>*oral presentation

See the "Not Naming Names" thread for tips.

>I can't take any more and I have gone past the point of finding anything funny.
>

Well you're in the right place!

I studied history so I can't really help. Not unless you want to write about the origins of The Second World War, The War Of The Roses , or The English Civil War. I do like a bit of killing. During the Second World War Russia was fighting 94% of the German army.

>During the Second World War Russia was fighting 94% of the German army.


Wonder if I could fit that into reflective documents, even though my degree is Management?

>>During the Second World War Russia was fighting 94% of the German army.
>
>
>Wonder if I could fit that into reflective documents, even though my degree is Management?
>

That was me... bloody anonymous stupid post.

All management theory is rubbish, so just write any old crap up to your word limit.

>All management theory is rubbish, so just write any old crap up to your word limit.


That's all I *have* been doing, but I have no more enthusiasm left and I can't take any more.

Bugger.

Then just take one of your previous paragraphs and jumble the words around. What do you think the professionals ever do?

I'm sooo pissed off. This was meant to be done ages ago, but no one bothered to give me the assignment.

I just can't bring myself to look at it. The title is so off-putting.

Show off your originality by writing it as a fictional dialogue.

[True story:] my brother did his final year dissertation for his Law degree as a dialogue between Sherlock Holmes and Dr. watson.

Ailie, I strongly suggest you go straight to

http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/career/index.html

and click on the "Mission Statement Generator". This will instantly spew out reams of completely plausible but meaningless random management-speak which will fool any middle-aged executive, and will certainly add some apparently much-needed padding to any essay on the subject of management...

*communication in reports

I can fart several tunes.

*communication in reflective documents

I've got a tatoo on my arse.

Am I helping?

Your arse is reflective?

can we have a torch here please?...emergency

They might check the authenticity of the tattoo claim, then I'd be buggered.
Not literally of course.

I've written a bit more, but it's still one of the worst documents I have ever had to put my name to.

You could use someone else's...?

*sigh*

If only it were that simple...

Yeah, sorry.

Refuse to do it. If you cave now and write a load of meaningless businobabble, one thing will lead to another and you'll end up as a management consultant.
You don't want that.

>>During the Second World War Russia was fighting 94% of the German army.
>
>
>Wonder if I could fit that into reflective documents, even though my degree is Management?
>
How about:
"Many modern business managers have found their businesses failing due to an inability to prepare adequate documentation reflecting on their strengths and weaknesses during the past fiscal year. They would do well to consider the fate of Stalin's Red Army, which, during World War Two, found itself fighting 94% of the German Army. (Of the other 6%, 2% were getting the shit kicked out of them at El Alamein, and the other 4% were whoring their way through France and the Benelux countries). The Red Army, faced with this predicament, reflected on the circumstances which had created it, and decided that making far more tanks, and having a bigger population than Germany might give them just the edge they needed. They were right. After a diffcult slog through the fallow months at Stalingrad, Red Army '43 was sucessfully launched and went on to give Jerry a damn good thrashing. The rest is, quite literally, history..."

You will all be delighted to know that the essay from hell is written and on it's way to the examinations officer as I type.

Thank you for all your suggestions, no matter how small!

Al, I will definitely be keeping the details of your last post on file for future essay use. :0)