Made me laugh!

Gee, your stuff hasn't been 'rejected': I keep things on file, and it sometimes takes months before they're used. Also please bear in mind that I get shitloads of suggestions and as such it's hard to keep up.

Sorry if I appear rude by not giving an indication of whether something's going in or not; it's not intentional.

Anyway, for future reference, in addition to the submission notes on the site, there's an unofficial "two sentence" rule -- all TVGH listings should fit into a single, grotesquely prolonged sentence if possible -- or two if separated by an episode title.

Nothing 'wrong' with your suggestions per se; I just wrote this fortnight's edition pretty much alone last night, which is how I generally prefer to do it.

BTW, I enjoyed the Ross Kemp (etc) stuff you sent me and have bunged your name in the z*******n writer's box for future contact.

Plug over.

'Off the top of your head', eh? Maybe that's the problem. Underwritten and weak, only the 'Klan' piece struck as me the sort of the thing good enough to appear on TVGH.

Sorry about that. Why not do as I do and only ever submit pieces to a magazine run by your mates, who would never edit (or much less *reject*) your work for fear of hurting your feelings? It's the coward's way, and they only way I know...

Kudos/props/respect for having a go though...

I think parodies of TV listings only really work if you do it like Viz - ie, find your comedic centre and stick with it. TV Go Home is, like the Corpses said, just too workman-like - it just meanders into anything and everything, and there's no character to the attacks. I just can't believe the bloke who writes it is falling over laughing in the process, and that's the problem. But I assume he's a teen-writer learning his craft so perhaps we ought to be more forgiving.

Yes it probably was underwritten Mike J. I'll take note of that. And I'd like to thank Charlie for writing back. I tried to emulate the early TVGOHOME jokes because they're the ones I enjoyed the most.

Nice name check on one of the Corpses at TVGH. Skills.

Sniggered three times at the new one: Bus Window Fingersketch News was a neat idea, Indiana Jones was fine if not as good as the last one, and Cunt is always a pleasure. The rest, though, is filler, to be honest. Still, three chuckles - where can you find that on television these days?

>Sniggered three times at the new one: Bus Window Fingersketch News was a neat idea, Indiana Jones was fine if not as good as the last one, and Cunt is always a pleasure. The rest, though, is filler, to be honest. Still, three chuckles - where can you find that on television these days?

"The magic noose" was good.

>>Cunt is always a pleasure.

Oops. Ah well....

>Is this shite? I only wrote if off the top of my head, so I didn't really work on it. Don't worry about abusing it if it's shite - just do it.
>
Yes, Gee. It is shite. You have proved once and for all that you are not as funny as the people you enjoy criticising.

<Yes, Gee. It is shite. You have proved once and for all that you are not as funny as the people you enjoy criticising.

Does that include Jim Davidson?

>Sniggered three times at the new one:

Me too, in different places..."Don't Care Eyebite Fuckpit Wars" has a satisfying rhythmic feel to it (there's a great textural thing going with the language in TVGH - see also "Brickpouch and Christ" and "Newlywed Shitbarrow Beach Dash Atrocity" from recent weeks - perhaps the best I've encountered since prime Morris or Fry & Laurie).
There's that very pleasing streak of sheer viciousness running through it, and a pretty good sense of economy. Though the aforementioned DCEFW is slightly marred by the blatantly too-long-cram-in-another-daft-reference list of music contributors at the end ("that's the point", says Charlie).

Fine stuff. Makes the link with the 11OCS all the more in need of explanation, excuse-making and bean-spilling.

Gee - wouldn't really fit in the style of TVGoHome, so unlikely to be used.
Charlie - does this mean there's still a chance that all the stuff I've sent in might be used one day?
While They Are Famous,
DianaCam, Go Ballistics! etc.
Or did you file them in the special round file?
Just wondering ...

> JK said: "find your comedic centre and stick with it."

Good idea. Perhaps you could help me draw up a diagram. That'd be funny.

> Mike J said: "slightly marred by the blatantly too-long-cram-in-another-daft-reference list of music contributors at the end ("that's the point", says Charlie)."

Nearly: that particular listing was a tribute to the Corpses, who cleverly spotted what a lazy, career-furthering, sub-Morris, "grab-a-reference" piece of shit TVGH is -- hence the use of an amalgamation of their surnames for the producer credit.

> Dr. Hackenbush said: "does this mean there's still a chance that all the stuff I've sent in might be used one day?"

Yes -- can you send them again? Can't find them in my inbox.

MISS 'N' CHIPS

Sitcom. Working-class northern town is shocked to discover that new owner of chip shop is a woman.
Episode List: (no preview tape was available as the producers are currently filling their trousers with fear).
1)Shutters up. It's raining and there's a brass band playing and a bus comes up the hill.
2)Fry-day. Puns aplenty and endless hilarious comical gender mix-ups.
3)Battered Love. Her ex-finance comes into town and leaves at the end.
4)Mushy Peas. Mix-up over a suppliers order leaves a surplus of mushy peas and a shortage of vinegar. How does she get out of this one? (Not to be continued).
5)Wrapped in Newspaper. Campaign to get rid of her in local paper. It doesn't work.
6)Thank Cod. Viewers reaction as it's the final episode.

AUDIO OUT

Topical discussion series examining different output leads for home video cameras.
(First shown in 1987).

ACROSS THE IRONING BOARD

Docusoap about Russian families sharing laundry facilities in downtown Moscow. This week Jeremy Spake from Airport drops in to have the creases removed from his tie.