mmmmmmm jess stephenson......

*drools*

why does she look fb in spaced but dodgy in royal family?

Oi - that was my question to you woman! grrr

play nice laydees!! heheh. let us all sit here and drooool at the thought of miss stephenson in lovely sparkly clothes tripping the light fantastic just for us!!

You bloody bunch of lezbos!

shurrup poofguts!

What makes you think I'm gay?

er.....how long have ya got? i'm at serious risk of wearing out the keyboard and developing a seveeeere case of RSI if i list all the reasons!

But...I'm so manly and butch!

*collapses*

"AAAAGH LYNS, A FUCKING PEACOCK!!! HAAYY-ULP!!"

and so it came to pass that the biglanky mashpot hid behind his tiny wife as she protected him from aforementioned killer bird!

Liar!!

That would never stand up in court!

<hopes the Zoo doesn't keep security videos>

then there was the Bat House.........but lets draw a veil over that and never speak of it again....

Indeed, for that would shame us both.

and as for 'The Ark' , well let's just say those blue stains are vey hard to shift.
*weeps*

oh the humanity. hold me.

<holds Sui>

<weeps>

*hugs him*

so.........we going back there then??!

Just name a day!

As soon as I have the funds, i'll be theeeeere!

Yip-yip-yippee!

*starts packing*

promise you won't move house?

can we *do* the zooooological gardens?

Of course we can, remember the hard hats though!

Of course we can, remember the ha...

...um?

<dribbles>

It's so like meeeee it's uncanny!

it even has that tufty, spiky thing going on with the rudimentary hair that i have fashioned from Pot Noodles!

Yeees, does it smell of Pringles and Apple Tango?

*sniffs it*

ooh yeah, and a hint of........*sniffs* F I N C H!

Difference is, that John! isn't all traumatised like this one!

i can make it so!

Don't...don't put him in your cleavage!

shit!! spoil all my fun

*huff*

That'd kill the poor chap.

It nearly finished me off!

lies! you *loved* it!

I told you not to shout about it!

your secret is out!

<weeps>

Okay, okay, God!

So, what's me chances of winnig Miss Torbay 2000 then?

Well, it depends if you really, *really* love it in Torbay!

I feel so aliiiiiiiiiive!

It awakens something in me that I never knew existed!!!

Torbay-Better Than Heroin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Torbay - it's full of healthy goodness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Torbay-God's Country!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Torbay - it's well and truly shit!

Torbay-I'd rather fucking die than live there

Torbay - that gives me an idea...

Torbay-let's drown ourselves!

Torbay - I must suggest these slogans to the Council on Monday!

Torbay-you'll be running Torbay within the week!

Torbay - and then I'll sack my colleagues sorry asses!!

Torbay- And hire me, and get me a house?

Torbay - Yes, and run this little insignificant shit hole of a borough from some penthouse in London!

Torbay-OOoohh, can we live in SoHo?

Torbay - Yes indeed we can...we can even have a direct view into all the seedy clubs.

Torbay- And a glitterball in the sitting room?

Torbay - of course, we'll also have naked servants.

Torbay- Can we throw stuff on the floor all the time so the sevants will have to bend over?

Torbay - yes, and I'll look at their hairy cracks.

Torbay- ewww, can't we shave them?

'Torbay - well, we can shave one...we'll have one hairy and one smooth'

'Torbay- Can we teach 'em tricks?'

'Torbay - yes, involving tennis balls'

Torbay- And targets?

Torbay - and cream

Torbay-Wow! I'd pay to see that

Torbay - I'd pay to see a dolphin balancing a bowl of mash on it's nose

Torbay-I'd pay to be eating your mash!

Torbay - that gives me an idea!

Torbay- I'd be broke in 2 days!

Torbay - not to worry!

Torbay- I could always ask 'Anne' if she wants some jobs doing!

Torbay - but Anne's not interested in muff!

Torbay- You don't know that!

Torbay - I do, because I asked her.

Torbay- Oh....oh I see....*weeps*

Torbay - so you can forget about ever touching her beautiful skin and delicate hands.

Torbay- And her immaculately coiffed hair

Torbay - and don't even think about getting her out of those green overalls!

This seems to be going nowhere... check out http://www.spaced.org.uk for SPACED info.

Cheers,

Nick Lee

Actually it's going a lot of places, all over in fact, to...erm, Disneyland, Exeter and p'raps Brixham if we have time, so ner!

Oh no Johnny S, all our topics-gone!

Have they?

Which ones now?

We've only got about 3 left man!

It's a travesty!

*writes to MP*

That oughta do it!

<embarrassed>

I've forgotten what we're talking about again.

we.......were...........talking.........about.......my...........impossible.........dream................mashbottles.

Were we?

You like mash?

Wha?

Naaah, it's vile, it was just a random word I used man!

I was just wondering, because you've never mentioned that you like it before.

Urgh that's cos it is vile!

Will you make up your mind, Suiii-san?

Hmmmmmm, I dunno! Y'know what I'm like!!

You are indeed wise.

You think? Well the whole thing about not using your PC in the shower was just common sense really!

But I needed it to listen to music!

Well then just push it up to the door, or put it on the floor with a towel over the top, just don't stand there holding it in your arms!

I did wonder if that sparkling was normal.

Tsk! silly!

But it's all better now I've put that plasticine in the CD tray!

*sighs*

I said BLU-TAC!!!

Christ, imagine being stuck on a plane with these tossers.

<imagines>

You know, Suiii, he's right! It'd be *great*!

Well said Dave!

Yaaaaaaaay!! *buys 3 tickets* Come on Daaave, we're going to Diiisneylaaand!!

#We're all going on a summer holiday! Dave's coming with us for a week or two!#

Man, this holiday is gonna rock!

Dave, are you a gay man? We need to know these things so we can plan our itinerary for the trip!! Bags I the window seat!!

Bags Dave next to me so we can play together!

NO! I wanna sit next to him!

But I love him more!

>Dave, are you a gay man?

No, I am not a gay man. Are you a fat goth chick or one of those skinny ones with no tits? Funny, you never see any that are in between...

Goth? Nope. Are you a morris dancer?

You lie, Suiii!

You are *so* a goth!

Your black hair confirms it!

Dave, would you like to stroke me?

Are there any Dyke-Goths?? Stop stroking Dave, and steal his pegs!

But I'm stroking his peg as we speak!

Tsk!

Is that all you can say?

Well I do have a very limited vocabulary y'know! I mean, what a struggle it was thinking of things to talk about at your house!

You're telling me!

We barely said a word to each other all week!

So many awkward silences!

Man, don't remind me!

<cringes>

Thank Heaven I never have to go through that again!

I'll second that!

We're so lame!

Especially when we're together!!

Man, yeah.

Complete clash of personalities, there.

Urgh, don't remind me!

I wished I was dead for that whole week, I really did!

I wish I was now......

..but that week, vile, unspeakably horrid.

BANISH IT!

And no, you don't wish you were dead now!

Naah, you're right! I'll never get me hat back if I die now!

No, you won't.

I'll just clutch it to my head and weep.

Awwww, it wouldn't be that bad!

Yeah, man, believe me, it would!

Then I'll be alive forever!!!

You happy about that?

Naaah, but what can I do?

Sing?

~Volaaaaare, whoah oh, Cantare Whoah-oh-oh-oh#

or something else? Bit of Rosemary Clooney you say?

#Hey mambo, mambo italiano, Hey mambo, mambo italiano, go go go you mixed up Siciliano all you calabrese do the mabo lke-a- crazy..#

Enough?

'Rosemary Clooney's Bum, Hip and Thigh Regime'

*snigger*

'Rosemary Ford sings Easy listening Faux Italian Classics'

'Rosemary Connelly's Scores on the Board'

Urgh, Brucie.

He really is quite divine.

I admire his chin.

Do you want him to sniff you?

Oh yes! And rub my ears!

He'll do it...don't think he won't do it.

I hope so!

G-g-g-g-g-g-g-good game.

Cuddly Toyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

What're the scores on the board, Miss Ford?

Cardinal "I could have done that job easy, look" Biggles

'Rosemary Ford and her Super Weird Cleavage'

ugly cow

Come Dancing.

Cardinal "How scary it would have been if that were true." biggles

Eurgh.

Sticky.

#Who wants...who wants...to lick me, to liiiick me?#

*moves in general direction of 'away'*

The question was aimed at men, actually.

I thought some might wander in.

And for a moment I thought you'd turned.

that was worrying.

Although I"ll tell Joe you asked.

No point, he's too busy fondling my telly.

And licking your toilet bowl

And killing my budgies.

<weeps>

And licking your toilet bowl. Again.

Yes, he did rather like doing that.

He seems to think you drugged him.

Nope, no drugs necessary with Super-vod-me-do 56!
WaccaWaccaWacca!

But we did slip in those pills.

Shush!

Were they purpur?

There were no pills.

I repeat, NO PILLS.

Erm, that's right.

No pills.

Quick you, go and erase them tapes.

Consider it done.

Good, she's got nothing on us now.

Big, poo/

Quick, change yer pants before it stains!

<rofl>

I can't believe I actually wrote that!

You truly are a filthmeister!

Well, it's not that, it's that the punctuation is all wrong!

REPENT!

<kills self>

Now there's no need for that!

<revives him>

Have a Chewit!!

<sucks>

Mmmmmmmmmmm.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Wipe yer chin Love, you're dribbling!

Sorry.

Can't help it.

Poor bender!

Hey man, I'm not bent.

Just slightly...queer.

Urrrrrrrrrrgh!

I love you Brian!

You do?

Well, you're a very special bigot!

*sniffs*
Aww man, I feel like such a bastard now.

I hear you've had a rough year financially, too.

Congratulations!