Heh heh heh.
--------------------
THIS SICK SADDO IS BEYOND A JERK
I'M no psychologist (unless you count the 20 years I spent in Vienna, working with Adler), but I've often wondered what it is that motivates professional television hoaxers.
In Jeremy Beadle's case, I suspect his desire to "get" people has something to do with his own withered hand which, like his mind, has never grown up and remains forever schoolboy sized.
Chris Morris's facial deformity may well explain why so many of his stunts seem to be motivated not by a desire to amuse, but by a deep-seated hatred of humanity.
Take this week's revelations about his latest Channel 4 Brass Eye programme, in which he tricks celebrities into campaigning publicly against paedophiles.
Phil Collins is considering taking legal action after Morris duped him into wearing a "Nonce Sense" T-shirt, and told him that the video "would be going round schools and colleges in a bid to stem child abduction and abuse".
And Richard Blackwood, who was tricked into recording warnings about internet paedophiles, could scarcely contain his disbelief at being treated in such a way.
"If you think that kiddie porn is funny," he shrugged. "Then you should have a good laugh."
Don't get me wrong. I've always believed that there should be no ghetto areas in comedy, but hoaxes only ring true when they're played on deserving targets.
Yet Morris is so desperate to shock his audience that he apparently doesn't care how he achieves his effect, so long as he gets media attention.
A few years ago, he was banned from broadcasting live on radio after announcing the death of Michael Heseltine (how the politician's friends and family must have laughed when they heard the news).
As head of Channel 4, Michael Grade said that Morris would "never work with me again" after he slipped a gratuitously obscene message about the controller into a programme.
And now Morris has turned to the question of paedophilia, and is targeting not the paedophiles, but those who campaign against child abuse, thereby achieving something that I never thought possible. He's made me sympathise with Phil Collins.
In case you're thinking "Dear Kettle, Yours Sincerely Pot", then it's true that I've also staged many a hoax and made many a phoney phone call in my past (although I haven't done so for years, because frankly I'm getting a bit long in the tooth to keep playing the media equivalent of knock down ginger).
However, my targets were always the pompous, the vain, and the hypocritical, because such people deserve ridicule.
But why on earth mock someone whose only concern is to protect children from molesters?
Not only is it deeply unfunny, but it can only make life easier for paedophiles, and harder for those working in the field of child protection. A proud boast indeed.
So what is Channel 4 doing, by going ahead with the broadcast of such an ill thought out and malevolent programme?
I'm not sure that even they know, and can only assume that chief executive Michael Jackson is so hell-bent on ratings that he's totally lost his sense of judgment.
But surely the C4 chairman, Vanni Treves, hasn't forgotten the ITC's earlier ruling against Brass Eye?
Consider the evidence. Morris's ratings are always dire, insiders tell me that he treats his colleagues like pond filth, and even his status as an enfant terrible is looking pretty threadbare nowadays, because the angry young man of youth programmes is approaching 40 (older than Beadle when he was in his "prime"), and is surely far too old to be pulling juvenile pranks.
However, nobody can deny that he pulled off one magnificent stunt earlier this year.
By getting Channel 4 to recommission his show.
I like Victor Lewis-Smith, but I do fear in this case the man is suffering from an extreme case of jealousy.
I can't help liking the guy. I just can't. He reminds me of someone.
> (how the politician's friends and family must have laughed when they heard the news).
*cough* Honest Obituary *cough*
Exactly Mogwai, Lewis-Smith is obviously in the wrong in this article, someone could of easily written this article about his career. Richard Blackwood and Phil Collins are equally as deserving targets as anybody Lewis-Smith has done, one of his favourites usually seem to be Esther Rantzen who does a lot of work for charity so isn't Victor being hypocritical in the arena of giving vitriol to celebs who are doing 'good'. It is strikingly obvious he is just extremely jealous of Morris and making lots of personal comments about him. And he had to fit in the pot kettle black bit as well, this article stinks of pot kettle black. I don't like to say he recycles his material, he doesn't, he just likes using a few favourite lines of his over and over, but it does become quite tiring.
He really does need to wake up and realise what a hypocrite he is being though, I can't believe the stance he's taken in that article.
>He really does need to wake up and realise what a hypocrite he is being
I don't know... Who can forget his fearless phone crusade against a drunk and barely awake Derek Nimmo at three in the morning?
What a saddo, Victor is. His hatred for Morris is obvious and his criticism is so pathetic that he targets Morris by saying he's too old and unpopular in the ratings.
I didnt see you doing too well in the ratings with the awfull TV offal which was so wisely shoved away to a graveyard slot and then axed to death. Good reason for it, it was unfunny, and totally pointless.
Morris is funny, and YOU ARE NOT.
>I didnt see you doing too well in the ratings with the awfull TV offal which was so wisely shoved away to a graveyard slot and then axed to death. Good reason for it, it was unfunny, and totally pointless.
>Morris is funny, and YOU ARE NOT.
Lewis-Smith and Morris have gravitated so far apart as to be no longer comparable.
Does Vic even attempt comedy anymore?
>Morris is funny, and YOU ARE NOT.
The most aggravating thing is, that's not really true. (See Corpses article, etc.) But despite the fact that from the early 90s on, they've been doing completely different things, Lewis-Smith doesn't seem able to see this, and keeps insisting that Chris is churning out inferior copies of his own stuff.
He tried this on around the time of the original Brass Eye - the "I used to do this 'hoaxing' and 'satire' nonsense but I've grown out of it now" schtick was already stale then, and later completely negated by TV Offal.
Every time he rants like this about Chris the effect is further diluted. Now it's just a rather silly man with dreadlocks vainly shaking his fist.
did lewis smith really write that? i used to think he was more sinned against but sinning but he sounds like a know-nothing cunt. he must have been being ironic or something
> he must have been being ironic or something
What, adding fuel to the controversy so that even more people watch the show? Maybe RHC's theory that they're working together (or even the same person) deserves another look...
Has anyone considered maybe he is particularly personally aggravated by paedophilia based comedy? Has he ever made jokes on the subject? If so I stand, meekly, corrected.
> adding fuel to the controversy so that even more people watch the show... they're working together
NB Fairly obviously, I do not actually mean this. Before anyone starts.
> Has he ever made jokes on the subject?
Very good question. Now, what we need to answer it is people with an intimate knowledge of his work, and access to a comprehensive archive of his broadcast material... Oh, but where are we ever going to find anyone like that?
He did do one about a paedophilic piano.
"I'll give you twenty quid if you touch my F key.. Spar-ky."
Hmmm...he says he only targets those who deserve to be targetted.
Esther and Lloy Grossman, oh and the queen mother. (But Morris did that in Brass eye and that was never shown)
(from Varsity Online interview)
[...] Beadle was conceived as the result of an extra-marital affair and born in a nursing home, with Poland's Syndrome and thus a withered right hand. As Patron for Reach, Beadle helps children with missing fingers, arms and hands, informing them that "it is not the size of your hand that matters, but the size of your heart". He also supports The Foundation for Children with Leukaemia. "The condition has never disturbed me. On television I gesticulate a lot. Victor Lewis smith said in the Mirror that one of my favourite practical jokes was to shake hands with people, which is a particularly wicked, evil, nasty thing to write."
Victor Lewis Smith, a Times television columnist, is one of Beadle's most vitriolic critics, or "envious failures". "He's jealous of my success as he's a failed practical joker and a failed comedy producer. He's got enormous talent and is a brilliant writer, but he's never cracked it. I think there's a lot of envy there". Smith suggested that Poland's Syndrome fuelled his desire to succeed. Beadle flatly denies this. "Everybody reads into it; It was a nuisance, but never my motivation - I'm not trying to prove anything."
whether VLS is dislikes 'paedophilia related comedy' -amazing concept by the way, is irrelevant. I mean, it reads like the work of an idiot hack.He's commenting on something he hasn't seen on second hand information. Journalists really are cunts aren't they? On the strength of that piece he obviously is a twat (unless he was joking in which case he's an idiot).
Victor, if you're reading this a) realise that you're rubbing out yourself with this sort of daily mail editorial and b) don't get so hung up about chris morris worship - I suspect there's a good core of people who... oh I can't be bothered. But you know what I mean. Do you know what i mean?
a) its not a show about paedophilia, its a show about the medias attitude blah blah famous people doing anything to look good blah blah
b)using the 'an insider says' line is obvious code for 'i made this up'. if you cant name the person you got the quote from, dont say it.
c)what has age got to do with funny? tell that to spike milligan or peter cook
d)as someone pointed out, you clearly havent seen the show so shut the fuck up
victor lewis smith, for these reasons you are a cunt. you may not always have been a cunt, but you are now
>b)using the 'an insider says' line is obvious code for 'i made this up'. if you cant name the person you got the quote from, dont say it.
The corpses are always doing that though...and they don't lie.
I find it all a bit sad, really. VLS's radio work (surely his greatest strength) has been undeniably brilliant, but has had no outlet since about 1992. Certainly, his first TV series, "Inside Victor Lewis Smith" (1993) was uneven, but contained material that was the equal of The Day Today. As for his Standard articles, I dunno....they've been ok, and even great in parts, but you feel he'd like the approval of the critics after all. His TV series was called "recklessly inventive" by Allison Pearson in the Independent On Sunday, while Nigel Andrew in The Listener used to mention the Radio 1 show on an almost weekly basis in 1990. Otherwise, the critics have said (essentially) "Not as good as Chris Morris". In a sense, no wonder he's bitter. Not because Morris is no good, or anything - just that Lewis-Smith's talents (which go way beyond the phone prank) have been underrated. And his Loose Ends contributions, as Edit News reminds us, remain unavailable.
Yes, the tone of that article is about four years old. But, taking into account his past work, I sort of understand it too.
I'm delighted he's done this again.
I read his great hatchet-job review of a TV psychic in the Standard a couple of days back and found myself wondering if I hadn't been a bit harsh on VLS recently. He seemed to be back on form, making good points without needing to crowbar in old Steven Wright one liners and christmas cracker jokes about spastics.
But then he does this. The exact same hypocritcal, envious toss he scrawled about Brass Eye when it was yanked the first time.
Do I detect the hand of Associated Newspapers behind this? Dacre papers would naturally want to savage anyone making light of their pet peeve (kiddie fiddlers - they're everywhere), so they employ their pet no-joke-too-shocking hack, VLS, to express his horror. "Go on, Vic, we'll let you go to town on this one. Make it sound beyond the pale!"
"This is a gag too far claims anything-goes shock-hack" is the implication of this piece. They want readers to think that if VLS is horrified by the material, then it must be REALLY terrible.
But anyone who knows anything about VLS and Morris' relationship will realise his vitriol is not motivated by a deeply felt horror at paedo-humour, but rather part of an ongoing petty personal feud against Mr Morris.
Is this what they do in lieu of paying him? "No pay rise this year, Vic, but you can say whatever you like about old crater face."
Oh, and the Beadle's hand gag is the sort of joke a playground bully would reach for in desperation. Given Beadle as a target, a decent satirist has plenty to play with (purveyor of dumbed down trash, inveterate schoolboy, unctuous presentation style) before they have to get down to spewing out meaningless insults about an affliction of which both Beadle and the general public are fully aware. You're supposed to point out things we HAVEN'T noticed, Victor. That's a humourist's job, you pea-brained wanker.
Wow. I guess the Chinese are right when they say "If dreadlocked man think you nick his comic persona, he badger you about it in papers for ten year or more."
It's not like Morris unpeels a mask at the end of every stunt and everybody has a good laugh, either.
VLS is completely mising the point. Again.
I was feeling drowsy. The doctor told me I'd done too many spoof phone calls recently. She asked me if I'd been putting the cream on my face twice a day.
I lied, saying yes. Really I'd used it in a prank, telling Judith Chalmers it was a fake tanning treatment, the clever joke being that this contains the word fake, which would have alerted any thinking person.
I stumbled out of the waiting room and headed towards the park. I felt safe there. No one ever cancelled a flower bed, or edited the good bits out of a bench, I reasoned.
But then when I reached my favourite bench, there was a man lying on it. He had black string instead of hair. "Hello ugly man," I said, trying to be friendly. "Go away," he said. "I'm filling this park with helium."
I had nowhere to go so I sat and watched him working. He said "I suppose you've come to steal even more of my comic persona have you?" He pointed at a pile of discarded Daleks covered in semen. "Look, you can have those for nothing. They didn't really work. It just made me seem homophobic."
His strange words floated past me and I couldn't work out what any of them meant. I started to feel paranoid. I asked him if there was a phone box nearby, as I really needed to do a hoax. He looked at me pityingly and smiled. "Here you go," he said. He handed me a piece of crumpled paper with a list of phone numbers on it. "You can have those. I can't seem to find the will these days."
On my way back across the park, I tripped over a stuffed dog. A fat man was trying to pull it along the pavement, to the bemusement of an old couple who sat watching. "Aren't you going to help him?" I screamed at the couple. "Can't you see he's not strong enough to pull the dog by himself?" The man stopped pulling and grabbed my lapels. "Look, fuck off, will you? I'm trying to come up with something genuinely new in pranking. The last thing I need is you incorporating my work into your whole monged attitude, which by the way is crap."
I could tell he was annoyed. To try and placate him, I got on all fours and transfered the dog lead to my neck. He then said I was trying to suggest that he'd nicked the dog idea from my 'Rothko' monologue and kicked my head.
When I came to, David Cann was peering over me. "Why aren't I in the Brass Eye special," he said. He was dressed as a doctor and holding a large syringe.
Victor Lewis-Smith is a complete hyprocrite in that collumn.
Of course, it doesn't stop every word being completely and utterly correct - Chris Morris's latest stunt reeks of lazy opportunism like a month-old kipper.
The old 'we're satirising the media's take on this issue' is mindless cant. The media's take on every issue is contradictory,
and sensationalist because that's what the media is.
But Chris isn't, is he? Satirizing the media, that is. Tricking popstars with his funny punny T-shirts, and convincing them that they're doing some good isn't really satire is it? It makes Jeremy Beadle look like a saint.
Getting Noel Edmonds lecture on something he obviously knows nothing about may have some kind of satirical value, but this tries to make the same point in a completely irrelevent context - people know about peodophilia; i'm sure convincing a celeb about a spurious 'anti' campaign is far less arduous than creating a 'comedy drug'.
This kind of crap stretches the hoary old 'coo - these celebs eh? Put their names to anything, those publicity seeking vermin' argument until the elastic snaps, or until the inevitable happens and people start to say... 'coo - those comics, eh? Put their names to anything, those publicity seeking vermin'.
It's a cheap little publicity stunt that the team have desperately tried to justify; turning the show around in their hands until they've managed to come up with some paper-thin moral justification.
I don't mind sick humour, I don't care for Mr Collins, and I think the paper-spawned hysteria over paedophilia should be lampooned, but I desperately hope the next comic who does try to do so, can come up something better than Phil Collins in a shitty t-shit.
Be fair, though. The Brass Eye special means that Steve "I sort of work for Channel 4" Berry can impress some girls.
I think it's actually going to be thirty minutes of Phil Collins in a T-Shirt. Nothing else. Him being forced to say 'Nonce Sense' until he gets it.
Or......we could have a proper discussion of the show after it's been on telly. Bit of a conundrum, really.
>I think it's actually going to be thirty minutes of Phil Collins in a T-Shirt. Nothing else. Him being forced to say 'Nonce Sense' until he gets it.
>
>Or......we could have a proper discussion of the show after it's been on telly. Bit of a conundrum, really.
>
>
Doesn't stop you proclaiming that VLS doesn't 'get it'. Obviously you do, even though you haven't seen it either.
>>b)using the 'an insider says' line is obvious code for 'i made this up'. if you cant name the person you got the quote from, dont say it.
>
>The corpses are always doing that though...and they don't lie.
yes but there is a difference between using it as a way of getting information out without having to get someone in trouble and using it to spread scurruluos unfounded gossip about someone. it just smacked of the old 'an onlooker said they were all over each other and only had eyes for each other' stories that papers run about 2 people who may have met at a party
VLS says he hasnt made phoney phone calls for years because he's growing long in the tooth.
But you just know...he reeeeeeeally wants to. or at least he wants Morris to stop being original.
I have no doubt that the brass eye special will make me laugh like a twat.
Dear Anthony,
I haven't read the Mirror article you mention because I never read the
Mirror, never seen the point of reading the Mirror and now you have given
me yet another reason for never seeing the point of reading the bloody
Mirror. Who is Victor Lewis Smith anyway? The name sounds familiar but
what does he actually do? Is he a journalist? If so why is he writing for
the Mirror? You say he didn't do well in the ratings which makes me think
he must have been on tele though I haven't ever seen him on it, but then
I hardly watch tele, mostly because it is full of crap, presumably crap
of the kind produced by Victor Lewis Smith but since I hardly watch it I
can only guess.
Bollocks to it! (Why, incidentally, do we use a slang word for male
genitalia to describe something we think is rubbish - why not say "fanny
flaps" or "ovaries" instead?) Surely the lesson is that if you try to
produce work that is original, challenging, different, politically or
morally incorrect, work which provokes the audience to think for itself
rather than feeding it with pre-packaged baby-pap than you are likely to
make yourself unpopular particularly with those who produce the baby-pap.
If your work reminds people that there is something better than that
which is generally available then your rivals will try to put you out of
business and make personal attacks upon you because their criticism of
you has no rational basis. If you break the delusive daydream of moral
certainty in which, it seems to me, more and more people live then you
will make enemies of those who profit from maintaining the fantasy.
But so what? Thanks to the bravery of our warriors this is a free country
and if Victoria Louise Sniffy-Wiffy doesn't like it then it's the gulag
for him.
Chris Morris is a nice man. I have never seen him shout or swear at
anyone (as I do), even when under pressure. People like him. If he upsets
those he makes fun of then they shouldn't be so pretensious as to set
themselves up for it in the first place.
Cheers,
David
Anonymous.
Given that VLS has written very similar articles before, I think I can say that he doesn't 'get it'. Do you see?
http://www.cyberturf.com/ted/bluejob/
>Anonymous.
>
>Given that VLS has written very similar articles before, I think I can say that he doesn't 'get it'. Do you see?
He's written the same sort of thing before, i'd have probably disagreed with him a few years ago, but after every new Morris stunt, he gets righter all the time.
Hyprocrisy over drugs? Okay, lets fool a celeb into doing something stupid! Hyprocrisy over sex? Okay, lets fool a celoeb into doing something stupid! 'Hypocrisy' over peodophilia? Lets,etc,etc...
The amazing satire machine! Feed in whatever subject you like and it comes out with the same answer!
Let's face it, Brass Eye has turned into Beadle's about for graduates, well, graduates and snotty patronising little boys like you.
I think the fact remains that you haven't seen it. And therefore you're just commenting on what you have heard mught be in it.
Like I said. Let's wait until Thursday.
And there are fundamental differences between Beadle and Morris. As you're well aware. It just didn't suit your message, or it's overbearing tone.
>And there are fundamental differences between Beadle and Morris. As you're well aware. It just didn't suit your message, or it's overbearing tone.
For instance; it's okay to laugh at what Chris Morris does.
Paul Sparks is right, and seemingly genuinely concerned. I think Victor has taken umbridge to the the way Morris is touted as a cult comedian, and made a big fuss of, when he is doing the kind of stuff Victor was doing ages ago. So not surprisingly he has become insanely jealous of the attention his rival has recieved and is blanking out all realisation that Chris Morris is doing things in quite a different way from him, and maybe the fact Chris is being praised more is because he's still doing stuff, therefore it is exciting, Victor should make some more new and exciting shows if he wants to get talked about more, instead of writing obviously wrong and snide articles for middle class people to read while sipping their morning tea while not giving much of a passing fuck.
Every point he makes in that article he has broken himself some time or other, and most of his insults could easily be applied to him. He really should get back to doing some good comedy instead of writing this kind of pap if he wants to get some praise. I get the image most of this is fuelled by him coming on the forum and reading all the bucketloads of Morris related stuff about every small detail and no mention of Vic anywhere. He needs to understand his comedy career is now in the past tense, as long as he keeps up writing this cack instead of doing anything worthile anyway, Morris is operating now therefore is more of a talking point. Though I do think the choice title of this thread was a tad obtuse, it is seemingly becoming more right with every review VLS pastes up.
>http://www.cyberturf.com/ted/bluejob/
Heehee. Will you be releasing a CD?
Oh, I laughed when my friend won Beadle's money. But you're being obtuse now.
> Getting Noel Edmonds lecture on something he obviously knows nothing about may have some kind of satirical value, but this tries to make the same point in a completely irrelevent context
Given that none of us will have a clue as to exactly what "point" the show makes until we've seen it, this is a bold statement.
They dont call me anonymous the great just because im morbidly obtuse
Indeed it is, Mogwai. Exactly what I've been trying to say. But somehow more succinctly phrased.
>>http://www.cyberturf.com/ted/bluejob/
>
>Heehee. Will you be releasing a CD?
No, but I look forward to the day when we abandon these clumsy text messages and take to communicating purely through the medium of derivative spoofing.
Just to clarify, this is the same Victor Lewis Smith that pretended to ask, "Did you fuck the late Lena Zavaroni?" in his prank call to Hughie Green? How can he possibly take the moral high ground? He hasn't a leg to stand on, and he knows it.
But surely he knows this is how people will see it. We all know he's not unintelligent and he knows as well as Morris does how the media works. Chances are, I'd say, that he's done it to make Brass Eye look more intriguing.
>>http://www.cyberturf.com/ted/bluejob/
if chirs morris heard this he'd probably quit in shame.
who?
>Oh, I laughed when my friend won Beadle's money. But you're being obtuse now.
Different anonymous, mate. Different anonymous.
Easily solved.......
wow, toast rack, those are great. what did you use? gimme details? software etc!!
>http://www.cyberturf.com/ted/bluejob/
That's great! More of that kind of thing please.
> More of that kind of thing please.
It's a bit old by now, but you did ask.
http://www.webofevil.btinternet.co.uk/sting.htm
It's struck me that the theory that VLS comes onto these forums to nose around and then prints things specifically to wind up contributors is lent a teensy bit of weight by his use of the phrase "he was banned from broadcasting live on radio after announcing the death of Michael Heseltine". This is always guaranteed to raise Mike4SOTCAA's blood pressure since, as he is always keen to point out, Morris "announced" no such thing, only implied it...
Lewis-Smith has been reading this site for months and months, he has never posted as far as I know. And I'm guessing all the massive Morris obsession that has gripped the board for the last few weeks have driven him spare. If Vic really wants to have a proper argument he could post on here and try and express a much more solid debate, with all the Morris obesessives here, it would be easy to get the fine details. I don't think everyone railing around calling him a twat is going to do anything other than worsen this fued. He should stop lurking and try arguing against the actual fans with some well founded and impersonal facts, maybe he could actually prove something without sinking to name calling.
I hope he doesn't. It'd be the end of the beginning.
>Lewis-Smith has been reading this site for months and months, he has never posted as far as I know. And I'm guessing all the massive Morris obsession that has gripped the board for the last few weeks have driven him spare.
Can't believe he'd actually care that much. How do you know he's been reading the forum anyway? (sincere question)
no, you're all right, i am a twat and i'm jealous of everything chris (comedy genius) morris has done.
>> More of that kind of thing please.
>
>It's a bit old by now, but you did ask.
>
>http://www.webofevil.btinternet.co.uk/sting.htm
god thats so rubbish
>And
all the massive Morris obsession that has gripped the board for the last few weeks
last FEW weeks? *choke, splutter*
I know this goes against Steven's advice about calling him a twat. But this is the first opportunity I've had to post and I really would like to call him a first rate twat of extremely large proportions. I have thought this since the first time I read his shockingly bad column in the Mirror.
"However, my targets were always the pompous, the vain, and the hypocritical, because such people deserve ridicule."
Perhaps he should be targetting himself, his vanity and pomposity make him the most ridiculous person to ever grace the columns of a newspaper.
Sorry, I made my post while under the influence of drugs. Well, I was just about to fall asleep on sleeping tablets anyway. VLS has reviewed this site in his coulmn ages ago, I would imagine he still reads it, and if Paul Sparkes was trying to get his attention through it, it seems likely. I just thought I'd give him a chance to criticise Morris in a less lazy way. I don't think it would achieve much, but I thought it would make him come off less of a twat than everybody thinks of him from that article. If he genuinely wants to lurk or has lost all interest in this site then fine. He can keep his grudge, it's just not going to help his career in my view.
When did he review this site? I'd really like to know. Is there a link to it in the Standard archives?
After the ludicrous arrogance of the Cookd And Bombd hoax, I take the implication that anyone of any importance gives a flying fuck about what we say on here, on anywhere else on the net, with a massive pinch of weary, shoulder-shrugging salt.
I spend ages on here (that's my z-bed over in the corner there), and it's easy to delude yourself that it has some greater significance in the outside world, but that way madness lies...
Lorraine Kelly also previewed Brass Eye in her column in The Sun on Saturday. Although the headline ("Chris Is A Morris Chancer") and early tone of the piece centred around the Collins-baiting and paedophuss, she ended on a "well, we know the plebs can't tell the difference between a paedo and a paedi, so maybe it's a legitimate show" tack.
Cheerio
> if Paul Sparkes was trying to get his attention through it, it seems likely.
Less likely than that he'd pick up the phone, though. Anyway, don't they still work together?
Yes it was my thought it was someone mucking about as well Mogwai, but I dunno, Rich and Stew sometimes pass messages on the board instead of obviously phoning, so who knows. I just don't like calling someone an outright cunt for doing one bad thing after so many good `uns, viz Richard Herring etc. So I would of thought it nice if VLS actually bothered arguing against Morris' fans directly. Ah well.
Butler, no idea if the review is in the archives, it was late around Autumn last year or so I think, maybe the Corpses still have it.
VLS rang up Richard Stilgoe and asked him why he wasn't dead yet. Keep that it mind when reading his comment about the Heseltine incident (which he gets wrong anyway).
>http://www.webofevil.btinternet.co.uk/sting.htm
Where'd it go? Give us a chance to listen to it.
>>http://www.cyberturf.com/ted/bluejob/
>
>That's great! More of that kind of thing please.
Cheers. Hmmm... What kind of thing?
>Where'd it go? Give us a chance to listen to it.
Alright...it's back. But if this sort of thing continues to happen...there'll be tears.
>>Where'd it go? Give us a chance to listen to it.
>
>Alright...it's back. But if this sort of thing continues to happen...there'll be tears.
And it crashes literally seconds before playing...okay, what's on TV tonight?
The Office. Fucking yes
*starts to cry*
I'm coming into this thread after four days off work, so here's a reference to something that happened about 70 threads ago....
>Morris's ratings are always dire
Which is, of course, why people keep giving him time in the schedules.
>insiders tell me that he treats his colleagues like pond filth
I've met quite a few Morris colleagues (the sound editors at Hackenbush and old GLR staff) who have nothing but praise for him and their working relationships.
Quote VLS "How do you seperate the men from the boys in a monastary? With a crowbar."
>>Morris's ratings are always dire
>
>Which is, of course, why people keep giving him time in the schedules.
>
Sadly, Lewis Smith has a point. The repeat of Brass Eye's Drugs episode (the "famous" one) episode got 1.5 million on Channel 4. This opposite a Question Time Tory Leadership Debate, Newsnight, Trevor McDonald and the end of the C5 movie. That is hopeless. "Animals", meanwhile, transmitted in the following slot, got beaten by the sex-on-the-internet documentary on C5. Last year's jam got only about 1.5 million, if that.
The unavoidable problem that Morris is appealing to an increasingly marginalised audience (who pretty much all get the joke anyway) is not helped by the fact that mainstream comedy is dead in the water at present. Of all people, Carla Lane in yesterday's otherwise unrevealing Guardian piece, pointed out with some perception that the 40 year olds and older are interested in Only Fools & Horses, Are You Being Served and so on. They are not interested in Morris. (Of course, Lewis Smith's TV programmes achieved bugger all in the ratings too, but his Standard and Mirror pieces get huge audiences. I'm sure this isn't why he does this stuff, but considering Morris once accused VLS's material of being disengaged from an audience, it's ironic that Morris himself is becoming irrelevant.) jam was a step back from the excellent Blue Jam, and now a Brass Eye extra shoved into the middle of a pissed-about repeat run does not bode well.
Personally, I'd like to see Morris write a sitcom. For BBC1. With a live studio audience. At 8.30. I bet it would be brilliant. That's a *real* challenge.
>>insiders tell me that he treats his colleagues like pond filth
>
>I've met quite a few Morris colleagues (the sound editors at Hackenbush and old GLR staff) who have nothing but praise for him and their working relationships.
>
I'm quite willing to believe this, though.
>Personally, I'd like to see Morris write a sitcom. For BBC1. With a live studio audience. At 8.30. I bet it would be brilliant. That's a *real* challenge.
Wow. He should be in it, as the sarcastic dad. Imagine that, rolling his eyes at teenage daughter, shouting at dog, etc. On BBC1. I've got a stiffy.
> I've got a stiffy.
Is this a comment or a working title?
How about if the dad works as a consultant paediatrician?
Why not cast him as an ageing enfant terrible?
Wait a minute... how about a sitcom about an ageing enfant terrible, and the twist is that he is middle-aged but thinks he's a teenager? He isn't pretending, or trying to be young and trendy, he does, genuinely, psychotically, imagine he's a teenager?
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you.... the "dark" version of "Sorry!"
Chris Morris plays Christopher Lumsden, a 41-year old who lives with his mother in a semi-detached suburban house. Every episode, Christopher tries to play some silly prank, or do something naughty to impress the really hard kids from the council estate on the other side of town, who he constantly trails after, because he wants to be in their gang. He is regularly mistaken by their parents for a teacher or social worker, which sometimes helps him get out of scrapes with the police, though he never seems to understand why... or does he?
Each episode ends with Lumsden being admonished by his mother... it is progressively revealed that she uses strait jackets and tranquilizers to control him after his escapades.
Sadly, the idea can only be flogged for one series... then again, that never stopped the League Of Gentlemen.
With the mother to be played by Peter Baynham, doing a falsetto Pythonesque "pepperpot" voice, a sorely underused comic technique these days.
>In the Mirror today Victor Lewis Smith expresses his hatred of Morris, because he is 10 times better than him.
>Is Victor the biggest prick in the world.
Oh, fuck off and buy a radio ten years ago.
And as for you, Victor...
Is Piers Morgan still editor of the Mirror? If so, would he have been particularly keen to publish Victor's column, given that Select Flexi call from "Bono" and "Paul McGuinness" back in 92?
well, seen as it was morris who did those phone calls anyway...............
>well, seen as it was morris who did those phone calls anyway...............
My point exactly. As Piers Morgan was a victim of the prank call, he'd have been delighted to have overseen Morris's arch-rival slagging Morris off, even nine years on.
Bit of a conspiracy theory, I'm happy to admit.
Morgan doesn't seem the unlikeliest candidate for such petty retribution, really.
I remember Morgan's almost supernatural bitterness on Have I Got News some years back. ("No one likes you, Hislop".) Maybe he is still carrying such baggage round.
I only read of his antics in Private Eye. But he appears not to have lost any of tha boyish charm.
Victor Lewis Smith IS a twat. He IS.
>Victor Lewis Smith IS a twat. He IS.
He's not getting another series, then?
>>Victor Lewis Smith IS a twat. He IS.
>
>He's not getting another series, then?
Certainly not a flash animation series on E4.com, he can think again.
Piers Morgan was plagued with phone calls for ages after the U2 Morris thing from piss-taking mates saying "Hi Piers, it's Madonna!"
>>>Victor Lewis Smith IS a twat. He IS.
>>He's not getting another series, then?
>Certainly not a flash animation series on E4.com, he can think again.
Ah. I didn't say I wouldn't work with him. But I know a few people who have (in fact, I think, who still do) and they, too, say he's a twat.
Incidentally, that level-headed Lorraine Kelly article is now online at http://www.thesun.co.uk/columnist/archive/13880508
Cheerio