And his new TV show looks very promising.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/choice/davegorman/

But what news of diminutive chicken-tamer Ross Noble who, amazingly, failed to get a Perrier nomination last year. Well he's back to doing exactly what he does so well. Playing to packed-out crowds of joyous fans at gigs and venues everywhere. 'It's a bit of a pity that I didn't win', Noble told himself in the mirror yesterday. 'I was planning to re-use Al Murray's speech from the year before - "It's a double celebration...I've won the Perrier and I've just had a little girl"'. Noble is currently working on a screenplay which he hopes to turn into a film.

News also from the surreal twin worlds of the Mighty Boosh - Julian Barratt was recently spotted in a Ladbroke Grove wine bar eating a breadstick and looking slightly pensive. Could there perhaps be wedding bells in the air? We don't doubt it!!!

Life is full of surprises, none more so than for crazy double act Noble & Silver who recently returned to their Highgate flat to discover that somebody had left two identical copies of the Yellow Pages on their doorstep. 'It was really weird', Silver told us, 'I think the problem is that our flat actually used to be two separate addresses - 27a and 27b - but these were knocked into one in about 1996 I think. Maybe I should give them a call and rectify it'. Noble was slightly more reticent: 'I wouldn't bother', he grinned.

Johnny Vegas has treated himself to a brand new pair of shoes. 'They are slightly better than my other pair', The fat chancer told us yesterday, 'they don't rub against the heel so much and have padded soles.' Johnny can currently be seen in Simon Munnery's 'Attention Scum'.

Rumours of a romantic liaison between Theakstonite gel-boy Jon Holmes and sultry Jaaaaam star Julia Davis were laughed off yesterday by me and my friend Katryna who's staying with me over the weekend. We had fish fngers and chips for dinner. Then we went to the beach with Dad. It was nice.

6/10

Now who could that be

My fondest Dave Gorman televisual moment was on Jools Holland's New Year Hootenanny. As Jools wandered inordinately close to Dave's table microphone poised at the ready, you could see Dave's lips pensively preparing to answer Jools' New Year "question". But alas Jools was actually heading in the direction of a better known celebrity and music by Craig David followed shortly.

I console myself at the assurance his time will come.

>I console myself at the assurance his time will come.

Not if he continues to clash with Fry & Laurie repeats...

>My fondest Dave Gorman televisual moment was on Jools Holland's New Year Hootenanny. As Jools wandered inordinately close to Dave's table microphone poised at the ready, you could see Dave's lips pensively preparing to answer Jools' New Year "question". But alas Jools was actually heading in the direction of a better known celebrity and music by Craig David followed shortly.
>
Hello there. I just popped in because Joe e-mailed me inviting me to have a look. He even offered to kiss and make up. Aw bless.
Anyhow, Kinder, I'm so glad you're fond of that tv moment. However, I can tell you that the show was more choreographed than that and I knew full well that Jools wasn't about to talk to me. Because we knew who he was going to talk to. Because the BBC were trying to be nice to me (which is nice) I was placed in "a good seat". To my right were Mark Lamarr & Rob Brydon, to my left was Al Murray, in front of me was James Nesbitt. Which means that on three separate occasions I was forced into the uncomfortable position of being "man-nonchalantly-sipping-champagne-in-background-while-Jools-interviews-celeb". Not allowed to talk. Not supposed to acknowledge the camera.
Still, I'm glad you enjoyed it. The show was of course pre-recorded and I actually spent New Years Eve out with friends.
My favourite kinder surprise non-televisual moment came when I realised ks had stayed in and watched TV on New Years Eve and invented thoughts for my head. Which is a little sad any way you look at it.

He's a bit vicious isn't he Kinder!
Ah well I still love you.

Hey I've been maliciously set up! I'm afraid you haven't chanced upon me at my finest moment Dave Gorman. Usually I'm singing your praises. Anyhow thanks for the behind the scenes account of a BBC perk I shall never know the likes of. I feel rightly humbled and am grateful for your pity.

meeep there shall be no humble pie in here, unless we get to force feed it to subbes or something.

Hold back your words kinder, for you have charm that he does not have!

>Hey I've been maliciously set up! I'm afraid you haven't chanced upon me at my finest moment Dave Gorman. Usually I'm singing your praises. Anyhow thanks for the behind the scenes account of a BBC perk I shall never know the likes of. I feel rightly humbled and am grateful for your pity.

I'm sorry if you thought it was "vicious". Wasn't meant to be. Whether you think kindly of me or not, I think that if you are watching me in the background of a TV audience and imagining my "lips prepare pensively" then you probably think about stuff too much.

*I*, RHC, did not mean to offend you Gorman, but you're not Boothby, and it's just not good enough... however, you were one of the first stand ups I heard and liked on radio.

>I'm sorry if you thought it was "vicious". Wasn't meant to be. Whether you think kindly of me or not, I think that if you are watching me in the background of a TV audience and imagining my "lips prepare pensively" then you probably think about stuff too much.
>

I understand. You're at the top of the media ladder now, you've the right to frown upon the pointless scavengers below. And I know this may be a little presumptuous but I assumed someone who'd spent so long establishing sideburns as a trademark would be flattered that audiences were drawn to the animated facial area.

Oh and I love you too Radi, thank god for budding fruits with no sign of rot.

Shame about the fruit flies of society.

Hey Radi, we're just "fruits-nonchalantly-sipping-fertilizer-in-background-while-Dave Gorman-interviews-those-of-the-same-name" aren't we?

>I understand.You're at the top of the media ladder now, you've the right to frown upon the pointless scavengers below.

I'm really not trying to have a go at you Kinder. I'm certainly not at the top of any media ladder. If I was, I imagine that Jools *would* have been having a chat with me.

I don't think that I'm frowning on you or that you are a scavenger or that you are below me. I do think that if you see me in an audience of a TV show and bother to imagine (incorrectly) what is going through my mind then there is probably something better you could be doing with your life. That's all, not an insult, just an observation. Now relax.

>I don't think that I'm frowning on you or that you are a scavenger or that you are below me.

Hmmm the Ian Collins human touch.

>I do think that if you see me in an audience of a TV show and bother to imagine (incorrectly) what is going through my mind then there is probably something better you could be doing with your life.

Oh please don't disallow one of the main pleasures of my life. It perhaps wouldn't surprise you to know my brief description of a new year highlight above was merely the tip of the ice-berg. I spend much time on would-be colossus social occasions imagaining you in a bad light. Just one of the disadvantages of being such an impressionable man I'm afraid.

>That's all, not an insult, just an observation. Now relax.

Thanks. I can feel all my emotions draining away.

Dave - if you were going to use an Eliza Carthy track as a theme tune, you should have used 'Stumbling On'. That's a theme tune if ever I heard one.

> That's all, not an insult, just an observation. Now relax.

Watch out kinder, the "now relax" line is tried and tested, and to continue the analogy I would add he's trying to "cheat the pips out of you..." if you know what I mean...

>I'm certainly not at the top of any media ladder. If I was, I imagine that Jools *would* have been having a chat with me.

Indeed - you'd need to be a top earner, the prices he charges...