I shall set my alarm on Monday morning especially.

What is so camp about the TM set?

It used pastel pinks and blues, which are obviously gay colours. And all the naval stuff.

Sounds like John's bedroom!

My secret shame!

>My secret shame!

Mock ye not. I felt very attached to the boiler house you know.

Johns room has a very nautical air about it, chock full of Seamen.

Have they got rid of Judy's shaking arm as well??

I doubt it.

And the seamen are all over my dressing gown, not my room in general.

A bit like Craig David?

Who's that?

The double entendre in confusing the words "seamen" and "semen" doesn't work in text.

Making it even less funny than it was before.

But...my dressing gown has pictures of seamen all over it.

And?

And other seamen, if I know you!

11 ocs contracts all round, i think.

not for John!, he's a little......well......

Weird?

Hmm, lets just say your humour might not appeal to the 11ocs audience!

Well, I'm sure they'd love me if they got to know me!

Either that, or they'd be throwing knives at my face and writing obscene words in blood on my house.

I love him a lot. He is the sexiest thing on two legs ever, and I should know, I've shared a bed with him!!!*


































*Obviously in a purely platonic fashion, cos he's a poof, and that's just.......wrong innit!

I wish you'd stop advertising the fact we slept together.

There are men around who might get the wrong idea.

In my opinion, the new opening titles and graphics for "This Morning" (designed for the first time outside of Granada, I understand) are the cheesiest and most unpleasant titles I have ever seen in my life.

That's rich coming from me. My occasional forays into television production have earned me a reputation for being a cheesemonger. But I don't think anyone could have made a more toe-curling set of titles and graphics, even had they been trying to devise a daytime pastiche in the style of TMWRNJ or Victoria Wood's "All Day Breakfast".

Everyone in them (each "family" member) looks like a wax effigy, or completely pissed. And what is Raj Persaud doing with his eyebrows?

Through a cheap attempt to generate a widescreen picture (shooting in 4:3 ratio and then putting it through a standards converter to arc it) the picture quality resembles a poor NTSC transfer from The God Channel. The new logo reminds me of the dust jacket of the Junior New English Bible I used to take to Sunday School...

It makes me weep - I really think this is the beginning of the end for "This Morning"

They did pass comment about the hideous new logo on the show the other day, stating it to look like something off a religious channel.

Judy was also accused of being a lesbian.

'Ya great big lezzer' is how Richard put it.

the logo just looks turgid (the 11-year old one looks better for heavens sake!!). I could have designed a better one.

In fact, yes, I shall.

And I shall post a link here.

Yes.

And what's wrong with The God Channel?

I could have done better with a broken pencil clamped between my lips.

>And what's wrong with The God Channel?

Nothing at all if you're into that sort of thing, but it has no place on ITV in the morning... I mean, pass the tambourine, man!

Yes but worse was to come in the actual show- have you seen the recipes? Where's the jolly banter gone? I only used to watch it for the odd insight into R & J's domestic set up- 'Richard doesn't normally like Aubergine do you?' or Judy deliberately avoiding having to raise a fork to her mouth with her wobbly hand... aah... all gone...

What do you lot do all day?

Watch daytime television and then go on the forum and then watch daytime television and then go on the forum and then watch daytime television and then go on the forum and then watch daytime television and then go on the forum and then watch daytime television and then go on the forum and then watch daytime television and then go on the forum and then watch daytime television and then go on the forum and then watch daytime television and then go on the forum and then watch daytime television and then go on the forum and then watch daytime television and then go on the forum and then watch daytime television and then go on the forum and then watch daytime television and then go on the forum and then watch ...

I think I've made my point.

PS I'm making no value judgements about such a lifestyle. In fact, I'm jealous.

It's excellent.

This Morning, bit of Watercolour Challenge, the news, Esther, Countdown, The Weakest Link.

Have you ever seen such a list of quality programmes?

Watercolour Challenge, eh?
Like the sound of that.
Must take a sickie.

Believe me.

You'll love it.

Sure you wouldn't rather take a brickie?

>Yes but worse was to come in the actual show- have you seen the recipes? Where's the jolly banter gone? I only used to watch it for the odd insight into R & J's domestic set up- 'Richard doesn't normally like Aubergine do you?' or Judy deliberately avoiding having to raise a fork to her mouth with her wobbly hand... aah... all gone...

Except that on Fridays, when Fern and John present, Fern will be allowed to take part in the cookery slot alongside the new chef, her hubby Phil Vickery... I daresay there'll be plenty of off-camera yelling and banter from John Leslie (I hope so anyway)

Fii----i-iiiiinn-n-nni-iiiiiii-is-s-ss-hed!

http://www.idrive.com/arma2/

> tismoning.jpg or whatever.
> (it's Judy, by the way)

It seems to be temporarily restricted.

Time for John and Fern then. Tsk.

I wish I had something better to do.

Get a job?

I had a job.

I just found I didn't actually like working.

>>...on Fridays, when Fern and John present, Fern will be allowed to take part in the cookery slot alongside the new chef, her hubby Phil Vickery...>

And did you see that John Leslie and Fern have graduated to the title sequence this series?

I still can't work out what Raj, Chris etc are doing at the top of the titles. Christ knows what the director told them to do, unless it was 'nod off camera in a vaguely self-conscious and awkward manner'- in which case they did a very good job.

It really is vomit inducing.

It's like some tribute to tacky early 90's TV.

>I had a job.
>
>I just found I didn't actually like working.

Work is the way 'The Man' keeps us down, it's evil!

Then describe to me the method in which income enters your dwelling and things like 24 hour internet access (you obviously have it!) are paid for.

I'm Johns pimp.*
























*Note: I have cleared this with the DSS, it does not count as 'earnings' more sort of 'rent'. Oh yeah, and my 24/7 access is 100% gratis, so that means John is now allowed a night off once a month.

I get money from the heavens.

Jesus, He loves me, and He knows I'm right.

PS Couldn't get it up yesterday. The Forum, I mean.
That's why I was so quiet.

Whoops! That was meant for the waleS4Cymru thread

Naughty RB.

Heavens Above, you might say!

John, you're s'posed to be working! Get down to the docks, the baby needs new shoes!

*Sniff* you never told me about any baby...

Awww there there.
John stole it from outside Woolworths, in the belief that it was a puppy. Sadly, it has fallen upon me to raise it while John 'works', but because I only know how to look after rabbits and dogs the baby is suffering. It's quite funny though, it has developed a taste for chewy sticks, and it's a great little digger!
Want us to do your garden Arma? *g*

I'm bored with the baby now.

I think I might 'lose' it.

A most peculiar 'love child'.

I have no garden because I live in a sewer.

Yeah...that baby got boring very quickly. Why don't we get a pet bumble bee instead?
Arma, what's it like to live in a sewer? John and I live in one of those supermarket bread crates, very airy but a tad impractical for raising children.

But it smells so good.

Fresh bread crumbs stored away for a rainy day.

And crumpets, for those winter nights.

If there's a better winter meal than cold crumpets in a bread tray, *I* haven't found it.

A sewery? Very practible thankyou. You can find allsorts down here (but the telly reception aint that great)

I bet you can still get Channel 5, unlike John, who lives too near the French!

But as I always say: who wants Channel 5?

I'd much rather have the French.

Ahem.

>Heavens Above, you might say!

Are we talking pubs in Newcastle here, Arma?
Or is that just a coincidence?

Who knows?

I'm not sure if I went to Heaven's Above, or I think I did, can't remember. Was it outside there I mounted the lesbian?

Hmm.

I think that was the Barking Dog

Sounds like something they might have in Canada - the Royal Mounted Lesbians...

No, The Barking Dog was the place we went to before the film, and were harassed by some old depressed drunk.

I like the way you've brought it back round to the subject of Richard and Judy. Both of them are mentioned in the previous posting.

Yep, well, Richard and Judy are very close to my heart, it was only fair to let them come to the pub with us.

I bet they never stood a round.

By this, I do not mean they moved about vigorously, thus avoiding being static.
I mean they never bought any beer.

I should bloody hope not, we were in a gay bar.

Beer?

>>Heavens Above, you might say!
>
>Are we talking pubs in Newcastle here, Arma?
>Or is that just a coincidence?

Whatever do you mean? I simply said a regular, english, common, plain expression. It's not as if I'm stalking you is it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . no i'm not actually

>I mean they never bought any beer.

No, they're both as tight as gnats' chuffs... Though Judy's dodgy knees wouldn't permit her to stand around too much...

It was outside 'Heavens Above' where John mounted that lesbotron. And Richard and Judy not only didn't buy us a drink in the Barking Dog, they looked at us scornfully when we drank 6 vodka and Red Bulls in one pint glass each *ahem*
Fucking disgraceful. I wonder if that man killed himself then??

He might as well have, he didn't seem to have much to live for if the best people he could find to talk to were us.

And I did suggest suicide at least 5 times, maybe more. He was incredibly ugly though, it would've been a mercy killing!

Oh dear. On that basis, about 95 per cent of people in Why-Aye Land should be culled. (Boyfy is in the five per cent, I hasten to add).

Well, I wasn't going to be the one to say it.

Not me???

No, of course not you.

The men.

I thought I'd been visiting during the Ugly Gay Men's Association conference.

But they were there every time I visited.

The one who gave us all the vodka in The Barking Dog was okay.

But apart from that, nah.

Let's MURDER THEM!