which will wash away all the half-arsed Iannucci imitators, anaemic Dead Ringers cop-outs and Bazalgette apologists once and for all. And all the dissenting voices will come across like those sad 80s housewives who used to write to the TV Times complaining that the people behind Spitting Image were "obviously very talented so why don't they create something nice instead of this parade of bitter personal attacks on people." Not sure when all this'll happen exactly but it must be on its way because Nev Fountain has already started erroneously claiming that he's some sort of 'angry young man' in order to try and be first in the queue when they start handing out commissions. NICKFROST, To (v.) The practice of adding a bathetic "Errrrrm, prob'ly..!" at the end of any sentence which includes an example of acquired learning so as not to alienate the scum who pay for your mortgage. NICK ROSS (n.) The mixture of stolen gags and hackneyed observations Jonathan Ross makes in the opening stand up bit of his chat show.    (LC) NURSERY SLOPE (n) Progressive brain disorder resulting in a hitherto sharp and opinionated person's brain turning to mush the moment they have a child. See also PREPARE FOR THE NURSERY SLOPE, To (n.) To defend lacklustre DVDs simply because they don't take up so much shelf-space. 4X4 ARGUMENT, A; CRUSH YOUR OPINIONS UP IN JAM, To; DOLLOP OF DADDY'S SAUCE, A

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