The Topol Strand Posted Tue Oct 17 14:21:44 BST 2000 by 'Jon'

The forum has been greatly enriched lately by the postings of one 'Topol', who has made combative points against some of the forum regulars.

These postings are great, but there just aren't enough hours in the day for Topol himself to create enough of them for us. So here's how he can make soem more all by yourselves:

1. Notice someone has criticised the 11OCS.
2. Note name of person.
3. Post message in that strand dismissing that person as useless and unfunny. Remember to use the word "fucking" at least once.
4. And the tone of your posting should be that of a school bully rounding on a challenger.


Examples:


(1)Justin: "It's derivative of Brass Eye but with a stilted format and shouldn't be on 3 times a week"

Topol: "Justin, you're fucking derivative and shouldn't post 3 times a week on this forum."


(2)Ewar Woowar: "...I can't believe how bad it is".

Topol: "Ewar, I can't believe you, you fucking unbelievable cow".


(3)Nunuf Urbuznuz: "I write for it, and I don't like it much"

Topol: "I write for the fucking thing too, and... er..."


See how easy it is? Now make a big strand so we won't even spot the inevitable contribution from Topol himself.

Subject: Re: The Topol Strand [ Previous Message ]
Posted By 'Jon' on Tue Oct 17 14:29:52 BST 2000:

Oh hang on, he'll start a strand called 'the Jon strand' and say that you just have to put "celebration of mediocrity: some old band", and that'll be his reply. Yep, saw it coming.

Subject: Re: The Topol Strand [ Previous Message ]
Posted By 'Squidy' on Tue Oct 17 15:12:04 BST 2000:

>Oh hang on, he'll start a strand called 'the Jon strand' and say that you just have to put "celebration of mediocrity: some old band", and that'll be his reply. Yep, saw it coming.

As Topol would say: 'No, YOU'LL start a Jon strand and YOU just have to put "celebration of mediority: some fucking old band", and that will be YOUR reply. Bet you didn't see that coming, you fucking, er.... twat (yeah, that'll do).'

Or 'Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah', as it's usually pronounced.

Subject: Re: The Topol Strand [ Previous Message ]
Posted By 'Jon' on Tue Oct 17 15:30:05 BST 2000:

No, that doesn't have the imagery we expect from a Topol work. What he'll probably say is:

Jon, how long has this cyst of festering fucking pus been straining to burst over the forum?

Something like that.

Subject: Re: The Topol Strand [ Previous Message ]
Posted By 'Manto' on Tue Oct 17 15:55:43 BST 2000:

What I want to know, has Topol named himself after the popular Russian actor or a leading brand of tooth whitener for people with skemmy teeth?

Subject: Re: The Topol Strand [ Previous Message ]
Posted By 'Jon' on Tue Oct 17 16:00:09 BST 2000:

I'm sure he'd reply:

Manto, it'd take a year's supply of the fucking stuff to clean the teeth of the shit-eaters on this fucking strand. Who are covered in cysts. And they've got embolisms.

Subject: Re: The Topol Strand [ Previous Message ]
Posted By 'Fiddler on the Hoof' on Tue Oct 17 16:35:15 BST 2000:

Jon, Squidgy, Manto, Justin, Ailie, Ewar, Al - just where do you get off taking the piss out of me, you wankers? This forum isn't just for you, you know. What about all the *other* contributors who agree with me and think you're all piss-poor?





...er







...yeah.

Subject: Re: The Topol Strand [ Previous Message ]
Posted By 'The Blues Project' on Tue Oct 17 19:57:33 BST 2000:

After observing but not contributing for several weeks, I am now moved to fire a few salvos into proceedings once more.

Topol, you may laugh at people's opinions and upsetthe odd wide-faced girl, but your minor triumphs shall never detract from the blatant obviousness of your own impotence.

And your use of language is very similar to that of Jim Yoakum.

Subject: Re: The Topol Strand [ Previous Message ]
Posted By Justin on Tue Oct 17 21:10:22 BST 2000:

Knew you'd read this, Topol.

And you think *I've* got a big ego?

Come on then - what was your best joke on tonight's show? Don't be coy. We're dying ("of cancer", no doubt) for a laugh.

Subject: Re: The Topol Strand [ Previous Message ]
Posted By 'Jaffa' on Tue Oct 17 21:58:50 BST 2000:

Cancer is waaaaay funnier than 11OCS.

Subject: Re: The Topol Strand [ Previous Message ]
Posted By 'Jon' on Wed Oct 18 07:53:22 BST 2000:

No it isn't.

Subject: Re: The Topol Strand [ Previous Message ]
Posted By 'Squidy' on Wed Oct 18 09:23:34 BST 2000:

Derek and Clive's discussion on cancer, however, IS funnier than the 11OCS.

Subject: Re: The Topol Strand [ Previous Message ]
Posted By TJ on Wed Oct 18 09:27:04 BST 2000:

Derek: "I heard Iain Lee... erm... has left the 11 O'Clock Show"

Subject: Re: The Topol Strand [ Previous Message ]
Posted By 'Anonymous' on Wed Oct 18 09:54:12 BST 2000:

Clive: "Yer. Suck me off, Derek..."

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