1) Noel Edmonds announcing, with an onion in his pocket, that he was retiring from television, shortly after hearing that Michael Lush had been killed on The Late Late Breakfast Show (1986)
2) The final episode of Roseanne, where Roseanne Barr claimed that Dan had died a year before, and that she'd written the recent pisspoor shows in diary form. Jaw-droppingly bad TV.
3) All About Eve on Top Of The Pops (1988)
4) The whole edition of the never-broadcast and probably abysmal Late Show pilot Comedy Cafe (not just Keith Allen swearing) (BBC2, 1989)
5) Tommy Cooper's death on Live At The Palladium, April 1984 (Don't know if I really want to watch it again, but it was extraordinary to see at the time, and very very eerie).
6) Clips from Emma Thompson's series "Thompson" (BBC1, 1988)
More when I think of them....
The Primitives being interviewed by Timmy Mallet on 'Wide Awake Club' (late eighties?) He asked them what their favourite sweets were, etc. The guitarist was wearing shades and trying to look dangerous. Perfect.
Drunk Oliver Reed on After Dark (the whole episode, preferably).
The feminist invasion of BBC news.
Yes, the Bill Grundy show clip with The Pistols will no doubt turn up again, but what about the time John Lydon turned up on the Juke Box Jury panel in 1979, and on meeting the lead singer of The Monks ("Nice Legs Shame About Her Face"), said to him, "Pleased to meet me".
Plus the episode of JBJ in 1990 where the entire panel slagged off Glenn Medeiros's new video in the most vicious fashion only to find he was the mystery guest. Even allowing for who it was, it was incredibly uncomfortable viewing (apparently, it had been cut though - so the rushes if poss).
OK - incredibly obscure, not actually TV. Some sort of Radio 1 music review program. The guests slagged off some of the acts beyond the realms of decency. One of the phrases used was "I'd rather be on the toilet, pulling me pud [than listen to this record]." I felt _deeply_ uncomfortable listening to this aged c. 15 in the car, with my mum.
Any ideas?
The Radio 1 bit - I too remember this. Not sure who the bloke was (possibly a Melody Maker journalist), but Fruitbat from Carter USM was on that week too, if that's any help.
Circa late 1991, I think.
I would nominate 'The Moral Maze', which I believe has now been exiled back to R4 after a brief TV tryout.
In the world of the BBC, this is probably regarded as a serious 'highbrow', intellectual show. In fact it is appalling, superficial shite.
>The Radio 1 bit - I too remember this. Not sure who the bloke was (possibly a Melody Maker journalist), but Fruitbat from Carter USM was on that week too, if that's any help.
>
>Circa late 1991, I think.
"Roundtable" on Radio 1, the Mike Read era. My favourite moment would be DLT dismissing REM's Losing My Religion with the words "Well, that's the end of their career, then!"
REM signed an $80m contract with Time Warner last year. DLT now does a morning oldies show for a few independent stations throughout the South Of England.
DLT's Breakfast Show goes out across most Classic Gold radio stations, including WABC in Wolverhampton.
How about recent BBC power cut ?
>I would nominate 'The Moral Maze'...it is appalling, superficial shite.
Dangerous, though, isn't it? I mean, that David Starkey...calls a spade a spade. Janet Daley...controversial. The other ones....interesting take on the world....
OK, shoot 'em all at dawn....
can anything beat Tony Robinson and his christmas pop video? circa 1990
Of course....................................
........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................THE BEGINNING OF CARLTON.
Beat that!
>DLT's Breakfast Show goes out across most Classic Gold radio stations, including WABC in Wolverhampton.
>
Ta - I must admit I wasn't sure.
*quack quack oops*
>can anything beat Tony Robinson and his christmas pop video? circa 1990?
PARDON? More info, please...
I saw DLT live at the Sandwell vehicle parade 2 years ago with WABC's local presenter Mike Wyre.
It's sad what's happened to WABC & Beacon since GWR took over. Hardly anything local now.
I listen to BBC Local Radio now.
>>can anything beat Tony Robinson and his christmas pop video? circa 1990?
>
>
>PARDON? More info, please...
>It was released because tony felt that it would be hilarious to gather up about 20 choir boys and mock then by rapping over the top of them singing 'the snowman'.
THE WORDS TO THE RAP:
Tony Robinson:
'christmas eve there's a job to do :
get your presents wrapping, your sticky tape
snapping . The presents for your friends are lying around...etc
Choir: hoooooooarrrreeeeamen
Interestingly, a lot of the stuff they plan to show, judging by the list on their site, is totally unclearable.
For example, even the BBC cannot repeat the Bee Gees storming off Clive Anderson, because it would be slapped with a massive lawsuit. A recent reference to it on the Beeb was illustrated with still photographs.
It seems the "100 TV Moments from Hell" production team at Yorkshire Television is ordering up viewing copies of these hellish moments on VHS, and will transmit them regardless, using the excuse of "fair dealing", a legitimate criticism for review purposes.
It's odd how the same programmes and theme nights get re-made once every 10 years. "TV Hell" did it all so well in '92. Why dish it all up again when other shows could be made?
For example, a much better, hour-long special would be "Top 10 Film & TV Health & Safety Disasters from Hell". They could show the aftermath of Michael Lush's death, or Anthea Turner being blown up by a stunt motorbike, or rushes from "The Twilight Zone" movie when Vic Morrow and two kids are decapitated, with hilarious consequences...
>Interestingly, a lot of the stuff they plan to show, judging by the list on their site, is totally unclearable.
Where is this website you're talking about?
Just to correct you the production team is at Tyne Tees Television (we cant give any more credit to YTV)
>OK - incredibly obscure, not actually TV.
>Some sort of Radio 1 music review program.
>The guests slagged off some of the acts
>beyond the realms of decency. One of the
>phrases used was "I'd rather be on the >toilet, pulling me pud [than listen to this
>record]." I felt _deeply_ uncomfortable
>listening to this aged c. 15 in the car,
>with my mum.
>Any ideas?
It was yer man Lydon again. On Roundtable, as Justin pointed out, but actually in the Jakki Brambles era. I think the actual phrase was (having just come back from the toilet) "I had more fun in the toilet pulling my pud than listening to that." That's how I remember it anyway.
One of the other guests was Mike Rutherford (how do I remember this shit?) and at one point Lydon interrupted his comments to say "stop wanking yourself!" to him. This was followed by a swift "thank you, moving on..." from Brambles, who on her show the next day said that Rutherford had been the perfect gentleman and suggested that Lydon might like to try that sometime.
I found it hillarious at the time, as apparently did Simon Bates who said the next day that it had been great radio.
Funny the things that stick in your head, isn't it?
Fruitbat was on that week because he'd attacked Phillip Schofield at the Smash Hits awards a week or so previously and so had gained celebrity status. Jimbob was supposedly dead jealous.
Back on the topic of TV moments from hell:
The moment when Paul Daniels popped up on BBC 1 to tell us his apparent death at the end of his show (which had finished about 45 minutes earlier to the sound of switchboards jamming) was all a bit of a laugh and he was actually still with us.
Michael Jackson's vomit-inducing "healing hands" performance at the 1995 Brits (actually this is made less nasty by the knowledge that at least Jarvis Cocker managed to wind the bastard up).
<slag>Surprised no one's mentioned the 11OCS yet.</slag>
>>Interestingly, a lot of the stuff they plan to show, judging by the list on their site, is totally unclearable.
>
>Where is this website you're talking about?
Apologies - it's the Channel Four website, just click on or near the photo of Terry Christian...
John Lydon seems to have a monopoly on TV moments.....Who can forget his appearance on Fantasy Football League? They had to throw him out at half time in case he said "fuck", and then Sylvie Krystal accused S&B (accurately) of racism. Painful.
One tv moment from hell has to be from the Under the knife series shown earlier this year on Ch4. I'm not really sure if it counts as a 'hell' clip but i found it to be deeply disturbing and distastful.
The clip was of a 50 year old having surgery on his 'bent' penis. The female doctor came in injected it with something to make it erect and she just casually stated that, 'we're going to snap it in half'!!!!!
Before she had finished telling him what she was going to do there was an almighty snap and she had done 'it'. I screamed at home for a good five minutes reeling in pain on the floor.I can still here that snap now!!
It was very disturbing and i think it should be shown.
>For example, a much better, hour-long special would be "Top 10 Film & TV Health & Safety Disasters from Hell". They could show the aftermath of Michael Lush's death, or Anthea Turner being blown up by a stunt motorbike, or rushes from "The Twilight Zone" movie when Vic Morrow and two kids are decapitated, with hilarious consequences...
Is the Anthea Turner thing real, then? It's been doing the rounds on e-mail for well over a year, and everyone seemed to be pretty much agreed that it was a clever fake (slow it down frame by frame on RealPlayer and everything whites out for a couple of frames during the "explosion"). If it is real (and we can only pray...) - where's it from?
Bowie getting down on one knee and reciting The Lords Prayer at the Freddie Mercury Tribute Show and, although not hellish, but hilarious was when Chris Morris went disguised onto that awful chat show (The Time The Place) presented by John Stapleton, and 'lost it' shouting at Stapleton before being frogmarched off!!!
>Chris Morris went disguised onto that awful chat show (The Time The Place) presented by John Stapleton, and 'lost it' shouting at Stapleton before being frogmarched off!!!
I don't remember it happening like that - I just seem to recall that Stapleton was told who Morris was through his earpiece and avoided him for the rest of the programme.
Another moment - The Word had some awful moments, but there was one quite particularly bad one when some live link up with a German brothel went wrong as the owner demanded the camera crew to pay him more money for broadcasting from there, and at the end of the show, the presenter (can't remember his name - geeky bloke, bad hair, wore shiny suits, Alan?) was nearly in tears as he described how they were threatened and "there were people orgasming all around us, and they said we'd have to fight our way out..."
Oh yeah, and this one time also on The Word where someone was interviewing the Beastie Boys, and they were utterly insensible - Ad-Rock just kept repeating the phrase "spreads like a rash over your greasy ass" over and over while the other two giggled.
>Is the Anthea Turner thing real, then? It's been doing the rounds on e-mail for well over a year, and everyone seemed to be pretty much agreed that it was a clever fake (slow it down frame by frame on RealPlayer and everything whites out for a couple of frames during the "explosion"). If it is real (and we can only pray...) - where's it from?
>
I'm quite certain it's genuine - it's from the official internal BBC Health & Safety CD rom, and the crew responsible were in deep shit... Don't know what the show was though. Anyone care to shed more light on this?
I've interviewed her before and she doesn't like to talk about it.
morris pretended to be a sex expert on 'the time, the place' and started talking about good aids and bad aids etc., before john stapleton revealed that he was someone in disguise. he admitted this to be true, then claimed he was someone completely different who was also, i think, some kind of sex expert. stapleton then announced that he was chris morris and morris told stapleton, with just a flicker across his synapses, that stapleton wasn't wearing his own hair. the clip's on http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk i think.
j xxx
anyone see jacques peretti's programme, 'the trip'? stunning and weird and triffic.
The "The Time The Place" appearance has become the stuff of wildly exaggerated urban legend, but as someone who actually did see it on transmission, I can confirm that Jason's account is true. CM also offered his opinions on male fear of the female anatomy, and I have always suspected (given that his appearance was some time in 1995-96) that this was an intended stunt for the Brasseye 'Sex' episode that didn't quite pan out as he had hoped it would.
The file isn't on Cook'd and Bomb'd - yet - but some guy has been on my message board (http://www.bluejam20.freeserve.co.uk/) claiming that he can get hold of a copy of the entire show if someone can furnish him with an exact transmission date. So if anyone out there can, please get in touch.
You can hear it here:
http://www.rethink.demon.co.uk/laugh.html
And good it is too.
Rowland Rivron's chat show set in the River Thames - about 1989. This man may have no actual talent whatsoever.
Chris Needham's Teenage Diary
This (and I'm truly staggered at the number of people who actually caught this) was part of BBC2's Teenage Diaries series, broadcast in the summer of 1992. Chris was seventeen, from Leicester/maybe Loughbrough, and in a metal band called Manslaughter (they covered ACDC's You Shook Me All Night Long - really really badly), and was prone to a mild sort of depressive philosophy. Yeah, I know it's a cheap shot - if you filmed stuff I said when I was that age (come to that, if it was last year, probably) it would make me look a prat. But god, it was hellishly good viewing. Time for a repeat, methinks.
>>>can anything beat Tony Robinson and his christmas pop video? circa 1990?
>>
>>
>>PARDON? More info, please...
>>It was released because tony felt that it would be hilarious to gather up about 20 choir boys and mock then by rapping over the top of them singing 'the snowman'.
>THE WORDS TO THE RAP:
>Tony Robinson:
>'christmas eve there's a job to do :
>get your presents wrapping, your sticky tape
>snapping . The presents for your friends are lying around...etc
>
>Choir: hoooooooarrrreeeeamen
>
Didn't say thanks for enlightening me - how rude of me! What can I say - don't think KRS-1 or Chuck D was likely to have lost any sleep, do you?
"WERE likely", sorry.
I forgot about "In Bed With Chris Needham" - now that WAS classic TV!
>Chris Needham's Teenage Diary
>This (and I'm truly staggered at the number of people who actually caught this) was part of BBC2's Teenage Diaries series, broadcast in the summer of 1992.
Thanks for re-activating that particular memory. Thing is, I was a postgrad in Lufbra in '90-'91 and knew a friend of Master Needham. As a portrait of dour Midlands teen-metallers, it has no equal.
Justin, may I correct you:
"Rowland Rivron's chat show set in the River Thames - about 1989. This man may have no actual talent whatsoever."
should read:
"This man HAS no actual talent whatsoever."
Ive got that Time and The Place on video(Chris Morris) and it is pretty funny!
I like the way Morris chides Stapleton for having a "hollow face".
TV Hell:
1)Simon Groom forgetting his lines live on Blue Peter and Tina Heath has to bring his script on.This must have been pre-autocue?We all know Biddy Baxter was a real taskmaster.Poor sod.
2)Im sorry, but Alan Davies All Saints Tribute on Love is a Many Splintered Thing.
3)Nirvanas only TOTP appearance doing Smells Like Teen Spirit with live vocals.
Cobain does it in a total pisstake of Morrissey,all plummy and warbling.
4)I cant remember the precise episode ,but Steve Mc Fadden(Phil) in Eastenders is in the background in a party scene at the Vic and looks directly down the lense of the camera,realises his mistake but instead of telling the director his error, looks sharply down to his feet . Ok not hellish, but stupid.
5)Any of those lunchtime interviews they love doing on the London Southeast news show.Excrutiating.The woman never seems to be listening to the guests and was caught on air, practically having a conversation about last nights Ally Mc Beal with her researcher while Harmonica player Larry Adler was chatting away.
6)Anthea Turner leaving TVam on the Christmas edition, with Eamon Holmes barely concealing his contempt as he wanders off the set during the end titles wielding the champagne bottle hes just opened,like a drunk itching for a fight.
7)That terrible late night cabaret show Craig Charles hosted on Friday nights ITV94-5?.
He obviously owed a favour to a mate, when they invited some Scouse stand up to open the show.It wasnt so much the fact, that his act was dated and unfunny,but it was Craig" bacon sarnie" Charles`s forced husky laugh in the background trying to cover up the fact that his pal was dying on his arse.
8)Bobby Davros last show for the BBC.His hilarious homophobic pastiche of Starlight Express and the shows denouement of all the cast and crew saying goodnight to Davro who without any irony sings some lame treacly ballad about the tears of a clown or something as he walks off into a dry ice void.How apt. Cunt.
9)Richard Madely conducting a medical phone in on This Morning on a hastily snatched researchers mobile as all the phones had gone down. The caller was suffering from haemrroids and Madely was relaying this to Dr Neil sat in front of him.
"He says Hes got piles Chris,Have you got an itchy bottom?"
However Madely dancing uncomfortably in a technicolour Dreamcoat when the West End cast came on was pretty embarrassing.He hadnt rehearsed it and stepped into the breach as the Joseph was stuck in traffic or something, and obviously Richard had under estimated how long he had to twirl and caper dressed as a nobend.
10)Noel Edmonds judging the most powerful popup toaster on the The Late,Late Breakfast Show and having a hard piece of toast descend from the BBC studio ceiling onto the bridge of his nose causing it to split open and bleed for the rest of the show. Ha!
BUT I reckon Chris Evans humiliating his female producer on the final episode of Dont Forget Your Toothbrush takes some beating.Evans had concealed a hidden camera in her toilet in her own home with the help of her boyfriend (nice guy)and we the viewers had the delight of seeing this poor woman take a dump on the toilet.She looked mortified.
This was only just about worse than the odious sight of Evans and Will comparing old girlfriends on TFI by showing snapshots of all their old girlfriends from the past few years. Bye!
>10)Noel Edmonds judging the most powerful popup toaster on the The Late,Late Breakfast Show and having a hard piece of toast descend from the BBC studio ceiling onto the bridge of his nose causing it to split open and bleed for the rest of the show. Ha!
A bit like a screaming man exploding on a pavement?
It was Noel's homage to him.
>Is the Anthea Turner thing real, then? It's been doing the rounds on e-mail for well over a year, and everyone seemed to be pretty much agreed that it was a clever fake
Definitely real -- it was from "UP2U", a bbc saturday morning summer show from the mid-80s (it shared summer duties with "On The Waterfront").
rOD.
Surely Noel's subsequent career stands as a fitting memorial to that brave man-pizza.
For has not Noel repented and henceforth carefully and tastefully avoided making essentially the same show ever since?
Er...
How about a clip of that American politician blowing his brains out during a live press-conference? Beats watching John Noakes fall over in some elephant poo.
There was that ITV Saturday Morning TV show from a few years back which featured Sophie Aldred and Andy Crane. During the first edition the electricity went down, and the presenters struggled on desperately with most of the studio in darkness. Not exactly the worst TV moment ever, but entertaining nonetheless to see Andy Crane's career falling to pieces.
(name removed) and (name removed) write this website.
(name removed) and (name removed) write this website.
(name removed) and (name removed) write this website.
> There was that ITV Saturday Morning TV show from a few years back which featured Sophie Aldred and Andy Crane. During the first edition the electricity went down, and the presenters struggled on desperately with most of the studio in darkness. Not exactly the worst TV moment ever, but entertaining nonetheless to see Andy Crane's career falling to pieces.
Personally, I'd rather see the alleged footage of Sophie's bikini top getting caught on some scenery and flying off... anyone know if this is genuine or not?
What about the episode of Roseanne which featured Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley reprising their Ab Fab characters? The bit where Patsy and Jackie are accusing each other of being male drag queens was sheer roadkill TV, and put a nail in the coffin of two once-great comedies.
Harry Enfield & Paul Whitehouse dying on stage at the 1991 Montreal Festival (when C4 used to show it). They were dressed as Smashie & Nicey, and that was it. No real script, just rambling with the word *Canada* every ten seconds to whip up the audience. Continued for about three minutes then left. I'm sure the audience only clapped in sympathy. A real bit of corpsing!
Just to back track for a second, given that I haven't been up to speed on this thread.
1)'The Time The Place'(04/06/96 - luvya, TJ!)
Jason Hazeley's account (01/08ish) is widely off the mark, as are the other comments. No mention of good AIDS/bad AIDS - that's urban myth for you, marrying the theory that it may have been intended for 'Sex'. Well. Ish.
The basis of the show was the rather trite title 'Are British Men Lousy Lovers?' with a predictable 50%/50% phone poll which Stapleton feebly tried to inject some excitement into.
The thing is, it is a crushingly dull 40 minutes of television. Barely any Morris bar a few brief contributions (plus an off-mic "I've got a piano, Barbara."), so in fact it really drags. Just like any other TTTP show, bar his final shout of "You lanky bastard!" which is great.
But, yeah, hope the broadcast date satisfies you in many interesting ways, TJ. I'm pretty certain it's right.
2)Bowie at Freddie Mercury Tribute.
And Tom Bola(31/07) just picks up on The Lords Prayer! Far worse, and far more deserving of TV Hell, is his earlier chatter about the Seventies and how "everyone was sleeping with everyone else. It was crazy" or some such. Now, as much as I love DB, wasn't this a bit of a stupid remark at an AIDS benefit with loads of Seventies rockers?
But that's my entry. And they can't nick THAT from 'TV Hell'.
If Rowland Rivron is who he thinks he is, then I used to think he was funny when he did his comedy doctor bit on Jonathan Ross's talk-show ages ago.
I reserve the right to be horribly wrong on this one.