That's you on his next show then

>Mark Thomas, walking down Oxford St, midday today.
>
>I just blanked him. I wasn't in the mood for a chat.
>

I seem him regularly on the street where I live. Perhaps he lives here to.

One Wednesday last month, Charing Cross Road was a positive minor-celebrity-fest. Within an hour I spotted: the bloke who links the kiddies' programmes in the mornings on Channel 5; that tall bloke with the wonky nose out of the advert where he's a toilet attendant trying to sell a bloke a toilet cubicle; and the Queen. (I'd love to say that she was sitting opposite me on the Tube, but in fact she was being whisked past me in a limo.)

Crikey, people on telly are actually real. What's more, you didn't deign to talk to them because you "weren't in the mood". That'll show the rotters.
I've walked past Richard Herring and not said anything. The fact is that if you say anything to someone you know only off TV, you are a "a"unt.

Now I think of it, I saw Ben Elton walking down Oxford St as well once. Like MT, he was speaking into his mobile phone whilst walking.

Is Oxford St good for reception?

Justin saw Kevin Day in Blaham once, but that's just not the same.

>Justin saw Kevin Day in Blaham once, but that's just not the same.


Actually, it was on Streatham High Road. Twice. But it isn't the same, true enough.

I also saw Rory McGrath about ten years ago on Charing Cross Road, and I so wanted to say to him, '"Trivial Pursuit" - is that as good as it gets for you these days?'

>I also saw Rory McGrath about ten years ago on Charing Cross Road, and I so wanted to say to him, '"Trivial Pursuit" - is that as good as it gets for you these days?'

And then he made more money from 'They Think It's All Over' than you can even spell. So just as well you didn't actually say it to him, otherwise you'd have ended up feeling pretty silly, eh?

>>I also saw Rory McGrath about ten years ago on Charing Cross Road, and I so wanted to say to him, '"Trivial Pursuit" - is that as good as it gets for you these days?'
>
>And then he made more money from 'They Think It's All Over' than you can even spell. So just as well you didn't actually say it to him, otherwise you'd have ended up feeling pretty silly, eh?


How about if I'd said, "Rory McGrath, you're not funny now, and in ten years time, you'll be even less so?".

Oh, and money is spelt M, O, N, E, Y. Big deal. What the hell's so impressive about that?

>Oh, and money is spelt M, O, N, E, Y. Big deal. What the hell's so impressive about that?

Well, it means you're not that maladjusted "Evil Clown" fucknut for a start.

Whenever I had to visit London for a meeting about another high concept failure I'd dreamed up, I'd make it my job to record minor celebrities I'd spotted. Here are my findings:

Michael Buerk - chilling out on Oxford Street after refereeing another ethical wrestling bout on The Moral Maze.

Anthony Worral-Thompson - swanning about wearing a chef's costume with the words "Anthony Worral-Thomspon" sewn into it.

Steve Punt - chatting to mediocre comedy impressionist and Chris Moyles suckarse Jon Culshaw in the Yorkshire Grey pub by BH.

Tony Hawks - looking embarrassed.

Arabella Weir - at BBC writer's seminar/piss up, looking quite hot actually

Ronnie Ancona - ditto

Jenny Eclair - at same, being nice.

Peter White, the BBC's blind disability correspondent, crossing the road. The advantage of spotting a blind celebrity, of course, is that you can just stare at them for as long as you want and they don't know you're doing it.

Jimmy Mulville - at Comic Relief writer's meeting I attended in 1990 as a cocky 19 year old. He was annoyed when I started smoking. Had a very expensive pen, I remember.

Andy Hamilton - same meeting.

Les Dennis - in play when I worked at a theatre

Helen Atkinson Wood - in same play

Amanda Holden - when she came to first night of Les's play

John Leslie & Anthea Turner - watching crap Mike Reed musical adaptation of Great Expectations at a (different) theatre

Roy Hudd - in bar after doing show, was cool, bloody nice chap etc etc

Denise Coffey (of Do Not Adjust etc) at above with the Huddster

Ian McCulloch - at Liverpool Albert Dock (not comedy but there ya go)

John Gorman, ex Scaffold, Tiswas, OTT and NTNO'CN at an amdram production my aunt was in (he's director of the theatre in question) Big deal, eh? And 1970s Welsh TV personality and Telefant slapstick meister Mici Plwm when he interviewed another relative. Chance encounters? Er... none that I can think of...

"Ian McCulloch - at Liverpool Albert Dock (not comedy but there ya go)"

Oh, come on. Who can't have a chuckle at the Bunnymen?

"Bring on the dancing horses..."

Nicholas Parsons - the Pleasance courtyard, Edinburgh, a few weeks back, swanning around in a cravet and blazer looking like a tosser.

Mick Jagger - walking around Hampstead Heath yesterday with (suprise, suprise) an attractive younger woman.

It would be more of a story if it was a younger man.

Mark Lamarr, climbing out of a sewer, because that's where he lives, because he's shit, do you see?











I'm only joking, of course!

But like the greatest comedy, it reveals the truth.

I've been an extra on Neighbours. Does this count? ('Cos I've spotted myself on a number of occassions)

>I've been an extra on Neighbours. Does this count? ('Cos I've spotted myself on a number of occassions)

On a trip to London during the school holidays about 15 years ago, the late great Bob Peck held the door of Foyles open for me as I was walking in and he walking out, he gave me a very courteous smile and went on his way... About an hour later, walking through Covent Garden, I saw Michael Knowles...
In the days when I lived in South Wimbledon (sometime in 1995), I was travelling up on the Northern Line one Saturday and Lee and Herring got on at Balham and sat in the same carriage. I tried not to stare. Later, when I worked with them, I thought it best not to mention it as I'm sure they wouldn't have remembered it...

Anyone got any celebrity punch-up stories?

I nearly floored Gaz Topp in Olympia last year. But it was a complete accident. I walkied into him, stood on his foot and we both said sorry. He was perfectly affable.

I once spilt some beer on Jarvis Cocker.

On purpose?

Did he invite you outside?

Damn, forgot to change the title.

I was once present when someone was talking about muff diving in front of Tim Brooke-Taylor. He didn't say anything.

Did he know what they meant?

Encounters with famous people...

...stood next to Damon Albarn at the urinals in a now-defunct jazz club

...saw Chris Morris at Suicide's reunion gig a couple of years back

...stood in front of Neil Hannon at a cashpoint, back in the days of Promenade/Liberation. He was stunned that anyone recognised him.

...saw Lee and Herring walking around the shops near the venue for a northern gig

...one of my friends nearly had a punch-up with Ian Brown

...occasional sightings of notorious recluse Lee Mavers from The La's at various locations in Liverpool

>Did he know what they meant?

Yes.

I think that my celebrity spotting far outshines any of yours. It was only a week ago when I was at Walthamstow dog track and I bumped into the blonde chap with the glasses who was one of the hunters from Channel 4's "Wanted" series. I inquired what he was up to now and he said he'd auditioned for the US version (which is just about to start) but they didn't like him and that he's not doing much at all now really.