Yes, let's see how many of you smug twats can actually think of something funny, instead of just making snide clever-clever remarks about people who have a go at it. Wankers.

A nun, two gay men, a hippo, an Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman, Jew, Frenchman and a Pakistani walk into a bar.

Barman says: "This must be some sort of joke."

I went to my local video shop to hire a film for the family. I wanted a Private Function but instead found to my horror that the video case contained one of those seedy animal films with a pig in it. It was ham-fisted film and make no mistake.

>I went to my local video shop to hire a film for the family. I wanted a Private Function but instead found to my horror that the video case contained one of those seedy animal films with a pig in it. It was ham-fisted film and make no mistake.
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>I spelt my name wrong! Gee
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Is this really DanL?

I seem to remember some quite convincing, coherent arguments in the Simon Pegg thread earlier, especially criticisms of personal abuse. The comments in this thread don't seem to be in the same style.

Prove yourself.




















Or don't. I couldn't give toss anyway, just mentioning the apparently changed style.

Like a twat, I just posted this in the wrong thread.

Soz.

You calling Stewart Lee a twat?

Joke:

Why does Edward Woodward have four "d"s in his name?

I know, I know, you've heard it...

I'm not saying my mother-in-law's fat but... well, at least she not fuckin' black eh?
(Standing ovation from the audience, and Bernard leaves the stage after another succesful working man's club tour)

WHo let him on eh? I don't know.

Here's a joke for you... <insert person's name here>!! HO HO HO

But seriously, surely jokes are not needed anymore? surely punchlines are passe?

Here's a Chris Morris style 'joke':

What's Black and White and Red all over?

A zebra crossing covered in childrens gooey vital organs, that have been mushed up and then fed back to the children through a drip, as there brains slowly disintergrate etc..

Q. How many art critics does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None. It doesn't need changing, you philistine. It's a statement. It forces us to question the very notion of lighting.

Q. Why did the Turner Prize winner cross the road?

A. To subvert the observer's preconceptions of the very concept of getting to the "other side."

A sandwich walks into a pub, strolls up to the bar and says "Pint of bitter please".

And the landlord says, "Sorry, we don't serve food".


HA HA HA HA!! HA HA HAAAAAA, HA HA HA! HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA oh Christ, I think I've ruptured something

A joke to cheer any of our German readers:

Q:How can you tell when an jet full of English lands at Brussels airport?

A:It carries on whining after the engines have been switched off.

Q: How do you bring down a circus?
A: Go for the juggler.

Is your first name Jimothy?

"Yes, let's see how many of you smug twats can actually think of something funny, instead of just making snide clever-clever remarks about people who have a go at it. Wankers."
[A Comedian, message 2]

Actually, I posted that one, in the hope of provoking a lively debate/grudge match. Dunno why I bothered now. On with the jokes...

2 naff jokes:

tyrannesaurus rex one is having a barbecue because he'sbeen away on holiday for a while. He invites tyrannesaurus rex two. TR2 says "Mmmm, what are you cooking?"
TR1: It's a chop.
TR2: What are those things on it?
TR1: Cherries. It's a recipie I picked up in Thailand. Want some?
TR2: No thanks, I've had Thai cherry chops before and I didn't like it.

or a quick one:

What did the gingerbread man say to the iced bun?

I'm afraid I donut know.

What's the difference between a single girl and a married one?

The single lady comes home, has a look what's in the fridge and goes to bed.

The married one comes home, see's what's in the bed and goes to the fridge.

Boom Boom etc