'bout time you did the decent thing.

>...will you marry me...?

What's brought this on all of a sudden?

I reread the Anal Preventive article.

Oh, go on. You know you want to. All three of us in my mobile home. We can have our reception at McDonald's, and everything.

I'll be in the corner if anyone wants me.

*grumble grumble* Anal Preventative *grumble grumble*

Wearing the dunce's cap again, Mike?
Tch.

Tell you what, you can marry Kinder.

Afraid I don't believe in convenience marriages.

You get to keep the wedding presents.

Class Wal-Mart merchandise, too.

Well I can't say it's not tempting...we won't have to fornicate will we?

If you don't want to, I can handle all that myself.

You're carrying a large load in this marriage though aren't you?

It's the massive upkeep of Joe's goth makeup that's worrying me.

>It's the massive upkeep of Joe's goth makeup that's worrying me.

I use waterproof black pigment ink drawing pens.

At least you can reapply his face should it smudge and disfigure. I'm not quite as lucky with Mike...

>I use waterproof black pigment ink drawing pens.

Yes, but you smudged that bit. How're you going to correct it, eh?

>At least you can reapply his face should it smudge and disfigure. I'm not quite as lucky with Mike...

Sandpaper. Always udeful.

>Yes, but you smudged that bit. How're you going to correct it, eh?

Photoshop.

>Photoshop.

Please marry me.

Anonymous thinks so too...

>Anonymous thinks so too...

They're probably just practicing for the 'speak now or forever hold your peace' bit...

ah, but it'll never work unless it's PS6 on a Mac running OSX...

got to have the best.

something old something new
something irrelevant something true

So, I'll see you 7 at the registriy office?

Who, The Corpses, Jo_Ham or Anonymous?

You'll do.

Careful, Subbes. If I'm feeling suitably down I might actually start taking you seriously...

*tips head to one side*
Nah, go on. I'll let you wear the dress, and everything. Black velvet, you know it appeals to you.

I'll even throw in a sheep.


[Down? Bung it in a mail. ( gothykins@the-anathema.org ) If, youknow, you want. I'm actually surprisingly good at down people, despite hovering on the "perky" side of goth. Or possibly the "fluffy" side, I never really could be sure. The only difference appears to be in the shade of pink one's allowed to wear...]

can you help me subbes?

Are you having problems getting into your wedding dress...?

I need help adjusting my mindset so I am able to take on a Corpse. Any pointers?

Sincerity helps.

I'm always sincere, you handsome fellow.

Boom boom...

I thought it was more of a catch 22 poser.

Sincerely?

"I'm always sincere, you fat welsh goth"?
I'm hardly ever sincere. I do, however, tell the truth.

And my shoulder is all soggy.

>And my shoulder is all soggy.

Well if you will keep making me spill my coffee...

Well, if you insist on thinking of kinder and I all naked and sweaty.

>Well, if you insist on thinking of kinder and I all naked and sweaty.

*pauses, ponders, opens up Flash...*

Ooh! But I get to see it first, right? you did my breasts too small in the last one.

*nods knowingly*

>Ooh! But I get to see it first, right? you did my breasts too small in the last one.

Sorry - I was concentrating on animating the toes. They're an absolute bugger.

>Sorry - I was concentrating on animating the toes. They're an absolute bugger.

Only if you are double jointed and happen to sit precariously...

It's okay Joe, I forgive you. So long as you do that thing with the icecream again.

I thought you were ticklish.

she is.

>I thought you were ticklish.

Doesn't that make it all the more fun?

*tickles*

*awaits response*

*makes tick, moves onto the next*

*growls*

Tease.

*frowns*

*reconsults clipboard*

Ah, there's one thing I didn't check...

*slaps on a pair of marigolds*

Oh, you're such a New Man.







...Sissy.
*sticks out tongue*

This is for science, not for pleasure.

Right.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm leaving. I'll attempt to avoid tripping over the doormat on my way out, but if it makes someone laugh, that's the least I can do. Perhaps I could emulate Lupe Valez, too.

I hesitate to post this in any other thread because of course it will get written off as hypocritical babbling, but I am fed up to the back teeth of attempting to lighten the mood occasionally only to be told that I am somehow spoiling the party. So my fucking jokes aren't funny. So you could give me a few fucking pointers, not just dismiss me out of hand! Remember? Yes.

Is there some list of rules somewhere that I've missed? That you must always be on-topic and explain your points in mindnumbing detail rather than make a joke about the main point and allow readers to EXTRAPOLATE from it? Must everything be pinned down and explained to the quantum level now? That no topic can, heaven forbid, dare to be a little light in tone?

I am not a fucking moron! I am not some fluffy floozy who comes here only to marvel over the fame of the Corpses and totally miss the big words! I know what the fuck everyone is going on about, I just choose not to comment on it in such detail because it's ALL ALREADY BEEN SAID in far fewer words than I could have managed! That does not mean I forfeit my right to have a voice, to hold an opinion and perhaps, just once, to not have some well-meaning comment leapt upon as an opportunity to denounce me!

So, I read the Bell Jar more than once. Sylvia Plath was a brilliant, evocative writer who managed to capture the very essense of emotions in no more than 200 scant pages. What the fuck is wrong with enjoying a book? A well-written, funny and touching book that is a CLASSIC?


(Pretty fucking hypocritical, I realise, considering what RHC went through.)

What happened?

No, this should be a private one I think...

Post-orgasmic catharsis.

Can't beat it.

>Is there some list of rules somewhere that I've missed? That you must always be on-topic and explain your points in mindnumbing detail rather than make a joke about the main point and allow readers to EXTRAPOLATE from it? Must everything be pinned down and explained to the quantum level now? That no topic can, heaven forbid, dare to be a little light in tone?

No there isn't but you pop your head into threads you have nothing to do with just to spam some irrelevant wank, and you do it very often, as well as having your own threads like this where you just post thousands of completely pointless messages that don't belong on the site, you could easily e-mail eachother if you like writing that kind of stuff. And the fact that Joe treated Jon with such disdain for doing the exact same thing, except over trivial trivia rather than flirting, which I fear is worse in this format. And I know you can post interesting posts sometimes, and have seen you do so, and other people like Suii and Radiator Head Child and Joe also seem to prefer posting this stupid apprently in-joke stuff rather than excercising your other talents such as writing something interesting. Not saying I do, but I try..

>I am not a fucking moron! I am not some fluffy floozy who comes here only to marvel over the fame of the Corpses and totally miss the big words! I know what the fuck everyone is going on about, I just choose not to comment on it in such detail because it's ALL ALREADY BEEN SAID in far fewer words than I could have managed! That does not mean I forfeit my right to have a voice, to hold an opinion and perhaps, just once, to not have some well-meaning comment leapt upon as an opportunity to denounce me!

Aren't you the one who posted up scanned pictures of your tits? Isn't that the most pathetic self-publicising display of irrelevancy? I seem to recall the Corpses had some idiot groupie fanzine parody of the same thing called "Look! I've got tits!" or something, it's all very double standardy. And regarding you not commenting because you don't need to, then don't! But you seem to post on many friends for no reason other than to get in people's way, a bit like Jon got told off for doing. If you want to have little chats with Joe or Suii or RHC do it by e mail or ICQ or something. And the TV Forum is more for the silly stuff, so I don't really mind you going there and posting jokes, I realise it's a bit crap of me to be dicating the rules on Joe's own site, but I'm only going by the rules he apparently dicated to Jon.

>Post-orgasmic catharsis.

The power of Prozac Compells thee! No, hang on. Refutes your argument. That's the one.

>><re: a list of rules>
> No there isn't

Right. So, in other words, you're upon your moral high ground for no other reason than that you dislike seeing people having a little fun without at every turn making some profound point about the nature of comedy. But hang on, if everyone was making profound points about the nature of comedy, wouldn't you become rather at a loss? Your every comment would already have been swallowed up in the great mass of philosophical debate that you appear to be avowing should spring forth from the carcass of irrelevant threads. So, then, you would be left with nothing to say.

Does it not occur to you that I do not make these points because they have already been made? Because I nod my head in little more than mute agreement, loath to come out and say that which is completely obvious has already been decried a million times before? So, let us look at it from a slightly different angle, poke at it with smirking irony. Heaven forbid we dare to be a little comical, a little ridiculous, a little tangential from the real nature of the argument. Heaven forbid we open our minds!


> but you pop your head into threads you have nothing to do with

I have an opinion on the subject matter, and however obfuscated by the spectre of humour it may be, the point is in there if you bother to delve a little below the surface. But you wouldn't want to, would you? That might take a little work and blow the wind from your sails in quite a spectacular manner. Far better to imagine that no point was contained within the posting, that it was merely some attempt to subvert the smooth workings of that which you suppose to constitute some democratic society.

Yes, far better to turn me into some monster. Yes. Far more mature, far more sane. I bet I also secretly hoard tapes of the 11ocs, don't I? Come on, tell me. You quite obviously know everything about me, even where I have posted pictures of my breasts (oddly enough, I had no recollection that pictures of my breasts had ever been taken, but of course you must know better, eh?). Still, I hope you enjoyed your frantic little frottages after seeing the shape of my nipples.


> just to spam some irrelevant wank,

Yes, all communication is masturbation. All thought is masturbation, come to think. Why, we could all be perfectly happy toiling day after day down a mine, had we not allowed ourselves to think and imagine at one point that there could be something outside of neverending work.
Freedom is slavery.


> and you do it very often, as well as having your own threads like this where you just post thousands of completely pointless messages that don't belong on the site,

I see no corpse telling me they should not exist upon the site. I see no moderator deleting them. I SEE NO THOUSANDS OF MESSAGES!
Do you see four fingers or five, Steven?


> you could easily e-mail eachother if you like writing that kind of stuff.

And you could quite easily e-mail Charlie Brooker with your opinion. Of course, that might be interpreted as abuse and you would get your account yanked, but nothing ventured, eh?


> trivial trivia

I'm just quoting this because I like the phrase. Carry on.


>rather than flirting, which I fear is worse in this format.

Why do you fear it, Steven? Why do you fear drifting off the point? Do you fear a little irrelevancy now and again? If it were not for irrelevancy, how many ideas would we have lost? How many inventions would not have come forth? Post-it notes were not relevant to the inventor's search for a super-sticky glue, but he saw the opportunity and made use of it. The super-bouncing ball was not relevant to the inventor's quest to synthesise hardewearing rubber, but he took the opportunity nevertheless! The scientist's dream of a snake eating its own tail was not relevant to his pets, but he took advantage of this spark of imagination to formulate the structure of benzene!

Why do you assume it is flirting, Steven? must it be flirting? Could it not just be making the most of the opportunity to drift in circles of words, not having to worry about making any point other than "sillinesses"?


> And I know you can post interesting posts sometimes, and have seen you do so

Well, aren't you priveliged, eh?
No, Steven. If I dared to make "interesting posts" all of the time, I would become what you want me to be. I would not be subbes, I would be another Steven - except of course, one with a habit of using more paragraph breaks and commas, more parenthetical comments and more -oh, gosh, dare she still do it, though? would it not be "uninteresting" in this new world order? - humour.


> rather than excercising your other talents such as writing something interesting. Not saying I do, but I try..

http://www.the-anathema.org
Open your mind. Not saying I do, but I try. Merely try to do something different (who says that a joke is not interesting? If a joke is not interesting, then why does comedy exist? why has it not already been forgotten about?), saving the "int

> rather than excercising your other talents such as writing something interesting. Not saying I do, but I try..

http://www.the-anathema.org
Open your mind. Not saying I do, but I try. Merely try to do something different (who says that a joke is not interesting? If a joke is not interesting, then why does comedy exist? why has it not already been forgotten about?), saving the "interesting" for somewhere else where it does not have to "get in the way" of such "deserving" topics as your hatred of Brooker.


> Aren't you the one who posted up scanned pictures of your tits?

No.
And from here we see exactly what it is you have been pushing. A monster from your own id, Steven? My innocent little posts have been collated and deconstructed with completely the wrong tools, in order that you can infer something which was NEVER THERE and was never intended to be there. In fact, you go so far as to blur the boundary between I and Suiii into one great big stereotypical monster of your own imagining, clothed with incidents that never happened.

Terribly Freudian, one would say.
Are you scared of women, Steven?


> Isn't that the most pathetic self-publicising display of irrelevancy?

No.
Still, if you interpreted is such, then that says more about you than it does of the person who posted the picture. Perhaps it was meant as absurd hypoerbole in order to provoke a smirk? As some flagrant sign that there is nothing but a foolish charicature of something that does not exist and never has existed? Yes, perhaps it was. Perhaps you missed the point, and continue to do so. Now there's a thought, isn't it? I suggest you dwell upon it.



> And regarding you not commenting because you don't need to, then don't!

I do not need to wear clothes when I sit alone in my room, and yet I do. you do not need to spew vitriol at Al and Charlie and continously obfuscate a few points in long rambling paragraphs, and yet you do. If you're going to make points such as these, be prepared that they will come back around to bite you in the cunt.


> But you seem to post on many friends for no reason other than to get in people's way,

Of course. By daring to indulge in communication, I am getting in someone's way! Well, your argument with Charlie Brooker got in the way of my reading about Nathan Barly. Would you please take it into private e-mail so that the topic can continue?

All very "double standardy", isn't it?


>And the TV Forum is more for the silly stuff,

Where did you see this written, Steven? Or is it just your own observation? Are you the lawgiver, Steven?


> but I'm only going by the rules he apparently dicated to Jon.

No you're not.


By the way, it's "dictated". There's a t in it.

Yes, very good subbes, take the moral high ground. The fact is the Corpses had a good go at Jon because he was doing things which you evidently are doing as well, I am going by their rules. If the Corpses feel the need to pester Jon with fake unwritten rules and then change them because they like you then take that up with them. And yes, thousands of posts, I've definitely seen quite a few threads over the the months similar to the above, if you want to pretend all of the above is anything other than nerdy flirting, then fine, but don't pretend you aren't actually being worse than anything Jon did, and aren't being blamed for it by Jon's own inquisition, even if I did agree with it.

Also, if it wasn't you who posted up pictures of your tits, dreadfully sorry, it was quite a while ago and I must have got mixed up, maybe it was Suii.

And I wouldn't call picking up every choice sentence in my post and pasting it into yours so you can twist the words to fit your pompous replies a good rebuttal either.
And why do you think I hate Al and Charlie? I don't hate Al at all, he just seems to like it better assuming I think he's a cretin when he reads my posts, god knows where he gets it from, he does overeact quite a bit. I wouldn't say I hated Charlie either, as I don't know him, I just don't like his little web projects, and find the sweary messages he posts to be extremely pointless.

And as for your more sexist stuff in your message, isn't that a big strike for equality, if you saw in the other thread the first person to give you shit for your pompous post was Jessica, oh, a fellow sister has betrayed you, what a Judith.
But your message was saying the thread should be ended because it doesn't fulfill your attention span, do you really think any of the above posts do for anybody other than you and Joe?

> Yes, very good subbes, take the moral high ground.

Since you insist, I will. You are boring and thick. I am excellent. bitch bitch I am ace.

No. Let's not go down the road of flippant replies and lazy allusions and totally missing the point of a posting in order to skew the discussion - despite the fact that you're asking me to.


> thousands of posts, I've definitely seen quite a few threads over the the months similar to the above,

And that is equal to thousands of posts? Come off it. I have made no more than a couple of hundred posts in the SOTCAA forum. In fact, you've made far more posts than I have. If you're alleging that volume of posts makes me a prime candidate for deletion, perhaps you should shut up before you realise you would be first to use up their quota?
Yes.


> if you want to pretend all of the above is anything other than nerdy flirting,

Oh! He called me a nerd! Oh! I must immediately bow before his all-encompassing intelligence!
What's next? Are you going to tell me to get a life?


> Also, if it wasn't you who posted up pictures of your tits,

It wasn't me who posted pictures of my tits. There are no compromising pictures of my tits anywhere. None have been taken. The pictures were of Suiii's tits, and it's quite obvious that you didn't even bother to follow the link and investigate, rather preferring to dwell in your nice recieved opinions and assumptions of what was there.

> it was quite a while ago and I must have got mixed up, maybe it was Suii.

Yes, you did get mixed up. Your accusations have no more base than if I were to exhort that 2 + 2 = 5.
So, youknow, shut the fuck up or at least come forth with a decent argument. No, let's see, I plagiarised someone.

Admit it, Steven. YOU WERE WRONG.
And if you were wrong about that, what's to say you might not be wrong about something else? Oh, the whole thing comes unravelled.


> picking up every choice sentence in my post and pasting it into yours

I respond to points I want to respond to, while quoting that which I am responding to. It allows me the leeway of not having to worry that you will claim I have misrepresented you or left out the crux.

You don't like it because it's not the way you do it, then? Everyone should be a Steven clone? How boring that would be, how long-winded.


> so you can twist the words to fit your pompous replies

Prove my replies are pompous.
Go ahead. Give me some nice hard facts to back up your allegations. Some quotes that don't just spring from your tortured perception of what words I choose to use and what tone I type them in.

You can't do it, can you? No. Because your accusations, they be unfounded.

Arrr, tis a fine post, but t'is no proof, English.



> <re: copying and pasting isn't a good form of argument>

Why not? It's discussion, isn't it? It's what you've been doing with Brooker. Merely because you don't like the choice of topic for discussion doesn't make it not worth discussing. If you don't want to talk about it, you should never have brought it up in the first place.



> And why do you think I hate Al and Charlie?

Who did you accuse of twisting words, Steven? Take a look in the mirror.


> And as for your more sexist stuff in your message,

Get a grasp of irony before you assume you try to play with the big boys and girls.


> isn't that a big strike for equality,

Big strike for posting messages, more like.


> oh, a fellow sister has betrayed you, what a Judith.

Hahahahahahahaha!
Hahahahahaha!
Hahahaha!
Haha!

I quite like that. What a bizarre picture you have of me. What a completely skewed and corrupted image of the things I think. Yes, of course, feminism, 'ray. Judith, 'ray.
You're so off-base on this one as to make me wonder if you ever paid any attention to any of my posts.


> But your message was saying the thread should be ended because it doesn't fulfill your attention span

It wasn't.
Who is misinterpreting things now, Steven? Is it Al? No, it's you.
But if you want to interpret it that way because it better serves the picture you wish to paint in your mind of who I am, to interpret it as pomposity, than hey, that's your skewed propaganda. And it's completely and utterly wrong.


> do you really think any of the above posts do for anybody other than you and Joe?

If it bores you, DON'T READ IT. Precisely the reason I have stayed out of ident conversations and not read your juvenile slanging matches with Ricard Herring until they turned into something interestingly trainwrecky. So, you would have preferred that the TV forum contained no posts anbout anything not sanctioned by yourself? If you feel like that, go and start your own forum where you can make copious use of the "censor" button.



I see you still haven't bothered to think about anything below the obvious surface.

Actually, there's a marked difference between subbes and Jon... As the admin bod on NOTBBC, I'm the one who has to deal with all the complaints which you lot don't see, so I should know. Hope I don't have to explain this further, as I really can't be arsed going thru all that again.

And no, the TV Forum isn't for the silly stuff. Tsh.

The TV forum's for the TV stuff, the Corpses forum for the Corpses stuff. Or are those labels too obvious?

(Complaints, eh? I remember those.)