if they've got no info "Frasier's date doesn't quite go as planned" is quite a safe bet.

the adams family - 'a visitor to the adams family's home is shocked by their unconventional behaviour.'

Any Laurel & Hardy '2 reeler' - "They hit each other and fall over."

later with jools holland 'the baleful one plays his piano while the guest artistes look on helplessly'

The Royal Institution Christmas Lectures - "Paul Ross shares his unique views about why drinking lemonade can decrease thirst"

The Bill- Carver's /Deakin's /Dashwood's /Roache's /Burnside's /Meadow's snout lets him down.

Never Mind the Buzzcocks - "Mark Lamarr is rude to a minor pop star."

Brookside - "something bad happens to someone."

>The Royal Institution Christmas Lectures - "Paul Ross shares his unique views about why drinking lemonade can decrease thirst"

"And that, you see, is the amazing thing about it. It doesn't just taste sweet and refreshing, it actually decreases thirst. And as a ten year old, growing up in the East End, that really blew me away, that a drink could actually do that."

The Harry Hill Show - "see last week's listing"

I thought your Brookside one was rubbish when I first read it, Subbes, but now I think about it, you've got it exactly right. That show just piles up the misery.

>>The Royal Institution Christmas Lectures - "Paul Ross shares his unique views about why drinking lemonade can decrease thirst"
>
>"And that, you see, is the amazing thing about it. It doesn't just taste sweet and refreshing, it actually decreases thirst. And as a ten year old, growing up in the East End, that really blew me away, that a drink could actually do that."

Bang on, Mr O.

>>>The Royal Institution Christmas Lectures - "Paul Ross shares his unique views about why drinking lemonade can decrease thirst"
>>
>>"And that, you see, is the amazing thing about it. It doesn't just taste sweet and refreshing, it actually decreases thirst. And as a ten year old, growing up in the East End, that really blew me away, that a drink could actually do that."
>
>Bang on, Mr O.
>
>

Indeed. Nail. Head. Hit.

EastEnders - This week there's trouble in store for (insert character name), and (insert character name) is angry with (insert character name). Will (character name) find out about (character name) and (character name)'s affair?
Terry and June - This week Terry (does something mundane) with hilarious consequences/unexpected results.
The Sky at Night - stargazing with Patrick Moore

Bread "The Boswells - a family of loveable rogues trying to keep afloat in a sea of unemployment"

Any children's programme that the sub-editors have never seen:

"Puppet fun."

Panarama: Fisting fun.

More cut 'n' paste cliches from listings magazines:

Aniamted antics. - As used for nearly every animated children's cartoon.

There's a lot happening in Corrie/Emmerdale/Albert Square/BBC Newsrooms this week. - In other words you're going to get: A) A PR puff, or, B)absolutely nothing to back up that statement.

The popular quiz/comedy/soap/drama....etc;

It's popular in the office. - I have an office all of my own/or someone in the office watches it and wrote this article for me.

Without fail, Spitting Image was usually "latex lampoonery".

Any Sherlock Holmes write-up contains the phrase "super sleuth".

One of the funniest things in a television listings I have seen recently was in the write-up for Prometheus a couple of weeks ago, which finished with the gem: "Strictly for egg-heads."
I bet Heinz Wolff set the vid for that then.

The Nine O'Clock News - "Shit happens".

Any 'hard-hitting' drama starring Robsen Green:
Michael Green, a (insert job here, anything except police-related, preferably 'exotic' i.e. sword-swallower) goes on the run after he witnesses a friend murder/seeks revenge after a friends murder, and gets an attractive woman to help him. Dark, but not too dark as to put the old veiwers off too much.

By proving what i have said is wrong, you will unwittingly reveal that you have watched, closely, a program starring Green, and you will become the laughing stock of the forum forever and ever and ever. Until it gets closed down again.

Is that what happened in 'Grafters'? I thought it was just a show about some builders.

>Brookside - "something bad happens to someone."
Home and Away - "something bad happens to someone in glorious sunshine"

>The Nine O'Clock News - "Shit happens".
The 11 O'clock Show - "Shit happens"

The 11 O'Clock Show - Shit

Any late evening film on Channel 5: "Erotic thriller starring Shannon Tweed"

Seinfeld: "Cancelled in favour of darts coverage"

>Any late evening film on Channel 5: "Erotic thriller starring Shannon Tweed"

Isn't there about three different Shannon's that they rotate? There's definitely a Shannon Whirry as well.

I only know this because I evesdrop in pubs.

Shannon Tweed, Shannon Whirry and Shannon Shannon are the 3 Shannons. However, the other night I saw a terrible film on C5 that didn't feature any of them.

It was about a photographer who got a job taking naughty pictures on a boat in tye Black sea, but comes to realise it's all a cover for gun-smuggling. The evil captain was played by the bloke who said "Wake up - time to die!" to Harrison Ford in 'Blade Runner', and has since come down in the world.

It was rubbish. But I had to watch to be sure.

And how is that ol' blurred view doing this morning?

Any 9 o'clock film on Channel 5
"Hard hitting true life story featuring Lynda Carter/Teri Garr/Meredith Baxter-Birney/Lindsey Wagner"

>Any 9 o'clock film on Channel 5
>"Hard hitting true life story featuring Lynda Carter/Teri Garr/Meredith Baxter-Birney/Lindsey Wagner"

That's only Tuesdays and Thursdays... Mondays and Wednesdays are usually:
"A team of maverick ex-Navy SEALS, lead by Hulk Hogan attempt to infiltrate the island base of some bloke you've seen in loads of 80s films (and have a sneaking suspicion he was the footballer in the wheel-chair in The Red Hand Gang). Edited for violence."

"some bloke you've seen in loads of 80s films"

Or Steve Guttenburg, as he's known in showbiz circles.

>"some bloke you've seen in loads of 80s films"
>
>Or Steve Guttenburg, as he's known in showbiz circles.

Thats not loads of 80s films. It's 5.
Police Academy, Police Academy 2, Police Academy 3, Police Academy 4 and Police Academy 5

What about Cocoon, and that other one?

That makes 7. More than most actors managed in the 80s.

And what about poor old Dirk Benedict?

>What about Cocoon, and that other one?

Cocoon 2? Was he in Splash or was that Tom Hanks? I used to get them mixed up. Doesn't really happen since the only filmI've seen Guttenburg in recently is Casper The Friendly Ghost 2.
>

>
>And what about poor old Dirk Benedict?

Yeah, or Ralph Macchio?

Steptoe & Son - "Harold decides the time has come to leave his father."

You DIRTY old man!

Any Scooby Doo - "Cartoon fun with the crime fighting dog and his friends"