K KARAOKE COMEDY (n.) Also known as ERSATZISFACTION and COVETING THY NEIGHBOUR'S ASS. Comedy which claims to be 'inspired' by something good, but simply does a watered-down version of exactly the same thing. Previously limited to student radio, it has now spread to the wider community - in 2001, there were 756 cases in Richard Ayaode alone. See also BLURRED SNAPSHOT OF 1994 (qv) KEVINDAY (v.) To use a topical joke ten years after it was written about a completely different subject. KEROSENE CHORUS (n.) The Babelesque drone of internet messageboard visitors who respond to requests or questions by stating the obvious in an attempt to get their voices heard rather than to actually assist in any way. KICK THE PAKIS (pr. n.) A new Endemol entertainment show which will be defended by all media wannabes with lines like: "Yes, of course it's cruel and unnecessary, but you're completely missing the point if you think it's actually about Pakis being kicked - it's actually about the viewer at home acting as 'voyeur' and tuning in to watch it in the first place, knowing full well that it's cruel and unnecess..." before finally hitting the pavement with a loud splat. KUBRICKIANISM (n.) To refer to Stanley Kubrick as a genius film-maker when talking about him generally, yet dismiss every single one of his films in turn as 'dated, pretentious and ultimately flawed'.

	L LALLA WARD (v.) To have a scene with Tom Baker. As in "This Radio 4 comedy show needs a kitsch linking element - I know, let's book into the Lalla Ward...." LAMARRING (v.) Of comedians - automatic mugging or swearing which follows an unsuccessful one-liner which ensures it still gets a laugh and makes the edit. LAUGH OUT LOUD FUNNY (adj.) Seemingly shorthand for "Not actually very funny at all, but I'm defending the show anyway because I know someone who works on it and they've promised me writing work if they get a second series." LAUNCH THE SNEERING SPELLCHECKER, To (v.) To draw attention towards spelling mistakes during internet messageboard debates in an attempt to discredit the opinions of your opponent, having run out of arguments yourself. LENNON vs McCARTNEY (n.) A great new role-playing game sweeping internet discussion boards. One player chooses to be a 'Lennon', the other a 'McCartney' and they embark on a long debate about the ills of the media. The 'Lennon' player argues with vigour and passion, unafraid to be publicly angry or sweary about the subject in hand. The 'McCartney' player meanwhile affects a fake butter-wouldn't-melt persona, selling himself as 'the nice one' while all the time smugly twisting the 'Lennon's words, rewriting history and raising a winky, smiley 'thumbs up' emoticon towards the gallery. The game ends with the 'Lennon' being remembered as a have-a-go-hero while the 'McCartney' continues to sell bland crap to the masses. See also BROKEN, Threatening To Have Ringo's Legs (v.) - the point at which the 'McCartney' accidentally allows the facade to momentarily drop when things aren't going his way, revealing his true colours for all to see. Also ALEX, Blaming Magic (v) - when the 'McCartney' allows a convenient amount of time to go by and then writes a skewed biographical account of the above, painting themselves as the overall winner and hoping to God no-one bothered to archive the original pages. LET THEM EAT SHIT (pr. n) To publicly ingratiate yourself by dissing your own work after it receives a dreadful critical panning, despite having initially been really enthusiastic about it. See also ALICE, Who The Fuck Is Mad About LIFE, A (n.) State of being one apparently needs to acquire if one makes the mistake of showing an interest in anything at all which doesn't involve getting drunk. LIMBO GUSH (n.) The period of time before a show's transmission and its media-defined 'success', during which the performers and writers practice their "Of course, we all knew we were onto a winner from the start..." speeches. LINEHAGE (n.) The inexplicable credence given to an empty, ailing sitcom long long after its most talented alumnus has jumped ship. LOITERING WITH INTENT TO OPINIONATE (v.) To lurk on an internet messageboard waiting for well-argued, eruditely-written postings so that you can leap in afterwards and agree with them. First recorded example features in The Gospel According To St Matthew which describes how, soon after Jesus delivered The Sermon On The Mount, Judas Iscariot took it upon himself to address the crowd himself, quoting Jesus' sermon in its entirety and adding, at the end, "This goes for me, also." LOW LIAR LAFFS (n.) Activity of PAUL PISSEDs (qv) - to be moved or upset by something at the time, only to claim years later that you found it hilarious. See also GROUND ZERO GUFFAWS, DESECRATING THE BLUE PETER GARDEN, and FAVOURITES, Adding The John's Not Mad Website To LOVE ME DON'T (v.) To wilfully ignore a relatively deliriously obscure and unappreciated sector of a performer's body of work because it isn't 'the same' as their more familiar and widely celebrated work, requires a bit of effort to track down and is therefore of 'little interest'. See also NO KNOWN COPIES, LAUGHING GNOME DISSERVICE, SOME UNFRIENDLY, NOT QUITE OUT OF THE TREES ENOUGH LYGO BURIAL, The (n.) Technical term to describe a TV or radio show being deliberately stifled in a graveyard slot and starved of publicity in order to ensure low audience figures and an official 'justification' for its pre-decided cancellation.

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