Imagine the year 2000. Flying cars, no war, no famine, no Last Of The Summer Wine. We'll all live on the moon rather than lying on the couch wasting time on the internet whilst watching an edited version of Speed 2: Cruise Cuntrol on ITV, if such a film would ever be exist. Oh, and to stay in character, what is 'internet'?

I bet in the year 2000 we get even more than the three channels we get at the moment. And I'll bet they'll be of superior quality...

Ah well, the last Goodies series. Never mind, we can look forward to constant unedited repeats on the BBC for decades to come.

>Oh, and to stay in character, what is 'internet'?

T'fish.

Great - John Lennon's just released a new album after several years in reclusion. I bet by next year we'll get that elusive Beatles' reunion concert we'd all love to see! I'm going to start saving up my pocket money now (hope my mum lets me go).

Anyone seen Being There yet? Peter Sellers is bound to get the Oscar, and revive his flagging career. Hey, he might even work with John Lennon!

You won't believe who the Americans have just elected....

Yes, an aging actor who's appeared in films with monkeys. And as well as Clint Eastwood becoming Mayor of Carmel, they've made Ronald Reagan President.

Still, you know what I say - as long as you've still got your natural hair colour at that age, you're okay.

o mi God, sumwon shot jon lenon ded!


(I'm only 2 for flips sake!)

>(I'm only 2 for flips sake!)

I'm only 3 and I want it to stay 1980 for ever. And that's true. I don't want it to be 1981.

I can't believe that the awful St Winifred's School Choir singing 'There's No-one Quite Like Grandma' could possibly knock John Lennon's '(Just Like) Starting Over' off the number one slot. I mean, the guy's just been killed - we've not been able to talk about anything else at school lately. I come home in the evenings & listen to Beatles tunes & tribute shows on the radio instead of getting on with my homework. My mum says I should try taking my mind off it by getting a boyfriend, but I'm much too young. Maybe next year.

This year has sucked big time. First, my mother gives birth to my brother (why must he scream so?) then John Lennon is killed. I like John, his music on the record player sends me to sleep.

>Anyone seen Being There yet? Peter Sellers is bound to get the Oscar, and revive his flagging career.

Didn't he look awful on that interview at the Cannes Film Festival though, really thin and frail. Never mind. I'm sure it was just a spot of tummy trouble.

I wish the Pythons would hurry up and make another film...haven't seen Life of Brian, as it was banned in my part of Yorkshire..

re: The next Python movie.

Judging from the last two, their next should be totally plot-based with no overlong sketches at all. It will be their best yet! And I see a huge involvement for Neil Innes.

I have nothing to add as I'm still only a foetus.

Wombs are great, aren't they?

Well, I'm not even a glint in my mother's eye, I'm bluffing it all from books.

I just read in my copy of 'Shoot' that Crystal Palace will be the team of the 80s. What do other readers think? I love football, and I'm sure in 20 years I'll still know loads about it, and I won't waste my time on soppy girls, or getting into a long running UK sci-fantasy show. Oh no. I wonder when my Dad will come back home to stay?

OW! MY ARM!!!! AAAARRRGH!

Sapphire and Steel's good, isn't it?

I'm 5. Blimey, that makes me feel old.

Well, it's back to jobs with Trafford council for Bernard, Peter and Steven now that their mad genius mate has gone and hanged himself. I understand Steven's been messing with those new-fangled drum 'machines', but I can't see anything coming of it. Perhaps a few bookings on the nightclub circuit with his girlfriend. That Hooky's a strong lad, he could get a job on the bins...

Bjorn Borg is obviously on his way to becoming "Sportsman Of The Century"; I can't see anyone stopping him at Wimbledon for years to come... he'll surely be mentioned in the same breath as Ali, Owens, Nicklaus and Pele, rather than be remembered as someone who walked away from his sport in his prime, had ill-advised extra-marital liaisons and struggled with depression and drugs. He's no George Best after all!

I can't believe Cliff Richard put out Dreamin'. Thank goodness this has got to be his last single.

Look at tonight's Evening News - there's a bloke called The Curly Man (who looks like popular ELO songster Jeff Lynne) making humourous messages for his telephone 'answering machine'. Apparently, this plays jokes & tunes if you ring up & he's not in. I wonder if they'll ever catch on?

I think my brother & I will start calling to leave some messages - he can do his hilarious impressions & I can make some jokes about hair & er, curly things. That should give us enough material for a couple of months. And our Mum can write to 'Hairy Cornflake' DLT to say how good The Curly Man is - as long as she doesn't go out shopping & miss him reading out her letter on Radio One.

After a couple of years we could progress to writing silly messages in a new London free ads paper. But I can't imagine us doing anything like this much beyond that, say, in twenty year's time. I mean, we'll both be much too grown-up & sensible by then...