>right. here goes. i was young, so it must have been the seventies, and it was on just before (or perhaps after) nationwide, and it was a public information film advising children of the wisdom of not playing on the railway, and it was done up like a game show, and i remember one game where the kids had to run into the tunnel as the train was coming and they ended up being carted out on stretchers.
>
>did i imagine it?

If you did, then I did too. Kids threw bricks and bottles at the train, and the presenter awarded points for seriousness of injury - there was one awful scene (which has stayed with me always) of a driver clutching his bloody face in agony, while the host gushes "Well done - that's a full 10 points" or something.

There was uproar in the popular press at the time because it was feared this film would have exactly the opposite effect to the one intended; rather than driving home the consequences of playing on/vandalising the railways, it would make it seem fun.

Jesus, those public information films were *dark*, weren't they? Early influence on a pre-pubescent Morris?

When I was at primary school, we had to watch that one about the gang of kids who manage to massacre themselves entirely during the summer holidays through a series of improbable farmyard accidents. I was a bit upset about the boy who sank in the pool of mud and asked my teacher how they'd managed to do the scene so realistically. She just laughed and said "Oh, I'm sure they managed to fish him out afterwards".

I wonder... I mean, you never heard of any of them going on to do other things, did you?

I saw both of those - the farmyard one was called "Apache" - and also one called "Building Sites Bite!", which was similar in theme to the farming one except that the youngsters perished at the hands of JCBs etc. Also one about a teenage girl who tried to impress the local hunk by diving into a pond, tore her face open on the rocky underneath, and ended by sombrely musing "he'll never like me now" while fingering a long scar that ran vividly beneath her left eye.

I used to wonder how the frisbee/substation one looked so realistic... I guess it never occurred to me that they might have turned the power off to film it! Anyone know if there's any truth in the rumour that Alan Hawkshaw provided the positively evil synth soundtrack to that one?

And does anyone else remember the Grim Reaper By Pond one???

We were once shown a railway safety video (I'd have been 10 at the time), in which Robbie, a fun-loving wee lad, took a short cut across the rail track with his mates.
Something happened (he tripped or summat) and he got his shoe caught in the track as the points changed. Subsequently had his legs chopped off by the passing train and had to live life in a wheelchair.

It was fucking horiffic, as they showed the real kid the true story was based on, and I never EVER dared go near a railway.

It obviously got to the other kids in my class, as the boys kept pretending that they had no legs (by suspending themselves between two classroom chairs) and that their name was Robbie.

That video beat the hell out of any Green Cross Code Man or the squirrel (Was it a squirrel?)

Scaring the shit out of kids is an excellent form of education... We all remember those scenes so well.

>I used to wonder how the frisbee/substation one looked so realistic...


Oh, that one was horrible... They all were, but I was scared of substations before I even saw that and it just added to the nightmare!

>
>That video beat the hell out of any Green Cross Code Man or the squirrel (Was it a squirrel?)

Tufty the Squirrel. Bit of an odd choice considering how many of the little blighters end up squished in some gutter somewhere - they might as well have chosen a blummin hedgehog...

The fireworks one took all the fun out of Bonfire Night...
>
>Scaring the shit out of kids is an excellent form of education...

You're so right...I'm off to scare some right now! Anyone want to join me?

> they might as well have chosen a blummin hedgehog...


They HAVE!
Haven't you seen the advert currently on TV, where the hedgehog tells you to stop and look both ways before crossing the road?

Well, the hedgehog *sings* that you should be careful to the tune of 'King of The Road.'

Fantastic!

Frisbee/substation is the single most frightening piece of film that I have ever seen. Simple as that.


Anyone else remember the girl who fell in a garden pond? Or the rag doll caught in an escalator that was viciously ripped out at the conclusion?

All i seemed to get was a shitty book about trains, full of wank drawings by "that bloke who did the pictures for Roald Dahl" Cheers...

Although the the building site and frisbee ones sound familiar.

>Or the rag doll caught in an escalator that was viciously ripped out at the conclusion?

I have been caught by the *same* dress in the *same* escalator TWICE and I have been trapped in a level crossing, as I mentioned the other day on another thread.
Despite the safety videos I have seen and my previous comment about them being educational, I have obviously learned nothing.

>>Or the rag doll caught in an escalator that was viciously ripped out at the conclusion?

That put the bijimminies up me! They took it further as well.. it was pre-"Play it Safe" with Sir James Saville, but there was some other programme warning kids not to stick their head in a chip-pan.. anyway, on that there was some kid that got his/her wellington boot caught in an esclator and their leg mangled up good... I remember going up the escalator in Marks and Spencers with my mum shortly afterward and being scared rigid.
Actually, the lingerie department scared me rigid anyway in those days.. of course these days it just m.. no that would be too sad.

Weirdly enough, I know someone who got runover as a kid while playing Tufty The Squirrel in the street. Obviously PIFs had the wrong effect sometimes!

Ailie, I never realised you were female until now!!!

I did once write a big long article on Public Info Films for my magazine, which was full of class jokes etc, but unfortunately it seemed that every time I tried to slot it into an issue, there was something in the news about someone dying in a bizarre public information style way ie touching overhead wires with a fishing rod etc. Maybe it was cursed.

But I _am_ considering putting it up on my site, if enough people want to see it.

The one with kids pouring themselves cupfuls of paint thinner with a dolls tea set. Now that was nasty...

>Ailie, I never realised you were female until now!!!


Whaaat?!
Did my feminine charm (or obsession with Mr. Lamarr) not give me away?! ;0)

Ailie is a female name of Scottish Gaelic origin.

What can I say?
You obviously missed the picture of me as a hamster, or you would have known...


albeit roughly...

TJ is a name of ancient Northern England can't be bothered to call anyone by their real full name origin.

>there was something in the news about someone dying in a bizarre public information style way ie touching overhead wires with a fishing rod etc.


TJ, you have a way with words which despite their grim reality, makes me laugh.

>TJ is a name of ancient Northern England can't be bothered to call anyone by their real full name origin.

Are you a Timothy?
I know someone by the name of TJ who refuses to be called anything other, due to the fact his name is Timothy.

Ailie, you don't _know_ me, do you???


And if you like my way with words, check out my site. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeasssseeee...

>Ailie, you don't _know_ me, do you???

Not unless you're a Canadian TJ.

What's the URL of your site. I'd love to have a look! :0)

Nope, I'm a Brit TJ... and it's http://www.bluejam20.freeserve.co.uk/

I'm having a look at it just now...

...It looks interesting and far less frivolous than I was expecting... (no offence).
I'll have to concentrate on it, which could prove problematic, as I'm not in a concentrating mood.

Yes - sometimes I have to be in the right mood to concentrate.

I was going to explain why, but that would require concentration.

Am I right in thinking that the end of the frisbee/powerstation pif was the kids mate screaming "Jimmy!" in a ridiculously effeminate way.

Also was the Apache farm masacre accompanied by the tune "10 little, 9 little, 8 little indians"?

What about the one with the kid running on a beach which stops as his foot is about to step on some broken glass.
That still traumatises me to this day.

Bastards!

>Am I right in thinking that the end of the frisbee/powerstation pif was the kids mate screaming "Jimmy!" in a ridiculously effeminate way.
>
>Also was the Apache farm masacre accompanied by the tune "10 little, 9 little, 8 little indians"?
>

Correct on both counts, Lopper. Shame how Apache etc have never surfaced on video, isn't it?

And Ailie, do they have public info films in Canada?

>And Ailie, do they have public info films in Canada?


I dunno... I'm Scottish! :0)
The *TJ* I know is Canadian. I have a lot of Canadian friends...

Ah, I see now...


Do they have public info films in Scotland then?

If they didn't, I would never have seen them!

Good point... but were they the same ones that we got, or were they 'region specific'?

I recognise all the films you're talking about and unless they re-filmed them involving Scottish kids being horrendously injured (which I seriously doubt) then they are exactly the same.

Of course, if I was working on TV's hilarious The 11 O'Clock Show, I'd make some limp comment about McCharlie Says, or something. But I'm not, so I won't.

Oh, go on!

Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah... Ailie, I like you too much to make light of your ancestry/nationality.

:0)

There could have been one about the dangers of kids sitting on over-turned buckets, featuring Oor Wullie with his arse stuck fast, exlaiming "Jings!" whilst Soapy Souter laughs in the back-ground.

"Help ma boab!"

A possible title?

No... wasn't that a sitcom?

Would have been even better if PC Murdoch had turned up the next day to do the serious assembly chat.

Please tell me that no one ever called a sitcom "Help ma boab!"

PLEASE

I am fast losing faith in humanity.

>Would have been even better if PC Murdoch had turned up the next day to do the serious assembly chat.


I am now having a small seizure from laughing at the thought! (seriously - I am in a state of near hysteria).
What a wicked idea!

Ah yes... the dreaded schooldays visits from 'The Safety Men'!!!

One of them once showed us a public info film with Matthew Corbett, Sweep and Sooty. The master print is no doubt now owned by the Japanese Leisure corporation that bought the rights to Matthew Corbett in 1998

Ailie, is it true you look like Gail Porter?

TJ, I am not going to rise to the bait, you juvenille little boy!

What bait?????

I like this thread.

I'm going to have to start asking people I know whether they are haunted by images of those videos... This is a brilliant 'down the pub' topic.

Maybe they should do some videos for students in Higher Education, highlighting the dangers of being pissed - i.e. ending up in accident and emergency with your head attached to the inside of a parking cone or being wheeled there wedged in a shopping trolley.

The Gail Porter bait.

I look like a hamster.

Now come on, I would never knowingly bait you...

There are only three things in life that I bait. Radiohead fans, people who try and sell me stuff that I don't want over the phone, and 1960s garage band singles. The first two I bait as one would bait a bear, dangerously provoking them for my own amusement. The latter I bait and trap in a large plastic box of records.

Huzzah! A fellow Radiohead-fan-hater! I thought I was the only one...

Go on, pour out your bile...

OK... *pours out bile*

It's just that some of their fans are so simperingly sycophantic, and expect you to be impressed with them being vegetarians and writing a song about a birds nest that fell on the floor or something. Plus their music isn't much to write home about, either, but their fans appear to be astonished that the entire world doesn't love their every single recorded moment.

And if you think I'm being harsh, then you should see some of the comments that people have been making on my messageboard!

Radiohead?!
There a far worse bands out there than Radiohead.
It's those Belle and Sebastian fans that piss me off.

Being vegetarian is very impressive.
I do not eat flesh.

I do actually like B&S, but I don't like their fans much. And I don't really like the new album, come to think of it.

Fans of The Cure are the worst.

Damn.
I was trying to bait you.

Damn. I like the Cure.

Ah - Ailie's baiting me now!!!

Oh, come on, don't tell me you didn't enjoy it!

*blushes in recognition of enjoyment*

Cure fans? What about any fans of the following: New Model Army, The Levellers, Fields of the Nephilim, Chumbawumba. All are very sad.

BTW - there are two Public Information Videos available to buy: Charlie Says (animation) and Charlie Live (live action death horror) Both are excellent.

They are indeed great... but neither have the legendary Apache on...

Anyone else here loathe and despise the very concept of Robbie Williams? I've come to find Radiohead tiresome (tell us a joke, for Christ's sake), but at least they're not releasing any singles off the new album. But RW - does criticising him constitute a hanging offence, or is it just that I'm wrong? His last single might as well have been called "I Met That Ian Dury Before He Died - Does That Make Me A Diamond Geezer Too?".

Rant over.

Robbie Williams offends my every dust particle.

I find him unnecessary and ultimately meaningless.

He took off his trousers on Top of The Pops, so he must be cool... or a bit too warm.

I like him. He seems nice.

RW seems like a bitter chancer and a twat of the highest order, who uses his status to say how his teacher didn't like him and anyway "where are you NOW Mr. Smith?"

I consider myself as a bit of a RH fan (although, oviously, they could never be my Favourite band). Come on then, Bait me.

Ailie, I'm nicer than Robbie Williams...

Perhaps I just hate him because he covered XTC's masterly Making Plans For Nigel, purely to have a go at Take That's manager who was called...Nigel. How post-modern. And shite.

I can't wait for the press to turn on him. Which they will do, the c***s, mark my words.
They're every bit as bad as him for encouraging him.