My six-year-old niece made this up:

Q. How does an aeroplane fly?

A. It sucks it's eyeballs.

Funniest joke I've ever heard. Laughed until I wept.

Why did The Proclaimers have such long grass in their garden?

Because they had no mowahr.

What's benny Hill's favourite kind of coat?


ananarak do-doo-de-doo-do

A little boy asks his mother "Mummy, is God a man or a woman?", she gives it some thought and says "He's both son", so the boy asks "Well is he black or white?", so she says "Well, he's black *and* white". The boy thinks for a bit and says "Mummy, is God straight or gay?" and she replies "Just like everything else, he's both".

About 10 minutes later the boy says "Mummy, is Michael Jackson God?"

How do you get Pikachu onto a bus?


... Poke 'im on.

Why do the Irish call their pound a "punt"?

So it rhymes with "bank manager".

"Mummy can I have babies yet?"
"No dear, you're only nine!"
"Right, lads, same again?"

A Middlesborough girl and her boyfriend are driving in his car with the news on the radio. When the report has finished she turns to him and says "What's a paedophile?" and her boyfriend says "That's an awfully big word for an 8 year old, darling"