My shirt's bright isn't it?

It's a party but it's morning.

Basically...

"Mind those mushrooms!" (to be said with a rising inflection on the last syllable)

'I'm not going to fall for that old j...'

"Eat more toast"

Don't do drugs

You never saw it going

Even without the harness?

"Tell THAT to President Clinton!"

"Make me jelly"

"Hissssssssssssssssssss!"

What about the cheese?
What about the monkey?
What abuot the gibbon?
What about the arsegeorge?

[you get the idea]

Don't forget the diver

If you're looking back when you're stepping forward, you're just going to fall over.

Spoooooooon!

The best one yet:

"ceast and desist"

[said slightly camply] Oooh, I could crush a grape...

I have the right to remain violent.

>What about the cheese?
>What about the monkey?
>What abuot the gibbon?
>What about the arsegeorge?
>
>[you get the idea]

BTW, my arse is fine. Thanks to all who sent email messages expressing their concern for my anus.

>I have the right to remain violent.

I have the right to vomit

"Less than Jake"

>"Less than Jake"

If you knew me, you'd realise that most things are.

>"Less than Jake"

While they were brought up, it's funny how a band that have been around for years suddenly find themselves in the music press with journos spilling cum all over them when they're just doing the same thing they've been doing forever (see also At The Drive-In). Melody Maker are acting like they discovered the Vandals, Less Than Jake etc. when I (and many others) have been listening to them for years. Stop stealing our culture! Like, the Melody Maker fucking love the Get Up Kids at the moment, yet barely a year ago they accidentally referred to them as "the Cut Up Kids"...

But I digress. Meaningless catchphrase? Er... "But what about the toast?"

"Melody Maker are acting like they discovered the Vandals, Less Than Jake etc. when I (and many others) have been listening to them for years."

They were better when they weren't on the radio, eh?

Poor old Paul. I suppose you'll have to stop liking all your favourite bands now that someone else has heard of them, eh?

"Is That a Trilby???"

"Pan-Fry!!!"

"That's a meaningless catchphrase if ever I heard one!!!"

"Postman Pat!!!"

"Don't make me mouldy. You wouldn't like me when I'm mouldy..."

>"Melody Maker are acting like they discovered the Vandals, Less Than Jake etc. when I (and many others) have been listening to them for years."
>
>They were better when they weren't on the radio, eh?
>
>Poor old Paul. I suppose you'll have to stop liking all your favourite bands now that someone else has heard of them, eh?

No! You (deliberately, probably) misunderstand me. For these reasons:

1. They are not my favourite bands, just bands I like a bit.

2. Nothing would make me happier than if more people liked the music I like. OK, maybe a few things would make me happier than that, but the point is that I am NOT a music snob who hates when people get into the same music that I listen to. What DOES irritate me is the way that the music press act like they just discovered a great new band and start to rave over them when they have been ignoring them for years. There bands who are just as good - even better than - LTJ, Vandals et al in the UK playing similar music, but these are ignored because Vandals/LTJ are more marketable. They are "wacky" and they sell loads of records in America.

So please don't tar me with the stinking brush of music snobbery, for it is something that I have never been, and when I hear kids (usually 6th form age) discussing such matters, or whining about "selling out" it really does irk me.

OK, maybe this was an over-reaction to a throwaway comment but... I don't know how to finish this sentence.

And another thing, they should employ someone who actually knows what they are talking about. Kerrang have just employed a staff writer who knows tons about the punk scene. I have no problem with NME/MM covering this stuff, I just wish they didn't act like it was new.

Oh yeah? Well I'm a music snob and I hate it when other people like my favourite bands!

Face it, Paul - you're just a teenybopper at heart... music for little girls... trendies... blah blah.... hate life itself...




[Anyone here read The Void (page 452 C4 teletext)? That's pretty much half of all the messages it gets.]

Its like the MM letter page or something - "let's go kill some trendies because they're not as sensitive as me"

Meaningless catchphrases eh? - Fancy a shandy? no that's not right... err

"Off with those big old pants, Grandma!"

"What have you done to my face!?"

"Leave yer father's cock alone!"

"It's time to give Cher her bath!"

"Sediment!"

Yeh the Void/MM is exactly the mentality I was trying to distance myself from... like at Reading this year, there were loads of people who thought Daphne and Celeste were evil and the antithesis of "real" music yet they liked Slipknot. Slipknot! A band whose music is secondary to their fucking masks. And I was enjoying Daphne and Celeste before they were bottled off stage (true).

I think it's an age thing - when going thru adolescence some people think they're "different" from everyone else and they get this superiority complex and believe that they are better than people who listen to Westlife and Boyzone because they listen to Travis and the Stereophonics. Idiots.

Er, that was my meaningless catchphrase, by the way. All of it.

Paul I resent stereotyping, am not different, but like stuff like the Beatles and Iggy Pop and Mitch Benn and comedians, am not stuck in pop music rut, and not all other teenagers are either, please don't let us suffer at the hands of stereotyping.

This pathetic text was brought to you in association with a headache.

RHC, look at my words with your eyes:

I think it's an age thing - when going thru adolescence some people think they're "different" from everyone else

Note the word "some". Do you see?

As it happens, when I was at school I was ashamed of my music taste cos I thought people would mock it. Then at college I thought people who listened to pop were dumb and that anything without guitars was crap. Luckily this was a very short-lived phase.

I can't believe I've written so much on this subject; I'm not THAT fussed when MM/NME/Kerrap get it wrong, it's just that Less Than Jake were mentioned and they're being pushed by MM at the moment. Though they do call pop-punk band MxPx "intense straight-edge" when they play music so fluffy it makes Green Day sound like Extreme Noise Terror... it's things like that I was talking about. They have no fucking clue what they are talking about. They are the Alison Graham of music journalism (just to bring in a TV reference), and Melody Maker has completed its gradual transformation into the Smash Hits of (for want of a better word) "indie".

But that's all I have to say on this subject, you'll be pleased to hear.

sorry I phased out after RHC...
what was I talking about oh yeah short attention- ohh biscuits!

"I'm a quality bitch!"

"Don't drink your head!"

"Currency? Schmurrency!"

"Greece ain't what she used to be!"

"Throats!"

"Chesney Hawkes!"

(There's a lot of mileage in that one...)