Dear SOTAA,

Thank you for your letter of 30 March 1995 enquiring about the rushes of everything that has ever been recorded ever. Many apologies for the delay in replying, but I had to buy a lead for my projector.

Rushes? Hoh, hoh, hoh - they'll be junked a *long* time ago. After all, the whole of television was wiped in 1742, so it's hardly likely that your chosen whim just so happens to survive. No, it isn't. Stop arguing with me. Look into my beard.

I'm putting all my remaining energies into the NFT's 'Missing Believed In My Fucking Bedroom' season next month, which I'm devising alongside dear old Paul Pissed at the BBC. Everyone knows the best way to watch rare episodes of Sykes is in a room full of joyless sweaty blokes with clipboards going hmmm, and this year is no exception. And no, you can't just 'have a tape'. It contravenes subsection 454654/B.

Hffff. Hfffff. Hffffffffffffffffffffffffff. Hhhhhhhffffff. Hfffffffffffffffffffff. Hff hffff hffff. Hffffffffffffffffff. Hfff. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHFFFFFFFFFFFF. Hffffffffffffffffff. Growl.

Now run along, laddy. And get your hands off my scart.

Yours, of literally no use whatsoever,

Fiddly Dick
C/O The Archives

PS: If you have any other queries about television programmes, might I suggest you invest in a copy of the Radio Times?

Call 0901 562 2221
to select DICK press 7
Calls cost 60p per minute at all times
DATELINX.NET
SOMEONE FOR EVERYONE - EVEN ROGER WATERS