How could I forget...

"I will never see Machiavelli/ On the telly" - S*M*A*S*H

>"Worms in the garden/ More real than a McDonalds" - Manic Street Preachers
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>"The world is full of refugees/ they're just like you & just like me" - MSP
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Manic Strret preachers are great aren't they? "wash you car in your 'X' baseball shoes" or whatever is a favourite. Also the whole of S.Y.M.M - that's Deep.

Remembered from NME's late lamented Bismillah columm:
"you may only have 48 hours to live/But that's more than they'd give you in Beirut (Zaire?)/Do something constructive with your weekend."
The Jam - 'Here Comes the Weekend'
There's also the bit in Will Smith's 'Getting Jiggy With It' where he 'rhymes': "you gotta/bag/with a lotta/Prada/stuff in it..."
And another line that's bothered me recently is in Craig David's 'Fill Me In':
"Talked about jacuzzis/Sounded interesting/So we jumped right in..."
Talked about? "Yes, this is the 400XL it has a five nozzle circulation system." "Hmm. That *is* interesting. Shall we try it out?"

I thought all those lyrics mentioned were extremely good actually.


Made me laugh out loud.


Congratulations Jon, you seem to have out done yr self.

"you may only have 48 hours to live/But that's more than they'd give you in Beirut (Zaire?)/Do something constructive with your weekend."
The Jam - 'Here Comes the Weekend'"

It's Zaire.

"I look like Robert de Niro/I drive a Mitsubishi Zero"
(Sexuality by Billy Bragg)

"She used to be a diplomat/But now she's down the laundromat"
(Highly Strung by Spandau Ballet)

of course....
"You're about as easy as a nuclear war"
(Is There Something I Should Know by Duran Duran)

"Please don't lay upon the grass
Unless accompanied by a fellow
May I be so bold as to suggest Othello?"
(Garden Party by Marillion)

Of course, there's the classic "ghost/toast" lyric for Des'ree's "Life" as remembered in the adam and joe book.
And any Robbie Williams song which makes a reference to someone he knows personally, but doesn't like (all of them, then)

"You can make it in a big balloon/but you'd better make it soon....You can windsurf into my life" - Get Here, by some big-gobbed bint, y'know, that song that just listed more and more ridiculous forms of transport:

"You can make it on a Chopper/ cross the desert on a space hopper/ you can pogo stick into my life..."etc.

'I wanna know why an orange is an orange but a lime ain't a green/ I wanna know how a blind man knows when his arse is clean' The Song Formally Known As ? by The Wildhearts

You'll find my personal collection of abysmal lyrics somewhere here:

http://www.bluejam20.freeserve.co.uk/

'Rhythm is a dancer/Serious as cancer', Snap

Oh, and any line from that new Vengaboys single. Lots of wink-wink references to joysticks and infected disks so cutting-edge they were going round my school almost 15 years ago. Fuxache.

"I wanna be inside out"

That would kill you, surely!

"Ra, Ra, Rasputin, Russia's greatest sex machine, there was a cat who really was gone." - Boney M's foray into serious political history.

"It comes on unrelentless, I've tried so hard to prevent this" - Greg Lake commiting a double negative in "Nobody Loves You Like I Do" from ELP Works Volume 1. Nice tune, though.

"Mama, I just killed a man, put a gun against his head, pulled the trigger, now he's dead." - Queen, of course. Wonder how long it took them to come up with that rhyme?

And from the land of windmills and clogs...
"While a scallywag is murdered in a dark and lonely street, chubby women will seduce you; they are castaways at a Goddamned place. Let's eviscerate the dungheap, this degenerated realm...
Have to watch your wife and children, creepy scarecrows in the street, and they kill your cat at Christmas, oh, today it's mere Armageddon out there."
-Egdon Heath, title track from "In the City" (Netherlands, 1987). Every word genuine, I swear.

Scary.

I like my men like I like my coffee, hot n strong n sweet like toffee. (SisterSister?)

Uuuuuugh!!!!! Vile harridans.

Just had the misfortune to hear on the radio:

"So I'll just keep on walking down that open road/talking to the man who knows me/ooh YES he knows me/the man is meeeee" Pieman Barlow, "I Could Murder a Pastie"*











*I may have got this title wrong.

'My life is extraordinarily sad'
from the same song by Fat Bastard Barlow.

What rado station would dare play a song by Barlow - still, at least it's not Mark "I am what i am" Owen

"My life is now full of people's faces"


That last word must be a typo...

"IM EVIL"

No more maybes/the babies got rabies - silverchair

"I had to suck a lot of cock to get where I am" Regurgitator (from song of the same name)

I'm also partial to their song "I like repetitive music" in which the lyrics are...go on, guess...

>"I had to suck a lot of cock to get where I am" Regurgitator (from song of the same name)
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>I'm also partial to their song "I like repetitive music" in which the lyrics are...go on, guess...
>

Similar to DK's "I like short songs" then?
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>

Do you remember that song that went "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, limits"?

Hale and Pace did a send up that went "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, lyrics".

Possibly the last funny thing they ever did.

Or indeed the first.

I dunno, Hale and Pace did quite a funny sketch about a teacher who received a lamp on his last day of work at the school. The lamp came from the headmaster's desk, because the head had forgotten to buy him anything.

There were other bits about how this teacher spent his day getting spat at by kids and things.

I laughed at it. And their children's TV presenter characters were funny the first couple of times.

But yes, Hale and Pace are rubbish.

Time for Eurovision methinks.....

"Now I wait in the cold
And this is getting old
No more stories no more lies
Take me off this ride
When you see me in the hall
I look at the wall
By my actions you should know
I'm going solo"

Russia 2000

As Regurgitator go I think 'I Like Your Old Stuff Better Than Your New Stuff' is a great title for a song.

And not a bad song, either.

"If life is a radio/Turn it up to ten" Kiss - Crazy Crazy Nights

A great band, a great song, but the lyric: "She'd say that she'd sod all/The friends who had left her/To drink from the bod-dle' is really not acceptable. (Squeeze - Labelled with Love)

"I look bad in shorts, most of us do, don't let that bother me" MotherLoveBone.

Good band, but some of their lyrics are dire!

"A seasoned witch could call you from the depths of your disgrace, and rearrange your liver to the solid mental grace." - Yes, "Close to the Edge"

I'm actually a big fan of Yes's deliberately overblown sound and stream-of-consciousness lyrics, but even I have to admit that one's pretty naff. Great Wakeman organ solo, though. He can show me his organ any day. Ooh, er, missus!