"I once trod on an orange."

and

"The long winter evenings must just fly by."

"Yeeah, but what are you gonna do?"

always raises a smile and

"Oh, it's just Bart with some mysterious stranger"

cracked me up.

Some interchanges that always make me chuckle:

"Dad, do you even know what rhetorical means?"
"Do I know what rhetorical means!!"

"We do nothing 'til we have our heads cut off."
"And then we... spring into action?"

"Pronoun trouble. It's not 'He doesn't have to shoot YOU now', it's 'He doesn't have to shoot ME now'. Well, I say he DOES have to shoot me now. Shoot me now!"
BOOM!

"Do you like hospital food?"
"Love it, but of course I'm in BUPA."

and similarly:

"Remember the Falklands, guv?"
"Yes, I made a fortune."

"Talk about Oscar Wilde."
"Oh, alright. Oscar Wilde, was one of the greatest British writers who was perscuted for his homosexuality...."

"Who's Hal David?"
"He writes the lyrics, Burt just writes the tunes, only now he's married to Carol Bayer-Sager."

"I want you to kick my ass, no, c'mon I want you to, I want you kick my ass like a man"

"I thought we had a relationship here"

"What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery?"

The started of on a wing and a prayer now the wing was on fire and the prayer was answered by SATAN!

Not really a quote, but the wordless cutaway to Ollie as Stan is tearfully confessing everything at the end of "Sons of the Desert".

Funniest moment ever.

"Monty you terrible CUNT"

"and there's nothing the law can do about it"

"and about a gillian others"

I don't care if your Bob monkhouse, FUCK OFF.

Niddly niddly nu.

>"What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery?"

LOL! My fav as well!

"Does these balloons blow up in funny shapes?"

"No, unless round is funny"

RAISING ARIZONA

"You don't have to be crazy to muble to yourself incoherently here, but it helps." (Futurama)

"My mom was the kind of woman who liked to say she's her daughter's best friend. Whenever she did I used to think 'Great! Not only do I have a crappy mom, but my best friend is a loser bitch" (The Opposite of Sex)

"Surely you can't be serious?"
"I am serious. And don't call me Shirley"
(Airplane)

"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."
"*You* seem a decent fellow. I hate to die."
(The Princess Bride)

"I am only four"
(Go on, guess)

>"I am serious. And don't call me Shirley"

This reminded me of:
"Who are you and how did you get in here?"
"I'm a locksmith, and I'm a locksmith."


Excellent moment on Cheers this morning when Norm and Cliff walk in to see their seats taken by some yuppies and then just stand there for several seconds not doing anything but staring. Funniest thing I've seen in ages.

from a show called So Shoot Me, which is pretty dire.

"Just cos I have my own perscription pad, doesn't make me a doctor"

Current favourite, a gem from the blandfest that was 'Lateline'

(Al is excited about spending time with right-wing Christian fundamentalists)

Gale: You wouldn't like them so much if you were gay.
Al: No, but I'd love them if I was a fetus.

"They say that the past is a foreign country. If that is so, why has it not beaten us at football yet?"

If we all called ourselves by what we wear lots of, we'd be Shirtso, Trouserso and Underpantso.

"Your birthstone is a stone"

>"They say that the past is a foreign country. If that is so, why has it not beaten us at football yet?"
Yeah, David Quantick can come out with some good ones on occasion.

Simpsons Superbowl episode -

"I'd love to see the *Atlanta Falcons*. Ever since I was a little boy I always supported the *Atlanta Falcolns*."
"You can never write off the *Dallas Cowboys*."
"I hear President *Clinton* will be there with ihs wife *Hilary*."

" Tonight i shall have great pleasure - but first ...... "

" Where's your self re-cocking-spect ? "

" hiding in the bushes like some kind of demented Dalek "

.
Pete: 'Bastard' is the dirtiest, most disgusting word in the English language. I looked it up in the dictionary and it said 'Child born out of wedlock'

Dud: What's a wedlock, Pete?

Pete: I think it's a cross between a steam engine and a padlock.

Remember Grace Under Fire?

Grace: The kid didn't bat an eye lid the time I drank that whole bottle of cough medicine, and he found me vacuuming the lawn.

BTW Grace is one of two sitcom I can think of which has alcoholics as main characters, anyone think of more?

>BTW Grace is one of two sitcom I can think of which has alcoholics as main characters, anyone think of more?

Well not if you were thinking of Ab Fab.

Actually Black Books...

SYMPATHETIC POLICEWOMAN: "Can I get you anything?"

FRAN: "Ooh, a glass of white would be lovely!"

>
>Well not if you were thinking of Ab Fab.
>
>Actually Black Books...
>
Not actually confirmed Drunks (as in of the booze). No storylines about being tempted by the old sauce. Good try, but not anal enough

>Not actually confirmed Drunks (as in of the booze). No storylines about being tempted by the old sauce. Good try, but not anal enough

Well, tie me down on the railroad tracks!

"Cheers", as well as being filmed before a live studio audience, SHOULD have had quite a few drunks as the main characters, but nobody ever seemed to get pissed in there, which took the versimilitude off it for me a little. I mean, you never saw Norm ("NORM!")being sick on his shoes , and you never saw Cliff getting drunk enough to pluck up the courage to go to a brothel or anything like that. Oh, and "Cheers" is being repeated on channel 4 in the afternoons at the minute, thus reigniting my crush on Lilleth Crane (She's a real Bebe, you know).

and you never saw Cliff getting drunk enough to pluck up the courage to go to a brothel or anything like that.

Or coming into the bar and openning fire with an automatic weapon like so many posties these days


thus reigniting my crush on Lilleth Crane (She's a real Bebe, you know).

Oh yeah, you seen her in Summer of Sam?

Are you sure she was in that, Mr Lizard*? I don't rightly remember her in that. Although I DO remember her saying "I wouldn't mind shooting you" to Nicole Kidman in " Malice".
Another good quote, that one.





*-another Mr. Lizard (sorry, couldn't resist that one)

>Are you sure she was in that, Mr Lizard
>
>
>
>
Yep she plays the hair dresser that the main character shags

>Are you sure she was in that, Mr Lizard
>
>
>
>
Yep she plays the hair dresser that the main character shags

>Are you sure she was in that, Mr Lizard
>
>
>
>
Yep she plays the hair dresser that the main character shags

I suppose anything that involves someone getting a shag from the Goddess that is Bebe Neurwith deserves repeating (I'm surprised I forgot about it though. That's what you get for watching vids post-pub, I suppose). In relation to the "Malice" quote, I actually think the quote was "I wouldn't mind KILLING you."
If I ever met Nicole Kidman, I'd probably say something similar, although the verb I'd use would be neither "shooting" nor "killing".
Did I ever tell you about the time I met Julie Christie?
Hey! Come back........

>Did I ever tell you about the time I met Julie Christie?
>Hey! Come back........

You'd be be thinking about that film Demon Seed, thinking to yourself "You got fucked by a machine, I'm trying to think of a joke about a house sized vibrator, and if you ever knew you'd smack me in the face"

BTW I'd just like to point out the Call me... comes from the track by Chuck D You Can Call Me Mr Chuck, I was reminded when you called me Mr Lizard.

"Let's have no more curiousity about this suspicious cover up."

>"Let's have no more curiousity about this suspicious cover up."

bizarre cover-up*

;)

For the benefit of a certain deceased forumster (although how this will benefit them now they are deceased, I don't know):

"My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but
tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward,
and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom".

You mean you could stand on the Chiswick Flyover and kiss someone up the Staines by-pass?