Awareness of their existence? (Vaginas, not weekends.)

I think it's more about all the mad stuff you find up there. Flaps and suchlike. And feeling comfortable with it, "as a woman."

>I think it's more about all the mad stuff you find up there. Flaps and suchlike. And feeling comfortable with it, "as a woman."

"Mad stuff". Is that the terminology? Wow.

>I think it's more about all the mad stuff you find up there. Flaps and suchlike.

Too funny, sorry. Anyway, it's all American guff isn't it. How can you go through life and *not* know about your 'flaps and suchlike'?. It's for navel-gazing, drippy hippy, 'knit your own tampons' rich bitches with more time and money than they know what to do with. Do you know that these women actually write poetry to their bits on these weekends? Freakish.

Women, eh? Brrrr!

Anyway, a rough one can look like something from 'Alien' first thing in the morning. It doesn't deserve a tribute in verse, it deserves scary lighting and music. And a tagline. 'Just when you thought it was safe to lift the duvet...' You're lucky you don't have to worry about such things, being a gay and so on.

*laughs* I'm the woman kind of gay though, so I get it double!

"Just when you thought it was safe to watch an Andrex commercial...." It's terrible. Maybe I'm the worlds first misogynistic lesbian?

>You're lucky you don't have to worry about such things, being a gay and so on.

That was you, wasn't it? If you are a big butch man who never even so much as looks at himself in the mirror and wonders, then forget I said it.

>>You're lucky you don't have to worry about such things, being a gay and so on.
>
>That was you, wasn't it? If you are a big butch man who never even so much as looks at himself in the mirror and wonders, then forget I said it.


Heheh, no that's Dale winton you're thinking of.

Sod it, I knew I'd got something wrong. I could feel it. In my penis. That's male intuition.

I'm in the mood to write a poem to mine, actually.

People seemed not to need these things a while ago. this whole thread reminds me of a joke that I can't quite remember. The punchline is 'Great shot - right in the twat', though.

Proud, you face the morning
Your little face confused
By the daily... er...

This isn't going very well.

That's a disgraceful joke, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Anyway, it's funnier if you say "Great shot, dad, right in the cunt."

>I think it's more about all the mad stuff you find up there. Flaps and suchlike. And feeling comfortable with it, "as a woman."

I'd be rather worried to find flaps up a vagina, on the outside is more usual. There's a great story in this week's Time Out which says that due to the popularity of Puppetry of the Penis (2 Aussies manipulating their genitals into interesting formations) 2 NZ women are doing Ventriloquism of the Vagina. It may be a joke but if it's not I'd buy a ticket. I don't know how they'd work it into the plot if they were on the rag, though. It's a thought.......

Majestic flaps
Like the curtains over a plaque
What message do you conceal?
"Opened by HRH Princess....."

Nope, it won't work.

I wonder if us women-liking types could go to one of these weekends to erm...document it. Kind of like a court artist. We'd need a lot of pink pastel crayons but I think it would pay off.

>>I think it's more about all the mad stuff you find up there. Flaps and suchlike. And feeling comfortable with it, "as a woman."
>
>I'd be rather worried to find flaps up a vagina, on the outside is more usual

Yeah but it sounds funnier like that! Like really bad internet porn. "He put his finger up her cunny and found her love bud" Not that I read a lot of porn mind you, i read about it in..er..Womans Own I think.

>That's a disgraceful joke, you should be ashamed of yourself.


I had no idea you were the sensitive type...
>
>Anyway, it's funnier if you say "Great shot, dad, right in the cunt."

Oh. I see.

> I wonder if us women-liking types could go to one of these weekends to erm...document it. Kind of like a court artist. We'd need a lot of pink pastel crayons but I think it would pay off.

Big, thick pink pastel crayons. That vibrate.

*adds them to the shopping list*

It's a pity the Pornographer in Chief has left C4, I bet we could've got a documentary series out of this.

> I wonder if us women-liking types could go to one of these weekends to erm...document it.

You'd have to arrange the subject carefully first, of course. Get all the wispy hairs out of the way.

>There's a great story in this week's Time Out which says that due to the popularity of Puppetry of the Penis (2 Aussies manipulating their genitals into interesting formations) 2 NZ women are doing Ventriloquism of the Vagina. It may be a joke but if it's not I'd buy a ticket. I don't know how they'd work it into the plot if they were on the rag, though. It's a thought.......

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer"

>>I don't know how they'd work it into the plot if they were on the rag, though. It's a thought.......

A remake of 'Shoestring'?

An Enoch Powell speech?

A rendition of a particular U2 song/political event?

>An Enoch Powell speech?

Yes. A talking cunt if ever there was one.

If it happened mid act, it might be a struggle to incorporate it. Better to just burst into song!

"The wheels on the bus go round and round!"

>I don't know how they'd work it into the plot if they were on the rag, though.

"Sorry, I was on the red wine again."


Of course, if these things really scare you, then you definitely shouldn't take a look at the WONDROUS VULVA PUPPET: http://www.yoni.com/loverf/vulvaintro.shtml

What about ovulation, then? I'm suddenly reminded of the 'Sick' episode of The Young Ones and Neil with a binbag over his head to catch the mucus...............

I'll look at it tomorrow. I want to get some sleep tonight.

That's if I can shift the image of two menstruating performance artists glancing nervously at each other and then singing loudly before shuffling off the stage.

>
>Of course, if these things really scare you, then you definitely shouldn't take a look at the WONDROUS VULVA PUPPET: http://www.yoni.com/loverf/vulvaintro.shtml

That is really quite lovely. How come we never made those in Needlework classes at school?

How come it's usually Mogwai who supplies the more 'exotic' links?

>How come it's usually Mogwai who supplies the more 'exotic' links?

Er... it's part of my ongoing research.

Look, he's come over all shy now. Not like that when you're pasting it all over the forum is it?

>Look, he's come over all shy now. Not like that when you're pasting it all over the forum is it?

I find obscure and odd websites because I contribute to the "Works" section of Mixmag, which rounds up (a) dance music related websites, (b) online music-making resources and (c) downright odd sites. I have to dig out all of these, but I'm guessing very few people here would be particularly interested in the first two types. If I'm wrong and people would like to see some of these, then do let me know. Occasionally I come across a site that I think will make people laugh and/or will contribute something (however small) to a thread.

A far duller response than my original brief one, but, as you can see, packed with more facts. I can tell you all about my day as well, if it will help.

Your not just really into fannies then?

.......................................................................................................................................



So, vagainas then?

>Your not just really into fannies then?

Not at all.

http://www.zooass.com/mrsv/

Probably the right place for Betty Dodson then.

http://www.bettydodson.com/

Having been a fourteen-year-old boy at one time, I know what it's like to be painfully aware of vaginas for months on end. A weekend is nothing.

>Probably the right place for Betty Dodson then.
>
>http://www.bettydodson.com/

The Anti-Dodson: http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/Senate/2680/index.html

Also http://www.tpe.com/~altarboy/not90710.htm

I'm not going to look at those.

>The Anti-Dodson: http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/Senate/2680/index.html

> I'm not going to look at those.

Americans For Purity: Winning The War
On Masturbation

This site is dedicated to exposing the REAL Number One Public Health Problem in America today: Masturbation. If you have come here looking for Jokes or Humor about Masturbation, then you have come to the wrong place! But if you have come to be Educated on the Straight Facts about the EVILS of Masturbation, then Welcome!
----------------------------------------------------------

THE PROBLEM

Masturbation is more dangerous than smoking. Doctors of a generation ago knew this, but since the Sexual Revolution of the 1960's, this fact has been lost in the "if it feels good, do it" mentality.


MYTH: Masturbation is harmless.

REALITY: Medical science proves that chronic Masturbation causes weakness, depression, forgetfulness and nearsightedness.


MYTH: There are bigger problems than Masturbation, like drugs and AIDS.

REALITY: Experts estimate that there are at least 150,000 Americans masturbating RIGHT NOW! Masturbation costs American businesses at least $3.14 billion in lost productivity every month!


MYTH: Masturbation is not immoral.

REALITY: Read your Bible. God was so offended when Onan spilled his seed upon the ground that God struck Onan dead! It is true that Onan wasn't Masturbating, but the point is that God hates it when men waste sperm, no matter what the reason.


MYTH: Masturbation is a "Victimless Crime."

REALITY: Theological experts on Masturbation have come to the conclusion that Masturbation is what is known as a "gateway" sin. This means that Masturbation leads to more serious offenses. In fact, practically all rapists, Sodomites, child molesters and pornography addicts started out as Masturbators.


MYTH: Americans value their "Freedom" and will never stand for Masturbation being outlawed.

REALITY: Masturbatory devices are already illegal in Texas. The police in San Antonio and Austin have aggressively enforced this law.


MYTH: But everyone's doing it!

REALITY: Surveys have repeatedly shown that up to 5% of Americans don't Masturbate.


THE SOLUTION

How to stop the current epidemic of Self-Abuse in America? We need the same tactics and the same kind of get-tough attitude that has been so successful in the War On Drugs!

<snip>

I wonder what a eunuch would say about all this...

*wonders vaguely if she's spelt that right*

If you guys like all this then they do a brilliant slide show for people like you once a year at my school. Explicit images of genitalia warped and disfigured by SEX. If these poor people hadn't had SEX they'd be fine but now they are rotted, defunct and misfits all because of SEX. Never have SEX, it's evil, it's dirty, it's wrong.

And do you know what? It worked on me. SEX is evil....Free the biscuits...

> Explicit images of genitalia warped and disfigured by SEX

Through disease or erosion?

Or friction burns?

Or friction burns?

I don't want to find out.

I think the world is ready for the 'sex' equivalent of 'Reefer Madness'.