It's more of a TVF in-joke though, isn't it?
Also, not very good. Ah well.
How do you bring down a circus?
Go for the juggler.
That Speed Garage is nothing new, you know. It's been over a decade since Michael Knight first parked his car in a truck whilst zipping along the freeway.
My wife's just been to see a dentist in North Africa.
Tunisia?
Yes, she is thanks.
My wife's just gone to the Carribean.
Jamaica?
No, Antigua. She went to Jamaica last year, but didn't enjoy it.
>When I got back home last night, I found someone had trashed the place, spraying drink everywhere. The TV was dripping with lager, but it was bitter on the radio.
In-joke or not, I would have nothing but respect for any writer on the 11OCS who could get that in somewhere...
And why not? You are guaranteed a number of people who will laugh at it :0)
I met the evil clown fro m the old forums logo logo yesterday. He wasn't evil, simply misundertstood...until I suggested a walk along the Thames!! [(crappo) in-joke]
My mate took his girlfriend to the balearics.
Ibiza?
no, he porked her
My dog's got no nose.
How does he smell?
Terrible!
My wife went to the East Indies
Jakarta
No, she got there under her own steam
What's the mosquito's favourite song?
I've got you under my skin.
1st Dog: "My master's got no eyes."
2nd Dog: "How does he see?"
1st Dog: "Terrible."
Cartoon in next issue of Private Eye:
(picture of Ann Widdecombe)
"Drugs are good!"
No, it'll be a picture of Portillo, with the caption "Shock Drugs Confession" and the speech bubble: "I admit it, I had a puff".
Any passing 11OCS people can have that, if you want.
Oh... so is Private Eye supposed to be funny then? It must all go over my head.
(mock up of millenium dome advert)
"Don't bother! It's rubbish, really!"
Some crap jokes:
"I just auditioned my wife for a part in Oedipus."
"Jocasta?"
"No, she was terrible."
and
"My dog's got no nob."
"How does it make love?"
"It's a bitch."
[(c)Rik Mayall 1983]
If any 11 O'Clock Show writers are reading this...
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
Two more Rik Mayall gags (see if you can spot a theme):
Why did the pervert cross the road?
Cos he had his nob stuck in the chicken.
What does a man with a two-foot nob have for breakfast?
...Well, this morning I had a boiled egg.
Customer: Pakect of helicopter crisps please.
Shopkeeper: We've sold out.
Customer:Okay, I'll just have plane.
Why do eskimos wash their clothes in tide?
Coz it's too cold to wash them outtide.
Sorry.
COMPUTER JOKE ALERT
How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just make darkness the industry standard.
WHATR ISD REDD ANDE INVISDIBNLE??
nO TOMNATOERS!!!
EBFFOEGB-MM
- My dog's dead
- How does it smell?
- Terrible
What's green and square?
An orange in disguise.
"I saw a great film the other night, MOBY DICK."
- "Urgh, I don't like sex films."
"It wasn't about sex. It was about whales."
- "I can't stand the bloody Welsh
either."
Here bee some jokes.............
Where do bees come from?
Stingapore.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because of the honeycombs.
Why did the queen bee kick all the other bees out of the hive?
Because they kept droning on.
>Here bee some jokes.............
>
>Where do bees come from?
>
>Stingapore.
>
>
>Why do bees have sticky hair?
>
>Because of the honeycombs.
>
>
>Why did the queen bee kick all the other bees out of the hive?
>
>Because they kept droning on.
Why did the worker bees go on strike?
For shorter flowers and more honey.