But you've just mentioned him!

Phil awoke one morning to discover his clothes had been replaced with sheets of paper with swear words written on them. He got up and left the house. He got no further than the park before a group of old women began trying to censor his "clothes" by tearing them off and screaming about their offensive wording. Eventually he was naked, and fell to his knees, crying "Mother! Why have you written such rude words on this paper suit and dressed me in it like an idiot?" A policeman coasted by on rollerblades, a new initiative introduced last week by the local council to bring the coppers closer to the neighbourhood kids, but which had clearly backfired because this particular policeman was covered in honey and rice krispies after a particularly unfortunate forced game of "Take A Letter" staged by the rough children from the tower block on the dirty side of town. So Phil took up his guitar and began to play "Moon River" but with a really radically altered chorus that was influenced by Cliff's early singles, particular the classic "Move It." Soon the entire park was dancing and singing along, clapping their hands. The ghost of Una Stubbs (who had just expired on the other side of the world during a session of violent forced sex) floated over the exalted throng and showered them with her breast milk. But then...

A thousand solid blocks of frozen urine came down and stabbed everyone in the head, killing them all, thus eliminating furthur continuations of this story.

The End.

Exactly!

IDENTS!


JIENSTS!

*bong!*

Start again...