My dad used to work with the parents of Andy McCluskey, lead singer of Orchestral Manoeuvers in the Dark. Plus, my Aunty stayed in the same hotel as Paul Simon.

I found out today that the guy who directed "The Demon Headmaster" has just started working at the same place as me.

>I found out today that the guy who directed "The Demon Headmaster" has just started working at the same place as me.

I walked past Greg Proops once, thus I win.

christopher biggins used to drink gin and tonic in my mums pub.

I was at school with Marcus Brigstocke briefly, he was very fat and entirely unamusing.

Go on, "I need the toilet", tell the Bill Oddie story. Except it isn't boring, it's great.

I got on a train at Hull once in 1992 (May 23) with the great George Melly.

He said "excuse me, is this the train to Doncaster"

I said yes. Thank fuck, it was as well. Imagine my embarassment if I'd got it wrong!

For some reason he didn't recall this anecdote when he appeared on room 101. Bastard.

Su of Cyderdelic once played my 12" of Black Night by Deep Purple without asking me, when we both DJ'd at a pub.

>christopher biggins used to drink gin and tonic in my mums pub.

I saw christopher biggins at Waterloo station he bought a sandwich.
My mate used to mow the lawns for Marc Bolan. Wasn't very good with a chainsaw though.

i saw sue pollard at a club launch a few years back and she showed her nickers to jarvis out of pulp

>i saw sue pollard at a club launch a few years back and she showed her nickers to jarvis out of pulp

You know, you can't make that sort of thing up, and if you could I'd worry about you.

>My Mum saw Don Estelle.
>Beat that


I saw Joel Coen and Frances McDormand last night. While I was waiting to get in to watch 'The man who wasn't there'

And my mum danced with Lenny Henry once.

I met Joe Strummer once, he was a bit pissed, and my mate thought he was going to start on him. We were there to interview Elastica (supporting Pulp) and my mate said he was with the Melody Maker, which pissed off Joe. He's quite a nice bloke, for all the 3mins I knew him.

That night I also turned down the chance to interview Pulp, but as we knew nothing about them, we said no, I regret that soooo much, as they were fucking brilliant that night (it was the His and Hers tour)

1) I went to a barbecue at Martin Fry's parent's house. Not only was the lurex-suited singer present, so was his much cooler brother Jamie, late of Earl Brutus.

2) I was the sad fuck who 'won' the Fist Of Fun Lottery, and had to talk to Kevin Eldon in his Rod Hull garb. Richard and Stewart were very kind, and we had lunch overlooking the Blue Peter Garden. We pointed at Joshua Rosenberg.

Liz Gebhardt used to live a couple of blocks down the road to us & as the local celeb always opened my primary school's annual fete. I thought she was very stingy charging five new pence for her autograph until I got old enough to realise it went into the school funds! I was 28 years old...

And my Dad's shop was used in an episode of Beryl's Lot for about 2 mins once - as it took an entire day of filming, all the stars got to use our outside loo, which embarrassed my mum a great deal.

I recently discovered that I am Peter Baynham.
Beat that.

>I recently discovered that I am Peter Baynham.

My mother once set up Curtly Ambrose's phone line when he was playing cricket for Northamptonshire.

>Beat that.

I think I just have.

>And my mum danced with Lenny Henry once.

My mum danced with Bobby Crush once.

I was onec waiting for a bus in Nottingham, when Little and Large walked past. The best thing was that I overheard a bit of the conversation, and Large referred to Little as "supersonic" in real life.

Jack Hayter from Hefner asked me for a light.

Also, I interupted VH-1 VJ Paul King's live introduction to a Jonathan Richman gig by tuneless-ly singin 'love & pride' ad making wanking gestures.

My mum once sold a pair of boots to Mike 'Manfred Mann' D'ahbo, or however his name is spelt. She knew it was him 'cos he paid by cheque...

Also, the singer of Nazarerth once asked my dad if he could dance with his "chick".

"... after baseball practice & after school, President Clinton killed his own twin son's in 1976, in the wooded area at the outfield of a baseball park connected to Newport High Bill killed one Hillary the other the first time Bill and Hillary met was in 1972, Newport High of Bellevue, I took photo's of the incident. Vice President killed a man in cold blood to get the steely eye look He sometimes show's. – in 82 by Lake Bozen again I witnessed it. Renton WA, Dana Carvey cut off his own penis in 85 to steal SNL ideas. A dog ate his dick. Phil Hartmann shot a man in the BACK in 88 to try and steal the kid's Brita water pitcher design money & logo. I was the kid it hit something else it was very close. Spate of SNL, cut of his testes in 78 and stomped on them like grapes to complain to Lorn Michael's that someone had done so from his show so Spate deserve's to be on SNL for it!

"Charlie Sheen & the two Cory's and other U.S. celebrity's have all attempted hits on me with gun's the closest by Charlie Sheen in 88 point blank at my head I grabbed a block of wood and saved my life.

"Kurt Cobain's BALL'S were cut off by my sister because Kurt would not pay me for my song's I wrote all the song's on Nevermind except Lithium. Verse Chorus Verse – written by me was supposed to replace Lithium, I played guitar for that song in 81 – I not painting an imaginary world just the real world. He was killed by his band member's – I believe because like clockwork Courtney Love said she would be in the hospital the day before he got killed..."

Apologies - that should have gone in the "most insane showbiz anecdotes from unpublished schizotypal letters to Mayfair" thread.

>My mate used to mow the lawns for Marc Bolan. Wasn't very good with a chainsaw though.
>

A shame. If he had been and also been blessed with foresight, he could have cut down that tree at Roehampton Vale seconds before Marc ended his life by crashing into it.

Whilst waiting for the tube I saw Tiny from Ultrasound. Waiting for a tube. Plus I sat next to Darcus Howe. On a tube. I also bumped into Mike Leigh outside a cafe off a Soho street near Oxford Street. Tubes not involved. Banal anecdotes, I got a million of 'em. If you want genuinely interesting stories, you should steer clear of the celebs. My mate Corin told me all about his strap on story today - harrowing, amusing and life affirming by turns, and no famous people were involved. At least not any living ones.

Ken Loach picked up my jacket in a cafe in Glasgow and said 'I think you dropped your jacket'. He was slightly schoolmasterly about it, which I found heartwarming and vaguely irritating at the same time.

On one particularly memorable day last year I brushed past one of the presenters of early morning Channel 5 kids' TV at Leicester Square tube station. Five minutes later the Queen drove past me along Charing Cross Road*.


(The word "drove" is a bit misleading here. Something along the lines of "was reclining in the back of a big limo in the middle of a police escort which held up all other bloody traffic in the area meaning she probably clocked the highest speed for that stretch of London road in the last ten years as she lay back and cackled 'Mine! It's all MINE!' ** " would be more like it.)



(** This last bit is purely conjecture.)

My dad went to school with Bryan May, Annie Nightingale and Murray 'One Night In Bangkok' Head.

On Monday night, I was drinking at the same table as the girl off Brookside who snogged Anna Friel.

Though, because I don't watch any soaps, this fact had to be pointed out to me. Which spoilt the excitement a bit.

Did I ever tell you about the time I shared a tube platform with Julian Rhind-Tutt?

Ant 'n' Dec use the kebab shop on my street and I saw Flipper Forrester in Sainsburys once. She didn't have a killer robot with her.

Also, I told Julien Temple that his best work was a Janet Jackson video just to piss him off.

>My dad went to school with Bryan May, Annie Nightingale and Murray 'One Night In Bangkok' Head.


Y'know, I only just found out that Murray Head is brother of Anthony Head of Buffy and Gold Blend fame. Isn't that interesting?

My Great Grandmother shagged Adolf Hitler one night then pissed off in the morning without telling him. She used him for sex.
Apparently he doesn't have only one ball, it's an effect created by the sack which joins perfectly at the centre creating the effect of one. But contained inside are two separate bollocks nonetheless. The fact that he dressed to the left added to the illusion.
We used to have some great chats before she died.

my uncle asked hughie greene why he was 'such a cunt' to a fellow contestant on a game-show, and lost the game-show.

I once got off on a platform at Bristol Temple Meads Station which Cary Grant had used. His mum, who was a bit mentally retarded, lived in bristol all her life. He used to worry about this, especially during the war with the bombing, and all the proceeds he got from appearing in "The Philadelphia Story: were donated to the British war effort. Anyhow, when he was leaving Bristol after seeing his mum sometime in the 50's, he took some hand held colour film of it, and there is the platform exactly like it is today. As the train gathers speed he pans round to the front, and it goes under the same signal gantry that is there today, and then starts to bear away to the right towards London. I could go into the type of steam locomotive but that would be too boring…(Castle Class, actually)

I once sold some wrapping paper to Thelma "Mavis Riley" Barlow.

Another time, I saw John Craven walking past.

I saw Steve Berry once.

Also, my dad was working in a London hospital in the early 70s and saw Jimmy Hendrix's corpse being wheeled through the corridor. True - how cool is that? He often jokes 'I never saw Hendrix live but I did see him dead'.

I'm quite good at this spotting lark. Celebrity walk-pasts in the last six months include Beppe from EastEnders and Hugh Dennis. I worked in a museum visited by Lenny Henry and Dawn French (miserable couple). Rob Newman lives up the road from me, and Ken Stott goes to my local and asks for "the usual". A bottle of Jagermeister, I think.

I blagged my way into the press conference where Jarvis Cocker talked about Jacko when I was at college, and once went to a nightclub where Jason Flemyng danced like a twat in a leather coat (which is, in essence, what he is).

I've sat next to Bernard Ingham on the tube, and Emma Bunton was driven past me a fortnight ago.

Anyone beat that lot for boredom? I've got more.

I got Jack Duckworths autograph because he opened a very, very, very low rent clothes shop near my house a few years ago.

Kate Lonergan (maid marian) opened a garden at the hospital where my mates dad worked, and she was quite dull.

My friends Mum was best friends at school and still in contact with Victoria Wood.

Um, a girl I'm friends with knows Warren out of Northern Line quite well.

My mums cousin (or something) lives next door to Ewan McGregors parents in Scotland, and Sean Connery is meant to be buying a castle nearby. That's just a rumour though. Apparently Ewan McGregors brother (the fighter pilot) is better looking.

Me and Kate Winslet are dead good mates. Honest.

Oliver Reed drank at my local....

My Dad's friend used to go to school with the bassist of Hot Chocolate...

Both very very bad.

My mates dad had a pint bought him by Duncan chase me Norvelle. When my mate came to school boasting about it the next day (yes his dad woke him up to tell him.) he was soundly beaten by a jealous bully. That jealous bully now works in San Francisco. I wonder what we can learn from that.

....so, I opened the door, and there was Peter Sellers stark bollock naked.......

I bought Ben Sinister a beer once.

>1) I went to a barbecue at Martin Fry's parent's house. Not only was the lurex-suited singer present, so was his much cooler brother Jamie, late of Earl Brutus.
>
EARL BRUTUS ARE NOT LATE!
theyre back together and will be appearing shortly in a shit indie disco soon........

>....so, I opened the door, and there was Peter Sellers stark bollock naked.......

...and they were all wearing eyepatches!

>On Monday night, I was drinking at the same table as the girl off Brookside who snogged Anna Friel.
>
>Though, because I don't watch any soaps, this fact had to be pointed out to me. Which spoilt the excitement a bit.
>
>Did I ever tell you about the time I shared a tube platform with Julian Rhind-Tutt?

Wow I forgot about that one. My sister knew that ginger girl. And she rang the house one day looking for my sister and I thought she was another of her friends, Kirsten, who I (no, really, you'll die) used to call 'Curtains'. So I called her Curtains and pissed her off by winding her up for about 2 minutes, until she said in a curt voice 'IT'S NICKY' and I ran away.

>....so, I opened the door, and there was Peter Sellers stark bollock naked.......

Paul McCartney fans number his anecdotes and when talking about Maccas appearences on chat shows adopt a language akin to ordering a chinese meal.

>....so, I opened the door, and there was Peter Sellers stark bollock naked.......

Paul McCartney fans number his anecdotes and when talking about Maccas appearences on chat shows adopt a language akin to ordering a chinese meal.

The gay one out of Steps (I'm never entirely sure which one that is, but that's how the story was phrased when it was told to me) used to work behind the bar at my local. Not that I ever saw him there, because I was about 14 at the time and, more likely than not, would not have noticed the twinkle of future celebrity in his eye even if I had seen him.

Futhermore, a friend of mine was taught by the guy who wrote the scripts for The Chuckle Brothers. Quite what it was that such a person could teach was always a little unclear to me.

And even now, at this late stage, I just remembered:

I once played pool with Dexter Fletcher, Kelda Holmes and Paul Reynolds.

And even now, at this late stage, I just remembered:

I once played pool with Dexter Fletcher, Kelda Holmes and Paul Reynolds.

And even now, at this late stage, I just remembered:

I once played pool with Dexter Fletcher, Kelda Holmes and Paul Reynolds.

>And even now, at this late stage, I just remembered:
>
>I once played pool with Dexter Fletcher, Kelda Holmes and Paul Reynolds.

He did, and I saw him.

>>And even now, at this late stage, I just remembered:
>>
>>I once played pool with Dexter Fletcher, Kelda Holmes and Paul Reynolds.
>
>He did, and I saw him.

I dunno why that turned up thrice though. Damn this text browser which I use to make less obvious the fact that I'm not working.

Anyway, I reckon Kelda Holmes fancied me.

this is all rather similar to my c list spotting game of several months ago.

plagarism! :P

okay here's mine. last week i stood next to Brian Molko at the hope and anchor relaunch party thing. his acne has got worse since i last met him.

I stood next to Raj Persaud on Tuesday night in Glasgow.

One of my mates enjoyed a game of pool with Robin Nedwell, whilst in the very same pub, another of my mates asked a hard-drinkin',hard-smokin',hard-swearin' and pre-Coronation Street Amanda Barrie what she'd done since "Carry On Cleo". She told him that she'd done loads of theatre work, told him to fuck off, and then ordered another G and T.

One of my schoolfriends, who now lives in America was once at a murder mystery weekend in a hotel, and at dinner he was at the same table as the actress who played Veronica in "Clerks".

>I stood next to Raj Persaud on Tuesday night in Glasgow.

Did he give you any advice, on any thing?

Brian Jacks (he of 'Superstars' fame) opened our Summer Fete in 1979, and I stood behind him, slightly to the right.

dennis waterman was rude to me at the barbican. ronnie corbett pulled out in front of me in maida vale. i saw paul merton buying a newspaper in fulham. i had a chat to marti pellow about smack in kent (the chat, not the smack). and i sat next to minnie driver in a pub in westbourne grove.

not all this week, obviously.

i had a chat to marti pellow about smack in kent (the chat, not the smack)

Curious to know what was discussed, maybe exactly why he got hooked in the first place, I'd love it he blamed *that* film for it.

Oh yeah I once hugged the drummer of the band Babes in Toyland, and although this means nothing to you lot, it excited me lots.

I've got millions of boring anecdotes. Mainly involving me and indie rock "stars".

One of my favourites was clearing the dancefloor at a Manics aftershow by doing the actions to Blame It On The Boogie. James Dean Bradfield walks in, clocks me, and walks out again. The next time he saw me, 6 months later, I was singing Ooh Stick You and doing Daphne&Celeste "dance moves".

My mum used to work for Peter Stringfellow. Marc Almond used to serve her at the bar of the West Yorkshire Playhouse. She lost badly on Bob's Full House and Bob kept trying to get her to snog him.

I sang Country House loudly behind Graham Coxon's back once. I hogged the camera during a Sally Gunnell local TV interview because she was boring and I was standing next to her. Whatsisface out of Cornershop elbowed me in the stomach at a Primal Scream gig once. I had a conversation with Bob 'n' Pete from St Etienne about Danny Ladytron's missus' ability to make good tea once.

John Craven was filming Country File and wearing a red jumper when he bought a Mars Bar from me. David Jason pulled a face at me before nearly falling over in a car park (nice bloke though). Rob Newman introduced me to Johnny Vegas who tried to chat me up. I've served half the cast of Emmerdale and David O' Leary in various jobs.

OK, I'll stop now. Even I'm bored.

And so it goes on...

the highlights -

i once sold bob hoskins a two-litre bottle of bells.

susan tully tried to run me over.

the scraggy caretaker bloke off albion market was my supply teacher for two weeks.

i once had dinner with tv's ron atkinson.
but my favourite, and i'm 99% sure that this is true, is that i was in Gary Breen's gang at primary school. (That's Gary Breen of Coventry City, and occassional captain of the Republic Of Ireland, when Roy Keane's suspendd). If anyone can confirm that Gary Breen did indeed go to St. Aloysius RC school in Camden, I would be most grateful.

I saw Eddie Parrot Face Davies walking down the main street in Lerwick, Shetland.

>ronnie corbett pulled out in front of me in maida vale.

Shouldn't this be reported to the relevant authorities?

I did ask Raj Persaud to 'define me' but I had drunk quite a lot by that time. He looked at me strangely.

My friend John, who he chatted to for ages asked him if he was going to Channel 4 with Richard and Judy and then Raj asked us if he could put us in contact with his brother-in-law who is a playwright and could we please look at his play.

Now beat that for a boring showbiz anecdote.

>Now beat that for a boring showbiz anecdote.
I once served Gary Neville in a betting shop.

No contest mate - you win

my mum went to school with kenny "r2d2" baker's wife. I went to school with his kids.
i spotted robbie williams in a pub bog once, after he'd let off the most disgusting fart ever.
saw that neil morrisey bloke in a pub once.
and i once called john "he's a weatherman" kettley a cunt on macclesfield station.

My dad played drums in Bonnie Tyler's backing band (1969-72, long before she became a household name).

When working in record shops, I met such luminaries as Fish (nice bloke, have to admit), Mike Peters of The Alarm (again, affable) and Bob Catley, lead singer of rubbish 80s metal band Magnum, who is remarkably short. I am not a tall man, but I towered over him. And at the counter, I served the likes of Take That's Howard Donald (though, winningly, I failed to recognise him), Kevin Whately, Lenny Henry (a git - he bought a copy of Kate Bush's The Red Shoes just to show that his name was on the inside sleeve providing backing vocals), and BBC weatherperson Helen Willetts (then working on local TV).

I went to secondary school with Catherine Zeta Jones, although I can't remember her at all, and apparently she left for stage school after a year. Though my brother knows her brother. Vaguely. John O'Neill of That Petrol Emotion (and The Undertones, of course) worked in the same office as me for a while. I once interviewed comedian John Dowie, and left the pause button on the tape machine for the entire interview. On public transport, I have seen Rory McGrath, Jerry Springer, Jeremy Beadle and head of United Productions, John Willis.

Oh yes, and I once went to a house party in Sheffield, and Steve Singleton out of ABC was there.

What poor anecdotes.

My friend Krister Greer was plucked from obscurity at the age of 14 to star in ITV / IRA drama "Act Of Betrayal". He played Sean McGurk, the child of an IRA informer, whose family was given a new identity and sent to Australia. But the IRA tracked them down....

Krister has never made any other film or television appearances, despite being very very good.

Can you get more anecdotal, boring or c-list than that?

I was in the same year at school as BBC Radio 5 Live newsreader Alex Derbyshire. Well, she went to the girls' school across the road. I don't remember her, but she was apprently a right cow.

I once met a man who pretended to be Rik Parfitt out of Status Quo. He pretended to be this famous rock star to avoid paying bills in resturants and such like. He was exposed in the News of the World as a fake and gave us the Vee sign when a gang of us did an air guitar rendition of Rockin all over the World. He was buying some chips with a quid he found on the floor at the time. The last I saw of him was on the telly working in a guitar shop in Denmark street in London.

me and marti:

hazeley: so, why smack?

pellow: it was fucking cheap.

(abridged from 35 mins.)

btw, i also met neil morrissey just before 'bob the builder' was coming out. 'i've done a dance version of the bob the builder theme,' he smiled.

'like fuck,' i said. 'i suppose you'll be doing a two-step postman pat remix next.'

and he just looked at me with those big doe eyes...

I once played pool with Frank Skinner in Bristol. He was quite good and was off the booze even back then...

Last Friday, I was drinking in the same pub as Phil 'No, the Scottish bearded one, not the chubby Northerner, that's Paul' Kay. Although I didn't pester him, as he had just burst his stitches.

My flatmate has met Mark E Smith. And thought he was a total prick. I wasn't there, so I can't comment.

Is that dull enough?

>Is that dull enough?

Not bad. But I once had a wee at the next urinal along from Steve Davis.

Les Dennis and Amanda Holden have both seen me naked.

I saw Nancy Lam get out of a car in Tooting last night.

That Richard Herring could fill a whole thread with people who have seen him naked, to judge by the way he's always mentioning it. How about People Who Have Not Seen Richard Herring Naked? Any takers?

I was introduced to John Peel by Mark E Smith in Manchester. That was quite bizarre. And I have seen Richard Herring naked, I'm afraid, Beelzebub.

See! SEE!!

I've bored several celebrities, does this count?

I've posted on the same internet messageboard as Richard Herring.






*cough*

Edward “Juliet Bravo” Peel once made eyes at me in a travel tavern

I jumped ahead of Bruce Gilbert of Wire when ordering drinks at a bar. He looked slightly annoyed.

I once saw a Chuckle Brother looking extremely grumpy in a Darlington pie shop. We did not speak.

I mistook Mark Thomas for a lighting engineer, and asked him “is it alright to smoke in here?” after one of his more heated performances.

I once described Kate O'Mara as “a lesser man's Diana Rigg” within ear shot of Mrs O'Mara. Edward Peel looked on with a mixture of camp glee and tobacco fug.

In a single day I gave Pete Shelley more than one cigarette.

Last week I caused Darren Boyd to swivel in a chair.

Along similar lines to Justin, I once interviewed Vini Reilly of The Durutti Column but left the minidisc on pause throughout.

On Saturday I saw NME's John Mulvey biting his nails and looking slightly pensive outside the Charing Cross branch of Waterstones.

At the NFT I stood at a row of urinals alongside Jonathan Demme.

I once made a “shhh!” signal at Mark Gatiss during a screening of 'The Time Monster'.

Leslie Ash once brought me into shelter from a particularly bad thunder storm.

I walked past Christopher Timothy at a poorly attended signing session.

During another signing session I said “pardon?” to Eric Sykes.

In Manchester's Atlas Bar I ate lunch two tables away from Noddy Holder.

I once vomited in the toilets of a Chinese restaurant, convinced that Mark E Smith had psyched me into doing this during an interview that was beginning to go badly wrong.

After watching the Adam and Joe show piss take of The Late Review, my brother openly laughed in Mark Lawson's face while waiting to see Martin Amis do some lecture at the South Bank.

In June 1988, my brother stood next to Patsy Kensit at a Big Audio Dynamite concert in Newport, Gwent.

Last Saturday I got drunk with slap-headed journo Francis Wheen and we sang 'Jollity Farm', 'Canyons of your Mind' and 'Piggy Bank Love' rather loudly and out of tune. It was quite good fun

>
>I once vomited in the toilets of a Chinese restaurant, convinced that Mark E Smith had psyched me into doing this during an interview that was beginning to go badly wrong.
>

Blimey! A friend of mine reckoned that a relative* of his swore blind that Mark E Smith (who lived across the road) was a pyschic vampire and was deliberately affecting his health for the worse. Is it a common belief that E Smith can do such things?


* It already sounds like one of _those_ stories, doesn't it?

Steve Hanley, former bass-basher with The Fall said the name of my hometown with a mixture of incredulity and disgust in his voice.

>Is it a common belief that E Smith can do such things?

Oh yeah. I think Tony Herrington went into at great length for the 1996 Wire cover feature on him.

When he started talking about the Chinatown areas of M/c and mentioned Canal Street, he flashed a look at me and muttered "don't tell me you've never been". My little gay heart shrivelled and died that very instant. Not sure what that proves, but I'm not in the habit of dressing in pink or mincing through life.

Lovely bloke though. He takes a great deal of interest in you when sober, but then he uses all that information against you after four pints. Having said all that, he did give me back the lighter I'd lent him at the end of the night. It only recently died on me, thus lasting eighteen months, which is frankly extraordinary for a throwaway.*

*Admittedly it's mounted on my wall for emergencies.

>Oh yeah. I think Tony Herrington went into at great length for the 1996 Wire cover feature on him.
>

Really? Sounds interesting. I'll have to see if I can find a transcript.

I'd always assumed my mate was just talking nonsense, as I'm sure there was some completely ludicrous element to the story that I've forgotten. I'm tempted to try and find out now.

My only real "encounter" with him was as he tore past me down the street as I was off to work behind the bar in the Banshee and he was supposed to be playing at the Roadhouse.

A week before the second series of the Peter Principle, Joe and I saw Stephen Moore looking really depressed on the tube.

Mark E Smith was very nice when I met him, introducing me and my friend to John Peel as his 'mates'. Mind you, I kept my mouth shut, mainly because I didn't understand a word he was saying. I let my Manc mate do the talking, but he could hardly say anything for shock, bless him.

I had to be restrained from attacking/ trying to vomit on Popstars "Darius" near Oxford Street.

If I had succeeded it would no longer be a boring ancedote.

I was once bought two pints of lager by the band Clearlake.

I also saw the bass player from Clearlake watching PJ Harvey at the Leeds festival.

The solo artist Matthew Jay once gave me one of his Red Stripes.

I am regularly overtaken by controversial Welsh footballer Robbie Savage in his Ferrari.

A friend of mine had backstage access at the Leeds festival and was bumped into by sundry members of the Strokes.

>In June 1988, my brother stood next to Patsy Kensit at a Big Audio Dynamite concert in Newport, Gwent.
>
>

Patsy 'I'm a Catholic so I marry for life' Kensit and I stuck out our tongues at each other on a daily basis for several years while her Mum picked up her brother from my primary school.

A celebrity I didn't recognise pushed in front of me in the queue for the bar at Fatboy Slim vs. Armand Van Helden at Trentham Gardens.

I know he was a celebrity because after he pushed in, he looked at me and winked and said 'I'm sorry mate, I didn't see you there!' and looked at me for a full second, presumably so I could get starstruck. When I failed to respond he winked at the barmaid and said 'Oh well, it works in Blackpool!'

He was fat, I think it might have been Paul Ross.

Also, I saw Richard Herring drinking in a pub, but it doesn't count because it was next to an Edinburgh Fringe Venue. And because it was Richard Herring.

I saw the man from Embrace at a party, sitting there looking really pissed off that no one was acknowledging his presence.

A few years ago, an estate agent rang to say that Russ Abbott was potentially interested in renting our house in Bournemouth while he was doing a summer season there. I really liked the idea of him using our place as a Monday-Sunday madhouse, but my mum and dad wanted to sell, not rent.

Just one short hour ago (or so) I walked past beardy rightwing erstwhile Sun columnist Gary Bushell as he strode purposefully down Lewisham High Street, an oddly self satisfied half-smile playing on his lips. I refused to acknowledge him.

Beardy eh? Probably one of those terrorist people, was he heading for an airport? He should be shot on sight.

>Just one short hour ago (or so) I walked past beardy rightwing erstwhile Sun columnist Gary Bushell as he strode purposefully down Lewisham High Street, an oddly self satisfied half-smile playing on his lips. I refused to acknowledge him.

What I mean is, I pretended to refuse to acknowledge him. I mean, obviously I acknowledged him, or I wouldn't be writing this would I? Ah, piss off.

I once saw Top Gears Kate Humble at Leicester Square tube station and she flashed me a lovely smile, which pissed my girlfriend off bigtime!! Kate looked a fucking mess though!!

Oh, I forgot to mention, Vic Reeves nearly crashed his car into mine on a roundabout.

>I once saw Top Gears Kate Humble at Leicester Square tube station and she flashed me a lovely smile, which pissed my girlfriend off bigtime!! Kate looked a fucking mess though!!

I saw Zoe Wanamaker shopping for risotto in Selfridges on the eve of Rosh Hasanah, i.e. monday.

I saw her buying ham on Christmas eve a few years ago. That would be the ham made from PORK.

My brother and I 'stalked' Adrian Edmondson for five minutes after seeing him come out of a bank in Soho. We followed him in a cartoon-detective manner, hiding behind newspapers, scuttling from lamp-post to lamp-post, exaggeratedly window-shopping whenever he turned around etc. He was easy to spot through the crowds because he was dressed head-to-toe in motorcycle leathers and was carrying a crash helmet and briefcase.

After a while, we got bored and stopped.

I saw Darius from Popstars in an Edinburgh Safeway and he sang at an assistant to prove it was really him.

I had to be physically restrained from twatting him one and contented myself with a coughed 'tosser' as me and my mate Sean walked past.

Bill Bailey in Kensington Church Street about half an hour ago. Wearing sunglasses though the day is cloudy.
(Where's the anecdote bit? Well, he...er...walked past me).

Right then.....

1/ I used to work at a bingo hall with someone who used to go to school with the actor who played Roland Browning in Grange Hill.

2/ I once stuffed an unfeasenably large lump of ice down Graham Taylors back at a cricket match (he was not amused) I decided that this was particularly foolish and bourght him a beer by way of apology. (yeah he's not really showbiz is he despite the C4 documentary)

3/ I was on Rolf on Saturday, and danced about 2 metres from Dollar who were miming on stage.

4/ I was once humiliated by Grotbags at the Spa Pavilion, Felixstowe.

5/ And perhaps saddest of all, I was drinking in a pub when Nasty Nick Bateman came in and bourght a beer on his own.

I saw Kevin Day in a Soho coffee shop dissecting the week's news. Well, reading a paper.

I saw Kevin Day in a Soho coffee shop dissecting the week's news. Well, reading a paper.

Zammo from Grange Hill now works in a key cutting shop just down the road from where I used to work in Clerkenwell. Although I never actually saw him myself. I did stalk John Squire though - me and my then missus got off an escalator in Harvey Nichols in Leeds in early '97, and he was there, chatting away about fashion to some shop assistant guy.

Even though I was actually wearing a Stone Roses T Shirt I still didn't go and talk to him, preferring instead to pretend to be looking at clothes, while all the time I was transfixed by the former doyen of baggy Madchester fixated youth. Until he noticed me staring at him and made his excuses and left through some special celebrity exit.

I walked past Kevin Day on Streatham High Road about three or four times during the last run of The 11 O'Clock Show, and somehow I resisted asking him the question "Why?".

Please tell me this is not true. Please tell me that our lad Kevin did NOT participate in that filth. Please.

I walked past Phil Cornwell on Moorgate a couple of weeks back. Not your usual celeb hang-out. And I saw Nick Hancock walking down Old Street last year, too.

I saw Noel Gallagher examining the 'store directory' at the Oxford Street branch of Borders. I desperately wanted to follow him just in case he bought a rhyming dictionary, so that I could laugh in his face.

I walked past a jolly looking Liam and Noel, when they had just arrived in the guest camp at Reading 2000. This was amidst the "They're not talking to each other" period.

I had a chat to Chris Morris after a gig in London. Jonathon Ross was there, too, wearing hairy shoes and looking wide.

Stephen Pastel used to regularly see me records in John Smiths (RIP) in Glasgow. (Hang on, does he count even as a minor celebrity if has a day job?) He was always helpful and well stocked up on Pastels records, convieniently for him. However, on of my friends got glared at when he started laughing at Pastel's announcement to some friends that he "thinkth he mighth go sthwimmingth".

I once interrupted the unfortunately-named James Hymen from MTV by shouting his name in a childish manner whilst walking past him filming on Oxford Street.

I once walked down the entire lenght of Glasgow's Sauchiehall Street next to someone talking to Emma Thompson.

I used to be in a band with Sean Biggerstaff who plays Oliver Wood in the Harry Potter movie.

In 1990 I shared a stage at Radio 1 roadshow with Andi Peters, Esthter Rantzen, Sonia and Simone Hyams of Grange Hill who went on to be massively successful having an affair with Michael Winner, who is a top bloke.

one of my ex-girlfriends went to school with margo something or other, who played the overweight bi-curious ginger girl in grange hill in the early 90's. her boyfriend only ever ate potatoes, and claimed to have never tasted anything that wasn't potato, ever. i looked in his fridge once, and it was 100% potato waffles. true story.

mark, lard and mark kermode took the piss out of my address on the radio one 10-12 show

Mark Radcliffe once took the piss out of my name on the Graveyard Shift, suggesting I was named after a Burnley FC manager of the Seventies. This meant nothing to me, so I had to look it up. Which makes for good public service broadcasting.

I asked my Mancunian father about this the day after. He went quiet.

My dad's driving Brendan Fraser around London right at this minute.

He just rang me and told me and made Brendan Fraser say hello to me - I think I need to lie down - preferably with Brendan Fraser.

I once watched Stereolab play a round of crazy golf.

My dad sat on David Copperfield (out of Three of a Kind)'s knee when we went to see him in Scarborough. The next day we went to see an Alan Ayckbourne play and a lady in the audience asked if Copperfield had given my dad the night off.

I once made Mark & Lard laugh on their night time show by saying that Ocean Colour Scene had scared my sister.

Patsy 'Bless This House' Rowlands is my dad's second cousin or something.

A woman who used to live over the road from me was Tommy Cooper's niece.

My mum used to live next door to Englebert Humperdink's family in Leicester.

When I was at university the first time, I was on the same course as someone who was the warm up dj every fortnight at Basics in Leeds.

I walked past Russ Conway's house shortly before he passed away. I wasn't sure which was actually his house, but I walked along the whole road both ways so I definitely did walk past it.

All celebrities love me...

>I had a chat to Chris Morris after a gig in London

What was he like? Is it true that in real life he's black?

Sold a cassette to Benny Hill. It was Classics by Candlelight, £1.99, and he paid with the exact money.

Went to primary school with the nephew of Kenneth 'Hopkirk' Cope who once turned up to collect him in a Roller.

Once gave street directions to Sue Barker on Wimbledon Broadway (she wasn't looking for the tennis). She gave me a 'you know who I am don't you? look but I didn't let on.

My mate ran out of the Pleasance Courtyard in Edinburgh and jumped in a taxi, which Nicky Campbell was holding the door open for his (we found out later) sick missus.

We just laughed as we piled in past the bemused Radio DJ. But on reflection, it was just bad manners.

I also used the same autobank as Clare Grogan, who had to stand on her tiptoes to read the screen. I didn't have the nerve to check her balance.

Which also would have been rude.

>I also used the same autobank as Clare Grogan, who had to stand on her tiptoes to read the screen. I didn't have the nerve to check her balance.

Did you have the nerve to take her forcefully from behind? For me, if nothing else?

Richard Herring shagged my mate once. She said he wasn't bad really.

he's not. i had supper with him once (honest, richard.)

right, i forgot:

i saw ben kingsley outside boxfresh in covent garden.

i talked to vic reeves in his shed.

mark e smith was desperately unpleasant about my band.

i gave liam a light at a coldplay gig, but made him hold my rollie in return. i haven't washed it since, obviously.

I was invited to Michael Eavis's (7th, 8th, 9th?) wedding but didn't go.

>What was he like? Is it true that in real life he's black?
>
Tall and quietly spoken. Not black. More of a pinkish colour. Slightly crumpled.

I'd like to take this opportunity to apologise for not pummelling Mackenzie Crook when I walked past him outside Oxford Street's Virgin Megastore last month.


> I once interrupted the unfortunately-named James Hymen from MTV

So-called because whenever you see him you want to fuck him and break him.

Apparently.

I got chatted up by Geoffrey Perkins

That's more embarrassing than boring !!

I also told David Baddiel that he should stop passing off his brother's jokes as his own. Unfortunately not recently, we were about 13 at the time, but he still passes off Ivor's work as his own.

My nephew aged 2 twatted Timmy Mallet in the pods with the warcry 'WACADAY!'

Also my mum used to lived with Sherrie 'Married Reg Holdsworth' Hewson and is still mates with her mum.

I own a TV-AM eggcup and was featured briefly therein upon a photo

My cousin's wife's brother wrote that Dido/Eminem tune 'Thankyou'.

Roy Hudd gave me a goodiebag onstage at the end of a panto.

I used to babysit fat Mandy from Shipwrecked series 1, and I used to go out with her sister.....bumped into her at Glasto last year just at the peak of her docusoap fame....was in full on autograph mode, tried to shag me...resisted.

I saw Peter Duncan in green suit at Alton Rowers circus doing a trapeeze filming for the show....he was shite and kept falling off.

My dad left my mother for Brian Blessed's niece.

My girlfriend's ex-boyfriend wrote that Cher song 'Believe'.

When I was 11 I asked TV's Andrew O'Connor for his autograph. When he asked 'Who is it for?' I replied 'Me'.

I was invited to an invite-only thing at London's 'Cafe de Paris'. When I turned up, Phil Mitchell from Eastenders, accompanied by a surreal posse of lookalikes, was begging the bouncer to let him in. The bouncer said, sorry mate, invites only. Brandishing my invite I breezed in past Phil and his gang! Ha!

Brian Blessed once battered into me whilst wandering blindly near the IMEX Cinema. He apologised so loudly that my ear ringed for an hour.

>I own a TV-AM eggcup and was featured briefly therein upon a photo

?? Someone put your photo in the eggcup?

I served Nicole Kidman in a shop, although my colleague had to explain to me who she was.

My cousin plays drums in a band that Steve Lamacq likes.

I once introduced myself to Ian Dench (bignosed EMF songwriter) at his own album launch with the immortal greeting - "hi, i'm dermot, who the fuck are you?"
i was very drunk, and genuinely had no idea. he gave me a copy of the album and a big smile. top bloke.

I own a TV-AM eggcup and was featured briefly therein upon a photo

?? Someone put your photo in the eggcup?

Yes it was a giant one that they'd draw the names and photos out of...

I once met Brian Blessed and he told me he had been selected by NASA to go on the first manned flight to MArs
I didn't believe him. But I really think he did

The bass player in my college band was going out longterm with Kimberley Rew, of the Soft Boys & Katrina & The Waves, a man eternally famous for writing "Walking On Sunshine".

She had lots of PVC bondage outfits and equipment in her wardrobe, which the much older Kim was rather keen on apparently.

That might be too interesting. Sorry.

I have a photograph of a pouting Sandra Bullock with her arm around me. The photograph was taken by Chris O'Donnell.

I waited 6 hours in a brighton hotel to meet Barry Manilow and then when he swept past me with his entourage ran after him shouting Mr Manilow Mr Manilow until he stopped and talked to me.

I also cried when I met Jon Moss of Culture Club and told him that he had no idea how much he meant to me in my teenage years. I was 31 at the time and stone cold sober.

This is fab - you lot are so much cheaper than telling this shit to a psychiatrist.

I saw Richard Whitely on a District Line tube yesterday. He talked to some kids who recognised him.

Kimberley Rew is a delightful man, Unruly. I know the drummer in his band.

The Soft Boys are playing at the 'Radio 4' clubnight this e'en, in a last minute change of plan.

i was at a football six-a-side tournament in Glasgow, when, just in front of me, en route to the toilet, was famed bombastic combovered TV commentator Archie MacPherson. some kids noticed him and shouted "Archie, fuck off you baldy bastard!"

he ignored them, but i was laughing so much i couldn't look him in the eye.

i kind of like gratuitous swearing by cheeky urchins.

fuck piss wank bum.

I saw Ralf Little on the tube one morning, then saw Lisa Rogers on the bus the same evening.

Whilst walking past the big mural by the Post Office Tower in London aged about 11 I said, o so wittily, 'look at that Muriel.' At the same moment Muriel Gray walked past.

Remember that 'perils of being famous' documentary on Channel 4, in which Alan Cumming explained why he disliked being recognized in the street? The day after it was broadcast I was in Leicester Square and who should I see but Alan Cumming wearing clothes in every colour of the rainbow and with what appeared to be a tea-cosy on his head.

>I once met Brian Blessed and he told me he had been selected by NASA to go on the first manned flight to MArs
>I didn't believe him. But I really think he did

I once saw Brian Blessed on the platform of Leicester Square tube station. He was reading the information board whilst assuming the posture of Henry VIII surveying his deer park.

>saw Lisa Rogers on the bus the same evening.

Did she have an intemsely smug look on her face, that implied what she was doing she was too good for and was only doing it in a clever and knowing way, like the way she does everything ever? I wish she was dead.

>At the same moment Muriel Gray walked past.

Funnily enough, I saw her in Glasgow's Bath Street when I was about 15. I meant to congratulate her on The Golden Cagoule, but something made me think, "stop".

>Did she have an intemsely smug look on her face, that implied what she was doing she was too good for and was only doing it in a clever and knowing way, like the way she does everything ever? I wish she was dead.

Go on Paul, don't bottle it up. Tell us what you really think.

I'd do her.

>Go on Paul, don't bottle it up. Tell us what you really think.
>
>I'd do her.

Lisa Rogers - no way. Okay, I don't wish she was dead, but she certainly needs to be off tv.

And I have it on good authority that she LOVES cocaine.

I know let's list a totally unsubstantiated list of 'Charlie's' best friends........ and after that those that are bestest buddies of 'Dorothy'.

Be quicker to do a list of actors/comedians etc who never do cocaine.

It's just me and Thora

>Be quicker to do a list of actors/comedians etc who never do cocaine.

I know, I know, I know, but I'm convinced that Lisa Rogers is on coke more than most. Out of all the talentless twits on TV, she shows the least self-doubt and exibits the most smug superiority I have even seen, apart from in a bloke I know called Fraser, who is smugger and even less talented than LR despite having Midge Ure sideburns and a Sham 69 covers band.

I have it on what I would consider fairly good authority that although Lisa Rogers _used_ to do a lot of cocaine, she's now given it up.

>Be quicker to do a list of actors/comedians etc who never do cocaine.
>
>It's just me and Thora

Exactly. I'm still puzzled by this puritan rage against the obvious coke intake of the showbiz world. It's not something that occupies every moment of every day even if they are fiends. Why does the drug of choice condemn them so utterly? I mean the brandy/smack/crystal meth moments are on the whole worse. And it's hardly just showbiz.

>>Be quicker to do a list of actors/comedians etc who never do cocaine

Isn't this a myth though? I don't know anyone who does it.

Cocaine is definitely the drug of choice (it appears) for most people in the entertainment industry both front and back-stage. As someone who prefers alcohol as my drug of choice funniest thing I've seen this year is an actor blow instead of snort and then the others present all scurrying around trying to salvage what coke they could.

Anyway back to boring showbiz anecdotes and you'll need to go a long way to beat this....I know Elspeth from Soapstars and I know her boy-friend Bob. Can I claim my prize now?

I know it's hypocritical to laugh at earnest obsessed geeks BUT.......
in an issue of the newsletter of the Laurel and Hardy society (Sons of the Desert), there was a report on some society members' trip to Hollywood, in which one of them reported that on the first day "we saw a man who we believed at first to be Steven Spielberg, but on closer inspection turned out not to be. He was certainly a very good lookalike of the famous producer."

>Anyway back to boring showbiz anecdotes and you'll need to go a long way to beat this....I know Elspeth from Soapstars and I know her boy-friend Bob. Can I claim my prize now?

Clement Freud once refused to give me his autograph.

>I once saw Brian Blessed on the platform of Leicester Square tube station. He was reading the information board whilst assuming the posture of Henry VIII surveying his deer park.

That is very funny! I'm going to do that all day when I examine things.

(hands on hips, bellowing) "What's this then!?"

"Chiswick! Fresh horses!"

The Witchsmeller Pursuivant is one of the greatest comedy half hours ever created. Discuss.

Actually, don't discuss it here, I'll go and create a new thread for it. Sorry to interrupt.

>I saw Steve Berry once.

Me, or the famous one?

Re cocaine.
I would think most people with disposable income who are over 30 have done it at some point (but not me- not proud or ashamed of that. Just a fact). I think a lot of the younger generation of comics don't do it though, cos they see it is as unprofessional.

It would be an exaggeration to say all, but like I say a lot of show biz types have at least done it occasionally.
It turns habitual users into tossers though. And I've already seen a handful of pleasant and talented people become nasty and arrogant and less good as a result of drug (and to a lesser extent alcohol) intake.

I went to college with Iain Lee and Johnny Vegas.

Paul Weller was in the audience when I played the piano for Newsrevue at the Canal Cafe, and after the show I almost spilled a tray of drinks over him.

My sister knows Doc Cox's fiancee Jilly. Apparently he bought her a garden gate for Christmas a few years ago.

>My sister knows Doc Cox's fiancee Jilly. Apparently he bought her a garden gate for Christmas a few years ago.

Doc Cox (and a woman) were the only other customers in my local Gujerati restaurant one Sunday about six years ago - I was tempted to serenade him with the complete works of Ivor Biggun, as these used to be our favourite for the sing-song-on-the-bus-on-the-way-home-from-school.

Just when you thought this thread was over... walking down Tottenham Court Road a few minutes ago, I saw the ginger haired actor who played the milksop in Game On. He was studiously looking at the floor and so I was unable to establish eye contact, but in my opinion the man looked slightly forlorn.

I put this on another thread, but it belongs here.

Julian Barratt kissed me full on the lips the night before last. Had I been gay or a girl, this would not have qualified for this thread, and instead, doubtless, would have needed to go on a "Wanking myself to sleep over comedians" thread we might need to start. Anyway, he seemed thoroughly pleasant.

Carry on. Nothing to see here.

I was at the filming of early 80s, Alton Towers related kiddie quiz, 'Hold Tight!'.
The only bit of the show I saw was of Toyah singing something on a platform that moved up and down.
Bob Carolgees sat to the side, on his own, looking glum.

I - literally - bumped into Normski at the Pheonix festival in '94. We were both distracted by a bunji jump going on over-head.

Normski!

The very definition of borderline C-List. This is turning into Velvet's C-List spotting game after all. Hurrah.

C List my arse - Z list here I come.

My brother knows one of the Sven Sven Sven boys and he doesn't even like football.

Please please please say I get a prize for that one.

Ex page 3 stunna Kathy Lloyd works in a luggage shop near Victoria station.