..& that's my take on the matter...

why? why?

How do these shows keep getting commissioned. Why do show like Pay and Display ever get show. Does no one ever read these scripts and say THIS IS SIMPLY A PILE OF SH*T, no they just keep on giving money to muppets

Hey everyone, let's wank... over a piece of paper and call it a half hour satirical comedy show.


Why would they make a new series? It defies logic. Universally slated, and 1.5 million viewers is hardly a lot. The mentality of the team behing the show is astonishing - do they really think a slightly changed format will intereast anyone.
So, another series to porve how shit the show is then. Let's hope, Unlike Lee, they actually learn what's fucking funny this time.

1.5 million viewers tuned in for Ali G, not Lee.

In no way defending 11ocs, but bitching about the viewing figures isn't good form, chaps. If it was an opera or a religious prog. you wouldn't be as worried. What I'm trying to say is - it keeps them off the streets, you know?

Who - the writers or the audience?

Certainly not Lee and Donovan - they have to go out to do those rubbish Chris Morris rip-offs.

Looking forward to Iain Lee's new series, 'Marmalade', an unsettling collection of darkly comic sketches about depression, illness, suicide, perversion and death, all featuring Iain Lee and all, oddly, involving wanking.

Yeah... I've heard that "Marmalade" will feature a weird ambient experimental soundtrack including tracks by The Corrs, Robbie Williams, FR David and Mogwai.

Just wait for the late-night version, "marmmmm", which will have specially treated visuals, a distorted soundtrack, and a worse script than the normal version. And you'll have to get up at 4.30am to discover these things.

It's Lemon Curd, you bastards. And I'm only doing a couple of bits.

Put some jokes in them, Nunuf, so we can spot which ones are yours.

Jon you've missed the point. The idea is not to put jokes in, but to get the word "bender" into a story about, say, green tomato ketchup.

You should try some yourself, Jon, it's humilliating, but the money's not bad.

Do you speak from experience, Nunuf?

I honestly think the whole 11 o'clock show "it's-okay-to-be-a-comedy-bigot' thing is derived from that one moment in Brass Eye where CM made that throwaway comment about how certain people couldn't be trusted to take drugs carefully, including "blacks." But CM would never, ever, ever, do a (say) Guardian interview explaining that it was targeted at pompous media types, not at stereotyping blacks as hopeless drug addicts (because he shouldn't have to, on principle, like Morrissey), and so idiots like the 11 o'clock show "team of rogues" are free to completely miss the point.

Here you go, Nunuf:

Iain: And what's in the news this week, daisy?

Daisy: This week Heinz launched their new range of green tomato ketchup.

IL: Green ketchup, eh? What else is special about it?

DD: Well, they say it flows straight form the bottle...

IL: STRAIGHT from the bottle, eh? [To audience, briskly, a la Angus Deayton:] Won't appeal to any benders, then....




Will that do?

Iain: Good news...

Daisey: There's a Gay Pride march through london tomorrow, to raise awareness and promote tolerance. Bad news...

Iain: They all take it up the shitter and should be publically roasted on spits.

(audience collapses in hysterics)

Ian: Daisy, you look a bit pale... are you feeling alright?

Diasy: Sorry, i've spent the weekend on a massive bender...

Ian: Eurgh, you dyke! get away from me you carpet muncher!!

(He looks at the audience with a cheeky ironic grin, and Daisy can't contain her laughter. The audience piss themselves.)

I've used that joke before - and is was rubbish then as well.

What does it mean - 'carpet muncher'?

I resign.

We accept your resignation.

Aha, aha, you could say we're all "resigned" to the fact that it won't be a funny show, aha, aha...

>Aha, aha, you could say we're all "resigned" to the fact that it won't be a funny show, aha, aha...

Congratulations, Peter. You have a succesful career awaiting you as Iain Lee's chief gag writer.

>>Aha, aha, you could say we're all "resigned" to the fact that it won't be a funny show, aha, aha...
>
>Congratulations, Peter. You have a succesful career awaiting you as Iain Lee's chief gag writer.

Shoot me now... and I don't mean up the arse with your big cock (winks to camera.)

>(winks to camera)

Insert lame "misprint" gag here:_________________________

Enough already.

I feel sorry for old IL, seeing as one of his gag-writers is slagging him off on the internet, yet happily takes the money for all the old rope he gives him. How do you sleep, Nunuf?

Give him enough old rope to hang himself with. You don't have to like someone to work for them and take their money, as I believe most of us can probably testify...

Is it true incredible stand up Mike Gunn even writes stuff for the show?

You'd be surprised how many good people have a hand in some of the worst sketch shows. Do you KNOW how much these things pay? Some of the most talented comedy writers have palmed off bottom drawer stuff - which even their mates wouldn't laugh politely at - on dross like Hale & Pace, and saved their best material for shows they really care about...

"Do you KNOW how much these things pay?"

Go on, tell us - we may yet have to change our jobs..

I guess even comedians have to eat. We shouldn't be so judgemental.

Simple, really, Jon, I don't like the guy.
PS. The 11ocs pay fifty quid for a joke.

And for a hand job?

Somewhere near 50,000 would get me doing it.

...though if it were Iain Lee...

>Somewhere near 50,000 would get me doing it.
>
>...though if it were Iain Lee...

The going rate is "all the ice cream you can eat, son", apparently.

"I guess even comedians have to eat."

I thought they lived off the rays of natural goodness and fun shining out of their hearts.

Since I started reading SOTCAA, I have discovered this is a very naive view.

Hold on to that feeling, Jon. It makes you special, and that's what counts in this mixed up world we live in.