The bit when Trigger said "Yes!"... oh, that was classic, they'll be repeating that for donkey's years...

I liked the Jumbo jet bit.

But I'm 14, what do I know?

They'll never top Del Boy falling through the bar.

I've heard the new My Bloody Valentine album's out soon.

Victor Lewis-Smith's brilliant, isn't he? Who's that other bloke who's going to be on Radio 1 on Christmas Day?

Stop.


S'Hammer Time!

Jesus Jones - the new Beatles.

I don't know why people are bothering to learn to play guitar when you can create amazing music by not knowing how to play it.

Most do-able female on "Neighbours"?

Gemma Ramsey

Hope this business in the Gulf doesn't escalate. War's a scary thing to a 12 year old.

I met someone today who doesn't like Ride. What a loser! Can he not see that they are surely the saviours of guitar-rock? Their molten chiming cathedral of white-hot stratospheric noise-bliss is 22nd-century art-sex-pop. They'll be bigger than REM next year. Look at the singer's lips - is he not a snake-hipped androgyne twelve-string deity? These close-minded fools and their arthritic trad-corpse 'melodic' wank. Either that or its bloody brainless techno.

I missed the fifth and sixth episode of "Twin Peaks" - can anyone help me out? SP mode only.

NIrvana? Pixies rip-off!

Northside: Band for the 90s.

I've just decided to start liking football. It's great, and it's suddenly a bit trendy, which is even better.

How do you spell Schillacci again?

Sky? *SKY*? Do me a bloody favour! All they've got is some cartoon called The Stimpsons which must be poor as the BBC didn't bother with it.

Who's going to bother with such a fucking flash in the pan? I'm going to watch the hilarious Joint Account now on BBC1.

Joint Account, eh? What a waste of Peter Egan's talents. I hope by the end of the next decade (and the millenium) they finally create a fantastic sitcom which will make Peter Egan a household name.

Although Ever Decreasing Circles was great. Could we have a repeat of the finale from last Christmas?*




















Not taking the piss on this one. Aaaaaaah!

I'm going to get my hair done like the singer in King's X.

I hear they're doing a TV version of 'Radio Active' Great, loads of new material from the team, I'm sure! They wouldn't dare use the old scripts 8 years on...

Good grief, Tony Slattery is so amusing, he really ought to be on TV more often! His hilarious asides with Josie Lawrence are v. good, I bet he fancies her in real life! Randy ladies' man that he is! I think he ought to do some light-hearted panel games next, they'd help his career no end and we'd all be delighted to see him! Better still, he should do an improvised, two-man show with Mike McShane, now that'd really be the ground-breaking, Python for the 90's show C4 have been looking for! They'll be repeating that in 10 years' time!

What's this in next week's TV Times? Something new on C4 on Fri nights, after Clive Anderson and before the Japanese monster movie? "Vic Reeves Big Night Out"? Who? Must be someone made-up, he looks like John Docherty off Absolutely in a white suit.....hmmm, think I'll be out when that's on.

Oh but I wish they'd hurry up and release Nelson Mandela - his garden is in a terrible state. It could do with a BBC make over.

And Black Francis should leave the Pixies. I think that Kim Deal is holding him back. He should embark on a solo career - imagine how brilliant all his albums will be.

The Listener. What a great magazine - nice to know that the BBC haven't closed it down.

"Birdhouse In Your Soul" - only the very first of They Might Be Giants' many top ten singles, I trust.

Can't wait for "We Want A Rock" to go all the way to number one.

>What's this in next week's TV Times?
To be honest it seems really stupid in this day and age that there are two monopolies on TV listings by the TV Times and the Radio Times. I think there should be competition. Though that might make the listings mags very big if they have to fit four channels in though!

Naaah that'll never catch on, they'd be like phone books!

Another reason it could never work is now everyone's getting BSB, and a squarial. I think the squarial is the future of satellite programming. Imagine if each TV listings guide had to contain listings for not only BBC1, BBC2, ITV and C4, but also Now, Galaxy, The Sports Channel, and Power Station. We'd need a wheelbarrow just to cart the paper home! Richard, you are a silly thing aren't you!

Anyone know anything about this new version of Prestel, called the World Web, or something like that? My mate reckons it's going to be huge, but it sounds like another 8-track cartridge to me. I mean, everyone's got Ceefax now already, haven't they?

Rumour has it a new comedy mag is coming out soon called Dead-Pan. I think it will be very popular and last forever. Oh, and apparently there going to kill of the cast of Red Dwarf at the end of series four. Good. I think they've had their day, how long can they pad this out to? I tell you one thing. They won't be repeating series four of Red Dwarf in ten years time!

Apparently the 'Oracle' franchise comes up for sale next year. I hope it doesn't change too much, I love Beat Box and Buzz on C4.

Anyone listen to GLR? Every Saturday they have The Chris Evans Show, The Chris Morris Show and the Danny Baker Show. The two Chris's are terrible (especially Morris, who has no talent), but Danny Baker's hilarious! I bet he gets his own TV show while the other two fade into obscurity.

>Anyone know anything about this new version of Prestel, called the World Web, or something like that?
It'll never userp usenet and ftp. I mean all that formatting will slow things down so much!

>I mean, everyone's got Ceefax now already, haven't they?

Nah, I don't think we'll get it for another three years!

Here, does anyone know why Oracle starts at page 400 on Channel Four? I like 4-Tel, though - I bet it stays forever.

Isn't Chris Morris that guy I was talking about who's on Radio 1 on Christmas Day? Knowing me I'll listen to it, but forget to tape it, and spent the next ten years violently kicking myself on a regular basis...

Bring back Maggie!

>Anyone listen to GLR? Every Saturday they have The Chris Evans Show, The Chris Morris Show and the Danny Baker Show. The two Chris's are terrible (especially Morris, who has no talent), but Danny Baker's hilarious! I bet he gets his own TV show while the other two fade into obscurity.

I expect their boss, Mathew Bannister, will get a job at radio one in a few years, and will rehire all his old GLR DJs en masse as a substitute for having a clue what to do.

Isn't Jakki Brambles rubbish?

Harry Enfield: comedy genius. I know people are saying he's been bolstered by his co-writers Whitehouse and Higson, and other actors like Whitehouse and Kathy Burke, but they're wrong. I bet you that in about ten years time when the others have drifted into obscurity that Enfield will still be top of the tree, and not at all some washed-up self-parodic and bitter old soak! Just see if I'm right...

The Mock Turtles, The Paris Angels, The Railway Children and World Of Twist are here to stay...

That's nice - you must have a big spare room.

What if they all want a boiled egg in the morning? I mean, how many eggs can a fridge door hold?

That's okay, you can just nip out to the local corner shop, bring some back & bung them in one of those new-fangled microwave oven thingies. They're supposed to be great for cooking food very quickly - boiled eggs must only take about 30 seconds. What a timesaver!

I've heard they give off lethal amounts of radiation though. I can't wait for the year 2000, with all it's futuristic space age technology. Oooooh imagine, hover cars and stuff!!

Noticing that the BBC issue free tickets to radio show recordings, I might try going to watch the excellent 'I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue' with some friends next year. I bet it'll be a really boring thing to do though -I can't imagine sitting in the front row of the Paris studios several times a week enjoying all the retakes.

I wonder if there are any other comedy radio shows in the pipeline? Bet they won't be as funny as 'Mornington Crescent' for me.

I think I'll write to that promising young Lee and Herring due and see if they can think of any jokes about news.

>I think I'll write to that promising young Lee and Herring duo and see if they can think of any jokes about news.

Once you've finished producing a couple of series of that, assuming you haven't fallen out over intellectual property rights or anything, it would be great if they presented their own radio series (especially if popular Dr Who actor, Tom Baker, did some voiceovers). You could appear each week impersonating Sale of the Century organist, Peter Fenn. I'd certainly go to see that & make sure I got a front row seat every time!

Pah, I'm tired of Navy life.

I want to write a sketch show about a 1950's boys comic.

Can't wait for Doctor Who to come back again. Hope Sylvester McCoy's still in it. He seems to have really got into the part. I hear Sophie Aldred is being written out, who do you think will replace her?

I'm thinking of investing some money in tourist destinations - Yugoslavia's quite popular these days isn't it? That should be a safe bet...

Middle East is q. nice this time of year..