A ADDING THE STARS AND STRIPES (v) Of modern British sit-coms - to spend more time and effort writing fake ad break bumper stings, in an attempt to sell it to America, than on the writing of the script itself. ADMIRAL BLANCMANGE (n.) An industry figure who frequents internet messageboards and expresses grave concern over criticism emanating from troublecausers 'hiding behind' pseudonyms, when in fact the only actual troublecausers sniping from behind a veil of anonymity are invariably industry figures themselves. AIRPAPERING (v.) The practice among broadsheets of printing a story about Posh Spice having her hair cut one day and a story about Madonna having her hair cut the next day, purely so that columnists can write a column at the weekend saying "It's no surprise that so many women, in these dark post-9/11 days, are having their hair cut". ALTERNATIVE ALTERNATIVE COMEDY (n.) A movement in comedy criticism where people sneer at childhood favourites like Ben Elton and Monty Python for being 'dated' and 'embarrassing', yet defend the most skull-shudderingly awful sub-Office bollocks because at least it's new. FRANZ FERDINAND FAN, A; NOW SHOW, The AMAZZZZONING (v.) To start a fascinating internet messageboard thread dedicated to talking about how long you've had to wait for a DVD ordered from the internet. See also CONTROL'S FOLDER (qv) ANTELOPING (v.) To justify the elevation of a mediocre comedy series because "the bit with the dancing antelope made me smile." ANYBODY (pr. n.) Imaginary peer group which only exists to bolster a received opinion. As in the phrase "All comedy songs are rubbish. I mean, c'mon - 'The Chicken Song', Anybody?" ARCHIVE-ARMCHAIR INTERFACE (n.) The cause of the phenomenon whereby 75% of the clips of a given programme featured in an archive-reliant retrospective show will invariably hail from a single episode.    (LA) ARSELICK OF PAINT (pr. n.) A piece of late-night sub-Comedy Lab shit that gets a suspiciously large welcoming party from the media upon its second series even though you don't recall anyone even remotely mentioning it at the time. See also BO SELECTIVE; RE-STARTING YOUR BOOK GROUP; FRIENDS OF PETER KAY and YOU, Where Were You Bastards When Absolutely Needed ASPERGER SYNDROME (n.) Autism-like neurobiological disorder which affects social or communication skills in otherwise intelligent people. Viennese physician Hans Asperger originally published his extensive paper about the disorder in 1940, but it's only recently been recognised by snide bastards as a clever way of calling someone a 'spazzy' while affecting an air of academic interest. AUGUST CELEBRITY (n.) Someone who receives enormous press coverage and sell out runs at the Edinburgh Festival, then is never heard of again for another 11 months. See also, ADAM HILLS, To; KITSON, To    (LC) AUSMOSIS (n.) The manner in which failed Antipodian comedians filter onto and get accepted unquestioningly by British TV. AYOADE ASTRONOMY (n.) The practice of claiming that the stars aren't as high as everybody thinks, making it much easier for you to reach them. As in "Everyone goes on about Neil Armstrong, but if you actually look at his career you'll find he spent most of his time here on on Earth..."

	B BACKING ONTO THE TRACK (v.) The point just prior to the premiere of an popular artist's dreadful 'new work' when reviewers start pretending to be critical about his previous few dreadful projects (despite having adamantly refused to acknowledge their dreadfulness at the time), simply so they can sell the latest dreadful offering as 'very much a return to form'. BADDIEL STEEL (v.) To slag off a comedian you dislike, but praise another comedian who essentially just does a watered-down version of what the first comedian pioneered. BAPSODISE (v.) To rant on about how Victoria Wood only makes jokes about consumer products, then admit you've never seen any of her work.    (LC) BAZAL FAULTLINE (n.) Selfish arguments in favour of deliberately aiming low to gain the biggest share of the audience. Extremely shaky and easy to demolish, but ultimately persuasive in a world where most new comedy practitioners are unwilling or unable to aim above ankle-level anyway. BAZAL THE RAT, To (v.) To publicly portray anyone who points out the unstable ideology of the BAZAL FAULTLINE (qv) as a "whinging, moaning minnie." BEASTIALITY (pr. n.) To end a series with an alluded romantic storyline between the two leads that is forgotten as soon as the second series is transmitted. See also CRY WOLF, To (v.) to end a series with an alluded romantic storyline between the two leads that is forgotten as the show fails to be recommissioned. BEAT UP DES O'CONNOR, To (v.) To offer a violent critique of a comedy act from an earlier generation despite the fact that you'd never actually go out of your way to watch them in the first place. See also CHORTLE AND THE WHEELCHAIRS BEEBTUT (v.) To have a "Cyuh, typical BBC!" type reaction in the face of idiocy, rather than ponder on the actual reasons why that situation exists. As in "Ah, I see they've released Abigail's Party on two discs - the first minute on one disc, and the rest on another. And all words starting with R have been removed. Well, what do you expect from the BBC, eh?!?". Beebtutting also makes life very easy for PLEB MODERATORS (qv) BEERMAT SOCIOLOGISTS (pr. n.) People who affect a public air of being positive, philanthropic and cute about the potential of society at large to "see through the media hype", yet are clearly only using themselves and about two or three drinking mates as a yardstick for that 'society'. E.g. the sort of people who say "Yes, but not everyone who reads The Sun is an ignorant pleb y'know! It's perfectly possible for people to enjoy it for what it is with a sense of irony, I mean what you don't seem to understand is...", and then proceed to tell you a load of things which you understood and dismissed as complete toss when you were about fifteen. BIG DIGITAL POND, The (n.) Vast expansive stretch of differences between the amount of extras on Region 1 and Region 2 DVDs. BITTER COMMA FAILED (adj.) An example of SARAH'S LORE (qv). Catch-all phrase used by media people to silence anyone who might hold a negative opinion about their work - seemingly based on the assumption that the entire population of the world consists of people with enormous yet panicky egos who crave success, attention and adulation as much as they do. BLURRED SNAPSHOT OF 1994 (n.) Distant, drunken memory of a small collection of comedy devices from a handful of shows enjoyed during the student days of modern comedy writers, misunderstood yet habitually used as a default template for creating 'innovative' new programming - and always consisting of (a) a badly-conceived celebrity wind-up (Chris Morris), (b) a whimsy-led news report (Armando Iannucci) and (c) a list of punning TV show titles (Lee & Herring). See also 'FIN-HAIRED WANKERS POPULATING E4' BOMB RUSSIA, To (v.) To dismiss a comedian's entire back catalogue on the basis of something they did once, that you didn't understand, and was a joke anyway. BRASS CLANGER (n.) 1. Barely remembered occasional character from nonetheless well-remembered Children's TV series 'Clangers'. 2. a statement expressing a belief that any comedy referencing or involving vaguely contemporaneous figures of reasonably high cultural standing will be 'inaccessible' to 'future generations', which is made without any evidence or logical support but repeatedly restated regardless. BONS (n.) One who insists that Big Brother is better than anything on BBC4. An inverted snob. BRUCE HORNSBY (n.) One who patronisingly dismisses a bad situation in the media by using the phrase "Well, obviously, that's just the way it is" without realising that the reason such bad situations continue is the ubiquitous presence of people saying "Well, obviously, that's just the way it is." BUPA DUPA (n.) A long-awaited new comedy series scheduled to premiere on a digital channel you have to pay extra for. BUTTER SUCKING (v.) Form of SARAH'S LORE (qv). Disingenuous habit of deliberately taking someone's argument too literally despite knowing full-well what they're getting at. First observed in Ancient Greece by the philosopher Heraclytus: "It is my conclusion," he informed the gathered crowd, "that since the universe is in a constant state of flux, a man can never truly step into the same river twice." To which the younger scholars (many of whom sought a career on Ancient Channel 4) sneered "Right, so all the water boatmen are liars then are they?" while holding up smiley-face tablets of stone.

A-B   C-D   E-F   G-H   I-J   K-L   M-N   O-P   Q-R   S-T   U-W   X-Z

© 2000 - 2005 some of the corpses are amusing