The ROBERT ROSS Compinion
Having written exclusively about all matters comedy all my life up until now, it was only a matter of time before the inevitable inevitably happened. After all, what a stunning and hilarious career I've had! Author of countless books (count them!) , appearer-on of numerous telly programmes and editor of the country's best-selling British subscription periodical 'That Thing I Photocopy', everyone's favourite linking device has finally gotten around to writing about the man who knows him best. And who better to write it down in book-form than the mild-mannered creep himself (wash your mouth out!), yours truly! Now, where's my cheque?!!!!!!!!!!!!! No, seriously, where is it?
So how do I sum myself up? Well, apart from the way I go on and on for ages, repeating myself and saying the same thing twelve times, millions of tautologies all over the place, pausing to add pointless bits of parenthesis instead of sticking to the point, like just then, and aside from the way my sub-clauses never finish properly. But there's more to it than that. There's the exclamation marks. And my complete inability to criticise anything or anyone in case it jeopardises future party-invites. Talking of which, when am I coming up for Christmas, Graeme?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No, seriously, when am I?

My career's beeen so stunning and hilarious that I really don't know where to start. Sadly, it appears I've just been shot. The appalling, razor sharp pangs of excruciating agony I'm experiencing are stunning, and the blood pouring out of the huge gaping wound in my chest is hilarious. My inevitable death will really be a vintage Ross moment. Some sad people might argue that surely my wedding or the publication of my first book would be among the moments I'd most want to cherish, but for me this 'being shot' business is really up there with the best of my output. I'm loving it all, almost as much as BBC2's Python Night. Someone call an ambulance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No, seriously, can you call one? GRAEME!!!

Of course, in the later films like Carry On Loving, younger actresses like the delightfully-proportioned Jackie Piper were brought in to play the love interest.

BIBLIOGRAPHY
The Twatty McBumstead Companion - Robert Ross
The Complete Twatty McBumstead - Robert Ross
The A-Z of Twatty McBumstead - Robert Ross
Who Is Twatty McBumstead? - Robert Ross
The Twatty McBumstead Encyclopedia - Robert Ross
The Complete Twatty McBumstead Scriptbook - ed. Robert Ross
From Fringe To Flying Circus - Roger Wilmut (Annotations in margin by Robert Ross)
Just books generally - Various authors

 

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