yeah, me too - especially that Richard Herring. How can I get in your pants Rich?

Well you can't keep up the anonymity for starters

you little cutiepants you. come and sit on my knee.

>Well you can't keep up the anonymity for starters.


You fatties sound like you've been chewing into something more substantial than anonymity for starters. Admit it it's a four course fry-up every bloody night. Mt advice is either take up exercise or join the TA. Burn some of the fat off and you can go back to your 'anonymity for starters' or chicken vindaloo or whatever ram down your gullets. Fight the flab first then start thinking about new ways to fill your gut.

Oh dear I missed out lots of words:


You fatties sound like you've been chewing into something more substantial than anonymity for starters. Admit it it's a four course fry-up every bloody night. My advice is either take up exercise or join the TA. Burn some of the fat off and you can go back to your 'anonymity for starters' or chicken vindaloo or whatever it is you ram down your gullets. Fight the flab first and then start thinking about new ways to fill your gut.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being fat. I have many fat friends. I don't go out with them obliviously, they cramp my style (and they'd cramp the bar) but that doesn't mean I think any the worse of them. I've nothing against any of my ugly fat friends. Anyone of them would make the perfect foil.

Is that all it takes Rich? If so, I'm in there then.

And Gee, if you knew the first thing about what turns women on, (which you plainly don't) - then you would realise that we prefer a man who we can laugh with in bed than a bitter, twisted old fella like you.

Sorry Melissa. I'm so fat I can't even get into my own pants!
I was just saying that being anonymous isn't a great start. Knowing someone's name isn't quite enough. Or I'd have to have sex with Gee. Which might be worth it to see the look on his face

To be honest guys unless you are naturally sleek like Ben Moor spending any time in Edinburgh makes you a bit of a porker. It has a lot to do with the long opening hours of the pubs and that every food is deep-fried , some are even double-fried like pizzas.

As to getting off with people, forget knowing names (keep the mystery alive) but I do find that being in the same room helps. I'm old fashioned like that.

>yeah, me too - especially that Richard Herring. How can I get in your pants Rich?

Whip 'em off his washing line. I'm not sure they'd suit you, though.

Smeraldina - it's your lucky day. I'm a right fat bastard.

Once again I think that smeg thing might count against you

Richard Herring you are no fun - what's going on - all you comics these days are sensible, non-shagging types. never used to be that way.

The image of someone sexually satisfying Johnny Vegas just popped into my head, so I think it should stay that way, Melissa.

Is it harassment to keep telling Richard Herring he is a cutie tho?

>The image of someone sexually satisfying Johnny Vegas just popped into my head, so I think it should stay that way, Melissa.
>
>Is it harassment to keep telling Richard Herring he is a cutie tho?

I think that would be fun - as long as you remember he's mine though

is 'yours'? the Herring or the Vegas?

>is 'yours'? the Herring or the Vegas?

The Herring of course. Vegas? Even I have my limits.

Well in that case a Krystle-Alexis style bitchfight down some ornate stairs is in order. He's mine, you cow.

> He's mine, you cow.

Ladies, please. It's not as if there isn't enough to go round.

<Or I'd have to have sex with Gee. Which might be worth it to see the look on his face


That would be the missionary position then Rich?

<And Gee, if you knew the first thing about what turns women on, (which you plainly don't) - then you would realise that we prefer a man who we can laugh with in bed than a bitter, twisted old fella like you.

Well you've clearly not been in bed with me then. For foreplay I go through my Woody Allen repertoire and when she's peaked I climax with my Hancock. And it's an insult to think that just because someone is in their late thirties they're not having sex. There's plenty of prostitutes in the local paper (This is all humour you understand. I don't actually do any of these things).

And just so there's no misunderstand: I'm actually a fan of the boy Herring and in no way do I consider him fat. Chubby yes, but not fat.

I'm a bloke, I will have you know.

But it doesn't mean I will win the bitchfight.

<And just so there's no misunderstand
The irony

Should say 'misunderstanding'

Chubby yes, but not fat.
>
>

He's a big man, but he's out of shape, I can help me get it back again.

Any one remember me? Please?

>Any one remember me? Please?

Didn't you marry Jamie Redknapp?

>He's a big man, but he's out of shape, I can help me get it back again.
>
>Any one remember me? Please?
>

I remember you when you could spell your name, Louise. and for the fact that "sleeperbloke" is now part of my vocabulary.

Louise I think I saw you support REM at Milton Keynes Bowl

Louise I think I saw you support REM at Milton Keynes Bowl

>Louise I think I saw you support REM at Milton Keynes Bowl

And Michael Stipe made the crowd sing Happy Birthday for you. I have a tape of that somewhere.

>I remember you when you could spell your name, Louise.

Yes, there was no "i". In "Louise".

>>I remember you when you could spell your name, Louise.
>
>Yes, there was no "i". In "Louise".

Louse Wener?

Thank you all so much! Maybe one day I'll get off my arse and record something. After all we were a fuck sight better than Echobelly.

And I'll fucking spell my name anyway I want to!

BTW I blame our recline on doing Life's a Gas on TFI Friday. Can someone kill Evans for me. Cheers.

No more thin comedians, then. Skinny blokes make me feel sick, anyway. Bony shins, urgh! GIVE ME SOME MEATY THIGHS! Yum, yum......

>No more thin comedians, then. Skinny blokes make me feel sick, anyway. Bony shins, urgh! GIVE ME SOME MEATY THIGHS! Yum, yum......

Um... Bernard Manning, you wanted em chunky mate!

>Um... Bernard Manning, you wanted em chunky mate!

There's 'meaty' and then there's 'dripping' like the surplus flesh on a geriatric Sumo wrestler....................

Speaking of Louise (or whatever) Weiner's birthday at the REM Milton Keynes Bowl concert, how old was she? My mate and I remain convinced that Stipey announced her age as 16. Clearly she wasn't. Did we imagine this?

>Speaking of Louise (or whatever) Weiner's birthday at the REM Milton Keynes Bowl concert, how old was she? My mate and I remain convinced that Stipey announced her age as 16. Clearly she wasn't. Did we imagine this?

Louise Wener. i don't know how old she was. He did say it. he said "She's sweet sixteen, everybody" or something similar, despite her not being that age. I think he did it cos she looked so young compared to him!

>No more thin comedians, then. Skinny blokes make me feel sick, anyway.

Nobody truly understands the pain of being thin. With fat people, people say 'Oh, they're not fat, they're cuddly!' but thin people? Thin people have all got the aids.

And for girls, if they're chubby they get sympathy and encouragement, but thin girls are 'stupid anorexic bitches'.

We thin blokes wish we could put on weight! I'd rather be fat like my friend Rob, than a 'Lanky twat'.

Now, by describing myself as that, you're going to associate me with someone like Iain Lee and hate me! You see the prejudice we have to put with? You see my point??

>

>
>We thin blokes wish we could put on weight! I'd rather be fat like my friend Rob, than a 'Lanky twat'.
>
Thin Blokes: Bowie, Nick Cave, Iggy Stooge/Pop, W S Burroughs

Fat Bloke: Bernard Manning, Bloke out of UltraSound, Good deal of the US male population.

Dicuss
>Now, by describing myself as that, you're going to associate me with someone like Iain Lee and hate me! You see the prejudice we have to put with? You see my point??
>

I have nothing against skinny people other than they should eat and drink more.

Skinny people can't possibly have any fun as they patently don't eat enough food that has any calorofic value and don't drink lager or Guinness.

They also tend to exercise which cuts into your eating and drinking time as well as the valuable time when you should be sprawled in front of your telly watching the Sci Fi Channel or playing on your playstation whilst eating a giant packet of Chocolate buttons.

Some of my best friends are skinny.

>I have nothing against skinny people other than they should eat and drink more.
>
I'm skinny and I do fuck all exercise, drink too much, take drugs, eat curry every chance I get.

No real point I just wanted to annoy some girls, cos they always think they're fat, like my girlfriend, just remember Bernard Manning is fat you are not.

Whose for kidnapping Geri and force feeding her Ghee?