mark steel - independent

Jeremy Hardy.

Early Alan Coren Punch stuff.

Ianucci's old one.

Graham Linehan's back page ones from Select.

Early Victor Lewis Smith Evening Standard Tv reviews (the stuff in Magic Rectangle's pretty damn good).

forgot about Jeremy Hardy - I seem to recall that his last piece was a bit angry - basically saying that the Guardian wanted him to be funny but that he didn't think it was that funny a world? or am I talking/typing utter crap?

On a slight tangent. The Guardian's TV page is trying too hard to be cutting and fiercely intelligent. Big Budget US action films get comments like 'barely palatable gun toting tripe'. Surely anyone who has bought the Guardian already knows what to expect from an Arnie movie. It stinks of dog dirt, the Guardian's TV page. At least, my copy does.

Dave Barry.

I've got a few of Graham Linehan's old Independent columns saved, they were incredibly funny and are sought out whenever a quick laughter fix is needed. He also did a great film one in (now defunct, I think) Neon magazine. One which sticks in the mind concerns various notes to George Lucas on early drafts of Star Wars. I'll try and dig it out and post some choice quotes, if anyone's interested.

I said Select, I meant Neon. Sorry. Linehan's Neon bits were superb.

Has anyone put them online? Neon went down because it was good and dared not to put Hollywood starlets in bikinis on the cover.

(Cover stars were always drink / drugs casualties from the 60s and 70s. Top hole.)

I'd like to see Empire do a seven page feature on Fitzcarraldo.

David Ashforth in the Racing Post.
Simon Hoggart.

Bushell can be a hilarious read. Think of his face as you read the column. Tongue out in concentration. I like it best of all when he reviews something he hates. I picture him annoyed. An angry Bushell is a greater treat by far than any Broadsheet stuff. He warmed to Vic and Bob as they became popular. His transparency is utterly delightful.

> His transparency is utterly delightful.

He likes Dale Winton. As a result, his interview with him a couple of years contained the rather surprising phrase "Dale, whose own sexuality is a closely-guarded secret..."

If we're going down this alley, can I nominate Michael Winner in the News Of The World. Between that and Winner's Dinners, he always brightens up my weekend, with his disgraceful flaunting of wealth and objectionable trout-like demeanour.

Q: Where's the best table in the restaurant?
A: The one Michael Winner's sitting at.
Q: Where's the worst table in the restaurant?
A: The one next to it.

Oh my god yes, Winner. Winner is the king of this particular castle. I read a story about him a few years ago concerning a complaint at a restaurant. Winner spat something along the lines of "Do you know who I am? I'm not some tourist off a coach party!"
I bet they didn't take his wank on his salad. I know I wouldn't of.

>>I bet they didn't take his wank on his salad. I know I wouldn't of.

Or rather, take 'a' wank.

If you've got somebody else to do it for you.....

Phil Hogan
Nigel Dempster

>>>I bet they didn't take his wank on his salad. I know I wouldn't of.
>
>Or rather, take 'a' wank.
>
'wouldn't "have".'

Yeah, Phil Hogan, definitely.

He's the main reason I buy the Observer now.

The best thing is the ludicrous length of his sentances (all pefectly punctuated and easy to follow).

>Oh my god yes, Winner. Winner is the king of this particular castle. I read a story about him a few years ago concerning a complaint at a restaurant. Winner spat something along the lines of "Do you know who I am? I'm not some tourist off a coach party!"
>I bet they didn't take his wank on his salad. I know I wouldn't of.

Winner was good on Littlejohn's show when he Belittledhohn about his gay bashing.

That should have read Belittlejohn.