>I nominate "The Legends of Tim Tyler"

Phil - what is this, anyway?! (Curious.)

>any other contenders?

I refuse to nominate anything recent (although the new-look Live & Kicking that I caught some of on Saturday is empty, insulting toss for all ages, and I was so tempted), but...

Wacaday (obviously)
Saturday Starship (woeful Tommy Boyd and Bonnie Langford vehicle from about 1984)
The Moomins (a yawning 280-part saga, so it seemed...zzzz...)

God's Wonderful Railway

Right, Justin, I'll learn ya for lsiting my favourite kiddies series.

"CRACKERJACK". There!

>Saturday Starship (woeful Tommy Boyd and Bonnie Langford vehicle from about 1984)

Blimey, I thought I'd imagined that. I have an image of it in my head right now. Argh. And I was only 6 at the time.

Almost as boring: The Flumps, The Song And The Story, The Adventures Of Robinson Crusoe

Heidi.

124 episodes all of which began with the word "Grandfather" crudely dubbed over the Czech.

Even the item on Blue Peter about how they dubbed it made me want to spill my Angel Delight.

>Heidi

And that bloody theme tune too...

>>I nominate "The Legends of Tim Tyler"
>
>Phil - what is this, anyway?! (Curious.)

The Legends Of Tim Tyler was a German fantasy show about a boy who sold his laugh to a bad guy, who couldn't laugh. It dragged on for *years*.

>The Moomins (a yawning 280-part saga, so it seemed...zzzz...)

It did have a wonderful eerie theme tune, tho.

Teletubbies is just a dumbed-down version of The Flumps.

Saturday Starship: this actually caused problems for Central because the crappy 'starship' they built just to film the opening credits was deemed an eyesore by birmingham council but they couldn't find anyone to take it away or anywhere to dump it... I think.... I'm trying to remember a story in a local paper from 15 years ago, about a show I never bothered to watch, you can't expect me to get the details right. Damn.

Heidi.

AaarrGGhhh! ! ! !

That was a subversive attempt to get kids to pester their parents into going on Swiss holidays. The hills. The muzak. That nauseating brat. Tell me the series really did end? or is it being shown in a continual loop on some digital channel?


...and that soddin' Emu Pink Windmill Programme.

I really loathed that, and can't think of any programme from my childhood that I really despised. All those smug tap-dancing kids from a stage school.
If I'd been the villan, I would have used some dynamite - and if they tried to escape, I'd be waiting for them with a machine gun. ha ha ha ha ha! ! ! !!!!!!!!!

(spews bile over keyboard)

"That was a subversive attempt to get kids to pester their parents into going on Swiss holidays."

But wasn't it set in Austria? I thought the point was that she was a village girl who went away to live in Vienna.

We really should know, because the BBC transmitted the series at least 25 times, to cover every school holiday period from at least 1979-83, as I recall. And King Of The Rocket Men. And Flash Gordon. And Play Chess with Bill chuffing Harston. Gah, did anyone take an interest in the game after watching him drone on about it?

The teletubbies, the tweenies, out of tune.

and a host of other crap.

disturbing stuff, huh?

what about wurzel gummidge

made me cry

i was only 5....

Justin: "Wacaday (obviously)"

Obviously???? Wacaday was the single best thing on telly during my childhood. Please, don't tarnish it's memory.

But how about Wizbit with disturbing Paul Daniels? That was turd. Or FBi. That was atrocious. Blue Peter too. And Children's Ward. Hated that.

Shit TV is wasted on kids, because they love any old rubbish anyway.

Mr Bennet out of Take Hart presented some odd game-show for stage school types.

Hey some kids(me, that's me) are really fussy about what they watch, I only like programs with Sarcasm, wit, intelligence and surrealism. Oh and sometimes I watch Neighbours.

So you don't watch any kids TV then?

>Right, Justin, I'll learn ya for lsiting my favourite kiddies series.

Which one was it, Arma? Or was it all three?
>
>"CRACKERJACK". There!

God, does that mean my original posting (whichever thread it was) was in favour of it? Wasn't intended to be...

>Justin: "Wacaday (obviously)"
>
>Obviously???? Wacaday was the single best thing on telly during my childhood. Please, don't tarnish it's memory.

Ah, the age gaps between forum contributors. I was about 16 when it started, and probably should have been revising for O levels - presumably you were a fair bit younger.

Here are some for our older readers. If you remember these, you are surely near or in your thirties (er, like me):

Right Charlie (It was set in a circus. It had clowns like Charlie Caroli in it. It had frightening children in the audience laughing and hollering, like on Crackerjack. It was on in about 1974, I think.).

Wake Up Sunday with Dana (need I say more? From about 1977, I reckon.)

You Must Be Joking (Pauline Quirke, Linda Robson and hopeless teen combo Flintlock combined to make a programme which, even in 1976, was enough to make parents complain about its content. I'm with the parents on this one) From Thames In Colour, as they used to say.

Mr Bennett's game show was the notoriously tedious "You Should Be So Lucky!"

How about... dare I mention it... "The Sattelite Show"?

I cannot remember any worst children programmes ever - probably 'cos from about the age of ten I spent every possible moment at the riding stables...........

oh, hang on I DO remember Horse in the House................

>So you don't watch any kids TV then?

No... not really.

I seem to remember the first episode of "Tim Tyler" ended with his dad dying in a plane crash, and the series only got worse from there. God it was soooooo depressing.

Oh come on, in relative terms of dubbed childrens shows, Tim Tyler wasn't THAT bad.

I mean it was no Silas, was it?

All 3.

But wait, could have been TJ or Jon who was in fervour of CJ.

I like the show with the blue door and a number 73 on the front.

>"That was a subversive attempt to get kids to pester their parents into going on Swiss holidays."
>
>But wasn't it set in Austria? I thought the point was that she was a village girl who went away to live in Vienna.
>
Proves how little attention I paid to it. I have memories of being a toddler and going over to change the channels on our set every time it started.

oops. Forgot to add those all singing and dancing brats again in *From The Top* with Bill Oddie.





No wonder the poor man now spends his time sitting in bushes looking at wildlife.

And being abusive to record-shop staff.

I expect copies of "Funky Gibbon" have been ritually burned by HMV employees as a gesture against him.

>I like the show with the blue door and a number 73 on the front.


Cleverly titled No. 73 featuring Sandi Toksvig, Pat Sharpe and Neil Buchanan. Amazingly positive-punk/ weird goth outfit "The Specimen" appeared on it.

>
>>I like the show with the blue door and a number 73 on the front.
>
>
>Cleverly titled No. 73 featuring Sandi Toksvig, Pat Sharpe and Neil Buchanan. Amazingly positive-punk/ weird goth outfit "The Specimen" appeared on it.
>

Are you quite sure about Pat Sharpe? And the door was red. Or at least, the one I saw was.
I remember liking it, though I must have been mighty young at the time, about 7 at the most.
Check out http://www.paulmorris.co.uk/73/ for more No. 73 stuff.

BBC Broom Cupboard. Where the presenters were routinely out-classed by the puppets.

I suspect that the likes of Crane, Peters and Schofield would've wanted to inflict some Brian Conley style violence onto Gordon the Gopher and the Edd the Duck......

>Are you quite sure about Pat Sharpe?

Not even remotely.

Someone mentioned out of tune earlier - surely any kids show with canned laughter on is terrible - even when you're a kid you don't find them funny and prefer to watch 'adult' programming.

The Biz was shit as well. Made me want to scratch my eyes out and use them as earplugs.

And what about Spatz, or whatever it was called. That looked grim.

But whatever happened to Alex Langdon?

Yes, Spatz - i was going to right about that but couldn't remember its name. Fucking awful. They was a similar porgram, presumably by the same company, about two girls that owned an ice-cream parlour or something. Anyone know what i'm on about? That was shite as well.

Samantha 'Hugh' Janus was an actual star in Spatz, she had brown hair and a fake scotch accent. And acts embarassed when you bring it up.. incredibly..

The Ink Thief. God knows I tried to like it.

And The Moomins was great. Well, it certainly left a searing blister of disturbance on my 5-year-old mind. And I can't find any pics/audio/video from the original series on the 'net (apart from a hissy recording of the end theme).

*sob*

Are we talking about that cartoon Heidi (Japanese crap, big round eyes, she always wore the same old white nightie and lived with grandad on the mountain, the perv)? Coz I remember that very clearly. Used to be on 3 times a week or summit.

And Tim Tyler - well what can I say! Being German and growing up with that, remember that boy in there becoming a big heartbreaker to all girls from 4-9. He went on to host shows etc, and even cut a single if I'm not too sober.

Fingermouse (not Fingerbobs - that was top hole).

On The Waterfront.

Crazeee Saturday morning stuff for kids from Auntie Beeb. How we never used to laugh at it.

...and, yes, (oh hell, yes), Spatz was Crapz indeed. I think it was an ITV/Canadian co-production at the time, hence the mid-atlantic drfit from start to finish - but no worse than some of the offerings on the subscription channels today. The ice-cream one was indeed a *sequel*.

>Samantha 'Hugh' Janus was an actual star in Spatz, she had brown hair and a fake scotch accent. And acts embarassed when you bring it up.. incredibly..

Sorry to quibble, but I thought Katy Murphy was the Scottish one in "Spatz". Maybe I just imagined her being in it as she's been in every other crap american kids sitcom at some time. Actually, I rather like the word quibble, so I'll say it again. Quibble.

"Clarissa explains it all" is also horrible.

Yomlogs
V.disturbing stuff, the books gave me nightmares, yet the TV programme removed all fears.
I cried for the Grinch(is that right?)

Interesting fact Susan Sheridan (Trillian) voices some of the characters on that!

Is anybody else terrified of the Tweenies? They look like that deformed baby thing from Eraserhead

>Is anybody else terrified of the Tweenies? They look like that deformed baby thing from Eraserhead

And one is called 'Jake'. I don't like that. Is scares me to watch it. And I don't like the look of the old man in it. He's not right.

>Yomlogs
>V.disturbing stuff, the books gave me nightmares, yet the TV programme removed all fears.

Ah. I take it you've only seen the softy Japanese(?) cartoon version.

I was talking about the original fuzzy felt animation which was much more disturbing, perhaps even more so than the books (if that's possible).
It hasn't been on since about 1986, when I was at infant school and highly impressionable.

God knows what it would do to today's Pokemon-infested gitlets.

Pineapple Chunks, anyone? I have no idea what it was about, but seem to remember the theme tune going something like "We're the chunks, we're the chunks, we're the pineapple chunks, we're the chunks, we're the chunks we're the pi-i-napple chu-u-unks"

Inspiring stuff indeed.

>Pineapple Chunks, anyone? I have no idea what it was about, but seem to remember the theme tune going something like "We're the chunks, we're the chunks, we're the pineapple chunks, we're the chunks, we're the chunks we're the pi-i-napple chu-u-unks"
>
>Inspiring stuff indeed.

I'm sure I remember liking it. The theme tune at least.

>"Clarissa explains it all" is also horrible.

A classic example of a show that cannot possibly live up to its title, viz:

"This week Clarissa unifies quantum and relativity theory, gives the final word on the existence and nature of God, and explains what went wrong with Harry Enfield's career. Plus the answer to every question, ever. (NICAM Stereo. Subtitles. R)"

Was Spatz the one that was made over here but on American standard videotape? It was excrutiating.

>Was Spatz the one that was made over here but on American standard videotape? It was excrutiating.

Yes. It looked as awful as a fast-food burger and equally unappetising. There was a rumour going around our playground that food-poisioning was more entertaining and less nauseus.

I remember a rather dismal effort called (I think) Captain Planet. Or possibly Captain Flash. Captain Bastard Something, anyway, made on the kind of budget that even an 8-year-old child could spot was risibly small. Promised much, delivered far less. The opening titles were all feisty cartoon space battles, but any hopes of a programme to match were quickly dashed.

Setup: Captain Rep-Actor and his crew blue-screen onto a distant airbrushed planet wielding blasters and run into some kind of trouble.

Cut to studio full of kids in the same 'space' costumes as Captain Didn't-He-Do-An-Advert being asked by the rest of the crew what they should do next. (Any footage of replies like "Why the hell are you asking us, we're only children" presumably cut before transmission - Edit News?). Kids come to some conclusion or other. Cut back to blue screen to see what happens next.

Sounds like it might be kind of watchable. Trust me, it wasn't. It wouldn't even be worth re-watching for its kitsch or nostalgia value. The best it can hope for is that someone was on it who later went on to be famous for doing something decent.

Sorry to go on about it, but even aged 8 I felt cheated by this heap of shit. Now, at last, I feel I have achieved some kind of closure. <breathes deeply>

I'll bet the Beeb lovingly kept every single episode of it, though. Probably even recorded it over old editions of 'Not Only But Also'. <blood pressure rises again>

Hang on, are you sure you don't mean Captain Zep?

The point of that was that it was a detective story, and Zep solved the mystery, but they stopped before the solution was revealed to let the studio full of gormless pre-teens have a bash at guessing who the culprit was.

It ran for 1 series. There are no plans for another (after about 20 years).

There were, unfortunately, two series of Captain Zep, with a different bloke playing the Captain in each.

Horrible.

I have many candidates on this subject, and too little time...

But the list, to open a bit of discussion... the 'All New' Popeye show, Dogtanian, Willy Fogg, She-Ra, anything with Timmy Mallett, Rod Hull's bloody windmill show and youth dramas.

While we're also on the subject of scary shows, does anyone remember an Aussie show that had these two children that had to hold onto these two stones (one hot one cold) in order to stop these monsters taking over the world? The monsters took human form but spoke this weird broken english and sweat green sweat when they got angry (as far as I remember)... I'm still in therapy.

Minipops

I liked Captain Zep.

In the 1st series, wasn't CZ played by the same actor who played Rosie the PC in the sitcom 'Rosie'?

Captain Planet was about an environmental super hero, and it was shit.

>Captain Planet was about an environmental super hero, and it was shit.

In my German class in first year, we had to say what our favourite program was. Everyone else in the class said the Simspons, but one chainyank said Captain Planet.

(It wasn't me.)

Does anyone remember trapdoor?
Cartoon, with various monsters.
Still cannot deal with meeting real life cartoon monsters.
As you do.

Oh and that thing with weird monsters in garden with trash heap?
Had fat bees called Be Quiet and Bee Sensible.
No speaking just narration and occasional noises?
Any leads?

Stoppit & Tidyup. Narration by Terry Wogan, sponsored by the Keep Britain Tidy campaign. The narration and stories were shit, but the silly noises were of fine calibre.

>Stoppit & Tidyup. Narration by Terry Wogan, sponsored by the Keep Britain Tidy campaign. The narration and stories were shit, but the silly noises were of fine calibre.

Sheer class.
And Trap Door was fantastic. With Bert. Class.

Bert Tyler Moore
or just Bert

Bert Tyler Moore of the 11 O'Clock Show.

I shouldn't have said that.

okay then, think I quite like BTM, I think, was he of Bert and George? Then I quite liked him I think.

>Stoppit & Tidyup. Narration by Terry Wogan, sponsored by the Keep Britain Tidy campaign. The narration and stories were shit, but the silly noises were of fine calibre.


that programme used to scare my (then) little boy senseless (actually he still remembers it with something less than affection.....