...it hadn't been cancelled. What do you mean you want to see it when it's first scheduled? That wouldn't be right. Right?

>.That wouldn't be right.

Why, the hurried postponement of a new Chris Morris series is as much a British tradition as Trooping The Colour...

Grandstand will be starting fifteen minutes late. Bastards.

I bet, when Morris and 'the missus' go down to the local, the landlord stands in the doorway and says: "'old it there mate, you're barred!" before saying "only joking Chris, come in" and everyone has a big laugh about it.

Or, when he's about to play in one of those 5-a-side games for the crippled kiddies that he always does, he gets a phone call from the organisers saying "Awfully sorry, Christopher, but the games been postponed 'till next week", and then everyone pops round his house and has a good laugh at this lastest jape.

Or,... no perhaps i should leave now.

>Or, when he's about to play in one of those 5-a-side games for the crippled kiddies that he always does

Strikes me he'd be more likely to play in a 5-a-side game *against* the crippled kiddies.

>>Or, when he's about to play in one of those 5-a-side games for the crippled kiddies that he always does

>Strikes me he'd be more likely to play in a 5-a-side game *against* the crippled kiddies.

Don't rule out the employment of aforementioned crippled kiddies as the football itself

"I caught a friend's two-year-old trying to open a stone of crack from its cellophane with his teeth in the thoroughly practised manner of a regular addict."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/uk/newsid_1422000/1422684.stm

He then toddled over to the piano and slammed his little hands down randomly on the keys, in what I later chillingly realised was the thoroughly practised manner of Richard Clayderman.

"Luckily this child is now in care, but there will be many that are started on this road too long"

- lol, oh good god no, please stop the madness!