Well I live in Scotland and I reckon it's a bag of pish alright.
It's the usual Scottish combination of heavy-handed gutteral humour with an occasional splash of wit.
You know you're on to a loser when the scum are discussing it on the bus.
I seem to have been watching this so-called humour in Scotland since 'A Kick Up the Eighties'.
Unfunny then and unfunny now.
The only truly original, witty and even poignant Scottish comedy is Rab C Nesbitt, which showed us the scum without glorifying them.
It's not so funny when you actually have to live amongst the characters in Chewin' the Fat.
I'm sorry, but glorying in the idiocy of the working/non-working classes doesn't interest me.
I have to pass them in the street every fucking day.

>You know you're on to a loser when the scum are discussing it on the bus.

Why is it that the nutter always sits next to you on the bus...............?

Me? or anyone?
If it's me, it's because I frequently wear a t-shirt bearing the legend 'Sit Beside Me. Please'.
This normally results in a double seat all to my self.
Of course, the ocassional nutter will take the invitation seriously and afford themselves of my company.
As a plan it's got it's ups and downs.
Hope this answers your question.

indeed.

I always find listening to Marilyn Manson and staring intensely puts nutters off......

Oh, and I meant to use the word 'unsubtle' when describing Chewin' the Fat.
Which it is. Plainly.
Back to buses though, much more interesting.
Living in Glasgow, it constantly amazes me the shear joy the older generation seem to get from the simple one-trick pony that is the 'drunk man' boarding a bus.
Rather than ignoring him, they actually go out of their way to engage in hugely amusing banter with the piss-artist.
This mostly revolves around the theme of how the wife will 'kill' them when they arrive home.
Great stuff.

actually my reference to buses is exactly the kind of thing you get on Chewin' The Fat.

And also used by shit 'looking for a cheap laugh' stand ups.

but buses do amuse me, a nutter used to try and sit next to me every day. he expected me to like him, despite the fact he said my sister was a bitch.

grr

I can't see how something like "News For Neds" can be seen as glorifying "scum" as you put it...but I'm perfectly aware of their incapacity to realise the jokes on them. Anyway, I thought the show was pretty good (with plenty of cringe-able moments, mind you).

"Goanie no' do that!" - not particulaly funny.
"JOhn Wayne WAS an arsehole!" - much better.

On the subject of Glasgow neds, why do they always feel the urge to use a profane adjective but not finish the sentance properly? For example:-

(nasal voice) "That guy's a fukkin'.....ayebut."

"Dinnie ya gie me nun' a' that fuckin'....aye ya bastad"

(cue spilling of Sunny D)

scum or otherwise i despise all scots.they make me feek sick

>(nasal voice) "That guy's a fukkin'.....ayebut."
>
>"Dinnie ya gie me nun' a' that fuckin'....aye ya bastad"

"... ye goatafuckin' cigarette... y'baztard... fuckin'... ye... [spluttering cough] ... gimme a... fuckin'.... aye, ye.... [indistinct] cigarette..."

Too many hours spent waiting for a bus at Buchanan Bus Station...

Neds is lousy phraseology incidentally, by the way.

Schemie, now that's a proper word.

>I can't see how something like "News For Neds" can be seen as glorifying "scum" as you put it...but I'm perfectly aware of their incapacity to realise the jokes on them. Anyway, I thought the show was pretty good (with plenty of cringe-able moments, mind you).

Well, you see, I don't think they do know the jokes on them.
They think it's great programme.
I genuinely believe it shows them as 'lovable rogues', and that's just not on.
Just take a look at the Sighthill situation.
These people aren't funny.
What's nedspeak for 'I just killed an immigrant'?

>scum or otherwise i despise all scots.they make me feek sick

Any reason, or are you just bitter that we hold the best comedy festival in the world.

There was a long, drawn out sketch about nutters on buses on Velvet Soup about a week ago. It involved one nutter phoning Nutter HQ because the bus he was on already had its nutter. It was in no way funny. Much like the rest of the show.

If you heard Ford and Greg on Fred Macaulay's morning show, they came across as good guys... not wanks.

>>scum or otherwise i despise all scots.they make me feek sick
>
>Any reason, or are you just bitter that we hold the best comedy festival in the world.
>

Bollocks. Ealing is the best Comedy Festival in the world. And we have proper beer in London. And bombs, and that.

"It involved one nutter phoning Nutter HQ because the bus he was on already had its nutter"

Not only unfunny, but plagiarised. Fucked if I can remember where from though - here's the betting -

2-1 Alexei Sayle
100-30 Eddie Izzard
6-1 Bar

>"It involved one nutter phoning Nutter HQ because the bus he was on already had its nutter"

I think it was a sketch on Velvet Soup last week. Dreadful.

If you're a fan of 'nutter on the bus' jokes, Jasper Carrott's book A Little Zit On The Side is worth looking out for.

"Has anyone seen my camel?"

>I think it was a sketch on Velvet Soup last week. Dreadful.

Yes, I didn't read Ken G's post above, so it looks like I've accused the Velvet Soup writers of plagerising themselves. Still, I wouldn't put it past them.

I'm right about the Jasper Carrott book though.

My favourite thing about neds is how obsessed they are with moving platforms. Escalators and travelators have a strange and primal hold on them...it's ground... but it doesn't stay still. Therefore we must run along it a different direction...best aspect of working in the Argyle St Virgin Megastore in Glasgow was watching a ned running up the down escalator while his friends giggled at the bottom, then stopping the escalator, and watching the little cunt deal with the opposing forces. Invariably he ended up on his arse back at the bottom writhing in pain, his mates had a good laugh and security got to escort him out. Our (in)security guard used to escort a ned out by stepping on their feet and yelling 'What's wrong, can't you walk PROPERLY? ARE YOU PISSED MATE?' in his face.

What a lot of good-natured fun am happening in this thread.