Orange Pathe run a screenwriting competition in conjunction with the Sunday Times. I entered in 1998, and got nowhere, but I will say this: they do give you quite interesting feedback, much more direct than the TV or radio responses. Closing date for this year's is, I think, end of September. If they're still running it, that is.

>Don't tell me to burn it like Mother did.
>Anyone got any good advice for getting it read by relevant people?

There are a few competitions for *short* films like the Jerwood (sp?) prize, Channel 4 competition. So maybe you should write a short film first and try and win one.

>I know filmfour had that Lab thing for new films but no fucker will read something from an agentless cunt like me.

Then send it to an agent in the hope of becoming an agented cunt obviously

Hang around in a pub in Wardour Street, buy loads of beer for all the film types and then weep when they run away, laughing.

>What shall I do with my film script?

Look at your passport.

If it gives your nationality as "British", then burn the script, since it's bound to be rubbish.