I'm with you Suii. Let's get a team together and get the bastards. BBC treating my mate like that - they're dead!

but then the whole bloody system's set up like this. eg, if yr 2 fellas living together as a couple, the dhss won;t recognise this when assessing housing benefit, and treat you as seperate peeps. however, if yr a man sharing with a woman, and not in any way romantically linked, the dhss will still do their utmost to prove you're "living together" which saves them some dosh.... kuh...

Yeah, it's ridic. isn't it. If I was to share a house with a poof, the DSS would almost certainly try and prove that we were on together, even if I grabbed a passing woman and engaged in 'soixante-neuf' with her! It bites big time. Gee, get your samurai sword at the ready, we're gonna storm the Beeb!

<puts on mittens and scarf>

I'm ready, GRRRRR!

LET'S GO!!!

<runs forward>

Er....get dressed first John!

<averts eyes>

BUT I'M HUNGRY FOR REVENGE!

At least put your....er...white (?) dressing gown on!

It *is* white, IT IS WHITE IT IS!!!!!!!!!

er...whatever..

*mutters under breath*
is it fuck!

IT IS WHITE IT IS!!!

Where's my DAZ????

DAZ? It would take more than Daz to make that white!! May I suggest Crown Emulsion in 'Brilliant White', 3 coats of that should make it gleam!!

But Richard says it's fabby!

And he says he knows how to make it white!

*vomits*

You're lapping it up!

*dies*

<laughs>

<laughs some more>

wooooo0000000000000OOOOOOOOOOOoooooooh!

How dare you mock my death!!

<screams>

It's her...and she's better than ever!

Fancy some Quality street?

what a dull debate.

I think that person is right, Suiii!

This is so dull, it's spooooooky!

<plays guitar>

<plays banjo>

That's us babe, hopelessly dull and deeply uninteresting, mashbottles?

<continues playing guitar>

Dah-dah-dah-dah-neeeeoooooww!

Is that your 'Yello Egguss' song?

Did you used to manage Take That?

YOU 'TAKE THAT' BACK!

Oh, the hilarity!

You're only jealous cos I thought of it first! Nigel!

Nigel has opened up a new gay club in Manchester.

I must visit it, and see if all the rumours about him are true.

Nigel? A Wooftah? Naaaaaaaah.........

#Sexxxxy Booooooooooooooooyyyy#

He's one lovely hunkster!

Who could forget his bravura performances on Star for a Night, alongside Jane McDonald?

It was so beautiful I wept real tears!

I wish he'd pulled down his trousers and showed us all his lovely arse!

I wish I could have his babies!!

Maybe one day he'll let us touch his jacket?

Ohhhhhhhh *dreams*

He's a class act and no mistake.

Shall we kidnap him and make him our Slave D'Amour?

Erm...no.

*huffs*

Never let me have any fun....

He can touch you if you want, but don't let him anywhere near my pants!

Eww, don't want him to touch me, just wanna touch his sparkly shoes!

<phew>

That's okay then!

Touch his shoes all you like.

<strokes the shoess>

Aaaaah, I feel whole again!

Please, on top of everything else, don't make me picture his hole!

Ewwwwwwwwwwww!!!!

Ewwwwwwwwwwww!!!!

And thrice Ewwwwwwwwwww!!!!

*lol*

Darn these sticky keys!

Do you see what I did there?

Yes, very comedic! But I was downplaying it so the other forumers don't get jealous!

Mmmm, very wise.

You know what an envious bunch they are!

Yep.

Why must we *always* be the only nice people?

*sigh*

It's what God wants.

Oh, *that* guy.

Or maybe it's what Wendy Turner Webster wants?

The one that's presenting a new primetime BBC1 Saturday show with her sister, Anthea?

Is she? Sheesh, she's bad enuf on Pet Rescue. Two of them, together? Vile. Is it a lottery show?

Probably.

That's all BBC1 on a Saturday ever is now.

9am-9pm, solid lotto madness.

"Now, on BBC1, it's 9am, it's Saturday, it's time for Lottery Live and Kicking"

"And now, Liiive, Lotterystand"

"Here's Bill Giles with the Lottery Weather View"

And now, "Lotteries like These"

Lotteries At 6...?

"Lottualty"

"Lotteries at War"

"Lottery Review"

"Lottery and Hopkirk (Deceased)"

"Harbour Lottery"

"LotteryEnders"

"Animal Lottery"

"Lotteryside"

"Walking with Lotteries"

'Lotterykeepers'

"Lotteries Behaving Badly"

Lotteryvision Song Contest

"Lottery Who"

"Last of The Summer lottery"

"when lotteries attack"

"Lottery as Folk"

"top of the lotteries"

"TFI Lottery"

"on the Lottery"

'Lotteries of Praise'

"waiting for lottery"

"Fawlty Lottery"

"lottery south-east"

"Red Alert"

"parallel nine"

"The Legend of the Wiltons"

"to duel a lazy ex"

"Big Pissers 2000"

"sly, brainy, cute loner"

Darn, I cannae remember any more of them.

Do you still have the url for that, m'lovely?

"Freakus McCusster Swims the Channel"

"Cusston Skankford runs for MP"

Suiii?

Do you have the URL, please? I'll go away from this topic once I've got it. Or at least an answer.

That's easy.

It's www.curtain-flaps.co.uk

Isn't it .com?

Don't pull my ears, i know exactly where I'm going!

My mistake, Suiii, my mistake.

www.mashbottles.com

I heard that site had 3,000,000 hits last week alone!

Maan, tell me about it! The server was quite literally collapsing under the strain every 10 minutes!

It's been awarded the 'Best Site Ever' accolade!

Yaaay!! faaaame at last!

<opens champagne>

Save the bottle after you've finished with that champers!

Pure, unmitigated filth!

I meant for mash.

But, now you come to mention it...shoving them up my arse would be even better!

I think Pepsi Slam bottles are the best type to use.

Well, my arse is probably a bit tight.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

That's the funniest thing I've ever heard!

Oi!

Little Miss Loose Flaps!

Yeah, says him who doesn't have to take a suitcase on hoiday!!

I take my stuff in a plastic bag, what more do I need?

Yeah, a plastic bag.......









































.....shoved up yer cavernous arse!!!

My ass is tight!

*snigger*

You should do comedy professionally man!

It *is*!

<on the phone to Iain Lee's agent>

What are we talking about again?

Tinned peaches, whats better juice or syrup?

I would say juice.

Syrup can be sooooo sticky! But, if you're eating peaches with ice cream, it has to be syrup.

Don't like peaches anyway.

Disgusting furry things.

<covers Herberts ears>

Ssssssssssh!!

Herbert is an acceptable furry thing, though!

Oh! That's ok then, run freeeeeeeee little bunny!

Freeeeeeeeeeeee!!

My favourite price, as 'Annie' might say, the witless bint that she is.