Coinciding as this did with repeats of Harry Enfield on UK Gold 2 and 'Bus Night' on BBC4 it's a wonder they got any of it finished in time...

	Joseph says: Hey hi. Mike says: Hello dere. did you get the scans? Joseph says: Oh, haven't checked the Yahoo box yet actually. Joseph says: If you have them handy you could send them over MSN. Joseph says: That'll save me a trip! Mike says: Hang on, gotta change mouse batteries. Joseph says: Heh heh. Joseph says: Mouse batteries. You're *soooo* middle class... Joseph says: On ITV at the moment the bloke who left Goodness Gracious Me is talking about his faith and his music. Mike says: Aagh, I don't have the right batteries. Annoying. Joseph says: Do you have a back-up mouse? Mike says: I'm not *that* middle class. Joseph says: Heh. Joseph says: I do though - it's green and looks like a slug. Mike says: Actually, I don't really need a mouse for MSN. Joseph says: Unless you're sending files... Joseph says: Or indeed opening files - you'd need to click on links and that. Mike says: Hang on then, I'll get them to you before it dies. Joseph says: Righto. Mike sends: "alisongraham1.jpg". Joseph says: What kind of nutcase computer mouse has batteries anyway? Mine doesn't. Joseph says: Ooh, that looks handy. Mike sends: "alisongraham2.jpg". Joseph says: It'll take a while due to my extremely narrow phone line. Mike sends: "parsonage.jpg". Joseph says: Smashing, cheers. Mike sends: "rtletters.jpg". You have successfully received "alisongraham1.jpg" from Mike. Mike says: It's a wireless mouse, hence the batteries. Don't look at me like that. Joseph says: Heh. Joseph says: It wouldn't be as bad as the way Alison Graham is looking at us. Mike says: Is that the real Andrew Marshall who's just posted, do you think? 'Strange' was some show he did in 2003. Mike says: I've often thought Alison Graham was blind as a bat, and now I know for sure. No fucker would have okayed that photo. Joseph says: Pardon? Andrew Marshall? Where? Joseph says: Heh heh. Mike says: On the 'Best and Worst Comedy' thread. You have successfully received "alisongraham2.jpg" from Mike. Joseph says: How... odd. Mike says: I've got UK Gold 2 on at the moment, where they're showing a Harry Enfield marathon. The slightly disappointing second series of Television Programme. Lee and Lance are having problems selling some flowers. Joseph says: The "Is that what you want? Cos that's what'll happen" one? Mike says: Not sure - it's on mute! Joseph says: There is of course the ideal way of proving whether or not it's the real Andrew Marshall - quote some Whoops Apocalypse script out-takes and see if he recognises them! Mike says: You heard about this Resonance series about comedy songs presented by Peter Gordon? Dragger's a 'special guest' in Show 4. Sent an email with details earlier. Joseph says: Ooh. Mike says: If it is Marshall, I hope he's warmed by the thread about the Stuff DVDs. Joseph says: Ooh, maybe that's why he's there? If it is him and that. Joseph says: Do you resize these pics by the way? Mike says: Show 4 is called 'You Fill Me With Inertia'. All the shows have titles, like it's The Beeb's Lost Beatles Tapes or something. You have successfully received "parsonage.jpg" from Mike. Mike says: No, I just cropped them roughly. Are they ridiculously big then? Joseph says: No, it's just that (WARNING - TECHNICAL STUFF HERE) they look like they've resized by pixels rather than by linear resampling - giving them a bit of jagged artefacts. Joseph says: No problem since they'll be quite small in the pics - just wondered why they'd come out like that really. Joseph says: Could just be the settings on your scanner need adjusting a bit. Mike says: Or it could be my crappit valve. Joseph says: Haw. Mike says: I think MSN's classier with a laugh track. Joseph says: Hah. Joseph says: Remember I did that Vic Reeves-ish Photoshop arse-about with Alison Graham's old header-pic for the old SOTCAA article? Well her new pic seems to be aping that. Mike says: Hee. You have successfully received rtletters.jpg from Mike. Joseph says: Is the mouse still working? Mike says: Yeah, except I have to dodge a 'YOUR BATTERIES NEED REPLACING' pop-up. Joseph says: Ahh. Mike says: I'm using the clever trick of pretending it isn't there. Joseph says: That's the way. We'll make a cyberpunk of you yet. Joseph sends: "sitcom-doc.txt". Joseph says: Here's the transcript (thus far) of that 1983 Radio 4 documentary about sitcoms - with the Ben Elton interview. Transfer of "sitcom-doc.txt" is complete. Mike says: Cool - ta. Joseph says: Even Paul Jackson's waffling isn't too painful here. Mike says: I could try and find the RT billing - don't suppose you remember rougly what time of day it went out do you? Or whether it was early or late '83. Joseph says: No idea. Actually, since I wrote that I did find out the name of the show - it's mentioned at the close of the show. It's called something like 'The Common Touch'. Mike says: There was another doc about alternative comedy on R4, circa '89. It was called 'Waiter, There's a Racial Stereotype in my Soup'. I recall a lot of Helen Lederer. Joseph says: I still have a bit of that on tape somewhere I think. Didn't that feature the bloke singing about his juicy mango? Mike says: Ah great, it's the Smashie and Nicey 'Eight Days a Week' sketch. ('It's the law...') Joseph says: Aw, lovely. Mike says: I just associate that Racial Stereotype show with an era when you could look back at alternative comedy with good reason. Rather than just looking back at the League of gentlemen because they were popular. Mike says: Same era as Morwenna Banks' Signals doc too, of course. Joseph says: Yeah, exactly. Joseph says: I remember Arthur Smith being interviewed on that show - he was a little worried about the latest people on the circuit, saying that he had a sneaking suspicion that a lot of them were actually right-wing, although they weren't admitting to it. Mike says: Why do people keep going on about Big Train as if it's even worth shrugging at let alone getting misty-eyed over? Joseph says: Because they're very young and boring. Joseph says: And just... rubbish. Mike says: Like a...monkey, in space. Joseph says: Do you want to see my Monkees impression? (sings Daydream Believer) Mike says: Do you want to see my Simon Pegg impression? (DOES NOTHING AT ALL EVER) Joseph says: Hah! Joseph says: Do you want to see my Simon Pegg impression? (FUCKS OFF) Mike says: The ginger one from Struck Off And Die in WHY DON'T I JUST FUCK OFF? Joseph says: Heh heh. Joseph says: Oh, I uploaded the newer version of the Tumbleweeds page earlier - with your stuff on it. Have you seen it? Mike says: Hang on, I'll have a butcher's Mike says: Yup, looking good. Joseph says: Once completed you'll be at your leisure to re-edit and mess about - stuff like the bit about Shirley Ghostman on Jonathan Ross can be moved to later in the 'show' since it wins the Most Useless Talk Show Guest award anyway! Mike says: Yeah, it all overlaps. Shame about Leigh Francis winning the 'Piss off' award, and Jimmy Carr getting the other one - that's a bit dull. Joseph says: I know, but there's some pretty good results too. And any shortfall in terms of boringness can surely be made up for with the links anyway. Joseph says: I'm going to use the same pic of Marc Wootton for each of his 'wins' but crop it in a slightly different way. Joseph says: We need a 'something always goes wrong' joke in there - shall we have Ross drop dead of a heart attack halfway through? Mike says: When should we publish it anyway? The day before the real awards? Which would be a week on Tuesday, I think. Mike says: 'Something always goes wrong, doesn't it ladies and gentlemen. But enough about Nathan Barley.' Joseph says: Heh heh. Joseph says: It's down to Neil when it goes up. He did suggest a day or two before the awards - allowing for the idea to sink in before the real thing. Mike says: Shall we have Julian Clary come on and say 'I've been having anal sex with Norman Lamont and spunking all over his face', followed by cutaways of the audience looking non-plussed. Joseph says: Heh heh - yes. Joseph says: Hey - Nathan Barley repeats tomorrow. Do you reckon all the new sign-ups are insiders who plan to big up the re-run with a load of "Actually I've enjoyed it a lot more this time round. I understand what he was getting at now" lies? Mike says: Wouldn't surprise me. Mike says: Hee - the Only Me character is reading a magazine called 'Only Me'. That's comedy! Joseph says: Hah haaaah! Excellent! Mike says: And one of the Old Gits was reading a book called 'Times' Up Grandad'. Joseph says: Heh heh - and no bloody tie-in website with those designs as downloads! Joseph says: Remember when the Vicar of Dibley had a Best Of Black Sabbath album which was the most glaringly inaccurate mock-up you could imagine? Mike says: Have you watched those video clips of that stand-up comedian in the 'Proper multicamera sitcom' thread? Apparently they're really fantastic. Y'know, in a way that Big Train is really fantastic. Joseph says: No, I haven't ventured... Joseph says: Have you seen the comedy in question? Mike says: I saw a bit earlier and it was quite funny in a Jerry Seinfeld way, but not life-changing. Mike says: Oh yeah, did you see there's a doc about Spitting Image on ITV next week, presented by Sanjeev Bhasker? Yeah, I know. The producer was on Mausoleum a while back asking for people's favourite clips. Joseph says: Yeah, noticed that earlier. It'll be well-dumbed down though. Joseph says: Cor, did you watch Al Murray's Fact Hunt earlier? It was really brilliant. Joseph says: (Ozzie accent) I'm being sarcastic... Mike says: Brilliant like Big Train? Joseph says: Hah! Mike says: I haven't seen any Fact Hunt, actually. One of the few modern/shit comedy shows I've never seen. Like A Bear's Tale. Joseph says: You're really not missing anything there. From Time Gentlemen Please and Bo Selecta you can picture their offshoots in all their horror, I'm sure. Joseph says: Al Murray demonstrates his genius for improvisation though. Joseph says: (In other words he does all the same catchphrases that he did in Time Gentlemen Please but facing slightly to his left) Joseph says: I just bet you're watching 'I'm A Celebrity'... Mike says: Funny how nobody seems to give a shit about Murray these days isn't it? What happened there, do you think? Where did the hype go? Joseph says: Well, he didn't deliver. Moreover, the hype machine was still in its infancy back then. They got as far as doing that whole "the new Alf Garnett" PR bollocks, bigged up the show as far as they could, then dropped it as soon as they realised no-one was watching. Joseph says: Carol Thatcher's bare feet are sticking up in the air at the moment. Even I find myself unmoved by such a spectacle. Mike says: Remember Enfield's parody of Simon Mayo, 'Simon Christ'? Joseph says: Heh heh, oh YES! Mike says: 'You can't send us to Radio Quiet, with Dudley Doddley Duddington...' Joseph says: Aw man - real comedy! Joseph sends: "evchamp_-_tracklistings.txt" Transfer of "evchamp_-_tracklistings.txt" is complete. Joseph says: Most of this info is from an old bit of collating I did a few years ago. The tracklistings are new though. Joseph says: (and incomplete at the moment) Joseph says: Any help you can give recalling dates would be, well, helpful. Mike says: Ah, It's Traditional Daditional - recorded shortly after you returned from Lampeter following our first meet. Remember Caroline's mystery parcel? Joseph says: Oh... vaguely... Joseph says: Traditional Daditional was the first tape we made with a third-party audience in mind (ie yourself). Mike says: I've always wanted to see It's Trad Dad - it's not available anywhere. Joseph says: What is it - some kind of 50s film? Mike says: 1962, according to imdb. Hugh Lloyd's in it! Joseph says: Cor - does he play the dad? Joseph says: Reminds me of that Spitting Image TV Times parody - the film 'Hey Baby Be Groovy' Mike says: '...and is persuaded to enter a hula hoop competiton.' Joseph says: Yup. Mike says: Hugh Lloyd played 'Usher' apparently. Mike says: Hence the working title: It's Plusher, Usher Joseph says: Haw. He actually played himself but he sneezed as soon as the camera was on him. Mike says: Directed by Richard Lester, though. Cor. Joseph says: Whoo. Pre-Hard Day's Night too. Maybe that's why they hired him? Mike says: Vox magazine listed it in their 100 Movies That Rocked The Aisles booklet. Joseph says: Cor. Mike says: I always find it odd when 'landmark' films aren't available - it never seems right. Even though old stuff/back catalogues being available is quite a recent thing. Mike says: 'Otley', the spy comedy starring Tom Courtenay and wrtiiten by Clement/La Frenais - that's another one you just can't get anywhere. Joseph says: Most 'landmark' films used to get pretty heavy rotation on TV though. I bet It's Trad Dad filled the ITV afternoon schedules a few times during the 80s. Joseph says: It is true that less interesting films tend to be shown on terrestrial these days - unless there's some kind of fanfaring going on about them fitting into a season of work by Blahdi Cameraface. Mike says: Summer Holiday's on BBC4 next week, as part of 'Bus Night'. I find that hilarious, heart-warming and irritating in equal measure. Joseph says: That's just madness. Mike says: No, Joe, it was The Cure that week. Joseph says: Whap whaaaah... Mike says: But they're showing the Cliff film, followed by the 35m edit of the Young Ones episode. Pleasing, even though it's a ridiculous thing for them to do. Joseph says: Yeah, that's pretty nice. Mike says: Ever seen Cliff's Summer Holiday by the way? I've always wondered which lines/bits it alludes to. Joseph says: Are they going to have a selection of bus-related pop songs too - introduced by John Peel and Danny Baker? Joseph says: I have seen it - but I don't think it acts as much of a reference point, aside from the fact that Una Stubbs is in it, there's a bus involved and he's a batchelor boy. I'm sure I've only ever watched it in black and white too so the momochrome-to-colour thing was lost on me. Joseph says: It's quite good though. Melvyn Hayes gives one of his best performances. Joseph says: And Una Stubbs gets her cunt out. Mike says: Una's cunt? Did Cliff go where the sun shone brightly? Joseph says: Aye - he'd seen it in the movies, now he wanted proof of the fact. Mike says: And what did he discover? That she was a devil woman and she don't talk any more. Joseph says: No, he just fucked her up the arse. Joseph says: How's that for bathos. Mike says: Congratulations! Joseph says: It's so funny. Joseph says: That we don't taaalk anymooore. Mike says: 'Not as funny as that feeling inside,' said Elton John. 'Although that's only a little bit funny.' Joseph says: "No more working for a week or two", says Cliff. Well, considering his job is singing and he sings all the way through the bloody film then... blah blah, bad Viz pastiche. Mike says: I think my bed is calling me, so I might bugger off in a sec. Mike says: One of cliff's less well known hits, there. Joseph says: Haw. Righty-ho, mate. I'll catch you later - with new batteries one hopes. Mike says: See you later. Joseph says: xxx
	Joseph says: That Ricky Gervais radio show isn't much cop is it. Mike says: Heard the first 5m - like Utter Shit, I'm 'saving it'. But not in a good way. Joseph says: Why are people suggesting that Karl Pilkington is some kind of genuine innocent - rather than an obviously scripted character? Because all it really amounts to is: KARL: (Talks a load of bollocks) RICKY That's a load of bollocks. Mike says: He's a Statto for the 90s. Joseph says: Heh heh. Joseph says: A lot of it reminds me of Herring coming out with some ridiculous observation, followed by Lee saying "That doesn't make any sense - you didn't think it through..." Joseph says: But done really boringly, the same way each time. Mike says: Are you up for giving the Gervais podcast a good kicking on C&B later? I can't face doing it alone. Joseph says: Yeah - I'm just starting to draft one now actually. Mike says: Just popping down the shops. Joseph says: Yay. get me some fags.
	Joseph says: Dan Ashkeroooofffffft... Mike says: Well fucking contractual. Joseph says: Well stripped. Well stranded. Well fucking out of the way. Joseph says: Now, where's The Mighty Boosh Series 2... Joseph says: We can broadcast all six episodes of that... at the same time! Mike says: I watched the start, wondering how they'd introduce it. In the most non-commital way possible, as it turns out. Joseph says: Yeah! Mike says: You read the 'TV's getting better' thread yet by the way? Joseph says: Up until about two days ago, yeah. Joseph says: Not looked at it since. Joseph says: Same old twat really. Just glad it's in General Discussion rather than anywhere important. Mike says: Oh, it's just staggering on. I'm trying to argue that TV/comedy critics get an easier time of it re factual inaccuracy as opposed to food/sports writers. But the Mayers and Slims are having none of that. Joseph says: Fuck 'em. Joseph says: What do you make of that Flick and Helga thing? Mike says: I didn't really understand what it was. Joseph says: Apparently there's about to be a spin-off single from Allo Allo (2005 seemingly being the correct time to do so). A version of Rock Around The Clock, sung by Richard Gibson and the woman who played Helga. Joseph says: Darrell sent it over earlier in a cloud of bafflement. Joseph says: The pic I mean. I've not heard the actual song. Mike says: Ah. 'Rock Around *Ze* Clock'? Joseph says: Yup. Joseph says: We joked about other possible delayed Xmas singles. Eg, 'Good King Wenceslas' by the Enn Reitel and the cast of Mog. Joseph says: I phoned Susie with the news. She was delighted and hopes Crabtree will soon release one too. Joseph says: I suggested a cover of Oasis' '(What's The Story) Moaning Glory' Mike says: Do you think people will play the record 'only once'? Joseph says: Boom boom, one in a row. Joseph says: CUSTOMER Do you have a copy of 'Rock Around Ze Clock' by Flick & Helga? FEMALE SHOPKEEPER I'm afraid not, sir. CUSTOMER You stupid womeeerrn. Joseph says: It'll cause no end of problems. Mike says: But what'll be the b-side? 'Rene's Dub'? Joseph says: No idea, but I reckon it'll battle for Christmas number one against the latest release from Madonna (with the big boobies). Mike says: Nobody seems to be talking about Gervais's thing any more. Joseph says: Except Gervais himself. Joseph says: I'll bet you a fiver he starts the next one by announcing how many downloads the first one's had. Joseph says: And how it's going to be turned into a Hollywood movie. Mike says: GERVAIS: Karl, are whales fish? Mike says: KARL: No, they're...birds, or something. Joseph says: GERVAIS: (LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY) You mental! Mike says: GERVAIS: Birds??!!! Get this guy! They're not birds!!! Did you hear that?!!! Joseph says: GERVAIS: Aye, did you *hear* what we wrote earlier and asked him to say??!! Mike says: SLIM: No, stick with it, it;'ll get good in a few years. Joseph says: CUT TO US WITH LONG BEARDS: "No, it won't, sonny..." Mike says: MAYER: Who's for fizzy pop? Joseph says: LORD HIGH DIVVY-DIVVY MONKEY PISS: Big Train is the best comedy show ever broadcast. I am 17 years old. Mike says: JEMBLE FRED: I haven't had this much fun since I went to Disneyland. Yes, Disneyland. You got a problem with that? Grrr, I'm happy. Joseph says: TOKYO SEXWHALE: But who are you to say anything at all? That's the bit I have a problem with. Mike says: MR ANALYTICAL: Say what you like, but she tamed the unions. Joseph says: ALMOST YEARLY: And women deserve to be raped. No-one is innocent. Joseph says: They're all talking about how long it'll be before Gervais starts blethering on about the podcast hitcount - without any suggestions from ourselves! Mike says: 'We got over a thousand hits' - do you remember him bragging about that on the 11OCS? Joseph says: Yup - and Beloved Aunt has just quoted that bit of our original article!
	Joseph says: Yadda yadda yadda. Mike says: Morning. Joseph says: Tu-whit tu-whooo. Mike says: Fucking hell, have you heard about this Space Cadets thing starting tomorrow? Zeppotron surely can't get any worse. Joseph says: Yeah, I know. Bloody dreadful business. Joseph says: I do suspect though that it'll die a death. The amount of pre-publicity suggests as much. Joseph says: How many actual 'space' fans are there? Mike says: Part of me wishes I was a victim on it, so I could justifiably run around the Zeppotron offices with a gun. Mike says: A real gun, not a space gun. Joseph says: Heh. Joseph says: They've made a lot of mistakes so far. a) Kazakstahn seems to be the new 'default' fake country that's actually real. b) Getting Johnny Vaughan to present it (a turn-off generally). c) Making it about 'space' which will alienate your average Big Brother fan and will be of very little interest to telefantasy fans come to that. Joseph says: I reckon Brooker should stop fucking about and finally make 'The Button Show'. Mike says: The December launch time is probably deliberate - if it dies they can say 'Wewwll, it's Christmas innit'. Joseph says: Yeah, exactly. Mike says: It's like a horrible reverse Jim'll Fix It - make someone's dream come true then say 'Ha ha, fuck off'. Joseph says: Don't suppose you were watching the C4 Animation stuff earlier were you? Mike says: No, I wasn't - any yellow submarines? Joseph says: No, those days are long gone, sadly. Joseph says: But there was a vaguely amusing animation narrated by Kevin Eldon. Joseph says: Not written by him, sadly, but it had an air of Speakers about it, which was nice to see. Joseph says: By the way, Neil's read the Tumbleweeds link-stuff so far and loves it. We should crack on with that over the next couple of days. It would be good to get it more or less finished by the weekend so there's no huge rush before it goes online. Mike says: How many links do we still need to write? Joseph says: About three pages worth. I'll do a bunch of them as well though, if it's too much. Mike says: I'll crack on. Trouble is, so many of them are the same targets! Joseph says: Well we can start getting a bit inventive as it goes on - stuff like having Clary turn up, etc. Joseph says: Is this Space Cadets thing 'live'? Mike says: No idea. Not for much longer, anyway, with me and my gun. Joseph says: "November 2005. Successful applicants are put in "quarantine", while we get permission from their friends and family to play the joke on them." Joseph says: This is legal then? Mike says: Re 'Something always goes wrong' - we should have a clip of the 1939 Comedy Awards, where the Second World War broke out halfway through. Joseph says: Heh heh, yeah. Joseph says: GEORGE FORMBY I've just been fisting Clement Attley Mike says: Are the comments from Verbwhore people generally any good, by the way? Or are they a bit dull? Mike says: I mean, I've read the ones that are there - they sound a bit like us without the jokes. Joseph says: There haven't been that many in fact - we're probably going to have to ask our lot to fill in some gaps. There are others but they're not usable within the actual format because they don't allude to the winners - although we can use them in a 'bubbling under' section. Mike says: By the way, Charlie Skelton mentioned in that article...friend of the Brooker/Ince crowd. Remember Meet the Pooters, that awful Comedy Lab with Patrick Moore? Him. With the David Dixon hair. Joseph says: Yeah, I thought I recognised the name. Mike says: Also a mate of Victoria Coren's, and wrote a book about pornography with her. Joseph says: Oh, that one Baddiel alluded to? Mike says: Yeah. 'Once More With Feeling'. It took Foyles months to get rid of them. Joseph says: Did they stick them in the corner with the Office scripts and Framleys? Mike says: Heh. Oh God, look at all the shit he's been in: Mike says: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0804017/ Mike says: Which reminds me: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0386944/ Joseph says: All the greats there... Joseph says: Heh heh - is there one for Jesus as well? Mike says: Yes. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0806145/ Joseph says: Shame we can't go into that site and edit it - amidst all the 'himself's we could add 'Man in bus queue' - Robin's Nest, 1974. Mike says: And 'Executive producer, Space Cadets' Joseph says: Heh heh. Mike says: Well, I might turn in now. Mike says: Boing. Joseph says: Boing...
	Mike says: What ho. Joseph says: Hello. Mike says: Currently doing the 'bubbling under' stuff - it's taking ages, but I'm up to Most Over-rated Show. Joseph says: Great stuff. It's all looking marvellous by the way. Mike says: Download the rushes of the Mark Thomas/Stan Freberg show Jonathan's put up, by the way - worth a listen. Joseph says: I'll have a go... Joseph says: Still there? Mike says: Aye Joseph says: Smashing. The msn thing said you were offline. I just got cut off for no reason. Mike says: 'Jonathan Ross ripping off Bob Dylan's views about Smokey Robinson on Heresy (a show about original thought)' - Bert Thung on plagiarism. Joseph says: Heh heh, that's fantastic. Joseph says: Has Neil sent these over then? Mike says: No, I'm just taking them from the original nominations thread. Joseph says: Just thought - if we need extra comments then we can always pilfer them from the actual threads about the shows themselves. Mike says: '?That Fucking X-Rated Doc Bollocks On Channel Pissing Four? (as The Mumbler puts it)' - Clinton there. Joseph says: Heh. Joseph says: You might want to grab hold of this while it's still there: Joseph says: An mpeg video file of a 1988 performance of Stairway To Heaven by Zappa - filmed from the audience by a bootlegger. Joseph says: Quite a large file but well worth a watch! Mike says: Cor. Joseph says: Especially the bit where he and two other guitarists take centre stage as the 'big guitar solo' is about to start, but then it turns out that it'll be played by the three-man brass section instead. It's fab. Joseph says: Just one shot throughout. Mike says: Hee hee, that's marvellous. Joseph says: Indeed so. Joseph says: You've watched it already? Mike says: Yup. Joseph says: Pffft. Six bloody hours that took for me to download! Mike says: Bloody hell. Freberg and Thomas is taking half an hour this end, so God knows how long that'll be for you. Joseph says: I suspect I'll be able to grab the first half-hour. Unless it's on Bloodybigfile dot com, in which case I doubt I'll get any of it because the Flash adverts crash my browser. Joseph says: By which I mean adverts created using the Flash programme, not "Still using the old powder, Joan"? Mike says: I thought you meant Flash, ah-ah, saviour of the universe. Joseph says: No, I meant Flash Harry (the David Bowie character - when he was a different man) Joseph sends: "anothertest.jpg". Joseph says: Screengrab of the page... Transfer of "anothertest.jpg" is complete. Mike says: Heh - lovely. Are you going to keep the portrait pictures as wallpaper, or display them separately? Joseph says: Still pondering on that one. Neil's suggested hidden links to the full versions so they can be used as downloadable desktop backgrounds. Joseph says: Have you thought of any 'we're over-running' gags we can use? Mike says: ...thinking...
	Joseph says: Yo, matey. Mike says: Hello, Alison here. Joseph says: Hi babe. Mike says: What's the background poster on the Tumblies page? Joseph says: Hang on, I'll just find you the full version... Mike says: Ta Joseph sends: "littlebritain.jpg". Joseph says: Press the doodad. Mike says: I'm sure I don't know what you mean! Joseph says: You'll find the G-Spot if you do. Mike says: Blimey, this is complicated, isn't it? Joseph says: You'll get the hang of it. Mike says: Is the CEO of Colin's Crabsticks based on Danny Wallace? Joseph says: Heh heh - no, it's actually my brother Dominic. Transfer of "littlebritain.jpg" is complete. Joseph says: (who, coincidentally, is currently reading a Danny Wallace book) Mike says: Nice Little Britain poster. Joseph says: Cheers. Mike says: Mike doesn't know what the Games thing is on this, Joseph says: Neither do I. I just ignore it. Mike says: Why haven't you two been playing online Canasta? Joseph says: For the same reason I wipe my bottom after going to the toilet. Mike says: You two are hopeless. Mike says: Mike says they showed the 35min YOs Joseph says: Yays. Mike says: Mike is looking over my shoulder. He clearly wants me to get off this. Mike says: He claims he doesn't. Mike says: He thinks its creepy that I'm writing under his name. Joseph says: Awww. I was hoping for some cyberse... ha haaah, hello Mike, how are you. Mike says: My name is Mike Scott and I LOVE Little Britain! Joseph says: Heh heh. Mike says: G'day, my name's Alison, cobbers. Mike says: Ooh, get off you flamin' gallah! Joseph says: Send over some Tamtams. Mike says: I think you'll find you mean Tim Tams Joseph says: I know what I mean. Mike says: It occurs to me that it would be easier to talk to you on the telephonic devise. It's a charming old fashioned invention. Joseph says: Aye, but then I'd have to describe that Little Britain pic - it wouldn't be nearly as interesting. Mike says: Good point. Anyway, my name's Ben Elton. Goodnight! ....Here's Mike. Joseph says: Turrah. Mike says: The rotters. Well, this really is me, I promise. Joseph says: Heh heh. Mike says: You know in Summer Holiday, why is Elephant Head's head found underneath the carpet? Joseph says: Because the VT picture landed on him. Mike says: But he was *in* the VT picture... Joseph says: No, the VT pic of the guys' living room squashed him. Mike says: Oh yeah. Joseph says: Watch it again - you see a lump in the carpet on the VT shot in question Mike says: I also pondered on why there's so many old newspapers in the garden surrounding Mike. More ransom note amusement? Or are they the supplements he never finished reading in Time? Joseph says: Ooh, we need to get back to all that at some point. Joseph sends: "gervais.jpg" Joseph says: Note that I've left a space on the above for Ash Atalla's head stuck up behind the podium - Gervais will be patting it like a schoolteacher. Mike says: I was thinking earlier that I might drop BBC4 a line and say 'Ta for showing it uncut and without a DOG'. But then I thought 'Why should I?'. Transfer of "gervais.jpg" is complete. Joseph says: Do so anyway - maybe a little kindness is all they need. Joseph says: Then it'll be wall-to-wall Happy Families repeats. Mike says: I do think that Lucas and Walliams pic is too good to use just as wallpaper. Joseph says: I like the idea of that and the Nighty Night one not being available as a download though - the idea that people will get the impression that there's more going on in the background. Joseph says: Also, it's a bit difficult making a proper desktop background out of it because it's portrait rather than landscape. Mike says: Have you come up with anything for the bits that needed rewriting by the way? Joseph says: Not yet - I've been drawing the bloke from Colin's Crabsticks... Mike says: Some dull typos, while I remember: the words 'to Radio 1's' should be before 'The Milk Run' in the opening bit. Joseph says: Shall we go through it now? Mike says: Yeah Mike says: Shall we have 'stuck here in a studio', not 'in London'...since The Mall is in London? Joseph says: Yeah, I was going to mention that. First things first though - Neil reckons we should mention something on the front page about how the whole thing was set up. I think he should write that himself though. Mike says: What, a straight-faced bit? Joseph says: Yeah, on the index page - before we get to the silliness. Mike says: Fair enough. Joseph says: I think a longer intro on the first main page would be nice too - something like "The polls have closed, the votes have been counted, the bird has flown, the beast is moulting..." Joseph says: Is it London Weekend TV that does the comedy awards? Joseph says: Not that it really matters, but, y'know... Mike says: 'London Weekend Television, or wherever the fuck we are'? Joseph says: Mm, not sure... Joseph says: I know we're 'homaging' the "Which is a bit of a shame as we're down here in London" joke, but do you think people will just think it's a rip-off? Mike says: We could say 'And I think I can spot Michael Palin circa 1970'. Joseph says: Probably over-eggs the joke. Mike says: I'm happy leaving it - after all, so many people have used the joke since. Joseph says: Fair enough. Technical point before we continue - is the italic stuff looking okay? On my ancient copy of Internet Explorer the 'justified' text cuts off the last letters on the right. Mike says: Yeah, italics are fine. Joseph says: Good. Works okay in Mozilla Firefox. Mike says: Isn't it eBay rather than Ebay? Joseph says: I think so. Hang on, I'll just open up the html and edit properly as we go along. Mike says: Mozilla Firefox? Sounds like a character in...something. Joseph says: Heh heh. Joseph says: Neil suggested that we include the 'award' page somewhere (the one we'll be sending the winners). So somewhere in that opening monologue we should have Ross saying something like "All our winners tonight will take home this beautiful award" (with a link to the full design). Mike says: Yeah. Is the bubbling under page done by the way? The link doesn't work my end. Joseph says: Oh... my fault - I didn't update the link when I changed the file titles. Joseph sends: "tumbleweeds_honorary.html". Joseph says: Note that I cut the 'old' jokes about Ross (the MWE / Lee & Herring type stuff). Much funnier with the incongruously mismatching modern Ross cliches. Transfer of "tumbleweeds_honorary.html" is complete. Joseph says: Is that the correct spelling of Gordon Ramsay? Mike says: Yup. Joseph says: Not the one above - the one on the page. Mike says: Ah...in that case, no! It's Ramsay with an a. Joseph says: Righto... Joseph says: Can you think of any other obvious modern Ross cliches we've missed? Joseph says: And does Quantick actually write Ross' monologue? Joseph says: As we go through these, try and think of pithy 'descriptions' for the winners too. Joseph says: 'A Zeppotron "sketch" "show"', etc. Mike says: If an awards ceremony/clipshow has a shit narration, it's usually Quantick in the credits. So it works, whether he writes it or not. Justin/Ian will know who really does it - it always used to be Danny Baker, but that spoils the Room 101 reference. Joseph says: Righto. Mike says: Oh, another typo: we refer to Marc Wooton's 'realtives'. Joseph says: I cut the ref to Wootton "dying on his arse" on Ross' (because it should be covered later). Does the relative thing look awkward without it? Joseph says: Also, do you think the Joey Deacon ref spoils the later Gervais bit? Mike says: Also, we've got 'Zeppetron' with an e rather than Zeppotron with an o. Joseph says: Yeah, just changed that one. Joseph says: "But here at the Tumbleweeds, we pride ourselves on pay tribute" Joseph says: should be "paying" obviously. Mike says: Sorry to jump forward, but while I remember: when we mention the shows in the 2006 awards (The IT Crowd etc), shall we have 'Charlie Brooker's The Button Show' as one of them? Joseph says: Heh heh - yeah, definitely! Joseph says: I'll change that now, in case I forget... Joseph says: I tried to find some usable quotes for Mark Dolan in old discussions but failed. I'll have another go later - otherwise we can just get Jonathan, Ian and Justin to offer up something. Joseph says: Can we think of something better than 'cunt's trick'? I like the idea of the swearing getting more extreme slowly over the course of the four pages - as the Ross mask slips gradually.. Mike says: Replace 'Joey Deacon voices' with...'Rain Man voices'? We can't use 'mong' because we say that somewhere else too. Joseph says: Is there something which references Balls of Steel a bit more? Joseph says: Oh, it's about Wootton isn't it... Mike says: Wootton's main schtick is playing comedy gay characters. So...'Duncan Norvelle impressions'? Joseph says: Good one. I think we can make that last sentence better actually - something like "Not that they'll be able to hear it over the sounds of the party poppers and the rinkytink piano playing 'Happy Days Are Here Again'..." Joseph says: Improve on that if poss. Mike says: '...and the vicar saying 'Anyone know how to get piss stains out of coffins'. Joseph says: Heh heh. One two three comedy. Joseph says: That one being a sentence in itself, added almost as an afterthought? Mike says: I'm trying to think of a reference to his dad turning the coffin into a roller disco, and the hammer noise therof. Joseph says: Heh heh. Mike says: 'cunt's trick' - 'slimy tactic'? Joseph says: Yeah, that'll do it. Joseph says: Ayoade - can we think of an alternative to bringing up the Footlights quote yet again? Mike says: I dunno, I always like to bring it up! Joseph says: Or at least just mentioning it more generally - suggesting that he started that tactic quite early on. Joseph says: The 'Man Who Can't Act 2' stuff is great though. Mike says: Just PMed Justin for a Dolan soundbite, by the way. Joseph says: Let's move on to Catherine Tate. Note that I cut the "she can do proper comedy acting" line - it didn't sit well with the rest of it. Mike says: 'even Stephen Armstrong had to buy a new weather vane' - is that alright, do you think? We say it as if it's obvious to everyone in the world what we mean...which is quite funny itself, I suppose. Joseph says: I didn't get it actually. I just assumed you did. Mike says: He's not sure which way the wind's blowing. Joseph says: Ah right - yeah, perfectly great. Joseph says: 'Listen, BBC2, nobody outside of catchphrase thinktanks is going around saying "Am I bovvered?".' - some twat is going to come back with "Well actually, they are - I'm a student and lots of people quote that line in the Steven Biko Bar actually" Joseph says: We really should cut that June Loves Janet ref in the Comedy Actress bit by the way. Mike says: 'Listen, BBC2, nobody outside of catchphrase thinktanks is going around saying "Am I bovvered?', apart from some students in the Steven Biko bar. And they're pissed.' Joseph says: Heh. Okay. Is there a more relevant bar name we can use? Joseph says: Are there any political prisoners that students care about anymore? Mike says: 'Richard Whitely bar'? Or is that a bit 1992? Joseph says: No, I can imagine some students doing that as a tribute! Joseph says: It would have to be The Richard Whitely Memorial Bar though. Mike says: Confusing, though - sounds like a reference to the C4 bar or something. Joseph says: Yeah... Mike says: 'Rag Mag Soc Sec bar'? Joseph says: I don't think they even call it that now. Mike says: 'Richard Pryor bar'! Mike says: Cos he was the man. Joseph says: It would have to encapsulate the idea of a student bar named after a political prisoner, but for the noughties, perhaps a vague right-wing leaning, or something which suggests that modern students don't really care about politics anymore... but still work as a throwaway joke that doesn't hold up the action! Mike says: 'Jeffrey Archer bar'? Joseph says: Yeah, that'll probably do it. Or the Christopher Hitchens bar? If this was a week later then Pryor bar would be perfect! Mike says: Christopher Hitchens, yeah - use that. Joseph says: Yays. Mike says: 'He just screams 'Tory parents' ' - Alison on Mark Dolan. Joseph says: Heh, excellent. Joseph says: Got to be some joke we can add: "And being students, they're obviously not bovvered..." Mike says: Alison here. Don't tell Mike. Joseph says: Hello daaaahhhhhhlllling. Mike says: Hello. I have just been watching shithouse Aussie 90s sketch show Full Frontal, on DVD. Mike says: Thing is, I hated it in 1994...but now it looks like genius. Joseph says: Christ. Do they have DVDs in Australia then? Mike says: We have DVD, but not electricity. Joseph says: Oh yes, to power your barbecues you need to frighten an aboriginal leader don't you? Mike says: That's been against the law since 1987! Mike says: Mind you, what with the current fascist government... Joseph says: Aye, and that Prime Minister who fisted the Queen live on Home & Away. Mike says: Mike says I have to go away now. We'll resume this in-depth discussion when I can think of something rude to say about someone famous and Welsh. Byeee! Joseph says: Tra, babes. Joseph says: Bloody women, innit Mike. Joseph says: All they do is moan and menstruate. Joseph says: And that's just Kiki Dee on Top Of The Pops. Mike says: You should have seen Una Stubbs on Summer Holiday. Joseph says: Did she play charades? Mike says: She just seemed to get annoyed, from what I could tell. Mike says: 'A sketch show which reminds of what Absolutely would have been like' - 'reminds me/us'. Joseph says: "Reminds us all"? Or is that a bit presumtious? Mike says: 'reminds every right-thinking comedy fan'... Joseph says: That's the one. Joseph says: Actually, it still looks a bit odd. Mike says: By the way, that Full Frontal show had a great sketch about signing the news for the deaf. The newsreader was speaking incredibly slowly, so the signer kept looking at his watch. He then paused for ages so the signer got bored and walked out of shot...and then came back in, wearing pyjamas and brushing his teeth. Joseph says: Hahaaah. Excellent. Mike says: It was a 'What do you want in yer sandwich mate?' for the 90s. Mike says: Shame to lose all the Jimmy Carr stuff - he wins something later though, doesn't he? Joseph says: I don't think he does in fact. Mike says: Ah, bugger. I quite liked the dig at Chortle. Joseph says: We can incorporate it elsewhere. Mike says: Actually, most of the Carr stuff applies to JLC! Well, some of it. Joseph says: I almost found myself warming to Justin Lee Collins earlier - on that 'Bring Back Christmas Number One' show. Mike says: Do we have any opinions on him? Joseph says: He was bloody annoying on FAQ U. Mike says: We should write something about him being a safe target, though - the kind of person Graham Linehan feels comfortable disliking in public. Joseph says: Yeah, that'll be fine. Although we shouldn't tread too much on the 'democratic' results of the vote. Joseph says: How long do you reckon you can last tonight be the way - another hour? Mike says: Yeah, I'll be fine. Joseph says: Good oh. Get some Kenco down your neck. Mike says: Just Lee Collins...he's annoying, but not in an interesting way. Joseph says: For the bits that need whole new paragraphs, shall we just make a note and write stuff away from msn? That way we can concentrate on boring stuff like spellings and other minutiae. Mike says: OK. Any more probs with p1, d'yereckon? Joseph says: Let's seee... Joseph says: "So, what's going to go wrong at the Tumbleweeds? Well, nothing, because we're the Tumbleweeds and we mean business." Joseph says: Seems to lack a payoff. Mike says: Shall we put 'Tumbleweeds - Full Drifting' in quotes? And can we think of a better name? Joseph says: I'll italise it. Joseph says: What's the real ITV2 show called? Mike says: 'The British Comedy Awards - Backstage'. Mike says: What a long mental journey they went on... Joseph says: "The Tumbleweeds - Untangled" Mike says: Yeah, that's good. Joseph says: And don't forget you can see that again on 'The Tumbleweeds - Untangled' over on ITV2, as soon as I'm out of the building and hailing a cab home. Joseph says: Got a pithy description for Balls of Steel, Catherine Tate, etc? Mike says: Tate: 'Session actress' Joseph says: Actually I've already got one for Tate - 'New Product'. Which do you prefer? Mike says: 'New product' - yeah, that's better I think. Joseph says: Righto. Mike says: Balls of Steel: 'Farmyard' Mike says: When we quote people who type in lower case, shall we add the capitals? The first Tate quote, for example. Joseph says: I'd prefer it to be left as is - shows that it's straight from the horse's mouth and we haven't tampered with it. Joseph says: Democracy in action. Joseph says: How about 'professional bully' for Wootton. Mike says: Channel 4: 'School for scum' Joseph says: Yeah! Joseph says: I'll send the link to the final page to Lewis-Smith. He'll love it. Mike says: Chris Moyles: 'Woo! Gary Davies! Joseph says: Hahaah. Mike says: Or 'Wap-wap oops' Joseph says: Even better. How is that spelled - is it "Wack Wack"? Mike says: Google suggests it's 'Quack quack', actually. Joseph says: Fair enough. Mike says: Who was that comedian who did a routine about DLT signing on after he'd been sacked? 'Are there any jobs for me today?' / 'I'll just see, Dave. Quack quack, oops'. Joseph says: Heh heh - wasn't it one of those Loose Talk regulars? The Northern one? Mike says: Rocky Gervais: 'Salesman' Mike says: Ricky Joseph says: Prefer Rocky - he used to get the shit beaten out of him. Joseph says: And, yeah, it has to be Salesman. Mike says: The first quote can be 'Vessel of rot' - The Mumbler! Joseph says: Yeah! Mike says: Oh God, we need quotes about Chris Moyles. Joseph says: There's a thread full of them in General Discussion. No worries there. Mike says: How about a second C4 one? Joseph says: Can we generally replace Ross' "Reminds me of "-type musings with more general "Akin to..." pronouncements? Joseph says: It doesn't matter if we leave a few of the quotes blank by the way - Neil can stick some in at the 11th hour. He says he has some quotes from himself and TJ to go in anyway. Joseph sends "quotes.txt": Transfer of "quotes.txt" is complete. Joseph says: Here's the last PM from Neil which features all the results and comments people have sent in. Joseph says: There's a few new ones I haven't gone through yet actually - from Banana Woofwoof for a start. Mike says: Oh! Listen, on Bus Night they showed a 1992 documentary about Routemaster buses, which included the bus crash from The Young Ones. but it was obviously from the raw footage - I compared it with the show, and it's about ten seconds longer. So...uh? Joseph says: Blimey. Mike says: Also, it featured the explosion, but without the 'Young Ones' ident over the top. Joseph says: Wow. Maybe the stock survives then. It was the exact same footage, yeah> Mike says: Yup. On the show, you see 10 seconds in medium-shot, then it cuts to the long-shot for the rest. Here, we saw 20 seconds of the medium-shot: we see the bus come to a rest, but a bit of the quarry obscures it. Mike says: Also, no laughter. Joseph says: Blimey again. Mike says: I'll mention this in the VW thread in a sec. Joseph says: Do you get to hear Jools Holland saying "Cor, it's freezing in this quarry! Anyone fancy a tune?" Joseph says: "Because everyone who works at Objective is a bullying, right-wing, faux-altruistic parasite, perhaps." - we could be cleverer here and word it as "Is Objective really made up of bullying, right-wing parasites? Or do they just assume the viewing audience is?" Mike says: Yup, good. Joseph says: The faux-altruistic line doesn't fit into that observation, but it's already been covered with Dolan's slimy tactics anyway. Mike says: Oh, the Routemaster doc was a BBC Bristol production! Bristol, where the YO was shot. Joseph says: Ah, that explains it then. The stock was probably available for a local news report in '84 or something. Joseph says: "If you're walking past a quarry and you happen to see a bus explode, don't worry, it *isn't* the IRA, it's just The Young Ones who return later this month for a brand new series of anarchy and mayhem and... oh shit, my leg's fallen off..." Joseph says: We have to get a John Peel mention in the Moyles section. Something like "Tragically, in 2004 we lost John Peel. Perhaps even more tragically, one year on and Moyles is still breathing." Joseph says: Have you heard by the way that Ardal O'Hanlan has left My Hero and the next series will feature whatsisface off of Thin Blue Line and Gimme Gimme Gimme. Joseph says: In fact I should stick his face over Ardal's in the pic, just for a laugh. Mike says: Yeah, I heard that. Joseph says: Are you starting to drift off? Mike says: Yeah, I might go in a sec. How much have we still got to do, do you reckon? Joseph says: Another three pages! But I'll stay up for a few hours and deal with most of it. I'll leave the big 'paragraphs' for yourself but I'll fix the main bits and think of some extra jokes. Joseph says: As you fall asleep, try and dream of some press release text. Joseph says: Let's synchronise watches and meet up again in 12 hours time. Mike says: I'll try and bash out the long stuff earlier - I'm meant to be at Missing Believed Wiped at 6 tomorrow. Bloody Dick Fiddy. Joseph says: Oh yes. Well, just send it over as a PM. Joseph says: It'll all come together nicely I'm sure. Mike says: Yeah. It's not the end of the world if it doesn't happen till Tuesday. Joseph says: I'm sure we can still make Monday - or Monday evening at least. Mike says: What's your idea re a press release anyway? Joseph says: Not my idea - Neil's. I think he's gonna send it to Chortle, etc. Mike says: Well, I might bugger off now. Catch yous laters. Joseph says: Righto mate - have a lovely one. Joseph says: xx Mike says: Boing. x Joseph says: Boing
	Joseph says: Yoohoo. Joseph says: Wooooow! Joseph says: I feel good, dah dah dah dah dah... Mike says: Hello dere. Joseph says: Hi hi - finished your falafels? Mike says: No, battered sausage tonight. Joseph says: Ooh, lovely. Fancy having a butchers at the page then? The newest version is up now. Mike says: A Justin soundbite about Mark Dolan: If only *he'd* fatally hit that tree in Barnes in 1977. Joseph says: Is that a reference to anything? Mike says: Marc Bolan. Joseph says: Heh heh. Mike says: By the way, earlier I was watching Donovan singing a song called 'The Sun is a Very Magic Fellow'. Joseph says: Oh wow - what show was that? Mike says: First episode of Goodbye Again, Pete and Dud's disappointing ITV show. Joseph says: Ahhhh. Mike says: Ike and Tina were also on it. Joseph says: Blimey, I'm presuming this was an hour long then. Mike says: We also saw an interview with Hitler's sister. Joseph says: As a sketch - or did she have a new single out? Mike says: Hee. Mike says: Yeah, it's all looking good...what's still to be done? Joseph says: I think Page 1 is fine - just a matter of going through the rest, paragraph by paragraph and checking the odd bit here and there. Oh, and we need some more of those pithy descriptions. Mike says: 8 Out Of 10 Cats: Furballs Joseph says: Heh - let me just open the editing thing. Mike says: The Comic Side of 7 Days: The worst title for a comedy show ever, and you haven't heard what they called the Armsitice pilot. Joseph says: What was that again? Mike says: 'The Week Is Dead (Long Live Sunday)' I think. Mike says: Shall we keep the same one for Balls of Steel? Joseph says: Can we use that in the actual paragraph - I want to keep the pithy descriptions quite short. Joseph says: Well, we have the same one twice for Spoons, so... Joseph says: Comic Side of 7 Days: 'Oliver's army' Mike says: CSo7D: Couldn't they have rested for all seven? Joseph says: Heh, yeah. Mike says: Ghostman on Ross: Care in the community Joseph says: Yes. Mike says: Barley: 'A Selfish Cunt parody? Of course!' Joseph says: Not sure I get that one. Joseph says: Oh, actually I do. Joseph says: Is that what that band were called? Mike says: One of the boring music parodies that everyone was pleased about 'getting'. Hang on, I'll think of something better. Mike says: 'Thanks Chiseley'? Joseph says: No, actually, I like that one. let's just have it as 'A selfish cunt parody' though. Joseph says: 'Thanks, Chisely' can be the one for Morris himself. Mike says: The recation shots one can be 'Egg?!' Joseph says: Heh heh, yes. Mike says: Little Britain: Curry and Chips 90s style Joseph says: Yuss. Joseph says: We need another one for Morris as 'Disappointing comedian' Mike says: 'Happy now?' Joseph says: Yah. That's it. Mike says: 'Well fucking disappointing' is quite good for Barley, though. Better than the Selfish Cunt one? Joseph says: Seems to over-egg the joke though, since all these categories are called "Most disapponting..." this that and the other. Mike says: Are we still looking for quotes from people, or have you got ones in mind? Joseph says: It would be nice to present Neil with 'a full set' I suppose. But he has a few others in mind too. I haven't even been through that last load he sent over. Mike says: Hang on, just sticking the kettle on. Joseph says: Yays. Mike says: Hooray. Joseph says: Just asked Darrell if he fancies adding a quote or two. Mike says: p2 looks alright to me. Joseph says: Let's see, hang on. Joseph says: Still worried that a lot of it sounds a bit too much like yourself posting on CaB when it should be a little more 'general' (if only so as to avoid whining from the sort of people who'll just claim it's a SOTCAA project) Joseph says: Just the stuff where Ross is saying "See, I reckon..." etc - but then comes out with something akin to an old Mike posting. It'll invite criticism from the usual suspects. Mike says: Yeah. I dunno...anything specific? Joseph says: "Nathan Barley. The show that got the whole nation saying with one voice 'So hang on, why doesn't Dan have keys to his own office?'" Joseph says: (not a good example really but people will remember you've said that in the past) Joseph says: "Room 101 would have got my vote, though." Joseph says: Stuff like that. Mike says: Well, we can ditch those. We could quote 'Well fucking keyboard' instead. Joseph says: Heh heh. Mike says: I can't really think of any alternatives, apart from just saying 'cut the Mike-esque bits out'. Joseph says: Fair enough. Joseph says: Let's go onto page three and do the descriptions. Mike says: Something better than 'bear's cock'...hmm. Joseph says: I don't mind 'A Bear's Cock' - it's intended as a sober acknowledgement of the pun in the actual title (the bear refers to his erect cock as his 'tail' y'see) Mike says: Stick an apostophe in, though. Mike says: Is 'Let's not go there' a reference to something? Joseph says: It's a catchphrase from the show Joseph says: The local weatherman, etc. Mike says: Oh yeh. Joseph says: Re: the Wootton joke at the bottom of Page 3 - that should be 'lower torso being ripped off' - can you think of a better medical term for 'bum' so the joke works? Joseph says: Actually, I've just realised that the joke doesn't work anyway - I keep getting mixed up between Wootton and Dolan. Joseph says: The "Would you like a bum?" phrase being from Balls of Steel. Mike says: You could have him saying 'No, that wasn't me, it was Balls of Ste...aaaagh!!' Joseph says: Heh heh, it would look a bit strained though. Mike says: 'Daddy, why don't you stop moping about the ranch waiting for voiceover work from Pixar and do some dreadful comedy on the internet instead' - stick a question mark at the end of that. Joseph says: Righto. Joseph says: He is charging fifty dollars to join his bloody internet thing you know. Mike says: Oh, and capital B for 'Blue-screen...' Joseph says: All for the pleasure of seeing him do new Anne Elk sketches. Joseph says: Righto Mike says: Can we replace 'I'm off for a shit' with something better? Joseph says: I'm sure we can! Joseph says: It was originally I'm off for a chant - but I wasn't sure anyone else would get the reference. Mike says: 'I'm off to appear in Shrek 4 or something' Joseph says: Treads on the Pixar line though - I don't mind losing the latter though. Joseph says: I'll cut the Pixar ref and leave it as 'voiceover work' Mike says: 'What do you mean I'm still doing the accent?' Joseph says: At the end? Joseph says: Shall we have that instead of the hysterical laugh? Mike says: Yeah. Would work better if he'd been doing a comedy American, but it's alright. Joseph says: Cool. Joseph says: I love the fact that Ross says "Thank you John" after that. Mike says: Ash Atalla saying 'ho ho you rotter' - close the quote marks. Joseph says: Done. Mike says: Anything else we can fix on p3? Joseph says: Still need to come up with something for the bottom of the page. Or just cut it entirely. Joseph says: Page 4 then. Joseph says: Think of a better description of Alison Graham? 'time will tell' is in the main text. Mike says: 'Eee, the price of fish, I don't know' Joseph says: Heh, yeah. Joseph says: Can we cut this bit: "My personal highlight was his debate with Chris Dunkley on BBC4?s awful TV On Trial, where Dunkley completely destroyed his arguments with a few quick brushstrokes, leaving Lawson to change track swiftly: 'Alright, Shameless then... ' " Joseph says: Mainly because it would take longer to do that incident justice, plus the usual speaking-as-Ross problems, plus it being a very obvious Mike fave. Mike says: yeah. Mike says: A better one for Green Wing? Joseph says: What have we got? Mike says: 'British Scrubs'. How about 'Comedy's been infected'? Mike says: Or 'Nee nar' Joseph says: Heh. Some kind of medical-ref would be good, perhaps associated with something dead or dying. Joseph says: Or how about 'Hospital drama' Mike says: 'Bip, bip, bip, bip, beeeeeeeep' Joseph says: Yeah. Joseph says: "Mark Lawson - a man with a vested interest in current television continually being seen as important, but who becomes visibly terrified in the presence of someone who knows what he?s talking about." Mike says: 'The internet curca 1999' - circa Joseph says: There's room for a joke there if we change the end to "visibly terrified in the presence of someone who knows more than him about TV" - we could suggest a suitable candidate. Joseph says: Like the Michelin Man or something. Mike says: '...the little white dot, for instance.' Joseph says: Heh heh. Joseph says: Yeah. Mike says: Oh, yeah - in the bubbling under bit, move My Dad's the Prime Minister somewhere else, since it's not a 'new' comedy. Joseph says: Okay. I'll just cut it I think. Was it nominated? Mike says: Yeah, bloody Mayer. Joseph says: In fact, do you think we should cut any of the ones you added yourself - there are already people whining about how it's bound to have been 'fixed' by SOTCAA.. Joseph says: Got a description for Avid Merrion? Mike says: 'Insert anger here' Joseph says: That just sounds like an invitation to call him a cunt though. Mike says: A better one for My Hero? Joseph says: If you have one. Mike says: 'I didn't even shave this morning' Joseph says: Heh. Joseph says: Out of date now though. Joseph says: I wonder if they'll make the hero character gay. Joseph says: I also wonder whether it'll actually be the same character - but his face and voice changes due to, I dunno, some space reason. Mike says: I can't think of anything for Leigh Francis, apart from 'Cunt'. Joseph says: What, generally? Joseph says: 'Frank Sidebottom without the charm' Mike says: 'Is it just me, or has it got very cold in here?' Mike says: (Ref: MWE's Bullseye parody) Joseph says: Haw - remember "Lee & Herring - Chas & Dave without the beard, songs or Cockneyness..." Joseph says: I don't remember that sketch, sadly. Joseph says: The MWE one. Mike says: 'Someone on acid, on acid' Joseph says: Hahhh! Joseph says: Fantastic. Mike says: Thing is, he is just a cunt. I resent trying to think up world-weary/clever names for him. Joseph says: I know, I know. Mike says: Oh fuck, Ultimate Force. I could throttle bloody Verbwhores. Joseph says: Just think of a Grant Mitchell quote. Mike says: 'Bald' Mike says: 'Blinky blonky blimey' Joseph says: Trouble is, sodding Ricky Gervais has done Grant Mitchell jokes recently. So it would be at that level. Joseph says: Yeah, that'll do. Joseph says: "Ultimate Force? I don?t even know what that is. What's more, I'm past caring now." Mike says: Yeah. Do you mind if I bugger off in a sec? I'm dropping off a bit. Joseph says: Aye, no worries. It's all but done. I'll do another hour then post it off to Neil. Can you make tomorrow? Mike says: Yeah. I'll give you a call once I know what I'm doing. Joseph says: Righto, mate. Sleep as soundly as is possible. Mike says: Yeah, catch yer laters. Joseph says: xxx
	Mike says: hey hey Joseph says: Hi theres. Joseph says: Hang on, let me just grab my coffee. Mike says: Really Rich. Can't beat it. Joseph says: Indeed so. Very nice. Joseph says: So, apparently we're fantastic. Joseph says: I expected some kind of backlash but even Poor Fool and Slackboy seemed dumbfounded. Mike says: I reckon we're just bitter. Joseph says: Heh.