I was going to start a new thread for this, but......

Just to lighten things up a little, and as a brief interlude between all the debate on the current shows.....


I'm getting concerned that those thirty-second sources of pleasure, the adverts (not what you're all thinking) aren't as good as they used to be, (they were better as cave paintings y'know), so I've written (well, typed) this as a riposte:

>>>>Second-rate performer on clip show, laughing at ten second clips funnier than their entire output:
During the break you will see the following consumer items on display in original and creative forms, as thought up by people who prop-up the economy of Columbia (hint: it's not coffee).


Live Forum Budweiser advert.
>Find out *wasssupp* in the forum. Crazeeee! (TV Quick mad-ad of the year award nominee)

Recyclable newspaper supplement with recycled items that is constantly recycled.
>Oh, you know, the bit that always gets thrown in the bin first. Usually astrology, animals, gardens, homes, etc; (Daily Mail award for best Daily Mail commerical 1992, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99....)

BT
>ET advertises BT! geddit? and he phones home! Yes we do get it, and get it, and get it. Could either NASA dissect the little squit, or someone send him into outer space on a nuclear missile. (Whoops, my finger hit the self-destruct button) - oh, and musn't forget to give that family work at the dairy product marketing board as they're so cheesey they stink, (just like the adverts).

Pischead Lager
>Another witty and hilarious commercial showing two men being totally stupid and made to look like total arses in front of women! (As seen in nearly every other commercial on UK television)

Washedup Liquid
>Out of work actor from the past that everyone seems to think has snuffed it, talks in a voice as smooth as Draylon plugging some over-priced domestic cleaning detergent that not only kills all germs, but all marine life within a thirty mile radius of the sewage outlet pipe.

Fogey Insurance Plans
>Out of work actor from the past who is about to snuff it tries to scare the crap out of everyone over the age of fifty telling them that for twenty pence a week they'll have a lovely coffin with flowers at no extra cost,
<SMALL PRINT> ...and that they will complete the claim forms for you, once it is proved that you are six foot under, terms and conditions apply, must visit claim office in Brazil on moment of death, paperwork to be signed by yourself in mortuary, etc; etc; you've been screwed, but you'll be dead, ha ha ha.

Crapcos Supermarket
>Silliness ensuses, as those daft and wacky folks get into unfunny scenarios (i.e., shopping) just to tell us that beans are one penny cheaper than in March 1997. Nearly as effective as going to the supermarket and comparing prices for yourself.

Marks & Sparks Latest We're Desperate Campaign
>Deranged woman in the buff runs up a hill then shouts *I'm Normal!* into the fog, fields and sheep. Later is carted away for hypothermia and mental disorder. Viewers wonder what the hell that was about as the caption *Exclusively for Everyone Because We're in Deep Trouble and Desperate for Anyone to buy our Products* fills the screen. C5 viewers get an extended version with full frontal nudity. C4 viewers get some nudity, some pixellation, and someone saying *it's not porn, it's artisitic*.

Daily Haemorroids
>Self-exhibitionist from Big Brother or any other z-celeb paid lots of money to tell us that we have a chance of winning lots of money with the Haemorroids Lucky Vomit Bags Game. *Just open it up,and if your sick patch matches the one printed...* *..three diced carrots wins you a fiver...* *.....Lots of vomit every day in the Daily Haemorroids*

Leighton Buzzard Stairlifts
>The Queen Mother (aka Thora Hird) tells us that since she's had a Leighton Buzzard Stairlift fitted, she can now go up and down stairs, and it's very useful if you want to go up and down stairs because we all have to go up and down stairs, even if we live in a bungalow.

Do you enjoy "living"? do you hate "firey mangled death"? Then you need the best-engineered car in the world!

Mercedes - it's us, or _death_.




(sinfest)

Further changes...

BURMESE BIG BROTHER
Inspired revamping of the fly-on-the-wall documentary that gets closer to the spirit of George Orwell's original novel '1984'. We follow the fortunes of a group of political prisoners kept under house arrest by the oppressive Burmese government. Who will get interrogated this week? You decide!

I quite liked that car ad from a while ago, don't remember what brand. The tagline was "Stay Beautiful", which was kind of threatening you with facial disfigurement if you don't buy their car.

Ahhh yes the Renault Megane ad. Oddly enough though, my brother wrote off my Dads Megane in an horrific crash which completely crushed the car, yet he escaped without a blemish.
Pity that, his face could do with a bit of scarring to detract from the general ugliness!

Shacks! When I was a yongster siblings had love and respect for each other. Although not too much love, kwim?

Aaaah I love and ...well...I don't respect Mr Boyy, that would be lying, but he's gone up in my estimations since he dumped that slag, she with the twat like a wizards sleeve!

>Marks & Sparks Latest We're Desperate Campaign
>>Deranged woman in the buff runs up a hill then shouts *I'm Normal!* into the fog, fields and sheep.


See, if she did that every day then she wouldn't have such a fat arse.

>she with the twat like a wizards sleeve!

Where can one of these be purchased?

It can only be got by whoring about, and giving birth to many bastard offspring in a short space of time. Uuuugh, she's repellent!

Suii I just love the description of it being like 'a wizards sleeve'. How do you come up with them? And it sounds more enchanting than disease ridden.

That's the second time someone's praised a phrase used a lot by Viz on this forum. Why not buy the Profanisaurus, stuffed full of such phrases? I think it's also online at http://www.viz.co.uk too.

Incidentally, I only really buy Viz out of habit these days. The last few issues haven't made me laugh once.

I mostly steal my phrases from obscure TV programmes (often unknowingly!) much to Johns disgust. But when it comes to that pox-bottle of a bruvs ex-gf there are no end of obscenities available to describe her. That night when she asked me to get into bed with her was the scariest of my life!!