Iain Lee is the anti-Morris, he suckles from the very arse tit of Satan. And will probably end up being the next 'Will' i.e. Chris Evans sidekick, but will not be seen directly on camera but will sit under the desk and pleasure Chris aurally throughout the duration of TFI Friday. He seems to be perfect for this job, and while his mouth is full he cant say the same crap smut gag he uses over and over again on the 11 o' Cack show but just replaces the name with a different celeb/body part/sexual term.
Also Daisy Donvan is not much better, she looks like a frightened deer in the headlights of a articulated lorry, and laughs hysterically at her and Iain's own carefully scripted and rehersed jokes. Its pathetic, Ricky 'Gay David Bowie thing' Gervais is further still not much better than her with his same joke every week well known person/sexual term/animal.
Its a crime how this has had 3 series.. with another one probably in the pipeline (thanks emu) and people with genuine talent like Lee and Herring or Chris Morris have to get down on their knees and beg, im sure neither of them have stayed down on their knees and sucked off a ch4 exec like Iain Lee must of to of got the gig of presenting the wank stained rag that is the 11 o clock show though. Oh well.. Life is Life..we must perform a quirkafleeg..

I have never sucked a cock to get a job.
Though if any TV execs are reading I am now desperate enough for work to consider it.

I don't think Chris Morris v Iaiaiain Lee is a very fair fight. Though remember David did beat Goliath and a cold germ beat the Martians in War of the Worlds. But in neither of these cases did the underdog do a pale imitation of the person they were trying to beat.

>I have never sucked a cock to get a job.
>Though if any TV execs are reading I am now desperate enough for work to consider it.

With all respect, can we move away from talking about cock sucking, you are stealing Iiiaiiiin Lee's whole comedy routine and it just isn't fair.

Yeah, poor Iain has been working on that gag for years, shame on you Richard Herring!
On a more serious note I suppose Iain and that scrawny slag Donovan have done the world of comedy a favour, 'cos they are so appallingly bad that everything else looks like absolute genius in comparison (except Dotcomedy, natch).

It was the last in the series last night!

<dances>

Oh...and as for cock-sucking to get work...who'd do a thing like that?

Um.

No comparison, Chris Morris is obviously comedy-genius whilst Iain Lee is, to be fair, crap. And he spoilt the endings to Fight Club and Sixth Sense for me. Serves me right for listening to his radio show, I guess...

By the way, if you're reading this Rich, is a repeat run of Fist of Fun/another series of TMWRNJ in the pipeline? Cos it's about *bloody* time!
(erm, but if there actually is, could you ask mr. dyke to hold it till next year cos I'll be out of the country for a bit.. THANKS!)

Hmmmmm! What about a new series of TMWRNJ?

Have you tried putting willing to suck on your CV Mr Herring? If you haven't got more than five GCSEs I'd add it to your qualifications. Can't say I'd do it myself mind but employers are often impressed by people who are will to go that extra mile. Why not take it up with your local Job Search Centre. They will no doubt run a course on interview technique and you may find what you want in one of their informative training films. Hope that helps.

All the great people don't seem to be on television anymore.

Mel and Sue, Lee and Herring, erm...Canon and Ball, Bob Carolgees.

You forgot Rusty Lee and The Krankies!

I am ashamed.

As well you should be man.

After Rod Hull's death where is Emu?

He went back to Australia to pursue a career in the theatre.

And to search for the ever elusive jeellllllllllllllllllllly

Last I heard he was looking to purchase a new ladder, to replace the one Rod thoughtlessly broke.

I thought Emu was still working in the theatre. I heard he'd teamed up with another old hand. He does lots of book signing. Posh people prefer to write with quills.

I reckon Emu is the natural successor to Barrymore to present 'My Kinda (Pizza?) Music'

Will he get his own hilarious sitcom, called 'Robert Martin'?

Oh I hope so! Such a show is bound to be a success!

*vomits*

Strangely, it's receieved very good reviews.

<baffled>

<puzzled>

Eh? Why??

>but will sit under the desk and pleasure
>Chris aurally throughout the duration of TFI >Friday.

How do you pleasure someone 'aurally?' I would really like to know. I have rather large harbouring ears. Please give me some instructions, would wearing an earing be harmful?

Or am I misinterpreting? Do you just use the vibrations of sound to arouse?

You shot who in the what now?

RL-I think he meant 'orally'

Johhhhhhn, we should kill Mr Lee, I've decided!

Of course he did.



















Please excuse my rather keen interest in knowing how to use my ears as a sexual stimulant. I was delirious due to a bout of mysteriously induced ear-ache.

Let us never speak of this again.

Kill Mr Lee, Suiii?

Why certainly.

In what manner shall we kill him though? There are so many macabre ideas that my feverish brain has concocted...ow i feel poorly.....how shall we get him?

Let's just shove a stick into his heart.

We can get the stick from Newton Abbot.

But....the Stick Polizei will track us down man!

That's a chance we have to take!

*scared*

I'm scared too...but as long as we stick together.

Shall we wear camouflage gear?

Yes.

I shall wear my gold T-shirt.

Er....and just how the flip is that camo gear?

Well...I'd look a bit conspicuous in anything duller.

Oh, I getcha now! Yeah, people would think it odd if you didn't wear your spangly stilettos and silver trousers!

See, you're catching on to my super way of life!

I *wish* it was my way of life

*sighs*

Will I ever be as cool as you?

I doubt it.

*sobs*

But it'll always be the dream!

Hmph, like mashbottles?

Yep, and a career in a box factory.

I love boxes!

Would you like to caress the edges of boxes?

Only lady-boxes!!

Well, if you're going to caress lady boxes, you can do it outside.

It's cold out there.

But you with your hand on a ladybox makes me sick.

OK, I promise never to do it again, just for you!

Thank you, esteemed colleague!

Avec plaisir!

Avec fromage frais?

Ooh, Le pompt de la fromaage!

Fromage avec veins blue?

Ugh, Cheestrings plizz!

But they aren't a patch on a good slab of stilton!

But it reeks!

And?

Well I quite like my food to not smell of footwear!

But at least it has soul and depth!

And mould!

But that's the whole idea!

You really don't get it do you?

At least it's got sole.

ahahah.

(i'll get me coat)

Here, I'll get it for you, go on GO!

<takes coat>

<sniff>

FINE!

John!, that's my coat.
Yours is the one with the fake fur, and the glitter.

*ahem*

And hers is this rather odd pink plastic affair.......hmmmmm. Why my dear? Such a tasteless garment!

Well.... um... it was a present.

<finds credit card receipt signed by A H Dudley>
GET OUT OF HERE YOU WHORISH SCAMP!
Bah, polluting us with your tasteless manmade vestments.

but you said you loved pvc, mistress!

(btw: Iain Lee - coathanger man)

Let's all take time out for a bit of reflection, eh?

<reflects>

You know i'm scared of reflective surfaces.

*raises hand*

Is that because you don't have a reflection, miss?

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the gayest of them all?

Julian Clary?

Boy George?


Nope, i give up.

Fred Dineage.

Oooooh!

But Gaz Top has blonde hair.

Viloet Berlin is pregnant.

Yeeuurrcch.

"Thith babyth called Thimon. He loveth to play on the SNETH"

Thinthe my baby ith called Thebathtian, he won't have a THNETH, he'll have a Wonderthwan or a Dreamcatht. His fave gameth are Thoul Calibur and Powerthtone.

Doeth he like Thonic and Trickthyle?

*snigger*

and the scary thing is that i cant remember who violet berlin is.

Just think 'Andy Crane'.

What, she presented Fun House?

No, she eats baby hippos, tsk, silly.

<cuts off a lock of Pat Sharp's hair>

<shaves those gormless twins>










































THEIR HEADS!! Fucking perverts..tsk.

*snigger*

You people disgust me.

>What, she presented Fun House?


Fun House, my god. I have a theory that they stopped recording that show years ago and now just repeat the same episode every week. I don't think anyone would actually notice, due to the simple that each episode appears to be exactly the same as the last one. Nothing about it ever changes, ever.
Pat Sharp scares me. Standing there with his face.

Attached to his head, I hope.

Not much fun for the kiddies if it isn't.

It's alright Pink Moon, Pat sharp is on my 'list'. He'll be sorted.

That face. Ugh.

And those kids. Ughhh.

Don't put yourself d....
OH!
The Funhouse Crew!

*wail*

This place is worse than Wimpy on a Saturday afternoon!

But with more atmosphere and better burgers?

That's it!

You're ctaching on!

Ctaching???
That sound likes some kind of bizarre egyptian torture (he says, meaninglessly picking holes)
Whatever happened to Pat Sharp's mullet? I think it is stalking the streets of London feasting on dogs. NO! Pat Sharp's mullet do not chew me! I will die.
ARG!
O it was all a dream.

*hands Pink Moon some voddy*

I believe that Sharps mullet is in fact 'Th* Bl**r W*tch'. It was last seen in '96, when those students disappeared. It is real, oh yes it is.

I have Pat Sharp's hair.

I have it.

I have.

How come I haven't seen it then, eh?

You'd better give it back, he's getting cold.

Fuck Pat Sharp!

Yeah! Fuck 'im!

Actually, no.

Don't.

Yeah man, with a big SHARP STICK!

A Pat Sharp Stick?

Yes! With a mullet on the end!

And two inane girlies on either side.

Naked?

No, wearing ridiculous team colours, and shaking pom-poms.

Eww, what's the point in that then?

I've wondered that for years.

We should be on telly, presenting a sort of gameshow which revolves around consuming vast amounts of boooooooooze.

Yes, like I just have.

Well, vast amounts for me.