Stupid idiot. I missed it. I'll catch next week's.

Since no-one seems to agree with me, I'll assume it's probably real. I'll change my observation to "I find it difficult to watch fly-on-the-wall documentaries these days because everyone's acting up for the camera."

It's becoming a serious problem.

Anyone see that great Armstrong and Miller sketch about the overacting camp bloke in the conference centre docusoap who wets himself and carves "Coffee at 11" into his arm with a razorblade to try and attract the camera's attention?

"Where did you find him? This is going to piss all over Lollipop Men..."

Maybe we've become more accustomed to watching spoof documentaries than the real thing and thus confused our reality sensors.
There was a thing on a few Sundays ago called 'This London' (assuming you live in Carlton land). The subject was how Londoners sleep or something. They looked at people who's sleeping habits were extreme or interesting. A couple of absolute gems were on show.
One was a poor woman who couldn't control when she fell asleep or woke up. She was fucking excellent viewing. She'd be walking her dog or something and just turn to camera and mutter "I'm going" as she collapsed to the floor and began snoring heavily.
Another interesting one was a posh bird who'd spent an obscene amount of money on an antique French bed for her dog. I can't remember the exact quote, but this was roughly her explanation for not letting her dog sleep in a cheap basket:
"Well, it's like if people say 'why buy a Rolls Royce when you could buy a ford fiesta'. I mean, that's silly. But then a Rolls Royce would look silly parked outside a council house"
Funnily enough, the dog's bed looked as though it belonged in a council house. The kind of thing Del boy would have if he got a dog.

I can understand Butler's doubts about Lifters. Last night, the v/o really did say, "Simon first met Emma in a cafe, where they realised they were both shoplifters": leaves Mills and Boon and soppy Hollywood romantic comedies standing, doesn't it?

If you WERE a genuine, bona fida professional shoplifter, wouldnt it be a bit daft to go on national telly?

'Antelope Deference' ? 'ANTELOPE DEFERENCE'???

That's brilliant, that's sheer class...

"This London" is occasionally superb. I'm warming to Carlton, you know...

>One was a poor woman who couldn't control when she fell asleep or woke up. She was fucking excellent viewing. She'd be walking her dog or something and just turn to camera and mutter "I'm going" as she collapsed to the floor and began snoring heavily.

Narcolepsy - falling asleep at times of high stress or exertion. And a seriously underused comedy disease. Wouldn't "My Hero" have been better if Ardal O'Hanlon played a narcoleptic superhero?

"You! Stop! Or I shall strike you with this..... zzzzzzzzzz"







Maybe there's not as much potential as I thought.

Yes, Narcolepsy. I couldn't think of the name of it. I had no idea it affected people in such an extreme way.
there is so much room for comedy there.
Imagine, just imagine please, please just imagine, for the love of God imagine for a second that it happened while she was....
Oh, I don't know, fucking a Hare?
No, maybe you're right.

Stoner busker heartthrob Evan Dando suffered from this. It was definitely Narcolepsy, not just drugs. Oh no.

There's a very funny piece of footage of him going over like a falling building in an airport departure lounge. I think it's on some Lemonheads compilation video or other. I can't remember. Grunge was a blur.

Caught the end of last night's episode and it STILL felt like a bunch of actors doing a spoof docusoap.

"Won't you show me your face?"
"No"
"so you won't let me see your face?"
"No, I don't want to be identified..."
"So, I can't show a picture of your face?"
"No"

So WHY ARE YOU APPEARING ON TELEVISION THEN?

The interviewer made far too much of this woman's desire for anonymity, to the point where you just had to question why she'd volunteered to be on a documentary about her committing crimes.

Whether the programme is genuine or not, it singularly fails to address the one question in the audience's mind: Why are these silly sods allowing themselves to be filmed?

By avoiding this question, by pretending it's not an issue, it leads the inquisitive mind down a dead end of assuming it must all be set up.

The more I see it, the more it drives me insane. I want to know who's making these shows, and what their track record is.

There was a positively Mallardesque moment on last nights episode betwixt our hero with the camera and a bloated Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards Lookalike shoplifter-turned-bouncer, who was sharing a house with his mum at the time. I may paraphrase slightly, but this was the essence:

REPORTER: Would your mum object if I showed her these things you've stolen?

EDDIE THE SHOPLIFTER: Would you object if I kicked you in the bollocks?

Class!

Aargh! I didn't see that bit, but it sounds so scripted.

When will this programme stop tormenting me?

It's not really happening. It's not really happening. It's not really happening. It's not really happening. It's not really happening. It's not really happening. It's not really happening. It's not really happening. It's not really happening. It's not really happening. It's not really happening.

UNRULY BUTLER: Aargh! I didn't see that bit, but it sounds so scripted.

LAMB OF GOD: That's because you just read it off the screen in a script format.
(he smirks, before continuing to type)
The programme may be pointless bollocks, but the subjects are not actors. I feel this very strongly. They're too good at their parts to be actors.
Is it me, or does this seem scripted?

Actually it's probably that the "likeable rogue" character has been done to death on TV and film recently. These petty thieves have obviously seen Trainspotting and Lock Stock and read the Sun serialisation of Lenny The Guvnor MacLean's silly book, and now know how to be witty and roguish on camera.

But whenever I see some criminal type spouting off cocky one liners, I just see a bloke called Toby in a flat in Hoxton, typing, and getting aroused by the thought of random thuggery. That's what that "kick you in the bollocks" line made me think of.

Toby. Yes, I think I see him too. He once went to a football match and has since considered himself 'sort of working class really'.
He gets abuse off the white trash outside the chip shop and wonders how they can tell he's not from around these parts.
Me, basically.

Except I live in Clerkenwell and my name isn't Toby. Other than that though....