VOTERS' COMMENTS

Here are some of the best comments that we didn't have space for. Many thanks to everyone who took the time and effort to contribute their thoughts on British comedy, regardless of whether or not we used 'em.


General Comments

Catalogue Trousers:
General stuff again, I'm afraid - feel free to pick and choose as you wish. 2006 has been the Year Of The Screechingly Unfunny Comedienne/Actress. It all kicked off with The Catherine Tate Show, a downright boring and teeth-grating exercise in ego-masturbation by the lady herself, eschewing subtle or even interesting character comedy in favour of tired catchphrases, cliched characters (ooh, a chav schoolgirl, ooh, a swearing granny, oh how very original darling!), and the general self-delusion that this is somehow more than comedy, it's some sort of frigging artform (for a comparable example in a different comedy genre, think Double Take). The sad fact is that this sub-Thompson somehow spawned a wave of even worse imitators. Lucy Montgomery and TittyBangBang has to be the prime example. Has anyone genuinely laughed at anything in that series, ever? Apart from a brief smile raised by the phrase "quack and chips", the whole thing oozed the sort of desperate vileness that made self-harm look like a welcome, and funnier, alternative. And Little Miss Jocelyn just takes the worst elements of these two distinctly underwhelming shows, and makes them all the blander and more pointless. Hopefully the trend will stop there, although knowing our luck BBC3 will probably just commission a wave of sketch shows for Screechingly Unfunny Comedian/Actors instead.

Sitcom has seen a surprising renaissance, in some ways. Although much-mocked by the CaB boards, I have to confess to rather liking both The IT Crowd and Green Wing - old-school sitcom and/or comedy drama played (apart from some annoying camerawork) with genuine skill and affection. However, set against this we have the noxious smugathon of Extras and the just plain pointless Grown-Ups. Seriously. If the cast and crew of Two Pints had finally agreed that the whole thing was a lame and decrepit dog that badly needed putting down, then why try to sell us a pup that's exactly the bloody same? Something like The IT Crowd succeeded because - ironically - its old-school feel made it seem like a real breath of fresh air among so many un-laughtracked, flashily-cameraworked, oh-so-media-hip-and-savvy-sweetie contenders. Grown-Ups just offered us the same old piss in a bottle that wasn't even particularly differently-shaped.

It's clearly time to put some long-running shows to sleep. Little Britain, initially a joyous burst of deranged character/caricature comedy, was already half-rotten by series two, and series three just accelerated the decline. Pointless gross-outs, unlikeable characters, endless repetition and the seal-like barks of brain-dead audience laughter that greeted Andy sneakily doing the samne fucking thing again and again and a-bloody-gain all pointed to a show that badly needs to die. And yet it still hasn't, from all accounts. Little Britain characters to cross over into Matt and David's next epic? Oh piss off. And as for The Simpsons...please don't get me started on The Simpsons. By all means, make that feature film, and make it as great as you can, but let the series go to the television boneyard. Once genuine characterisation and interesting plots give way to the gimmick of the week, nearly all of the appeal is gone, and all that's left is a weary smile raised by the occasional half-decent one-liner.

Meanwhile, the likes of Noel Fielding and Russell Brand seem determined to keep on making comedy that is hip, rather than comedy that is funny. If only these preening jackanapes would put a fraction of the effort into their scripts and routines that they do into their oh-so-cutting-edge appearances, then they might just make something that's worth writing home about. But as they stand, their grim attempts to appear cooler-than-thou scupper any chance of me enjoying their material. All style, no substance. And in other news: David Walliams swum the Channel - after God knows how many other people, but since he did it for charidee and he's from Little Britain, IS BIG NEWS! Coming in 2007 - Catherine Tate climbs Mount Snowdon. And the crowd goes wild.

Eric Idle pisses all over his legacy, and that of the other Pythons. Little more needs to be said.

Once more, we've seen the media darling assumed to be a good choice for a wise-cracking frontperson, and failing abysmally (step forward, Charlotte Church): yet more mean-spirited pikey wankers acting as though practical jokes are the funniest thing ever, and the crueller to innocent parties, the better (Whatever, Balls Of Steel), increasingly complacent and uncritical critics...the sad thing is that, despite a few gems among the muck, 2007 for Comedy has been pretty much 2006 for Comedy writ large and stinking. I only hope that this pile of putrescent pants reaches critical mass in the next few months, and implodes. Maybe then we might get some people who view Comedy as a vocation, and one which they enjoy, rather than as a cheap piece of self-publicity. Dear me, I seem to have been possessed by the spirit of Emergency Lalla Ward Ten. But then, going by the last 12 months' comedy, who wouldn't be?

Stanistuta:
A staggeringly bad year for comedy on British TV; with almost nothing to get excited about. As far as watching comedy goes, all I have enjoyed this year is watching Trailer Park Boys, South Park and Chappelle's Show on the internet. Saxondale was a decent enough show as Steve Coogan isn't quite the publicity hungry, shameless sell-out that Gervais is, AND (more importantly) Coogan is a talented comic actor while Gervais is a stupid twat. Extras and Little Britain will no doubt romp home with all the awards on Jonathan Wossssss's'sss big night out but realistically, there was no decent competition for them this year anyway. Even Mitchell and Webb was shit ... I thought so anyway. They need to stop appearing in lots of bad shows and adverts and start writing a Peep Show movie, then retire quickly. Probably the funniest show on British TV this year was Shameless. And that was in January. Comedy just isn't funny anymore ...

Blumf:
There wasn't a category for worst comedy moment, which the entirety of 'The Secret Policemans Ball' would surely win, with special attention on the Boosh's pointless mass raping by rabbits sketch being immediately followed by a nervous Jeremy Irons talking about actual rape victims, purposefully having to distance himself from the preceding act, least he too gets mistaken for an 'edgy' comedian.

David Moran:
Catherine Tate may well deserve much of the opprobrium she attracts but to be fair to her she doesn't seem to be so convinced of her own supposed social and cultural importance as her male contemporaries, specifically Gervais, Merchant, Walliams and Lucas.

As to Hyperdrive - the creators upon being interviewed for SFX magazine claimed that they weren't trying to mimic Red Dwarf but instead drew for inspiration from - wait for it, and I kid you not here - Das Boot. I can only suppose they meant to recreate the sense of claustrophobia, horror of impending pain, and the continual smell of shite and mouldy cabbage that was the lot of the normal U-boat crewman. Having sat through every episode, I congratulate them on succeeding.

Deadman97:
I looked hard in 2006. I looked up and down, hither and thither, now at the waxing of the year my question remains unanswered- "Where is the Comedy"?

Kaprisky:
Law of the Playground deserves to be mentioned here because it contains the biggest collection of talentless idiots to have graced TV for years: Zane, Dolan, JLC, Iain Lee, etc. all sneering about how stuff at school was shit and all of that.

RHX:
When it comes to the racist, homophobic acts of this year, the only thing I can say is "at least Chubby Brown doesn't take up TV time."

kobrie11:
Were there no nominations for Charlie Brooker's TV Burp Rip-Off? That's a
bit of a shame

JPA:
Another awful year. The media can make all the announcements about the rude health of British comedy it wants - the reality is that the bar has been lowered to such a degree that we'll soon need to dig a trench to accommodate it.

ffogems:
It's really telling that this year, in contrast to last, I no longer feel anger and vexation at the current state of the comedy crop. Whenever a bad show is recommissioned, an inept actor is inexplicably re-employed, a mediocre show is elevated to a superior position because everything else is worse, I just sigh plaintively. I'm beginning to get numb to the incompetence, to the relentless dissapointment that modern comedy fills me with. It seems that not only has comedy lost its balls, it's also castrating the passion of those who used to care.

Barney Sloane:
There's still an overwhelming complacency about a lot of modern comedy - exemplified by Gervais' unrelenting smugger-than-thou attitude (see his comments to the effect of "we're doing something radically different and anyone who doesn't get it is just going to have to get left behind") and supposedly 'alternative' gigs like The Book Club which are actually just as conservative and non-boat-rocking as the things that they set out to mock. Thank God for UKNova.

Steve Thompson Dance Mix:
Generally another pisspoor year. Even the dramas resemble third class 6th form cuntishness. (See Torchwood) The likes of Youtube only feeds this shite as well. I blame Mark Dolan somehow...or Michael Grade...perhaps it's the sniffed up Hoxonites...

Big Jack McBastard:
Name a great or even a good comedy debut this year.

Have your eyes shot up to the top right as you scan your brain for one? Mine did, why? Because there were a couple of half decent ones and a slew of bullshit with some of the worst examples of last year's tripe being unfathomably picked up for another series. There is a lot of doom and gloom intrinsically embedded in the Tumbleweeds, but they would not exist if there were no reason for them. We may come across as nothing but naysayers, pessimists and comedy snobs but we truly aren't, we're hopeful and open, we are willing to accept... fuck we're eager to accept, we want good comedy, solid plots, capable acts, well written and thoroughly considered ideas, funny jokes and a lasting grin on our collective mush.

No-one wants one note hacks, shoddy scripts, catchphrase addicted peons and a feeling of resentment when they watch something which is supposed to be comedy and as long as they prevail we shall stand, naming the culprits of that kind of misguided garbage and shaming the worst offenders.

SERO:
I couldn't vote in five categories. I couldn't raise a comment to even more. If the general decline and consequent waning of my interest continues, I will be left with nothing but asking who everyone is and telling Jimmy Carr to fuck off.


Worst Comedy Newcomer

Jonathan McCalmont:
Lucy Montgomery - A woman so craven and desperate for fame she even has herself spun as being better than whatever it is that she happens to be. Has thus far shown all the comic potential of the Bosnian Warcrimes Tribunal and yet she's "destined for better things". God help us all if she is.

rudi:
Lucy Montgomery - Who finds her funny, other than herself? I often dislike comedy performers, but, short of Ince, I can usually imagine OTHERS finding them funny. Monty is the Femme-Ince...

Bert Thung:
Lucy Montgomery - In the annals of ex-Footlighters she makes even Mel Giedroyc and Sue Perkins look like Peter Cook and John Cleese.

Ignatius_S:
Charlotte Church - From voice of an angel to much-hyped (yet unsuccessful) pop chanteuse, what could be an even more ill-advised career move?...

Chris Chopping:
Charlotte Church - Great, just what I wanted, to be patronised by someone with no comic timing, instinct or ability.

euan glasgow:
Charlotte Church - Charlotte Church? Comedian? que? I`ve been away too long.

JPA:
Charlotte Church - Like many other worthless people, Church is famous for being famous, and after attempting unsuccessfully to become a popular singer (having fucked her voice as a teenager), she has washed up on the shores of comedy entertainment. Neither comedic nor entertaining.

Bert Thung:
Charlotte Chuch - Fuck low culture, get back to singing opera you silly girl. Her Channel 4 Show is nothing but the naughties equivalent of 'Kiri Te Kanawa Sings Jazz'.

weekender:
Charlotte Church - Swearing can be big, funny and be clever. Here, however, it is neither.

Bert Thung:
Charlotte Church - Yeah, that's what Channel 4 was set up for, finding the new Cilla Black!

Kaprisky:
Charlotte Church - Never seen Josie Long, so it's between media whore Ms Church and the Monty. I'll go for Miss Wales because she is well out of her depth as a comedy performer and also because of her show's pro-Welsh/anti-English stance. If it was the other way around it would rightly be considered racist.

TJ:
Charlotte Church - Charlotte Church is no more a comic than the screeching drunk girl dahhn the pub who makes her friends cackle by saying nasty things about other people; as most people's natural reaction would be to move away slowly from the real-life spectacle, it's beyond me why anyone would want to see it on television too.

C J Davies:
Charlotte Church - Just when you think Channel 4 can't stoop any lower, it pulls the rug from under your feet and sends you tumbling headfirst into a Friday-night pit of badly-produced, appallingly-scripted and woefully-executed horseshit. Interesting TV Fact: Charlotte Church isn't a 'personality'. She's a cunt.

Bert Thung:
Josie Long - A comedian that makes me want to stand up for Jongluers. Transcendentally atrocious. The cynicism she attacks is merely another word for dissent. I see definite fascist undertones to her 'positivity'

ffogems:
Josie Long - Contrary to the promotional pap that surrounds her, she simply is not the antithesis to the mainstream. Not only does she take her inspiration from the output of the 'mainstream', she is also reliant on the mainstream's regard of her as being 'outside of it' in order to exist. She's drawing smilie emoticons on the hand that brands her. For this reason she gets my vote, because the 'anti-mainstream' tag should be ascribed to someone with a bit more venom, someone who doesn't just want to put daisy chains round people's heads and reel off reams of contrived observations.

The Duck Man:
Josie Long - Anyone who comes on stage and revels in how poor and undeveloped their material is ought to be shot. Even if they are endearing.

SERO:
Josie Long - Oxbridge faux-Down's: as successfully non-threatening as non-funny.


Worst Comedy Actor

Joseph Heeran:
Ricky Gervais - I was going to type out a really intelligent long thought provoking post about the decline about Rickys career (artistically) but nah the cliche "One hit wonder" has never been more fitting.

RHX:
Ricky Gervais - As much as I dislike the other nominees, at least they "try" to act other characters. Gervais constantly plays an extension of himself - a vile, hypocritical, racist, homophobic, ignorant, talentless cunt.

ffogems:
Ricky Gervais - Gervais' vote takes primacy over the others because he has yet to play anything other than extrapolated or modified versions of himself, using his recent chuntering, botch-job vehicle to percolate his lazy opinions about comedy. So he mostly gets my vote because he played a hideous marketing trick throughout � forcing people to aquiesce to his style of comedy by presenting a contrivedly unpleasant alternative (When The Whistle Blows), the catchphrase of which has 'ironically' permeated common vocabulary along with his minority-mocking buzzwords. A cake-and-eat-it cunt.

Big Jack McBastard:
Ricky Gervais - Where's the acting? That's just him being him.

Ignatius_S:
Ricky Gervais - Grinning like one of the less intelligent apes, mugging furiously away and only capable of playing the same character.... badly.

Kaprisky:
Ricky Gervais - This is slightly unfair since I've never rated Gervais as a comedy actor in either Extras or The Office... one of the big weaknesses of both shows is in fact his own performance of his and Stephen Merchant's own material. One actor who is actually worse than Gervais in Extras is... Merchant!

Jonathan McCalmont:
Noel Fielding - The definition of a merkin: A wig attached to a cunt.

Bert Thung:
Noel Fielding - It horrifies me that this clothes horse might soon become a legend of comedy merely by hanging around long enough (the only requirement needed nowadays for such an accolade). Ever talked to a Boosh fan about Monty Python? It's like the impossibility in 1975 of convincing a Bay City Rollers fan that The Beatles were better.

JPA:
Noel Fielding - Ayoade redeemed himself by his performance in The IT Crowd, and Gervais, while limited, I at least find relatively convincing in his roles. Fielding though, doesn't even seem convincing as himself - I cite his appearance on Jonathan Ross with reference to this. Whilst I'm no fan of the Boosh, I can recognise that Barrett at least has some talent and comic timing; this only serves to highlight how utterly inept Fielding is in this department. Somewhat worryingly, even people such as Graham Linehan seem to be blind to his complete lack of talent and charisma.

C J Davies:
Noel Fielding - Responsible - with the atrocious Mighty Boosh - for a) hoisting mediocre and hugely derivative whimsy upon me every time I swtich on BBC 3, and b) convincing dim 18-year-old girls that they're totally clued-up 'comedy-wise'. Dear God just make him stop.

euan glasgow:
Richard Ayoade - The only thing I`ve ever liked him in was Darkplace, where he was meant to be shit

Dan Smith:
Richard Ayoade - worst comedy 'act' because he's only got one bloody persona!

joey zaza:
Richard Ayoade - As Jerzy Balowsky would put it: "I particularly like the way the young lad Ayoade runs off the joke into the dead laugh area". Awfully wooden and a lack of comedy....... wait for it.......... wait for it.......... timing.

Benevolent Despot:
Richard Ayoade - The blank canvas approach to comedy.

Richard Lewis:
Richard Ayoade - His whole 'bad actor' thing that he does kind of made sense on Garth Marenghi, but even then it wore a bit thin within one episode as it was so one-dimensional. The I.T crowd was just perfect for him as his piss poor act looked completely at home.


Worst Comedy Actress

Benelovent Despot:
Katherine Parkinson - A screaming banshee trying to pass off as a comedy actress, displays about as much subtlety as a thermonuclear weapon might.

Neil:
Katherine Parkinson - Please - for the love of God - stop it with the silly-voiced Kathy Burke thing.

JPA:
Katherine Parkinson - Awful, and one of the few negatives in the otherwise very enjoyable 'The IT Crowd'. Staggering about the set, while shouting every other line in a voice that sounds like a sub-par impression of Kathy Burke, does not equal comedy. I'm hoping for improvement in the second series, which surely has to come - when you're nowhere near to competing at the level of Ayoade in something, you know there's a problem.

Robot DeNiro:
Katherine Parkinson - IT MUST BE FUNNY BECAUSE I'M SHOUTING! DO YOU SEE!

Shanine Salmon:
Katherine Parkinson - She seemed to just scream and screech her lines and this doesn't seem natural in someone who is apprently a trained actress

Kaprisky:
Ashley Jensen - Jensen really has nothing to do other than spout out the material that Gervais/Merchant give her, but if you ever see some of the repeats of the later series of May to December on Paramount2 then you'll see her sporting the worst Scottish accent ever! An early role admittedly but her rise to actual comedy stardom is staggering.

Dan Jones:
Ashley Jensen - Almost as bad as Gervais. Sadly, they'll probably find out how shit they are when the buzz has died down and the work dries up.

Elliot Snook:
Ashley Jensen - Shifting your eyes about, looking nervous and talking with a silly voice isn't acting. What, she really is Scottish? Oh, strike that last one then I suppose...

puffpastryhangman:
Lucy Montgomery - She's one down from her namesake Colin. He's got tits and talent.


Worst Comedy Entertainment Personality

RHX:
Justin Lee Collins/Alan Carr - I have no idea who Alex Zane is, and Charlotte Church is watchable on mute. JLC and Alan Carr are offensive to both sight and sound. I've never met them in person but I'm guessing the negative effects on the other three senses make this a viable choice.

Bert Thung:
Justin Lee Collins/Alan Carr - They represent a kind of post comedy comedy. Where having the skills of a holiday rep in Malaga are more important than having the skills of a comedian.

Chris Chopping:
Justin Lee Collins/Alan Carr - How to spot an arsehole, lesson no. 1: Anyone who gives himself his own nickname is an arsehole.

weekender:
Justin Lee Collins/Alan Carr - Shouting "GOOD TOIMES!" at things does not mean that the viewer is having a "GOOD TOIME".

Robot DeNiro:
Justin Lee Collins/Alan Carr - As far as I can tell, Justin Lee Collins' personality consists merely of his made up accent and his hair. Both are deserving winners.

Big Jack McBastard:
Justin Lee Collins/Alan Carr - Alan Carr has made an awful mistake signing onto the Friday Night Project, not only because the program is shite but because he is now fused to the hip of that cold fusion engine of mediocrity named Justin Lee Collins.

C J Davies:
Justin Lee Collins/Alan Carr - Satan's own tag-team: a bearded 'comedy yokel' and a man so screechingly irritating he makes me want to shit my innards out. 'The Friday Night Project'? Really. Just fuck off.

Bert Thung:
Alex Zane - He's one of those people a few years ago it was easy to dismiss but is soon as likely to be marketed as possessing comedic greatness as anyone.

JPA:
Alex Zane - Bland. Amusingly fails to garner approval on numerous panel shows (such as 8 out of 10 cats) where laughs from the sycophantic audience are a given, no matter how awful the guest is.

Little Hoover:
Alex Zane - I'm not sure I've actually seen him make a joke, is he really a comedian or has there been some kind of mistake?

joey zaza:
Alex Zane - Really tough one to pick. They're all bad enough that I can usually overcome my natural sense of curiosity and just avoid watching any show they're in. Zane just shades it because he seems the most cynically careerist of them (and he has the most kickable face).

Kaprisky:
Alex Zane - Ms Church will be spared because that smug twat Zane is here, presumably for Popworld but if anyone remembers that House of Games(?) thing that was on C4, then he hasn't really changed from Balls of Steel... still talentless, still smug.

Elliot Snook:
Alex Zane - Comedy, entertainment and personality are not words that ever get used when Alex Zane's about.


Worst Entertainment Programme

Joseph Heeran:
The Friday Night Project - TV commissioned by people who genuinely have no respect for their audience is unforgivable but prolonging two comedians as wretched as Justin Lee Collins and Alan Carr really takes the biscuit.

Stephen Graham:
The Friday Night Project - Where do programme-makers get this idea of "post-pub" telly, as if anyone who's had a few can only find the most base things amusing? Do 'Yes, Minister' DVDs refuse to work after you've taken in so many units?

weekender:
The Friday Night Project - I'd actually blocked all three of the nominees from my head. FNP wins as it's the first one to make my face twitch with pain when I thought about it.

JPA:
The Friday Night Project - I like the way the word 'Project' suggests some sort of experimentation or creativity. Instead, you might as well just tape a copy of Nuts to your television screen and pen the word 'moron' across your forehead.

Robot DeNiro:
The Friday Night Project - In America, the 'projects' are the drab, cheap housing estates where the people who nobody wants to see are abandoned and forgotten. Never has a show been more appropriately titled, although that doesn't stop it being known in my house as "Oh Jesus, not this fucking rubbish again."

Morgan Daniels:
The Fridy Night Project - The 'Project' part of the programme's title is indicative of daring, no-holds-barred experimentation. The actual product achieves levels of laddishness that Nuts couldn't even begin to dream of.

TJ:
Whatever - Remember Chris Morris' rant in his Radio 1 show about the students he met at that radio conference? Whatever is, basically, his nightmare vision come true. There are doubtless many young people out there who are itching to get into the media and are full of great ideas, but there weren't any of them on display here; in fact they seemed to have been picked for their 'enthusiasm' alone and then told to go out and find an idea. If even the title of the programme is intended to reflect apathy, what hope for its contents?

Ignatius_S:
Whatever - Makes Minipops look like one of Channel 4's greatest cultural endeavours.

Bert Thung:
Whatever - If this is television democracy then I want a return to dictatorship.


Worst Sitcom

Rupert Pupkin:
Grown Ups - Terrible writing (people do not talk like this) and terrible acting (I'm looking at you Rob Rouse). For those who find Two Pints Of Lager just a little too nuanced.

Stephen Graham:
Hyperdrive - I remember reading some BBC sitcom-writing guidelines years ago,
that explicitly stated that trying to pitch a sci-fi comedy was one of the
Absolute No-Nos. What was it about this that could possibly have convinced
them otherwise?

Bert Thung:
Hyperdrive - Well done BBC2, the first science fiction show in history so bad it doesn't even have a cult following.

JPA:
Hyperdrive - Yes Extras was poor, but at least it contained a few laughs every episode - which is something I can't say for Hyperdrive.

Hyperdrive was always going to be (perhaps unfairly) compared to Red Dwarf because of it's subject matter, and despite a slightly bewildering 'Polymorph' rip-off in the opening episode, obviously wanted to be judged on it's own merits. This was a good job - as it was clear straight away that attaining something anywhere near the standard that Red Dwarf had set was going to be desperately out of it's reach. As Sci-Fi, it was uninteresting at best, infantile at worst. As comedy, it was a failure - every half-hour was as laugh-free as the last, with Nick Frost mumbling barely audible lines as he demonstrated just how out of his depth he was in a lead role. The rest of the cast were similarly awful, Eldon certainly should have known better. A second series is on the way too...

Little Hoover:
Hyperdrive - I think people have already said what needs to be said, Nick Frost really isn't suitable for a lead role. Cecil and Riley should be ashamed, they worked with Armando Iannucci (pre Time Trumpet) they should know what funny is.

joey zaza:
Extras - Extras romps home easily. From what I know of the other candidates, they at least tried to be funny, but failed. Extras wasn't even trying - inconsistent characters, plots with no pay-off, incongruous celeb cameos and lazy-double-irony catchphrase. The title sequence should have been a slow zoom to a copy of the script, with "Will this do?" written on the front in big red letters.

ffogems:
Extras - The funniest bit for me was Barry sitting plaintively at his little desk. Perfectly framed to evoke that sense of utter desolation, but nothing came from it. While I liked the idea of two men alternately masturbating over a pen, it wasn't executed very subtly. It would have been funnier if wanking hadn't been implied, or the imagery compelled them to do something else under the desk, so that when we see Barry we wonder if he was doing the exact same peculiar thing as The Agent, and then maybe Robert De Niro later references this act with some earlier established codeword, and then the whole 'being compelled by beguiling imagery' would have worked as a prevalent theme, incorporating Millman's incongruous preoccupation with celebrity in that episode. So, so lazy.
Nothing else to add to the criticisms other than that the whole thing was just such discursive, lazy, shallow, all-inclusive back-patting drivel with inconsistent characters and was completely bereft of the things that can make comedy so great - anger and fear.
I hope the backlash is fierce.

Robot DeNiro:
Blessed - Blessed must surely be part of some plan by Ben Elton to lower the world's population. Its comedic conceit was that as soon as you have children, you become an intolerant, thoughtless, selfish, unlikeable prick. With hilarious consequences. It made bringing up a family seem like the most unremittingly grim and gruelling experience this side of watching an episode of 'Blessed'.

TJ:
Blessed - Blessed seems to be the comedy embodiment of that annoying attitude some new parents have of considering themselves a breed apart from the rest of us. The implication is that if you're not part of their exclusive members-only club and don't share their commonly-bonded worldview, you're not supposed to be laughing at 'their' comedy programme either. Well, don't worry, there's no danger of that happening.


Worst Stand-Up

Bert Thung:
Josie Long - It's the DIY attitude as an excuse for being shite bit that grates with me - Punk analogies have done comedy nothing but harm, they don't apply. So in fact sod punk, what Josie Long is doing would have a better analogy in another branch of the arts, ballet. Imagine if someone went on stage during a performance of Swan Lake in their Wellington Boots, jumped up and down and went "what I'm doing is punk ballet". And as they were dragged offstage they shouted "listen, I've lifted my legs before, that makes me a ballet dancer. These pirrouette wankers are old school", that would be the equivalent of what she is doing in comedy.

Elliot Snook:
Josie Long - When I'm on a particuarly boring train journey I might make observations about goths going to work. But what sets me apart from Josie Long is that I berate myself for thinking such banal crap, I don't go up on a fucking stage and recite every single thought I've come up with for a crowd of drunk people to cringe over.

Mr Grue:
Russell Brand - I know that Josie Long has come under quite heavy criticism on the boards, but I do feel that when you see her perform you are seeing an act that is on the way to becoming something. Not so Mr Brand, whose success seems to rely chiefly on the ease with which others can impersonate him, making him just the heroin chic Frank Spencer.

Jonathan McCalmont:
Russell Brand - A talentless fuckwit whose success owes everything to who he is sleeping with and nothing to the actual content of his stand-up.

rudi:
Robin Ince - Worst stand up, worst radio host, worst person you'd think of allowing to live in a revolution. Just in case it wasn't a shoo-in he was on the radio today and it ruined my snooze, the tiresome faux-ironic semi-intellectual CUNT

Bert Thung:
Robin Ince - Strikes me as a man with a talent for selling himself at media job interviews and nothing else. Are there Robin Ince fans apart from Josie Long? His biggest achievement to date appears to be impersonating John Peel on The 11 O clock show.


Worst Comedy Gameshow

Evil Knevil:
Have I Got News For You - Just fuck off. It's major contribution to satire this year was to tell us that John Prescott is fat. If we see a rise in anorexia amongst elderly politicians than there'll be proof that it hasn't lost it's edge. Otherwise it's just become another one of the BBC's wheezing mediocrities.

Joseph Heeran:
Have I Got News For You - Please put this show out of my misery.

Jonathan McCalmont:
Have I Got News For You - This was tired five years ago. What is it now?

rudi:
Have I Got News For You - Surely even the blind can see the corpse has stopped twitching...?

Stephen Graham:
Little Hoover:
Have I Got News For You - It's really descended into some horribly laddish show, that makes the same jokes ever week, how many times can they make the same "prescott is fat" joke?

The Duck Man:
Have I Got News For You - I stopped bothering to tune in when the Express politics editor and Mark Steel were the guests and the latter got grilled for his political views.

Robot DeNiro:
Have I Got News For You - Poor old Never Mind The Full Stops. It's supposed to be a witty, intelligent quiz show, but is saddled with a terrible title derived from a bad pun on a show with another terrible title derived from another bad pun. It never recovered from its opening credits. Have I Got John Prescott Is Fat Jokes For You is the only possible winner though. Watching BBC1's flagship comedy panel show these days is like watching a much loved relative slip into mindless, babbling senility.

Elliot Snook:
Have I Got News For You - Definitely the worst because every series it carries on it stamps on all the goodwill it built up by being genuinely funny during the '90s. Now I can't watch old episodes without feeling ill and that really pisses me off.

JPA:
Have I Got News For You - Mock The Week is generally awful, but HIGNFY gets the vote just because of the gulf between what it was, and what it has become. The easiest of targets are hit week after week, as Merton does a poor impression of himself when he was funny, and Hislop 'shocks' the audience by being aware of popular culture. The choice of guest presenters is baffling to say the least - presenting the show is not simply a case of reading off an autocue, it requires comic timing and a rapport with panel members and audience. This is something Deayton had in abundance - can the same really be said of Gordon Ramsay or Anne Widdecombe?

weekender:
Mock the Week - HIGNFY without any of the things that made HIGNFY great. Apart
from maybe the fact that it has rounds in it, but I'm not sure that should
count for anything.

Ignatius_S:
Mock The Week - If you find The News Quiz, The Now Show or Dead Ringers too edgy, then this is the topical quiz for you. Badly written 'improvised' material combined with guests performing material written around the time of the first Iraq War, makes an unremittingly awful show.

SERO:
Never Mind The Full Stops - Lynne Truss complaining about her lover just wanting dinner and sex, "He just eats, shoots and leaves". Schoolma'am-ish superiority: where someone becomes knowledgable in a narrow field they wil over-estimate its general importance.


Worst Comedy Film

ffogems:
Confetti - More epigonic nonsense from people who spend more time sharpening their schtick for when Culture comes calling than actually working on the quality of the material.

weekender:
Confetti - I don't often walk out of films, but I had to with this one before I started shouting at the film, then at everyone in the cinema for being morons and not walking out with me.

Bert Thung:
Confetti - A cinema collective of CaB's most hated. Cause of course Jimmy Carr's face isn't big enough to look at already

TJ:
Confetti - You can see acres of this muted, undistinguished, 'naturalistic' garbage every week on television, so there's not really any point in transferring this pause-heavy reaction shot-plastered no-joke comedy to the big screen, especially as it's harder to hold a cinema audience's attention. And when is the media world going to realise that Stephen Mangan - who should never be allowed to forget what a dog's dinner he made of playing Adrian Mole - isn't as popular as directors and producers seem to think he is?

Ignatius_S:
Dirty Sanchez - When in doubt of the adage, 'you'll never go broke, appealing to the lowest common denominator', then watch this film to renew your faith. Hopefully, the 'stars' will one day get their just desserts by topping the Darwin awards.

Benevolent Despot:
Dirty Sanchez - The phrase "Anything can be funny" doesn't hold up here in a jizz-fest of Homo-erotic self mutilation and vomiting. It's closer to S&M than it is to comedy.

Big Jack McBastard:
The Pink Panther remake - Steve Martin, fresh from the heady comedic heights of Cheaper by the Dozen 1 & 2, digs even further into the dirt beneath the barrel. Part of us all lives in hope that he laments his recent outings every day of his life, though another, slightly larger part suspects he rubs his face in money and cries himself to sleep every night without knowing why. I'd match his fees for all three of the movies mentioned on a bet that he is regularly in therapy.


Worst Sketch Show

Rupert Pupkin:
Tittybangbang - Lucy Montgomery and Debbie Chazen clearly have potential as comic actors but are poorly served by a parade of criminally unfunny characters and writing so wretched you'd expect it came from a sixth form review rather than a comedy legend like Bob Mortimer. So poor it makes The Catherine Tate Show look like Harry Enfield & Chums.

Bert Thung:
Tittybangbang - No show has done more damage to women in comedy since Brighton Belles

Kaprisky:
Tittybangbang - Those two Best Of compilations on BBC2 were the only things to turn up on terrestrial I think... shameful stuff, especially if that was the best of the material.

RHX:
Little Britain - Bringing back The Black And White Minstrel Show, one series at a time.

Chris Chopping:
Little Britain - I wanted to give it to Tittybangbang but, but, it's not Little Britain is it? Little Britain offends on just about every level. Aestically, morally, and by being so dissapointing after Rock Profile.

rudi:
Little Britain - Wow! A hard choice, but this was so lauded when it was stunningly dreadful, offensive and downright lazy, and it had to be to pip Tittybamgbang to the post...

JPA:
Little Britain - Three purveyors of uninspired catchphrase comedy. Given that I haven't seen enough of Tittybangbang, it was a close thing between Catherine Tate and Little Britain. I'm plumping for the latter though, as it's surely one of the most overhyped comedies in living memory. The first series had a few fine moments it has to be said, however by the third it was plumbing the depths, with anything creative or original being discarded in favour of 'gross-out' sight-gags and a clamouring to be un-pc wherever possible.

The fact it has been so feted by the media may be because the comedy output recently has been so poor. This shouldn't excuse 'genius' status being granted to gallery-playing, lazily written comedy however.Lucas and Walliams probably know they can do better, but why bother when they can continue to flog a dead horse for the benefit of catchphrase-yelling twats everywhere?

Robot DeNiro:
Little Britain - I couldn't decide which of these three to vote for, until I realised that in many respects 'Little Britain' is to blame for the other two. If Lucas and Walliams had fulfilled their early potential instead of churning out two series of lazy, repetitive, 'shocking' bollocks, the template for the contemporary sketch show might just have included some jokes, in which case Tittybangbang and The Catherine Tate Show would never have been made.

weekender:
The Catherine Tate Show - I tried to pick a nominee based on the least laughs they had given me. Unfortunately all had registered zero, so I had to choose another method. I chose the one which made me the most angry instead.

The Duck Man:
The Catherine Tate Show - People seem to think Catherine Tate's a good actress. She's not! She's quite good at voices, but she concentrates so hard on them that her face freezes up and she becomes utterly static. It's like someone's frozen all her blood (I wish). Oh, and she's not funny.


Worst New TV Comedy

joey zaza:
Little Miss Jocelyn - Awful, awful, awful. The awful, awful, awfulness was further exaggerated by the incessant promotion.

Kaprisky:
Tittybangbang - Never saw Jocelyn, Time Trumpet was disappointing but once again Monty and co. are winners in this category... and I'm basing it on those two compilations! That French maid was less than one-dimensional, those nude Women's Guilders had no punchline other than nudity and the randy forensic detective was crap.


Worst Overall Comedy

Fruity Gonzalez
What I find most depressing about the nominations in this category is that they are three of the most high-profile shows that have been on this year. In essence, they have been the year 2006 in comedy. We have Mark Steel and Rich Hall on BBC4 - but they're performing to an audience of three men and a dog while the BBC spends endless money and time promoting unthinking, unchallenging, unoriginal toss.

JPA:
The Catherine Tate Show - Its inexplicable popularity is one of the worst things about this. Mediocre to awful comedy, presented as something unmissable. In reality it's one of the laziest shows imaginable, trading on the back of Little Britains success and assuming that catchphrases are a substitute for creativity. I also find something personally irritating about Tates acting style, and this serves as a distraction from the sketches themselves. Not that this matters of course - if I miss a sketch I can always tune in the following week there it'll be again, only with a different punchline. If the BBC want a quote for the DVD of the third series by the way, someone I work with said this to me last week:

'I think she's well funny, you should've seen it last night, there's this guy who's gay in it and he said "Are you insinuating I go the wrong way up the chocolate elevator?".Proper funny, you know, cos he's gay an' that?'

That'll do nicely.

Big Jack McBastard:
Consistently dire bile magnet for three years running, even more tired and unfunny than Little Britain series 3 and that's fucking saying something. I would willingly pay a percentage of the money I earn each year for the rest of my life to never hear another person, her included, say her most obvious, annoying and uninspired catchphrase ever again. You fucking well know which one I mean and I will not write it.


Most Inexplicably Recommissioned Comedy Show

Jonathan McCalmont:
Bo! In The USA - How bad does Francis actually have to get before Channel 4 stop paying him money to make TV? There seems to be no limit to it.

rudi:
Bo! In The USA - Many bad shows, but this was SO poor it surely couldn't escape the eyes of even the dullest of intellects at C4, no? Oh...

C J Davies:
Bo! In The USA - Not even Jonathan Ross is willing to 'big this up' anymore. I believe that statement speaks for itself.

Stephen Graham:
The Friday Night Project - It's as if the commissioners are thinking up ways of making it as loathsome as possible.

Elliot Snook:
Tittybangbang - More inexplicably bare-arsed WI women climbing over each other? Thanks Mr. TV!

Ignatius_S:
Tittybangbang - Equally, if not worse, shows have been recommissioned with indecent haste, but rarely to such lukewarm reviews and viewing figures.

Bert Thung:
Tittybangbang - As Vic and Bob spin-offs go, this outshines 'It's Ulrika' in the turd department.


Worst Overall Channel For TV Comedy

Fruity Gonzalez:
Channel 4 - In terms of quantity of televisual excrement, the BBC and Channel Four are probably drawing from cesspits of a roughly equal size, but I have to choose Channel Four for the sheer hate-fest that Friday nights have become - a celebration of abuse, "deliciously un-PC!"-ness (read: homophobia) and general anti-intellectuality.

Bert Thung:
Channel 4 - Turning an experimental arts channel into a kiddies disco. Fuck you Channel 4.

JPA:
Channel 4 - 'Modern Toss' - Never has the title of a programme ever summed up the vast majority of a channels comedy output so aptly.

rudi:
Channel 4 - It used to be the by-word for comedy. What went wrong? It's now the place to avoid for entertainment of all but the worst, teenaged-idiot fodder.

Kaprisky:
Channel 4 - We used to have Whose Line is it Anyway?, Clive Anderson Talks Back, Absolutely, Paul Merton The Series, The Word(!!) on friday nights, now we have all those shows that are in the Worst Entertainment Programme category. Says it all.

Jonathan McCalmont:
BBC3 - No 15 Storeys High this year then... an utter waste of money and time.

ffogems:
BBC3 - I can't believe it's got to the stage where I'm voting for BBC3, the supposed vanguard of New Comedy.

The Duck Man:
BBC3 - Channel 4's gave us the IT Crowd and Peep Show this year, so it beats BBC3 by a nose. BBC3 has made the mistake of thinking that in order to target youth, you have to make twat-level TV.


Worst International Comedy Show

Robot DeNiro:
The Simpsons - Comedy shows aren't supposed to make you weep with frustration and disappointment are they? Recent Simpsons episodes seem to have forgotten this. Anyone who says the show is as good as ever either has no brain, no memory or no access to recent episodes.

James Taylor:
The Simpsons - For all the faults of American dad, it had jokes, and a few good ones at that. South Park is attracting hysterical and stinkingly gleeful "jump the shark" nonsense, but the Simpsons really is the pits these days.

Bert Thung:
The Simpsons - Hitting back at any criticism with the 'worst show evah that's you that is' defence is perhaps getting a bit tiresome now?

Elliot Snook:
The Simpsons - When the last good Simpsons episode was made the Queen Mum was alive, the Twin Towers were still standing, no one had a fucking clue what an iPod was and hardly anyone had broadband.

C J Davies:
The Simpsons - 'Ma? Ma? I think it's time, ma. He's shittin' all over the carpet and can't hardly walk no more. I'd best just take the old fella outside and blow his brains out. Otherwise he'll just get even worse. And can you imagine that, ma? CAN you?'

Dom Passintino:
South Park - Like being trapped in a room with two drunk freshmen who read their first ever op-ed article two hours prior.

TJ:
South Park - There always was something ambiguous about the moral intentions of South Park's creators, but recently they've proved that they enjoy creating shock for the sake of it, particularly with their sudden volte-face on a ten year promise to Isaac Hayes that they weren't going to mock scientology. And on top of that it just isn't funny any more. Less jokes than The Simpsons in its prime, less to say about society than Beavis And Butthead... even less successful at doing 'gross out' than Ren & Stimpy.


Worst Radio Show

rudi:
Quote Unquote - Actually, Bearded Ladies was the worst, but this keeps sneaking up on me when I'm trying to bathe and relax. Smug, unkillable and totally lacking in worth.

puffpastryhangman:
Not Today, Thank You - I first heard this while stuck in traffic on the M25. After five minutes I opened the car windows to let the fumes in.

Dan Jones:
Out To Lunch - As dull as Quote Unquote is, it would deprive Humph of a target, and Not Today Thank You has occasional moments. Out To Lunch continues the Radio 2 1pm onwards requirement of utter shit, with laughter provided by an audience of braying simpletons.


Worst Radio Personality

Jonathan McCalmont:
Richard Herring - Proof that the well of good will produced by good work in the early days of one's career CAN run dry.

Rootin' Tootin' Raspberry:
Richard Herring - yo man have some responsibility dont just go dissin waitresses an shit, they workin people too

Mr Grue:
Richard Herring - A tough toss-up between Moyles and Herring, but Moyles somehow has the excuse of being Moyles; Herring could have been a contender.

Big Jack McBastard:
Chris Moyles - Because the trivial episodes in your life are so important to the listeners aren't they? "My conservatory is leaking!" Poor fucking diddums, I'm sure there's a pack or twelve of jam rolls in the cupboard you could use to soak up the rainwater with.

Ignatius_S:
Chris Moyles - All the wit and charm of a cesspit.

Morgan Daniels:
Karl Pilkington - Never have I been so depressed as when I visited Waterstone's the other day and found a shelf packed to the rafters with that fucking Pilkington book. Right in the fucking doorway. A despicable, unfunny construct.


Worst Podcast

Jonathan McCalmont:
The Now Show - Cosy, predictable, unchallenging, safe.

Bert Thung:
The Now Show - Weekending For Students

Al Tha Funkee Homosapien:
The Ricky Gervais Show - Oh Karl, what hilarious anecdote or hair brained scheme will you 'spontaneously' come out with next?

Bert Thung:
The Ricky Gervais Show - Know anyone who bought these once they started charging for them? Neither do I.


Worst Comedy DVD Release

Bert Thung:
KYTV - Michael Fenton-Stevens second greatest TV moment after The Groovy Gang

Bert Thung:
Little Britain - With 20 minutes unbroadcast racism

RHX:
Vic Reeves Big Night Out - Let's cut out the mi- --- -f the old episodes!

weekender:
Vic Reeves Big Night Out
- It must have taken more effort to edit this badly than it would have done to leave it alone. Why would anyone do that?

Big Jack McBastard:
Tittybangbang - I didn't buy or borrow this. I did however catch two episodes when it aired, if only I could have thrown them back. "Don't look at me, don't look at me!" fine advice, it should have been on the cover in big black and red letters.

C J Davies:
Little Miss Jocelyn - Shouldn't so much have been 'released on DVD' as 'had every trace of its existence wiped from the face of the known universe.'


Most Useless Talk/Panel Show Guest

Bert Thung:
Andy Parsons - I'd like to nominate him and Russell Brand in the contrived voice category.

James Taylor:
Andy Parsons - Stop talking in that manner! Weren't you last seen being roundly ignored on old repeats of the comedy store from 1998? Go away!

Robot DeNiro:
David Walliams - It's hard to forgive Andy Parsons for stealing Griff Rhys Jones's voice, but David Walliams gets my vote. Flirting with the host and acting posh is not enough Walliams.

Jonathan McCalmont:
Alan Davies - Wooly-haired cunt.

Bert Thung:
Alan Davies - Fuck him and his poor man's Merton routine. Yeah, pander to ignorance Davies, cause of course theres many shows on just now that pander to intelligence isn't there?

weekender:
Andy Parsons - His website has a comment that he's "at the peak of his powers" - it's a shame those powers are so rubbish.

JPA:
Alan Davies - I really enjoy QI, but it could be so much better without Davies and his forced childishness and stupidity. He also has an irritating penchant for performing impressions on whatever subject Fry is talking about -

FRY: Of course the interesting thing about dolphins is that they...

[CAMERA CUTS TO DAVIES WHO IS CLICKING, SHORTENING HIS ARMS AND BALANCING A BEACHBALL ON HIS NOSE]

FRY: [LAUGHS WITH THE STUDIO AUDIENCE] Very good Alan. Now...

[CAMERA CUTS BACK TO DAVIES AGAIN, WHO REPEATS SAID DOLPHIN IMPRESSION BECAUSE IT GOT A LAUGH]

There's also his inane grin that practically DEMANDS physical violence.


Worst Critic

weekender:
Alison Graham - Remember that bit in KMKY where Alan Partridge gets hypnotised into being an owl who emits a pellet and then looks really pleased with himself? Every time I read something Alison Graham has written I'm reminded of that scene.

Ignatius_S:
Alison Graham - Weaslly, flip-flopping Tommy Cooper look-alike, whose skills with the written word would make Jeffrey Archer weep.

Little Hoover:
Sam Wollaston - Writes the most baffling opinions I've ever read, and he appears to love Extras and hate The Royale Family for the exact same reasons.

Dan Jones:
Sam Wollaston - Sam, watch the programme. Give it your full concentration. Do some research on the people involved. Now, make up your mind about it and provide it to us, along with reasons why you liked/didn't like it. NO, I SAID MAKE YOUR OWN FUCKING MIND UP ABOUT IT. Jesus, what a twat.

The Duck Man:
Sam Wollaston - Cringeing is the new laughing, according to Sam Wollaston. Well then, I find his column fucking hilarious.

Morgan Daniels:
Sam Wollaston - I do hate Wollaston so. For one thing, he doesn't actually review programmes, opting instead to recap everything that actually happened in a given episode. These recaps are written with the attitude of a Sixth Former - bash out anything, that'll do - and are punctuated with utterly pig-ignorant opinions on comedy. Cringecom is the new laughing is the new Ricky Gervais, or something.

Johnny YesNo:
Mark Lawson - Mark Lawson is actually quite a reliable critic. If you believe the opposite of what he says you can't go wrong.


Most Over-Rated Comedy

Bert Thung:
Extras - Stars of stage and screen taking it in turns to say darkie.

kobrie11:
Extras - The only defence I've heard from a fan of Extra's is "it's not that bad". What an attitude!

RHX:
Extras - "It may be shit, but you will all love it because it has Ricky Gervais in it, the saviour of British comedy!"

Rupert Pupkin:
Little Britain - Series Three jettisoned all the show's warm eccentricity in favour of cheap laughs aimed firmly at 15-year-old fuckwits. Vomiting and racism - that's LB3 in a nutshell.

Robot DeNiro:
Little Britain - Little Britain seems to have reached the kind of critical mass of popularity achieved by Westlife. The Irish foursome could release a record of them farting the theme from 'Shaft' and it would still get to number one, because quality is no longer an issue. Lucas and Walliams tested this theory to breaking point with their hilarious 'woman who likes frogs' character.

Bert Thung:
Little Britain - The show for any school bullies that have ran out of ideas.

Jonathan McCalmont:
The Catherine Tate Show - After the catchphrase comedy of the Fast Show came the repetition comedy of Little Britain. Catherine Tate is the next step in the evolution of this trend... it's an entire series that exists solely on the basis of one catch-phrase. Am I bovvered? You fucking well should be.

Tate's on the same level as Lucy Montgomery... an actress widely respected despite having produced nothing but shit.

Big Jack McBastard:
The Catherine Tate Show - Like a tofu steak with soy bean chips and a glass of cress juice, Tate is a thoroughly unappealing and bland repast. She's touted as a marvel by a nutritionally starved audience who are too used to being fed mashed up newspaper and spittle on a weekly basis.


Most Disappointing Comedy

Jonathan McCalmont:
Time Trumpet - Despite a good radio show around the same time, Time Trumpet showed none of the genius of Iannucci and a lot of his self-indulgence.

Robot DeNiro:
Time Trumpet - For the first ten seconds of episode one I thought "Wow, this reminds me of The Day Today."

Little Hoover:
The IT Crowd - It's a tough one to call between this and time trumpet, they're dissapointing for the same reasons: that the creators don't seem to see how shit the new crop of comedians are.

Mr Grue:
Saxondale - I'd say Little Britain and The IT Crowd were as expected, and therefore not disappointing. I think Saxondale held out more hope than Time Trumpet of being something new and refreshing and not just Alan Partridge as a roadie which is all we ended up with.

joey zaza:
Saxondale - Not horrible, but far too flimsy. A faint sketch of a central character, surrounded by a one-dimensional supporting cast who exist only to react to him.

ffogems:
Saxondale - His Saxondale veneer seemed to be oscillating all over the place, covering the entire distance of his character catalogue. A swerve around Partridge, a quick stop at the Calfs etc.
It seems to be packed full of observation but nothing more. Sterile observation on how 'someone like Saxondale' might observe. Does Coogan et al want us to dislike the parochialism of Saxondale as he sticks it to suburban stereotypes or should we be applauding him?
I can't see why this is being 'given a chance' by so many, particularly critics, as though the show could suddenly improve like some long-running soap after a spell of banality. It's so, so bad, and I wish people would stop instinctually defending it simply because Coogan is involved.

Big Jack McBastard:
Little Britain - Getting closer and closer to a complete inversion of any level of originality with every episode, as the tired-by-the-end-of-the-first-series jokes are replayed in even more contrived situations #Let's have Andy say 'Yer I know' then go bungee jumping off an aeroplane wing while Lou is busy talking his own reflection in a window only to turn around and wheel him off unaware'. Even the reviewers that love it state that it's 'More of the same from Walliams and Lucas' as the DVDs come out, surely a potent signal of stagnancy if ever there was one.

Bert Thung:
Little Britain - They had their tour biography written by the editor of Heat Magazine. No, idiots, that's the kind of person you comedians are meant to take the piss out of, not circle wank with.


Most Disappointing Comedian

Jonathan McCalmont:
Sean Lock - 15 Storeys High proves that Lock can write, and yet his panel-show appearances suggest a man incapable of crafting a joke with any intelligence at all. Clearly a lazy, lazy man.

JPA:
Rob Brydon - COMMENTS: Marion and Geoff was a long time ago now. Clearly held the telescope up to his blind eye when he was reading the script for Supernova.

Robot DeNiro:
Rob Brydon - Rob Brydon wins because of the embodiment of hubris that was Annually Retentive. 'We don't need a script, I'll improvise. No, we don't need any characters besides me, my talent will be enough to carry the show. I'll just say something funny, and you can react, it'll be brilliant. And then, get this, we can cut to a clip that contradicts what I've just said.' He's come a long way since Human Remains and Marion and Geoff, unfortunately he's been travelling in the wrong direction.

Ignatius_S:
Sean Lock - A once promising future seems now blighted by an endless procession of mundane 'entertainment' shows.


Most Irritating Or Pointless Cameo

Bert Thung:
Stephen Fry - No way would Stephen Fry use such a cliched quote from Oscar Wilde. All that proved was that neither Merchant or Gervais were from a generation of comedians intelligent enough to write convincing dialogue for Stephen Fry

Rupert Pupkin:
Stephen Fry - My main problem with his cameo in Extras was how lazily written it was (a charge you could level at the series as a whole). Wilde's "Lying in the gutters, looking at the stars" is such a hugely over-used quote, showing a distinct lack of imagination on the part of Gervais and Merchant.

Little Hoover:
Stephen Fry - Why did he think this portrayal of him was ok, most of the guest stars are deliberatley written to be really arrogant, self-obessesd and stupid. But Fry's part was just written to be an accurate portrayal and yet it came across as the most innaccurate, and he still accepts the role.

Robot DeNrio:
Stephen Fry - Seeing Stephen Fry describe laughter tracks as "old fashioned" and silly wigs as "undignified" was horrifying. Stephen Fry made some of the best comedy of the last thirty years while wearing silly wigs in front of a studio audience. It was like seeing Johnny Marr advising people to give up the guitar and take up the stylophone.

puffpastryhangman:
Robert DeNiro - Are we looking at him? Yes, but he should be looking at himself. Travis Bickle's day off.

RHX:
David Bowie - "Ziggy wastes his time, starring in worthless shows, Ziggy makes mistakes, on screen with Ricky Gervaaaaiiiiis"

Ignatius_S:
David Bowie - Almost as pointless as Bowie's cameo in Clement & La Frenais' 'Full Stretch', but at least in that show he only had to pretend to be asleep.


Most Blatant Plagiarism

Little Hoover:
Lead Balloon (Curb Your Enthusiasm) - All these people are stealing concepts from great american shows, but they don't seem to be intrested in stealing the concept of making jokes.

C J Davies:
Extras (Curb Your Enthusiasm/Seinfeld) - You're not even trying to hide it anymore, are you, lads?


Most Unironic Ironicism

Bert Thung:
Jimmy Carr's material in general - But as he says, he's got a liberal arts degree. That isn't anything to do with being liberal politically, but fair play, it sounds like a decent justification to people who don't know what it means.

Johnny YesNo:
Jimmy Carr's material in general - Nice to see Stephen Fry point out to Jimmy Carr that this is 2006 when Carr was making a limp wrist gesture to indicate homosexuality on QI.

Fruity Gonzalez:
Jimmy Carr's material in general - I've gone for Jimmy Carr, but really the sheer volume of "ironic" minority-bashing prevalent in so much comedy today makes me sick. And comedians seem to wear it as a badge of honour. Thank goodness that Matt Lucas and David Walliams are there to remind me that I'm just being "offended on other people's behalf".

Evil Knevil:
Little Britain (particularly Ting Tong) - More consistently shocking than Michael Richards on a loop. Even my Korean flatmate, who barely speaks any English and has to rely on visual cues to watch TV finds these sketches offensive. Congratulations Lucas and Walliams, you've finally made it so blatant and dumbed it down so much that you've created an international language of unironic ironicism.

Robot DeNiro:
Little Britain (particularly Ting Tong) - Available in shops now, The Little Britain Racial Abuse Kit! Includes eye slitty-fiers, blacking up polish and a hundred and one synonyms for 'Paki'! Guaranteed to make children cry.

Ignatius_S:
Little Britain (particularly Ting Tong) - A throwback to the era of The Black and White Minstrel Show: "It's all good, clean family fun, folks".

JPA:
Little Britain (particularly Ting Tong) - This is ugly material - content that their target audience unthinkingly lap up, and that the critics praise for being edgy and 'deliciously un-pc'.

joey zaza:
Extras (Particularly the 'gay play') - Irony, my arse. Nasty, nasty, nasty.

The Duck Man:
Extras (Particularly the 'gay play') - Yeah, Ricky you stick it to them downs syndrome kids! They've been getting away with it for far too long!


Worst Camerawork

:

Bert Thung:
The Thick Of It - What's the point of all that wonky camera stuff when it isn't even a documentary?

kobrie11:
The Thick Of It - The Thick Of It was almost unwatchable, first ever TV programme that's given me motion sickness!

The Duck Man:
The Thick Of It - My husband was most confused about the wobbling in The Thick of It! Less please, BBC! Sea-sick of Tunbridge Wells

TJ:
The Thick Of It - Watch this back-to-back with the repeats of This Life and see just how much more unecessarily shaky 'realistic' camerawork has got in the intervening years.

Dan Smith:
The Thick Of It - I find it really disconcerting and it detracts from the show. They didn't do it in Yes, Minister so why do it now?

Benevolent Despot:
Green Wing - Just a lot of fannying around with speeds, its novel, but not for a whole series! Or two!

Dan Jones:
Whatever - Why Don't You for the generation most clearly steeped in Thatcherism. Little shits.

C J Davies:
Green Wing - Sixth-form art student ball-droppings that makes 'Jam' look like a restrained and mature comic meisterwork.


The "Pissing On Their Legacy" Award

Bert Thung:
Armando Iannucci - As soon as he gets a bit naff and past it, suddenly all the idiots hang off his every word. Nothing unique, Stewart Lee is also passing off the exact same trick at this very moment.

Jonathan McCalmont:
Eric Idle - If this man was starting out in the industry today, would anyone give him a job? He'd probably be an agent.

Bert Thung:
Eric Idle - I've been able to listen to more of Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music than I have The Spamalot cast Album.

The Duck Man:
Secret Policemans Ball - 30 years ago, Beyond the Fringe, Python, the Goodies. This year: Russell Brand and a half-arsed Chevy Chase.


Most Depressing Use Of Crap YouTube Virals And Spotty "Comedy" "Writers"

Stephen Graham:
Have I Got News For You - Even Channel 4 News are at it these days, seemingly in place of bothering the BBC for clips from the archive.

weekender:
Have I Got News For You - Last night's episode had Anne Widdicombe asking "Would you like to see a clip from the internet?". Christ.

JPA:
Have I Got News For You - Crowbarring in video clips that weren't even funny five years ago, just shows what direction HIGNFY has been going in recently.

Robot DeNiro:
Don't Watch That Watch This - Yes, we all know it's easy to invert the meaning of a political speech. "I believe in. War. And I. Don't. Want to help the homeless." Well done. Of course what they should have done is edit out the third and fourth words of the show's title.

Bert Thung:
Time Trumpet - The mistaken premise that innovations in technology are also innovations in comedy.


The More Effort In Their Hairstyles Than Their Material Award

TC Raymond:
Noel Fielding - Just fuck off back to surfing rathergood.com and giggling into your munchies, skinny-legs.

Robot DeNiro:
Noel Fielding - All three hairstyles seem to require a similar amount of effort, so it was the lack of effort in the material that won this one.

Dan Passantino:
Noel Fielding - Remember that old Onion headline, "Awards randomly given out to skinny blonde women"? When did it become "Light entertainment contracts randomly given out to skinny rat-looking guys trying in vein to hide their private school accents"?

joey zaza:
Noel Fielding - Tough call. Fielding has to win though, since a fair chunk of his material is
based around his hair. Both are shit.

JPA:
Noel Fielding - Created in a factory by Treseme, Fielding attempts to pass off his impression of what a comedy actor is, but consistently fails to do so.

kobrie11:
Russell Brand - I must've missed the part where he changed from being the 'twat
who hosts one of those big brother shows' to suddenly becoming some sort of
comedy sensation! What's funny about this guy?

C J Davies:
Russell Brand - Hold on a second - he has material?


The Lifetime Achievement Award For Crap Comedy

Bert Thung:
Andrew Newman (C4 head of entertainment and comedy) - Comedy Satan. Bring back Seamus Cassidy for fuck sake!

Fruity Gonzalez:
Andrew Newman (C4 head of entertainment and comedy) - Andrew Newman has overseen some of the worst television of all time at Channel Four, and accused people who don't like it as simply "not getting it". I hope something really bad happens to him.

Dan Jones:
Andrew Newman (C4 head of entertainment and comedy) - From "The Word" to "8 out of 10 Cats" is a phenomenal run of stinkers. He's got a gift for something.

Robot DeNiro:
Andrew Newman (C4 head of entertainment and comedy) - All deserving winners, but why shoot the foot soldiers when you've got a shot at a general?

Mr Grue:
Phil Jupitus - What does he do? And why can't he look people in the eye when he's making a joke? Is it because deep down inside he knows?

C J Davies:
Phil Jupitus - The unfunny man's non-comedian. A chundering bauble of mediocrity who has been shitting out 'Star Wars' references and other such humour-substitutes for the best part of a televised decade. I just don't understand this world. I really don't.

RHX:
Leigh Francis - If I knew you could get 5 series on Channel 4 out of an unfunny, repetitive act, I'd have shopped my idea for "Jimmy The Pie-Eating Sweary Bastard" to them years ago.

rudi:
Robin Ince - Hate is such a negative emotion, but I really really hate Ince. Never ever been funny, but appears to have a CAREER on the BBC. The mind boggles...

Big Jack McBastard:
Adam Sandler - Sandler wins through his saturation of the market, dependably awful in everything he does and shameless to boot, he is a paragon of resilient failure and never looses his peerless ability to sink any project he is involved in.

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