Write a joke and no one replies. Bastards.

I don't really get it.
I was only aware that jews do not eat pig based products. Even if this is also the case for arabs then I still don't really see the point.
Or am I being stupid?

I think we've just had an insight into what is said when comedians sit round a table writing a comedy show about beer.

Refreshing (the post, not the beer)

>I don't really get it.
>I was only aware that jews do not eat pig based products. Even if this is also the case for arabs then I still don't really see the point.
>Or am I being stupid?

I thought it was very funny Gee.

(Yes Richard, muslims do not eat pork based products either)

Isn't there a similar pork sandwich-based joke in Carry On Columbus? Evil Spanish Inquisitor Peter Richardson force-feeds one to the extremely Jewish Bernard Cribbins, I think.

The funniest part of Gee's joke was the part about airlines now using plastic cutlery.

I think anything which takes the form "The same as ... but with a sausage" is inherently funny.

New career plan.
Get Richard Herring to criticise your joke. Sit back and watch the outrage at such an occurance. Build up a cult following. Become famous.
Die of drugs before thirty.

>I think anything which takes the form "The same as ... but with a sausage" is inherently funny.

For me, I think the phrase 'pig based products' is a comedy winner

>>I think anything which takes the form "The same as ... but with a sausage" is inherently funny.
>
>For me, I think the phrase 'pig based products' is a comedy winner

The "me" being me.

Wait for the vegetarian backlash, Gee!!

Not that I'm one, I like a nice cylinder of congealed pigs' blood as much as the next demon.

You don't get it! The posh school and posh university were a waste of money. I left school at 16 without any qualifications. Mind you that's probably why you make a good living doing comedy and I scratch one packing biscuits.


>I don't really get it.
>I was only aware that jews do not eat pig based products. Even if this is also the case for arabs then I still don't really see the point.
>Or am I being stupid?

>Isn't there a similar pork sandwich-based joke in Carry On Columbus? Evil Spanish Inquisitor Peter Richardson force-feeds one to the extremely Jewish Bernard Cribbins, I think.

I've just noticed this on the Landover Baptist Church website, which was published a couple of days ago. Coincidence? hmmmm...

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news1001/porkdrop.html

I've never seen that page until now. It's not a coincidence I just made the obvious joke. In fact a similar jokes about Hindu hijackers floated about when they were active - tie cows to the wings.

>>Isn't there a similar pork sandwich-based joke in Carry On Columbus? Evil Spanish Inquisitor Peter Richardson force-feeds one to the extremely Jewish Bernard Cribbins, I think.
>
>I've just noticed this on the Landover Baptist Church website, which was published a couple of days ago. Coincidence? hmmmm...
>
>http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news1001/porkdrop.html

>I've never seen that page until now. It's not a coincidence I just made the obvious joke. In fact a similar jokes about Hindu hijackers floated about when they were active - tie cows to the wings.

I know I know! sorry for riling you!

>I don't really get it.
>I was only aware that jews do not eat pig based products. Even if this is also the case for arabs then I still don't really see the point.
>Or am I being stupid?

Wow. I'm better at getting jokes than Richard Herring!

I didn't pay to go to school or University. I went to an admittedly nice, comprehensive and got to University because I got good A level results.

I assumed that the joke worked because the hijackers would not be allowed to eat pork. My point really was that a) I wasn't sure this was well known b) the non eating of pork is usually associated with the jewish faith. This confuses the joke. c)as I said even though I got what you were probably getting at, I do not think it's that great a joke.
To be funny on a subject like this I think you've got to be REALLY funny!
I wouldn't have commented, but Gee kinda asked us to and I explained why it didn't really tickle me. I have now done so in more detail
Maybe if you'd chosen alcoholic items it might have worked better. Not drinking is what I associate with the Arabic world.
The idea of people being forced to eat pork/drink alcohol before being allowed on the plane (rather than the menu thing, which is surely not compulsory anyway) would make it better in my opinion
But it's brought into sharp relief by the fact that the Friday before they did the deed the hijackers were getting pissed in a bar.

'I didn't pay to go to school or University.' No you bloody leach you didn't didcha? Money to burn, family castle in Scotland and a string of let slums all that, and you put back nothing you put, nothing back. I think it's a shame. I think it's worse than a shame. I think it's social rape and a violent abuse of the system. Who's gonna pay my student loan? Father Christmas?

'I assumed that the joke worked because the hijackers would not be allowed to eat pork.' You have assumed right and are barking up the right tree.

'My point really was that a) I wasn't sure this was well known' I assumed that it was because I knew, despite not having attended an 'admittedly nice' school.

'b) the non eating of pork is usually associated with the Jewish faith.' Not when you're suppose to be thinking about Muslin terrorists. 'This confuses the joke.' Confused you.

' c) as I said even though I got what you were probably getting at, I do not think it's that great a joke.' No it wasn't that great and certainly not worth the time I've given to it here. I thought everyone know this. If we're going to send aid to these people it's worth knowing what they can and won't eat. Then we can bomb them with clean conscience.

'Maybe if you'd chosen alcoholic items it might have worked better. Not drinking is what I associate with the Arabic world.' Fair enough. Good point. I'll dumb it down.

'The idea of people being forced to eat pork/drink alcohol before being allowed on the plane (rather than the menu thing, which is surely not compulsory anyway) would make it better in my opinion' No the joke (which as we agree isn't worth this scrutiny) says British Airways is trying to put off one particular group of people because it's the cheapest form of security.


Just for fun.

I'm over analysing for comic effect
God, I hope that you are too

>I'm over analysing for comic effect
>God, I hope that you are too

I'm gonna 'work 'it for a few more years. I'm lazy and it suits me.

I like the 'Muslin terrorists'!

Is this the new Taunt Richard Herring thread, BTW?

God I don't know what happened there! Perhaps I meant 'Muslim' but typed an 'n' by accident. It's like crazy. Really crazy.

>I like the 'Muslin terrorists'!
>
>Is this the new Taunt Richard Herring thread, BTW?

>God I don't know what happened there! Perhaps I meant 'Muslim' but typed an 'n' by accident.

See, if you'd gone to a proper school you wouldn't make mistakes like that.

This guy came into the library today and he looked a bit like John Cusack, (If I could remember etc.), with long hair and I thought he was Gee and the librarian thought he was going to steal some videos so then I got worried but it turns out he had a really stupid name, (What kind of first name is Hardy?) but I thought I'd say because I was disappointed it wasn't Gee. The point I'm getting at is are you John Cusack?

>See, if you'd gone to a proper school you wouldn't make mistakes like that.

Where is the joke beginning and ending here?

We are apparently in the post-ironic world after all.

>>See, if you'd gone to a proper school you wouldn't make mistakes like that.
>
>Where is the joke beginning and ending here?

At "See" and "that" respectively.

>At "See" and "that" respectively.

Fair enough.

>Fair enough.

Don't give in so easily, make him dance for you; then use his arguments as your own.

Not that I would do such a thing.

Cos not. You know my real name. I'll pop in and see you soon. I haven't got long hair.


>This guy came into the library today and he looked a bit like John Cusack, (If I could remember etc.), with long hair and I thought he was Gee and the librarian thought he was going to steal some videos so then I got worried but it turns out he had a really stupid name, (What kind of first name is Hardy?) but I thought I'd say because I was disappointed it wasn't Gee. The point I'm getting at is are you John Cusack?

By the way, the "Muslin" non-eating of pork is used for one of the more subtle jokes in Mars Attacks. Jack Nicholson (in his second role as the Casino owner "Art Land") is talking to wrestler Byron Williams in the back of a limo. Byron is explaining how he isn't going to become a hired thug, for profoundly relgious reasons: "I found Allah, gave up pork and I'm a better man."

Art is amazed, and asks, "You gave up _pork_?"

That's a better joke

I've written it down terribly. It's all in the way Nicholson says that line. He doesn't especially emphasise the word "pork." It's like he's thinking "So, what are all the pig farmers supposed to do, eh? I'm disgusted with you."

>That's a better joke


It is isn't it. I think its strength is it hasn't got anything to do with me. This gives the joke more power and allows Mr Herring to offer another bland retort. The blubber boy knows if he chirps in something more substantial I'll kick his fat arse all round the forum.

Can I play too?

The idea of the pork test for airline passengers is funnier than the idea of a drinking test. I'm not sure why but perhaps because abstinence from pork is a less common concept in Western (gentile) culture than abstinence from alcohol. Or maybe just because the word 'pork' is funnier.

I reckon that all airlines should offer all male passengers the services of 72 virgins before they board, removing the need for martyrdom.

> all airlines should offer all male passengers the services of 72 virgins before they board

72 virgins per male customer? Where do *you* live??

>> all airlines should offer all male
>> passengers the services of 72 virgins
>> before they board
>
>72 virgins per male customer? Where do
> *you* live??

Good point - but it wouldn't work anyway. The hijackers would just end up with 144 virgins, unless you suppose that they'd say something along the lines of "No virgins for me, thanks, I'm about to go to heaven for killing a bunch of people and there's more than enough waiting for me there".

>>That's a better joke
>
>
>It is isn't it. I think its strength is it hasn't got anything to do with me. This gives the joke more power and allows Mr Herring to offer another bland retort. The blubber boy knows if he chirps in something more substantial I'll kick his fat arse all round the forum.
>

This is official 'Be Nice to Richard Herring' week (the other 51 weeks, he's fair game) so STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!

Perhaps they could then name the airline 'Virgin Atlantic'. Boom boom!

>>> all airlines should offer all male
>>> passengers the services of 72 virgins
>>> before they board
>>
>>72 virgins per male customer? Where do
>> *you* live??
>
>Good point - but it wouldn't work anyway. The hijackers would just end up with 144 virgins, unless you suppose that they'd say something along the lines of "No virgins for me, thanks, I'm about to go to heaven for killing a bunch of people and there's more than enough waiting for me there".

There seems to have been some confusion about the number of virgins on offer.

72 virgins is the number promised in heaven to Moslems martyred in the cause of Jihad.

See, they destroy our buildings, and we all learn comparative religion. Osama could have had the same effect had he promised to let us all off one games lesson a week to study R.E. like they did at my school.

#O-sama, O-sama! Never before has a boy wanted more!#

Or the Hollies' classic:

"Hey, Taliban! What's your game now? Can anybody play?"

(Just imagine the four part harmnony at the end of the song. "Taliban. Taliban. Tali-ban, Tali-ba-a-a-annnn!". They're not so scary now, are they?)

'He's Os-ama Bin Laden,
Sitting in Afghanistan,
Hidden by the Taliban,
For nobody.'

>Or the Hollies' classic:
>
>"Hey, Taliban! What's your game now? Can anybody play?"
>
>(Just imagine the four part harmnony at the end of the song. "Taliban. Taliban. Tali-ban, Tali-ba-a-a-annnn!". They're not so scary now, are they?)

I like that. Very much. I was always confused by a line in the Hollies' 'Bus Stop':

"Some day my name and hers are going to be the same"

I used to think "What, you're going to change your name to Phyllis???"

Written by Graham Gouldman of 10CC, that song.

So he'd be Phyllis Gouldman now. Which would be lovely.

I like pork in brown gravy.

Knickers

Regardez par des fenetres, yeah, qu'est-ce vous voyez?

A gem of Mancunian French, on an album of Hollies rarities I bought just to get 'After the Fox'. Speaking of which, I had a strange dream about Peter Sellers the other night which involved him rolling black olives up his naked torso. Curious.