"Damn fools, drive-thru's not for a-parkin!"

"Outta my way - the sidewalk's for regular walking, not your fancy walking"

"See all those wires Homer? That's why your robot didn't work"

"Give up Homer, Piggy ain't coming back"

"The world's best jacket! If I had that, I'd show everyone... SHOW EVERYONE..."

"Hey, Homer's got one of those robot cars - yeah, one of those _American_ robot cars"

"I've been called a greasy thug too, and it hurts. So here's what we'll do - grease ourselves up REAL GOOD..."

"A year when you may have seen Al Capone dancing the Charleston on top of a flagpole"

"Shouldn't you be at work... well, get to wherever it is you work, then!"

"I don't know why my bones are so brittle, I drink plenty of... MALK?"

"Please to be leaving my shop. And come again soon"

"Disco Stu don't advertise"

"We are the mediocre presidents, you won't find our faces on dollars or cents"

"Owwwwwww my eyeball!"

"Tis a fine barn, but sure aint no pool English"

"mmmmmmmmm free goo"

"If I tap my belt buckle not once, not twice, but *thrice*"

Mmmmmmm, something.

But if Homer dies then I won't have a Dad ......... for a while.

"Can't talk. Robbed. Go Hell."

"Larry Flynt is right! You guys stink!"
"Can't talk. Robbed. Go Hell."
"Worst episode *ever*"
"You like Thai?" "Tie good. You like shirt?"
"Must kill Moe... wheeeeee! Must kill Moe..... wheeeee!"
"You don't know what it's like.. I'm the one who's out there every day putting his ass on the line... and I'm not out of order. You're out of order! The whole goddamn freakin' system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! But when you put your hand into a pile of goo that used to be your best friend's face you'll know what to do - Forget it Marge! It's Chinatown!

Anything spoken by Lenny or Mayor Quimby is automatically amusing.

D'oh! Pipped by Suiii there...

Forgot "The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialling wand please mash the keypad with your palm now."

To add to the automatically amusing category: Kent Brockman.

On the sign outside the place where Homer goes to resit his high school diploma:

"Ask about our latin motto competition."

"Have the Rolling Stones killed..."

"Boy, when Marge first told me she was going to the Police Academy, I thought it'd be fun and exciting, you know, like the movie 'Spaceballs.' But instead, it's been painful and disturbing, like the movie 'Police Academy.'"

"Arr, you call that an anchor?"
"Use a pen already, Sideshow Bob..."

And a futurama one:
"It's always sad when one of your colleagues goes crazy... and you have to have a giant CLAM BAKE!"

"You tried your best, kid, and you failed miserably. The lesson is: 'Never try.'"

"Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners; only losers. There are no good wars, with the following execptions: the American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars trilogy."

"Marge: Oh, Bart...maybe it'll turn out he was innocent all along.
Homer: Earth to Marge. Earth to Marge. I was there...the clown's G-I-L-L-T-Y."

"Homer: Ooh, look at this one! The Hammer of Thor! "It will send your pins to..."Valhalla?" Lisa?
Lisa: Valhalla is where vikings go when they die.
Homer: Ooh, that's some ball."

"People can come up with statistics to prove anything, 14% of all people know that."

"I'm presently incarcerated, convicted of a crime I didn't even commit. Hah! Attempted murder! Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry, do they?"

"I am the Lizard Queen"

"I am the smart! SMRT! Oh, i mean SMART!"

"I am invincible! INVINCIBLE! Owwww!"

Frink: "Oh, wait a minute - this isn't the Monsterometer, it's the Frog Exaggerator"

Homer: "Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot-oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such-and-such"

"I bent my Wookie"

"It worked! The de-bigulator worked!"

"Blacula, Blackenstein, and the Blunch Black of Blotre Blame"

"My cat's breath smells of catfood"

Homer on David Schwimmer: "He *is* handsome in an ugly kinda way..."

"Nobody who speaks German could be evil"

"Hey, a fat sarcastic Star Trek fan - you must be a hit with the ladies"

"I am Evil Homer, I am Evil Homer"

"I am s'smart
I am s'smart
S M R T
I mean...S M A R T"

"No TV and no beer make Homer something something" "Go crazy?" "Don't mind if I do! Bleeeeewwuuuurrrrrgh"


"I'm the Queen of Summertime!"

A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man!

"......when a fire starts to burn,
there's a lesson you must learn,
something, something,
then you'll see,
you'll avoid catastrophe!.......doh!"

"Oh my God, Marge. A penalty shot with only four seconds left. It's your child versus mine! The winner will be showered with praise; the loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore!"

Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids
withfake
IDs.
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.


You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you
had
an electrified fooling machine.


Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaselling out of things is important to
learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.


If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet,
they're about to announce the lottery numbers.


To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!


I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping
its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode! I think it
was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.


I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you
through life. Number one, 'cover for me.' Number two, 'oh, good idea,
boss.'
Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.


Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.


Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my speciality. 'Dear Baby,
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.


Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just
like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night.


Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or
lose: it's how drunk you get.


Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't it's that
girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy
boxing and such and such.


Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every
day
and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.


Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who
gives those sermons at church? Captain whats-his-name?


We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those
Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughin', did
you?


Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'you're
making
a scene.

"You are gay. Heh heh heh!"

>Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my speciality. 'Dear Baby,
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.























P.S. I am Gay.

#When I was 17, I drank some very good beer
I drank some very good beer I purchased with a fake I.D.,
My name was Brian McGee
I sat up listening to Queen,
When I was 17#

What's yer opinion on the Simpson-like comedy, Family Guy. I think it is too much of a Simspon-influenced piece. C4 shouldve got Simpsons and beeb FG. Yeah.

I think FG is a great show - even if it is obviously influenced by the simpsons - there's room for two shows , isn't they? Although there was a very crude edit in the show tonight - good old Channel 4.

really...i've only seen it on sky...what did they do..?

I thought FG was good enough - sure, it's a cartoon family, but if it were live action, we wouldn't even think of Simpsons comparisons. It was certainly the best first episode of anything I've seen for months. How many episodes have Sky shown so far?

they did the entire first season in the winter...
it concluded it's run a while ago....

The cut: Just before a shot of the 'Assablanca' video, they had a bad frozen shot of the man pissing into the clock - i'm think they cut some dialogue out, but i can't really remember that well - or it could have been a close of the video box - anyone know?

Which series?

*about to root through NTSC videos from last summer*

1st series 1st episode - i didn't know there'd been more then one series - Sky hide it so well in thier schedules, i lost track of it after the first few episodes

there hasn't been more that one series...although subbes being all american like might've seen another one....

To get back on topic:

Mmm... Floor pie.

"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"
"Stupid TV! Be more funny!"
"Mmm... organized crime"

To add to the list of characters who are automatically amusing:

Grandpa: "I never thought I could shoot down a German plane, but last year I proved myself wrong".

and

Troy McClure:(Film Credits)
".....Lead Paint, Tasty - But Dangerous"
".....The Presidents Head is Missing"

Of course, it's not just good one-liners in the Simpsons, but the *quickie* gags and references they fit in -

Viewers see man & family at bediside)
Kent Brockman Voiceover:.....and a man awakes from a coma after 25 years...
Man: Does Sonny & Cher still have that awful tv show?
Relative: No, she's a sucessful actress and he's a Republican governor.
Man: Goodbye then. (Pulls the plug and dies).

Kent Brockman Voiceover:...The Munchkins
from the Wizard of Oz, where are they now? (cut to a picture of a cemetary).

(Well, I find them funny) :)

>Grandpa: "I never thought I could shoot down a German plane, but last year I proved myself wrong".
>
"I'm a member of the Communist Party for some reason..."
>and
>
>Troy McClure:(Film Credits)
>".....Lead Paint, Tasty - But Dangerous"
>".....The Presidents Head is Missing"

And let's not forget 'Gladys the Grooy Mule' and 'Planet of the Apes - The Musical'
"Can I play the piano any more?/Of course you can/Well I couldn't before"

Of course my addition of
"Is there a chance the track will bend? Not on your life my Asian friend!"
to one of the serious discussion threads lower down should have gone here. But it looks pretty cool in its unintended home...

mmmmmm..where did you put it..?

In 'Why the Corpses are wrong'...

ahhhhhhh....

(Slight_out: The second season has just finished here in Indiana)

"Who stole my tuba?"

>(Slight_out: The second season has just finished here in Indiana)
>
>"Who stole my tuba?"
>
Are you a Hoosier, Subbes?

N-o... I'm a Brit but I'm trapped in hoosier-land.

"Is there a chance the track will bend? Not on your life my Asian friend!"

*Hindu* friend!

I was gonna say that!

"He lied to us through song. I HATE when people do that!"

"It's just like our house, but everything has a creepy Pat Boon-ish quality to it."

(name removed) and (name removed) write this website.

(name removed) and (name removed) write this website.

(name removed) and (name removed) write this website.

(name removed) and (name removed) write this website.

personally i'm ashamed 46 posts and not a single mention of Disco Stu to my knowledge.... tch i know he's doesn't advertise but even so.

"you don't make friends with salad"

although several women seem to have a natural symbiotic relationship with it on occassions

What a wonderful way to waste time! I like Homer's view on Marge going to police acadamy: "I thought it would be fun and eciting like that movie Spaceballs, but instead it was dark and disturding like that movie Police Acadamy."

At the NFT thing a few months back, Phil Jupitus said he liked the moment when Homer is singing about fishing to the tune of Batman: "Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-FISHING, Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-FISHING"

"First, you don't want me to get the pony, now you want me to give it back, make up your mind"

"There's so much i don't know about astro-physics. I wish I read that book by that wheelchair guy"

"fishbulb"

"Let us celebrate with the adding of chocolate to milk"

"I know the proceedure for armed robbery, I am a convienence store owner".

"THIS..IS...MY...VOICE...ON...TV!"

"We object to the term 'Urine-soaked Hell-hole', when you could have said, 'Pee-pee-soaked Heck-hole."

"Relax-fit my Aunt Fanny!"

"Ralph remember the time you said you saw Snagglepuss"
"He was going to the bathroom"

"My ears are burning"
"Er, dad, we weren't talking about you"
"No, my ears are really burning - I wanted to see inside, so I lit a Q-tip"

"Must-crush-capitalism!"

"Me fail English? That's Unpossible!"

"Ralph, Jesus did not have wheels."

It was quite pleasing to see that BBC2 didn't do a hatchet job on 'Sideshow Bobs Last Gleaming' last night. Sky cut 4 minutes when they originally showed it.

In "Bart vs. Australia" Sky cut the line:
"It's just a little kick in the bum"

see www.depro.co.uk/page11.html for more ridiculous Simpsons cuts, particularly by Sky.

more quotes:

"I'm not much on speeches. I'd just like to say, it's... so gratifying to leave you wallowing in the mess you've made you're screwed, bye."

Nelson:"Man, that horse dont take no guff from no-one!"
Jimbo: "Guff?!"
Nelson:" I mean sh-"

Clinton:The lesson is: if you want something, just keep complaining 'til you get it.
Marge: That's a pretty lousy lesson
Clinton: Hey, I'm a pretty lousy President

"Must hurt self. Must hurt self."

Ralph Wiggum: 'Go Fish!'

Homer:'Hmmmm...Soylent Green...(drool)'

I AM CLIN-TON!

"I get jokes"