4.   A whole section featuring a mid-film appearance of Idle's 'Judean People's Front' suicide squad was cut from Life Of Brian - partly to avoid offending potential Jewish promoters and executives (the Front's leader, Otto, is presented as a Jewish Nazi with a Hitler-tache and swastika-amended Star Of David), but mainly because the scene did rather hold up the action of the film. Idle himself suggested this cut and the end of the film appearance by the troupe had to be re-shot slightly.

Both this scene and 'You cunt' were cut after the script-book of the film went to press, and these - among other odd changes - remain intact within the pages. Published along with a fantastic 'Scrapbook' of further out-takes (from the writing sessions and the filmed material), it provides an excellent guide to the way the film took shape.

4.   The Canadian company that bought out Handmade Films trashed all the attendant raw footage around 1998. They did this apparntly because they didn't wish to pay storage costs. Okay, a few questions here...

a) Why didn't somebody from Python Productions, when drawing up the contracts for the transaction, put something in that said something along the lines of 'Please don't trash all the raw footage from Handmade Films'.

b) Why didn't the company in question see fit to contact the Python office and say 'Gee Willickers, we're about to trash the goddamn rushes, maaannn'.

c) Why did the company in question feel the need to trash the raw footage rather than donating it to a film preservation archive who would be more than willing to keep it safe?

d) Why are the Pythons curiously dismissive of the situation rather than jumping up and down shouting 'you dumb moose-fucking shitbags'?

Before learning of this sorry situation we'd suggested to the Python office that a 'Director's Cut'-type affair of Brian should be released, reinstated the cut material. The head of Python Productions missed the point completely and glibly announced that the current edit is the director's cut... Fine.

All that remains of the lost footage are a few edited scenes of varying quality. The NFT has aired these in the past , and certain out-takes were included on the original Criterion Life Of Brian Laserdisc, along with the BBC documentary The Pythons which also features alternate takes and other 'making of' footage.

	Terry Jones plugs Life Of Brian to a TV audience who are too young to actually see it

During the 30th Anniversary celebrations in 1999 a special gala screening of Life Of Brian was presented in London's fashionable West End, attended by Cleese, Palin, Jones, Gilliam and Carol Cleveland. Paramount Comedy Channel went sniffing around there as usual, and broadcast a waste-of-time show called Monty Python - A Revelation, hosted by waste-of-time presenter Jonathan Ross, which partly covered the event. The only merit of this programme was that the Brian out-takes were broadcast (though, being Jonathan Ross, he couldn't just allow them to be shown as is and instead decided to stage a mock 'scene-by-scene' travesty which enabled him and Terry Jones to talk all over them).

The 'Shepherds' scene (which would have started the film) was shown, with slightly distorted sound. An alternate version of the kidnap on Pilate's enormous wife is revealed to be heavily scratched and discoloured. The 'Judean Peoples Front' seems okay, quality-wise (save for a cutaway to Brian during the exchange) and another sequence in which Judith Iscariot alerts Otto to Brian's imprisonment (featuring a fantastic dance from Cleese) looks like it's been gathering dust on Terry Jones' floor for years.

At no point during the programme did Ross mention the fact that the raw footage had been trashed, preferring to indulge in tedious jokes about 'finding the stuff in a black bin bag' (although, knowing Python Productions this probably wasn't too far from the truth) and the rest of the show featured contributions from Eddie Fucking Izzard (to give him his full name) and Noel 'Mighty Boosh' Fielding.]

The 'Judean People's Front' sketch, or the soundtrack thereof, was to be released on a special compilation LP of Python out-takes called, for want of anything official, Hastily Cobbled Together For A Fast Buck. This was shelved in the late 80s, but you can read all about it here. The LP also featured the full version of the 'Otto' marching song.]

	'ASIDES #2' - More things to insert into the main articles when we get a chance... Mike4SOTCAA: "Mention that the cut Brian scenes were on the Criterion R1 DVD, as were commentaries, radio spots, 'The Pythons' etc - see Jonathan) but not the British one. Crap extraless disc released over here (rubbish print, non-widecreen), replaced in 2002 by one not much better (remastered print, widescreen, 'The Pythons', but no commentaries or radio spots). Squidy: The British one's got the trailer as well, although that doesn't make up for the lack of deleted scenes, etc. Mike4SOTCAA: I'm reminded of The Guardian's reaction to the 'discovery' of the lost Brian scenes: 'Yet more new sketches, none of them good enough to make the final film, for Python fans to learn and recite ad nauseam'. That's all they said. Insert your own anger here." Joe4SOTCAA: "Brian Reade in this morning's Mirror did it too, talking about Eric Idle inviting audiences to suggest a name for the Python Musical: 'How about "An Ancient Bore-o-thon From 60s Oxbridge Luvvies Whose Self-Indulgent Garbage Allowed A Generation Of Characterless Tossers To Send Us To Sleep Reciting Their Sketches And Who By Now Should Be Dead, Deceased, No More."'. Same tired old crap. Oh-so-original commentators plucking out-of-date 'opinions' from the greasy soup of repetitive snidery and then performing them like so much soul-less karaoke. And then they have the audacity to sneer at people quoting Python."

	Defunct technology

The discs were LP-sized and housed in a sturdy plastic sleeve which singularly failed to stop the contents becoming scratched. The cover would be inserted into the machine then removed (with the disc remaining inside which would then begin to play automatically). Unfortunately the programme was usually separated into Side One and Side Two (meaning that one had to go through the insertion process again halfway through).

The indexing system whereby the stylus would skim through to a desired part of the programme was pretty good though. In the case of Hollywood Bowl a (unique?) tracklisting was included. The timings refer to how far into the programme the track is placed:

SIDE ONE Band 1 (0:00) SILLY MAIN TITLES Band 2 (2:00) "SIT ON MY FACE" (A Spirited Love Song) Band 3 (3:00) "WRESTLING" (Harris vs. Harris) Band 4 (6:00) "NEVER BE RUDE TO AN ARAB" (A Song) Band 5 (7:00) "THE POPE" (A Meeting with Michaelangelo) Band 6 (11:00) "NEVER BE RUDE TO AN ARAB" (Reprise) Band 7 (11:00) "SILLY OLYMPICS" (A Film) Band 8 (14:00) "BRUCE'S SONG" (An Australian Drinking Song) Band 10 (18:00) "THE MINISTRY OF SILLY WALKS" Band 10 (21:00) "CAMP JUDGES" (Behind the Scenes) Band 11 (23:00) "WORLD FORUM" Band 12 (28:00) "URBAN SPACEMAN" (Sung by Neil Innes) Band 13 (30:00) "CRUNCHY FROG" (The Whizzo Quality Assortment) Band 14 (34:00) "ALBATROSS" (Intermission) Band 15 (36:00) "NUDGE NUDGE" (Say No More!)

SIDE TWO Band 1 (0:00) "PHILOSOPHER'S FOOTBALL MATCH" (A Film) Band 2 (2:00) "FOUR YORKSHIREMEN" Band 3 (5:00) "SOCCER MATCH UPDATE" Band 4 (7:00) "ARGUMENT CLINIC" Band 5 (12:00) "HOW SWEET TO BE AN IDIOT" (Sung by Neil Innes) Band 6 (14:00) "FLASHER LOVE STORY" (Animation) Band 7 (16:00) "TRAVEL AGENT" Band 8 (22:00) "CUSTARD PIE" (Lecture and Demonstration) Band 9 (29:00) "LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD" (A Film) Band 10 (32:00) "SALVATION FUZZ" (Featuring Rat Desserts) Band 11 (36:00) "LUMBERJACK SONG" Band 12 (39:00) SERIOUS CREDITS AND THE END

More info on Python-related CEDs can be found at this site.

6. Boring retrospective opinions seem to conclude that The Meaning of Life was an unsuccessful piece of cinema. This is cack of the highest order and simply gives journalists something to do instead of watching the film and making up their own minds.

The journos who covered the film when it was released weren't much better of course, trading on the controversy Life Of Brian left behind to announce that, once again, the Pythons had delivered a film which was going to shock the world (and illustrated their bletherings with shots of the unexploded Mr Creosote and Chapman chased by naked women to prove their point).

A lot of of the edit-spotting stuff re: Meaning Of Life is covered in the Albums section which looks at various snipped lines which made their way to the soundtrack LP.

The recent DVD release should mean that we don't need to quote the infamous 'Martin Luther' and 'Mr & Mrs Hendy' out-takes. But sod it, we spent ages choosing the right screengrabs and formatting the page so here they are anyway. View it as an incentive to buy the disc:

	The Adventures of Martin Luther A 16th CENTURY GERMAN VILLAGE. STIRRING MUSIC OVER. MARTIN LUTHER (TERRY JONES) - A LIBIDINOUS, SALIVATING SATYR - IS ON THE RAMPAGE. HE SHINS OVER A WALL AND RUNS DOWN THE STREET, DIRTY VICAR-STYLE, HIS EYES MAD AND GLINTING. THE VILLAGERS ALL RUN AWAY OR OTHERWISE HIDE FROM HIM. OVER THIS RUN THE FOLLOWING CAPTIONS: CAPTION: 'The Adventures of Martin Luther' PALIN VOICE OVER The Adventures of Martin Luther! CAPTION: 'In Reform-O-Scope' CAPTION: 'Presented by the Protestant Film Marketing Board in association with Sol C.Ziegler, Andy Rotbeiner, and the people of Beirut' PALIN V/O An exciting and controversial examination of the Protestant reformer whose reassessment of the role of the individual in Christian belief shook the foundations of post-fuedal Germany in the grip of the 16th century! STATELY MEDIEVAL MUSIC NOW. CUT TO OUTSIDE OF MAMIE (GRAHAM CHAPMAN) AND HYMIE (MICHAEL PALIN)'S HOUSE. [NOTE: The Martin, Mamie and Hymie characters all speak in Jewish accents ('girls' pronounced as 'goyles' etc).] CAPTION: 'Germany, in the grip of the 16th century' MAMIE IS SITTING WITH HER TWO RATHER PLAIN DAUGHTERS, MYRTLE AND AUDREY (VICTORIA PLUM AND ANNE ROSENFIELD) VOICE OVER It was a day much like any other in the little town of Wittenberg. Mamie Meyer was preparing fat for the evening meal when the full force of the Reformation struck. HYMIE APPEARS AT THE DOORWAY HYMIE (FEAR ON FACE) Mamie! Martin Luther's out! MAMIE PANICS, AND USHERS THE DAUGHTERS INSIDE. HYMIE WALKS THROUGH THE DOORWAY MAMIE Did yer get the suet, Hymie? HYMIE Oy vay, the suet I clean forgot! MAMIE The suet you forgot? HYMIE The lard, the fish oil, the butterfat, the dripping, the wool grease I remember...but the suet, oy vay. MAMIE (POINTING AT HYMIE'S BRAIN) So what do you keep up here? Adipose tissue? MARTIN APPEARS IN THE DOORWAY, SALIVATING HYMIE Look out, here he comes! (Ushers Mamie inside) MAMIE (GOING INSIDE) Girls, girls, your father forgot the suet! (GIRLS GROAN FROM INSIDE HOUSE) HYMIE Hello Martin. MARTIN Where's the john? HYMIE Er...we don't have one. MARTIN No john? What you do? HYMIE Er...we eat fat. MARTIN And that stops you going to the john? HYMIE It's a theory. MARTIN Yeah, but does it work? HYMIE (MAKES 'IT SPEAKS FOR ITSELF' TYPE GESTURE) We ain't got no john. MARTIN Yeah, but you need to go. HYMIE Ah, you know how it is with theories. Somedays they fine, maybe one, two, three days. Then, just when it looks like you're ready for to publish, whooosh - you need a new kitchen floor. MARTIN Ah, you should be so lucky. THE GIRLS' VOICES ARE HEARD FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE. MARTIN'S EARS PRICK UP. MARTIN Do you need any cleaning inside? HYMIE Oh no, today it's all going fine. MARTIN Ah. Well how's about showing me the cutlery? HYMIE Martin, I've got a woman and children in there. MARTIN So, there's no problem. I just look at a few spoons. HYMIE I got two girls in there, Martin. You know what I mean. MARTIN Honest, I don't look at yer girls. I don't think about them. There...(SLAPS HEAD), I've put them out of my mind. Their arms and necks, their legs and bosoms...I wipe from my mind. HYMIE You just want to see the spoons? MARTIN My life, that's what I want to see. HYMIE (OPENING THE GATE FOR MARTIN) I know I'm going to regret this... MARTIN No, listen. Cutlery's really my thing now. Girls with rooooooounnnnnd breasts (MIMES CUPPING ROOOOOOUNNNNND BREASTS) is over for me. HYMIE What am I doing? I know what's going to happen! V MARTIN I'll crouch behind you... THEY ENTER THE HOUSE CUT TO MAMIE AND DAUGHTERS INSIDE THE HOUSE. THE DAUGHTERS GIGGLE; MAMIE SHUSHES THEM AS SHE HEARS HYMIE ENTER. HYMIE Mamie, guess who's come to see us. MAMIE (HORRIFIED) Hymie, are you out of your mind already? You know how old your daughters are! HYMIE He only wants to see the spoons. THE DAUGHTERS EXCHANGE EXCITED LOOKS MAMIE What do you have to bring him into the house for? HYMIE Mamie, he doesn't think about girls any more. MARTIN Mrs Meyer. As far as girls is concerned, I shot my wad. MAMIE You shot your wad? MARTIN Def-i-nite-ly! MAMIE (SUDDENLY HAPPY WITH MARTIN'S PRESENCE) Which spoons do you wanna view? MARTIN (CANNOT KEEP HIS EYES OFF THE DAUGHTERS) Er, I guess soup spoons... MAMIE Now they're good spoons. MARTIN You got 'em arranged? MAMIE No, but I can arrange them for you. MARTIN Oh, don't put yourself to no bother, Mrs Meyer. MAMIE It's no bother. I want for you to see these spoons like I would want to see them myself. MARTIN Oh, you're too kind Mrs Meyer. (AFFECTING INNOCENCE) You could get your daughters to show me them... MAMIE (HORRIFIED AGAIN) Hymie! Get him out of here! HYMIE Mamie, Mamie, he only asked for Audrey and Myrtle to show him the spoons. MAMIE Like you think I'm running some kind of bordello here? MARTIN Mrs Meyer! How can you say such a thing? MAMIE Listen, Martin Luther. I know what you wanna to do with my girls. MARTIN Show me the spoons! MAMIE You want for them to lift up their skirts and then lean over a chair with their legs apart. THE DAUGHTERS LOOK RATHER PLEASED WITH THIS NOTION HYMIE Mamie, don't get excited. MAMIE I'm getting excited? It's him that's getting excited! MARTIN (HITS HEAD, TRYING TO CONVINCE HIMSELF) My mind is on the spoons! MAMIE But you can't stop thinking of those little girls over the chairs. HYMIE Ohhhh, I gotta go to the bathroom... MAMIE Hymie, I'm a married woman! HYMIE So just show him the spoons! MAMIE (TO MARTIN) You don't wanna put nothin' up me? MARTIN Mrs Meyer. You read my mind. HALLILUJAH CHORUS STARTS UP. PALIN V/O Yes, another convert for the Protestants. But despite Luther's efforts to promote the idea of sex for pleasure, children multipli...(SOUND OF HIM GETTING SQUASHED) The Meaning Of Life, 1982

[NOTES: This scene was reproduced in a slightly rougher, non-verbatim form in the Methuen scriptbook of the film. On-set photographs were used instead of many stage directions, and the Jewish accents were not mentioned. The sketch was due to come between 'Protestant Couple' and the 'Growth and Learning' section.]

	THE HENDYS: Hotel Room #1 AN UNSEEN FIGURE IS ESCORTING TWO OTHER UNSEEN FIGURES THROUGH A DARK CAVE. EERIE SYNTH MUSIC OVER. EVENTUALLY THEY ARRIVE AT A BRIGHT LIGHT. CLOSE UP ON THE COUPLE: THEY ARE MR AND MRS HENDY AND THEY LOOK SPELLBOUND. MRS HENDY Gee! MR HENDY Wow! WE SEE WHAT THEY ARE LOOKING AT. IT IS A HORRIBLE HOLIDAY INN-STYLE BEDROOM. THEY ENTER, TRYING TO TAKE IN ITS MAJESTY MRS HENDY What a wonderful room! MR HENDY Right. Real homey MRS HENDY Yeah! WE SEE THE FIGURE WHO WAS ESCORTING THEM THROUGH THE CAVE - IT IS THE BELLBOY RICKY (GILLIAM), A HUNCHBACK IN TRIBAL COSTUME CARRYING THE HENDYS' SUITCASES ON HIS BACK. MR HENDY (TO RICKY) Oh, could we have our cases down here please, Ricky? RICKY SWINGS THE SUITCASES OFF HIS BACK AND THROWS THEM ON THE FLOOR. MR HENDY STARTS COUNTING OUT TIP-MONEY FROM A LARGE WAD. RICKY WATCHES HIM DO THIS FOR A FEW MOMENTS, THEN IMPATIENTLY GRABS THE WHOLE LOT WITH A GRUNT. MR HENDY (AMIABLY UNCERTAIN) Oh. Thank you. RICKY EXITS. SOUNDS OF HIM BEING DEVOURED BY AN UNSEEN CREATURE MRS HENDY Isn't he cute! MR HENDY Sure is. THEY BOTH MAKE CONTENTED LITTLE CHUCKLES. MR HENDY BEGINS TO EXPLORE THE ROOM - HE GENTLY FONDLES AND PATS THE TELEVISION SET LIKE AN OLD FRIEND, THEN NOTICES THE WINDOW WHICH OVERLOOKS SOME SKYSCRAPERS MR HENDY Oh, look at this darling! HE PRESSES A BUTTON BY THE WINDOW, AND THE SKYSCRAPER SCENE IS REVEALED SIMPLY TO BE A BACKDROP; IT TRANSFORMS ITSELF INTO A VIEW OF A MOUNTAIN. MRS HENDY Ah, that's wonderful. I love snowscapes. MR HENDY Me too. MRS HENDY Me too. The Meaning Of Life, 1982

[NOTES: This seems an alternative scene to the one which actually introduced the heaven/Holiday Inn joke to the film. In fact, when we first witness the Hendys, it is midway through the film, and we do not imagine there is anything other-worldly about the dungeon restuaurant.]

	THE HENDYS: Hotel Room #2 A little later on. Mrs Hendy is seated on the bed, Mr Hendy is standing. MR HENDY Well. Guess I could use a bath and, er...freshen up a little. Then maybe we could go explore. MRS HENDY That's a real good idea. I'm gonna just empty out the contents of my bag and have a look through them, OK? MR HENDY Yeah. Great idea! A LITTLE LATER AGAIN, MRS HENDY HAS FINISHED EXPLORING HER HANDBAG; MR HENDY RETURNS LOOKING EXACTLY THE SAME MRS HENDY Feeling bedder, honey? MR HENDY Yeah! MRS HENDY That's good. MR HENDY SITS ON THE BED MR HENDY Well. What's in yer handbag today, honey? MRS HENDY Oh, just the usual things. (IDIOT SING-SONG VOICE, HEAD ROCKING BACK AND FORTH) Powder case, lipstick, some packets of gum, hairbrush, diary, thirty eight tampons... MR HENDY Thirty eight tampons?! MRS HENDY I was just signing my name in, and the girl said to me, 'How old are you?' and I said, 'I'm forrrrrrdy six', and she said 'Are you still menstruating?', and I said, 'Sure'... MR HENDY Right. MRS HENDY So she gave me a couple of these little boxes, courtesy of the Super Inn. (HANDS HER HUSBAND THE BOX OF TAMPONS) MR HENDY Oh! MRS HENDY Aren't they cute? MR HENDY (READS BOX) 'Have a nice month'. Oh, that's real good. MRS HENDY You know, I really love this hotel, Marvin. MR HENDY Me too! The Meaning Of Life, 1982

[NOTES: 'Have A Nice Month' - Planned as a running joke? Or alternative to line as delivered in hotel lobby?]

	THE HENDYS: The Restaurant THE HENDYS ARE SEATED IN THE DUNGEON RESTAURANT. AN AMERICAN WAITRESS (CAROL CLEVELAND), WEARING A BEEFEATER DRESS, ENTERS WAITRESS Hello. I'm Diane. I'm your waitress for tonight. Where you from? MRS HENDY We're from Room 259. MR HENDY Where are you from? WAITRESS Oh, I'm from out of those doors over there. (POINTS TOWARDS KITCHEN) MR HENDY Ohhhhh. WAITRESS (UNLOADING FROM A SERVING TROLLEY) Ice water... MRS HENDY Oh, thank you. WAITRESS Coffee... MR HENDY Thank you very much. WAITRESS Ketchup. MR HENDY Ooh, lovely. Real nice. WAITRESS TV... MR HENDY Ooh, now that's fine. MRS HENDY That's swell. MR HENDY Yeah. WAITRESS Telephone... MR HENDY A telephone?! WAITRESS You can phone any other table in the restaurant after six. MR HENDY Oh, that's great. MRS HENDY Some choice. MR HENDY Yeah, right. WAITRESS OK. D'yer want any food with yer meals? MR HENDY Well, whaddya have? WAITRESS Well, we have things shaped like this (INDICATES RECTANGULAR SHAPE) in green, or things shaped like that (INDICATES SPIRALLY SHAPE) in brown. MR HENDY Whaddya think, darling? MRS HENDY Well, it is our anniversary, Marvin... MR HENDY Yeah, what the hell! We'll have a coupla things shaped like that in brown, please. WAITRESS OK, fine, thank you sir. (SCRIBBLES IN HER PAD) Two brown, number 259. And will you be having intercourse tonight? MR HENDY (TAKEN ABACK) Er...do we have to decide now? WAITRESS (SHRUGS, NON-COMMITALLY) MRS HENDY Sounds a good idea, honey. I mean, it sounds swell. I mean, why not? MR HENDY Yeah, right. Could be fun. WAITRESS TAKES OUT A PACKET OF CONDOMS AND SLAPS IT ON THE TABLE WAITRESS Compliments of the Super Inn. Have a nice fuck. MR HENDY Oh, thank you. WAITRESS You're welcome. MR HENDY (READS CONDOM PACKET) 'Super Inn Skins'. That's nice. The Meaning Of Life, 1982

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