- The Pilot Show
Talkback Productions for the BBC, 29/01/93
Duration - 35'.24"

NEWSCASTER (CHRISTOPHER MORRIS) SITTING IN A BRIGHT BLUE STUDIO. THERE ARE TWO TELEVISIONS, ONE ON EACH SIDE OF HIM, AND ABOVE AND BELOW ARE WRITTEN 'THE DAY TODAY'. OPENING MUSIC PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND.

[The studio is considerably different to the one used in the broadcast programmes. Morris' hair is not slicked back but is in it's natural curly state, only seen in the 'War' and 'It's Your Blood' sketches in the broadcast versions, both of which were taken from these pilot episodes.]

CHRISTOPHER MORRIS
The headlines tonight:

FOOTAGE - MICHAEL HESELTINE WALKING PAST NUMBER TEN. HE NODS AT THE CAMERA.

[All headline footage has a logo in top left-hand corner. Not used in the series, this logo has 'THE DAY TODAY' printed over a globe. The Heseltine footage was used in the series as one of the people who prepare John Major for his beating from the Queen.]

MORRIS (VO)
Heseltine's teeth removed to boost pound,

FOOTAGE - RICHARD BRANSON CLIMBS INTO A BOAT.

Branson's clockwork dog crosses Atlantic floor,

FOOTAGE - A MAN WITH A BLANKET OVER HIS HEAD BEING ESCORTED INTO A POLICE VAN.

And sacked chimney sweep pumps boss full of mayonnaise.

MORRIS IN STUDIO.

MORRIS
These are the facts. Let's kick the stick from the blind man of ignorance.

CAPTION: 'THE DAY TODAY EXPENSIVE LOOKING TITLE SEQUENCE'.

[None of the digital titles have been created for the pilot, the title sequence and programme stings being indicated by black screens with captions.]

THE FULL TITLE THEME PLAYS OVER IT. AS THE MUSIC ENDS, THE CAMERA SWEEPS IN ON A SLOUCHING MORRIS WHO SHARPLY JOLTS HIS HEAD UP. MUSIC PLAYS THROUGHOUT.

[Similar sig tune as the series, albeit somewhat less ballsy]

MORRIS
Welcome. On The Day Today tonight...

FOOTAGE - DAVID OWEN

MORRIS (VO)
David Owen emerges shattered from Oliver Reed,

DAVID OWEN
I don't think I've ever seen anything quite such, er, so totally wanton, ghastly mess, terrible.

MORRIS
And John MacGregor describes how he was reassured by the king of an alien spaceship...

FOOTAGE - JOHN MACGREGOR

...that mankind's survival was not threatened by their plans to blow up the earth.

JOHN MACGREGOR
He had suggested one or two steps which we ought to take�which we have taken which he described as dealing with a remote theoretical risk, but we've taken them to ensure that there is no risk to humans.

CAPTION: 'PROGRAMME STING'

THE MUSIC ENDS. THE TELEVISION NEXT TO MORRIS NOW HAS AN UNDERGROUND LOGO AND THE HEADLINE 'HORSES' ON IT.

MORRIS
London Transport say that they may have to close down the Underground system because of an infestation of horses. A report published yesterday described the effects of the equine plague as 'like an abattoir in a power cut'. Ted Maul reports.

FOOTAGE - DRIVING THROUGH THE UNDERGROUND. CAPTION: 'TED MAUL REPORTING'.

TED MAUL (VO)
For years the system of tunnels and shafts had harboured a small population of wild horses without bothering the commuters. The only pest control necessary....

FOOTAGE - WOMAN CLEANING UNDERGROUND TRACKS.

...was performed by the teams of 'fluffers', who to this day remove clots of hair from the tracks.

FOOTAGE - WOMAN HOLDS UP LUMP OF HAIR TO CAMERA.

WOMAN
See, see the hair?

FOOTAGE - MEN WALKING DOWN TUNNEL.

TED MAUL (VO)
Then in 1970 came the 'crackers', special staff who had to patrol the darkened tunnels everyday and kill the horses with hammers.

FOOTAGE - UNDERGROUND OFFICIAL AT MICROPHONE.

But now, say officials, the horses have become a menace.

VOICE FROM TANNOY
Due to a large pile of horses blocking the line at Marble Arch, all services have been cancelled.

TWO TRAIN DRIVERS WALK UP THE PLATFORM.

MAUL (VO)
Many of the drivers are heavily traumatised. Only one today could describe the conditions.

CAPTION: 'DERRIN PTWNN, DRIVER'

DERRIN PTWNN
Loads of horses, at least... at least thirty, I'd say. As the train approaches they start running away from the train. Stampeding in the opposite direction, like.

FOOTAGE - TRAIN DOORS OPENING.

MAUL (VO)
And what the drivers say they fear most of all is a head-on collision with a blind tube mare.

PTWNN
Well, it's instant death. Comes straight through, straight through the cab window, crushes you to death. Personally, I think the management should round them up. Get rid of them.

STUDIO.

MORRIS
And, in a statement issued just ten minutes ago, the Home Secretary announced that he personally will be going into the tunnels this weekend, armed with a special gun.

CAPTION: 'PROGRAMME STING'

VOICEOVER
The Day Today - Slamming the wasps from the pure apple of truth.

[The voiceovers for all the stings, bar one, are performed by the late Michael Alexander St John, reprising his role from On The Hour and Morris' Radio One Music Shows.]

STUDIO.

MORRIS
It's five to ten, time for sport.

THE SPORTS DESK. ALAN PARTRIDGE IS SITTING AT IT IN A RED AND GREEN JUMPER AND A TIE. THE 'THE DAY TODAY' LOGO CAN BE SEEN IN THE BACKGROUND.

ALAN PARTRIDGE
Hello. I'm Alan Partridge and this is Sports Desk. Football, and Nottingham Forest may soon be Nottingham De-forest if coach Liam O'Kane has anything to do with it.

PHOTO OF NOTTINGHAM FOREST.

PARTRIDGE (VO)
He's ordered the entire team to shave their groins in an attempt to enable greater lamina airflow and reduce buckling and weaving of the tendons.

STUDIO.

The newly depilated men will be shown off to Nottingham fans this evening.

ALAN TURNS TO A DIFFERENT CAMERA.

On to tennis now, and the sensational young Bulgarian protege Milla Millandrovitch was wowing everybody in Southampton this afternoon as she prepares for the finals of the Ordinance Survey Maps Cup. I was lucky enough to catch up with her this morning as she was practising with some nets.

BY A TENNIS COURT ALAN IS INTERVIEWING MILLA WITH A LARGE HANDHELD MICROPHONE. HE IS SLIGHTLY OFF-SCREEN.

[Milla Millandrovitch is played by Minnie Driver. The middle few lines of this sequence made it into the fifth Mini News promo.]

PARTRIDGE
You... are from Bulgary...

MILLA
Bulgaria.

ALAN MOVES THE MIC IN.

MILLA
Bulgaria.

A QUICK CUT TO ALAN SHOWS HIM NODDING ATTENTIVELY.

PARTRIDGE
(JOKINGLY) I can imagine, when you were small, you were probably taken away from your parents and put in a sports camp.

MILLA
No, my... we had a tennis court at my house...

ANOTHER CUT TO ALAN TO REVEAL HIM NODDING SYMPATHETICALLY.

...and my father was my coach.

PARTRIDGE
You weren't put in a sports camp and trained into a tennis machine?

MILLA
No, I went to school, as normal.

ANOTHER CUT TO ALAN. HE IS GRINNING LIKE AN IDIOT.

I would work a lot.

PARTRIDGE
You must be devastated for your countrymen who are subsisting of a diet of bread, potatoes, water and, er, I don't know, beer. Um, do you feel guilty?

MILLA
No.

ANOTHER CUT TO ALAN. HE IS NODDING, AGREEABLY.

People eat.

PARTRIDGE
Most of your countrywomen tend to have effected a kind of... well, a moustache...

ALAN REACHES FOR HER TOP LIP. MILLA BATS HIS HAND AWAY.

and you, I have to say, have a very very... sort of, er, top lip...

MILLA RUBS HER TOP LIP.

It's quite, it's nice, very nice. It's, sort of, very fine...

MILLA
Well, I've never suffered from facial hair, but they have electrolysis in my country.

PARTRIDGE
Electrolysis for dissidents.

CAPTION: 'PROGRAMME STING'

VOICEOVER
The Day Today - Taking the news reefer and pulling like a mad man.

STUDIO. MORRIS IS SITTING BY THE OTHER TELEVISION SET WHICH HAS A PICTURE OF THE AMERICAN FLAG BEHIND BARS, WITH THE HEADLINE 'STYLISH DEATH'.

MORRIS
If you're a criminal awaiting execution in the united state of Tennessee, your hope is that they throw your switch on Martin Luther King's birthday. If they do, state law allows you to choose the precise manner in which your volts are delivered. This report from Barbara Wintergreen of American news company CBN has received the best our digital transponder can give it without, to my mind, showing any clear benefit in picture quality gain.

FOOTAGE - THE REPORT IS SHOWN AS A SLIGHTLY BLURRY NTSC COPY. A 'CBN' LOGO IS IN THE TOP LEFT-HAND CORNER AT ALL TIMES. WE START OFF WITH GENERIC STOCK FOOTAGE OF A PRISON AND ITS GUARDS.

CAPTION: 'BARBARA WINTERGREEN'.

BARBARA WINTERGREEN (VO)
Tennessee State Penitentiary. For some it's death row but for convicted mass murderer Chapman Baxter it's the last night at Heartbreak Hotel.

WE SEE CHAPMAN BAXTER'S CELL. THERE IS AN ELVIS PRESLEY RUG ON THE WALL ALONG WITH OTHER ELVIS MEMORABILIA.

Baxter's an Elvis fan and tomorrow he dies like a King.

BARBARA WINTERGREEN INTERVIEWING BAXTER IN HIS CELL.

CAPTION: 'CHAPMAN BAXTER, KILLED 7'.

CHAPMAN BAXTER
I've always been a poor boy, never done nothing with my life, always... taken from any community I've ever been in. And I just figure I just want to die a glorious, I just want to die like a king, like the only King, Elvis Presley.

FOOTAGE - A METAL TOILET WIRED UP LIKE AN ELECTRIC CHAIR.

WINTERGREEN (VO)
A special 'death bowl' has been installed for this gruesome Presley demise.

BAXTER (VO)
He died on the toilet full of drugs and cheeseburgers, that's they way I'm going to go. I ain't going to no electric chair, I'm going to the electric toilet.

FOOTAGE - A LARGE PILE OF CHEESEBURGERS AND SOME SMALL BOTTLES OF PILLS ON A TROLLEY.

WINTERGREEN (VO)
Like Presley, Baxter will gorge on cheeseburgers and drugs until he reaches six-hundred and fifty pounds.

FOOTAGE - THE ELECTRIC TOILET'S 'ON' SWITCH.

The historic weight will trigger the electric current, and see Baxter skip dessert.

FOOTAGE - MORE ELVIS MEMORABILIA IN BAXTER'S CELL.

Among those who'll be watching Baxter get 'All Shook Up' is Tennessee Presley Fan Club President, Alvin Holler.

BARBARA WINTERGREEN BY THE SWITCH INTERVIEWING ALVIN HOLLER.

WINTERGREEN
Some people might say that this was debasing the memory of the King, do you agree with that?

CAPTION: 'ALVIN HOLLER, FAN CLUB PRESIDENT'.

ALVIN HOLLER
No, ma'am, no. The King did that himself by dying on the john in a big nappy.

FOOTAGE - A FAT ELVIS DOLL HAVING A TINY TOY CHEESEBURGER STUFFED IN IT'S MOUTH.

WINTERGREEN (VO)
But a special cheeseburger line in grim 'Elvabilia' has gone on sale to commemorate tomorrow's pan-fry.

BARBARA WINTERGREEN INTERVIEWING ALVIN HOLLER AS BEFORE.

WINTERGREEN
But maybe after today that is how people will think of the King.

HOLLER
(LAUGHING) Yeah, you could be right there!

FOOTAGE - HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE AT A CANDLE-LIT VIGIL.

WINTERGREEN (VO)
Press and protesters conduct a silent vigil outside the special 'Disgraceland' while inside Baxter chooses his backing vocals.

BAXTER
I figured 'Jailhouse Rock' be kind of appropriate! Or maybe 'Are You Lonesome Tonight?'. Always moves me, that song.

WINTERGREEN
Thank you Chapman Baxter, and good luck.

BAXTER
Thank you, missy.

FOOTAGE - CHAPMAN BAXTER, DRESSED AT ELVIS DURING HIS VEGAS PERIOD, IS TAKEN TO THE ELECTRIC TOILET.

WINTERGREEN (VO)
At dawn, all hope of a retrial gone down the pan, Baxter prepares to 'Return To Sender'.

CHAPMAN BAXTER IS SAT IN THE TOILET AND WIRED UP.

In a few moments time, America will watch the Presley stand-in eat a sit-down meal with a difference...

GUARD STARTS SINGING 'ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT?'.

...and if he eats too much he may come out in a hot flush!

BAXTER STUFFING CHEESEBURGERS IN HIS MOUTH.

WINTERGREEN
(TO CAMERA) So, as Baxter turns as Blue as his Suede Shoes, this Is very definitely one burger King with extra fries to go!

CHAPMAN BAXTER STARTS TO SCREAM. BARBARA WINTERGREEN CONTINUES.

Barbara Wintergreen, CBN News, at the 'Elvicution', Tennessee State Penitentiary.

SHE RAISES AN EYEBROW TO CAMERA.

CAPTION: 'PROGRAMME STING'.

VOICEOVER
The Day Today - The last scintilla of doubt just rolled out of town.

STUDIO.

MORRIS
It's sixty-two towards high three. Collatallie Sisters is about to roll her eyes into the business tunnel.

COLLATALLIE SISTERS AT HER DESK

COLLATALLIE SISTERS
Thanks Chris.

MORRIS (OOV)
Take her off the monitor, I don't want to see her face.

THROUGHOUT COLLATALLIE SISTERS' REPORT THERE IS A ROLLING BANNER RUNNING ALONG THE BOTTOM OF THE SCREEN. IT READS '444.44444 44 444444% 4.4.444 £444.44 44 4 44 4444 4(444) 4 -4 4=4=4=4 4&4 $44444.4444444444444444444444444.4 (4)'.

SISTERS
And no let up today for British manufacturers. The Courtly reports make fairly gloomy reading. There were large profit slumps for Mastar's Margins and Watney Heckbulb. Transit Crispfathom rolled to one point six, joining Activated Hedges and Walker Kadavro on a lower third rung. There was better news for Edgeledgewedgebarge who mustered two point forty one up eighty-eight very slightly but Oxy Macgee flew back a ninth, that despite a creeping bid from Michael Ryan's Hotels.

COLLATALIE SISTERS LOOKS INTO AN DIFFERENT CAMERA.

On the currency markets: trading soft all day with a very flat afternoon. How did the pound fare?

CUT TO THE 'CURRENCY CAT', A COMPUTER-GENERATED ANIMATION WITH A FLAT SQUARE FOR A BODY, A FLAT TRIANGLE FOR A HEAD, AND EACH OF ITS LEGS ARE A STACK OF COINS LEADING DOWN TO A MAP OF EITHER AMERICA, GREAT BRITAIN, GERMANY, JAPAN, ALL MARKED WITH THEIR NATIONAL FLAG. TO THE RIGHT OF THE SCREEN, THERE ARE THREE BOXES THAT READ 'NORM; TODAY; PROJECTION' WITH THE TRIANGULAR HEAD OF THE CAT POINTING TO 'NORM'.

[Different graphics used in the broadcast version.]

SISTERS (VO)
Well, a glance at the Currency Cat and you can see: not too well. That's a disconcerting forty-seven degree slope against London, the dollar, yen and deuchmark having a much better time of it.

THE HEAD NOW POINTS TO 'TODAY' AND THE BRITISH LEG HAD HALVED SO THAT THE CAT NOW LEANS. '4.1' IS PRINTED BY IT. '9.8' IS BY JAPAN, '9.6' IS BY GERMANY AND '9.25' IS BY AMERICA. THE NUMBERS VANISH AND THE HEAD NOW MOVES DOWN SO AS TO POINT TO 'PREDICTION' AND THE BRITISH LEG DISAPPEARS COMPLETELY.

If we project on current form, the pound leg could become insignificant within four months, leading to an effective amputation.

THE LEG RISES UP AGAIN BUT ISN'T STRAIGHT AND GROWS AROUND THE SIDE OF THE CAT.

The cat now tripodular, and any future resurgence in sterling would create a rogue leg with no hip constituency at all.

STUDIO.

SISTERS
Overall then, for tomorrow's markets: Good evening. Slightly fractious in the nines and sevens. Chris.

BACK TO CHRIS' PART OF THE STUDIO. THE TELEVISION NOW HAS A PICTURE OF ARCHBISHOP GEORGE CAREY WITH THE CAPTION 'BULLY'.

MORRIS
Well, now it's time for our special revelation report. If you mention the Church of England to anybody, they immediately think of choristers and wafers, but for some, the church packs a more deadly message. This report from Sarah Eughopps.

[Pronounced 'Whoops'. In the broadcast version, the character is called Beverly Smax.]

FOOTAGE - SARAH EUGHOPPS WALKING TOWARDS CAMERA BY A MAN FEEDING SOME DUCKS. THE SKY IS ODDLY TINTED RED.

CAPTION: 'SARAH EUGHOPPS'.

SARAH EUGHOPPS
If you mention the Church of England to most people, they immediately think of the sacraments and the holy blood of our Lord Jesus Christ. But to many within the church there is another ritual: The ritual of the bullying ritual.

SARAH EUGHOPPS WALKS OFF-CAMERA. THE CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON THE MAN FEEDING THE DUCKS.

EUGHOPPS (VO)
Ex-curate Peter Litterton was intimidated by his very first vicar.

PETER LITTERTON (VO)
I went to the bathroom to wash after dinner and I found my flannel...

PETER LITTERTON AND SARAH EUGHOPPS ARE WALKING TOGETHER BY A LAKE.

...in the toilet. Another time I went into the bathroom and all the bristles, bar one, had been cut off from my toothbrush.

SARAH EUGHOPPS POINTS AT THE LAKE FOR NO REASON. WE NOW SEE THEM WALKING FROM THE BACK. THEY HAVE SWAPPED PLACES.

Another time he put bleach in my shaving cream and...

SARAH EUGHOPPS PUTS HER HAND ON PETER LITTERTON'S ARSE BRIEFLY.

...Mrs Capes stifled a giggle.

EUGHOPPS
I see.

SARAH EUGHOPPS STANDING OUTSIDE A CHURCH POINTING UPWARDS. THE SKY IS NOW TINTED BRIGHT BLUE.

EUGHOPPS
This is St Barley's Church in Coventry.

SARAH EUGHOPPS WALKS UP TO A DOOR OF THE CHURCH. A VICAR COMES OUT, KISSES HER ON THE LIPS AND THEY WALK IN. OVER THIS:

EUGHOPPS (VO)
Barley's vicar Bobby Sky is a former bully himself but has now decided to speak out.

BOBBY SKY (VO)
The young deacon was being inordinated, then during the inordination ceremony, uh,...

BOBBY SKY BEING INTERVIEWED.

SKY
...we would hum during his sermons, so we would be going 'hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm' and he would be trying to speak, um, not knowing who was humming.

EUGHOPPS
How many of you were humming?

SKY
About two hundred of us. Two hundred vicars, all going 'hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm'.

CUT TO HEATHER COLLINS TEACHING A YOUNG GIRL TO PLAY PIANO. THEY PLAY ALONG AS THEY SING.

HEATHER COLLINS
Ready? (SINGS) "Bermuda triangle", excellent, "Makes women disappear, Bermuda Triangle"...

OVER THIS:

EUGHOPPS (VO)
Heather Collins has done a lot of popular work in the community. She too has felt the pain.

COLLINS (VO)
I wasn't trying to... eavesdrop at all...

HEATHER COLLINS IS NOW SAT ON HER COUCH BEING INTERVIEWED. THE GIRL IS ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF HER, PLAYING WITH SOME MODELLING CLAY.

...I was getting on with my work and I could hear... The bishop was taking Colin through the steps of a Christening for the next day.

CUT TO SARAH EUGHOPPS LISTENING INTENTLY.

He then took Colin by the (TRIES TO DEMONSTRATE BY GRABBING HER OWN NECK), the sort of, the scruff of the neck and said "I'll show you how to do a Christening, I'll... sodding well show you" and he just pushed his head towards the font.

OVER THESE LAST FEW WORDS A CAMERA IS MOVING IN AND OUT OF THE SIDE OF A FONT AS IF BEING VIOLENTLY PUSHED INTO IT.

[The last line and the font-bashing were used in the first Mini News. The sound effects that accompany the camera being hit against the font are missing in this version.]

I said "Don't do that, don't do that, this is ridiculous", and he said "I'll do... a sodding sight more than that" and he just rampaged around the church.

SARAH EUGHOPPS WALKING DOWN A CHURCH CORRIDOR TOWARDS AN OPEN DOOR.

EUGHOPPS
(TO CAMERA) But while some are brave enough to speak out, other are still quietly being beaten up. Here, in the vestry of St Champs in Coventry, we secretly rigged up one of our cameras to record some bad ecclesiastical hurting.

HIDDEN CAMERA FOOTAGE - WE SEE A TABLE AT AN ANGLE. THE TABLE HAS A CASSOCK ON IT. THERE ARE THREE PEOPLE IN THE ROOM, ALL THEIR FACES ARE OUT OF SHOT. ONE WEARS A CRUCIFIX AROUND HIS NECK. THE CLOCK IN THE LOWER RIGHT-HAND CORNER STARTS AT '04:18:18'.

['Voice One' is Steve Coogan, 'Voice Two' is David Schneider and 'Voice Three' is Patrick Marber. The different footage used in the broadcast edit appears to have been cut directly from the end of this sequence. The timecode is different as well.]

VOICE ONE
Hello Paul.

VOICE TWO
Evening Bishop. Evening Reverend.

VOICE ONE
What are you doing?

VOICE TWO
Just tidying up after the service...

VOICE ONE
You seem to have folded that cassock. Do you think you've folded that properly?

VOICE TWO
Hmm? Um....

VOICE ONE
Hmm, what do you think?

VOICE TWO
I'll do it again.

VOICE THREE
What do you call him?...

VOICE ONE
Answer the question.

VOICE THREE
What do you call him??

VOICE TWO
Ummm....

VOICE ONE
Bishop! Now did you fold it properly?

VOICE TWO
I thought I'd folded it properly...

VOICE THREE
Naughty Paul!

VOICE ONE
(MOCKING) "I fought I'd folded it pwoperly..."

THE COUNTER IS AT '04:42:11'. CUT TO SARAH EUGHOPPS INTERVIEWING PETER LITTERTON BY SOME CHURCH PEWS.

LITTERTON
Now, I was collecting up the hymnbooks (STARTS HANDLING HYMNBOOK), books very... well, these exact books...

EUGHOPPS
Yes.

LITTERTON
...and I was stacking them like so (PUTS BOOK DOWN AND MOVES HAND UP STOMACH TO INDICATE HOW THE BOOKS WERE STACKED)...

EUGHOPPS
Yes.

LITTERTON
...and I'd stacked up to my chin (LEANS BACK)...

EUGHOPPS
I see.

LITTERTON
...so I was at, really at full stretch with about thirty hymnbooks, and he said "Come on Peter, you can... fit another one in there", and I said "No, I-I-I can't Reverend Kay, I really can't" and he pushed one in. He said "you can fit another one", I said "I can't", and he pulled my hair right back.

BOBBY SKY INTERVIEW, AS BEFORE.

SKY
I have seen Reverend Harris lift altar boys off the floor by their nostrils.

HIDDEN CAMERA FOOTAGE - FROM A DIFFERENT ANGLE WE SEE THE BODIES OF VOICES TWO AND THREE BEATING UP VOICE ONE, KICKING HIM AND KNOCKING PIECES FROM OFF THE TABLE. THE TIMECODE STARTS AT '13:33:06' AND ENDS AT '13:38:00'.

[This is shot from a different angle than the one that was used in the broadcast version.]

BACK AT THE PEWS:

[In the broadcast edit, this is one continuous scene.]

LITTERTON
They all fell on the floor and he said "Pick them up, pick them up, pick them up, pick them up!" and then he ran along this pew...

HE RUNS ALONG KNOCKING ALL THE HYMN BOOKS ON THE FLOOR.

...like that. And he threw the books: "Pick them up, pick them up!"

HIDDEN CAMERA FOOTAGE - VOICE ONE IS LYING ON THE FLOOR INJURED. THE CLOCK STARTS AT '03:37:01' AND ENDS AT '03:44:24'.

VOICE ONE
You do look a rather foolish boy, Paul. (HE TAKES SOMETHING OFF THE TABLE, POKES PAUL WITH IT AND THROWS IT ON THE FLOOR) Clean it up, we'll be back later.

HE LAUGHS EVILLY. THE LAUGH IS ECHOED AND MIXED INTO THE NEXT SCENE, WHICH IS THE SAME AS THE OPENING SHOT OF A MAN FEEDING THE DUCKS UNDER A TINTED SKY, ONLY THIS TIME THE DUCKS ARE SWIMMING AWAY.

SKY (VO)
The bullying has got to stop. Stop the bullying... start taking care of your flock... Pick on someone your own size, God's bigger than all of us.